It’s hard to believe that it has been over thirty years since some of my darkest hours. I was in a horrible work situation and also trying to lose too much weight too quickly through a diet of mainly caffeine laden diet cola.
Out of the blow I started having full-blown anxiety attacks. They were of such force that I thought I was being hit by an electrical charge when the adrenalin rush started. It got so bad I couldn’t leave the apartment where we lived with our two-year old child.
Then I read some books by Dr. Claire Weekes and turned my life around. I realized that my nerves endings had been rubbed raw by the overuse of caffeine and that each attack left me more vulnerable as I wrestled with the “fight or flight” syndrome.
Once I realized what was happening and followed the mantra of Accept, Relax, Float, Let Time Pass, I was able to recognize panic attacks for the chemicals they are and deal with them rather than let them rule me.
Within a year I was giving public speeches and leading a “normal” life.
So why tell you this?
The point that is important to Big Closet is this — I was the same person when I was going through my problems as I am today. I had my ethics and lived a life just like everyone else with its daily problems. Because my nerve endings were so damaged I couldn’t react properly to stimuli and things would get out of hand.
Many who come to BC are “damaged” in that they have experienced (or are experiencing) great humiliation or shame. Their nerve endings are rubbed raw and they find it nearly impossible to deal with simple situations that shouldn’t bother them — but do.
They’re average people who have average problems but who society has placed a horrible burden by suggesting that their difference for norm is highly unacceptable.
At time we would like to think we can treat people on BC like we do everyone else. That simply isn’t so. They need to be handled with love and compassion. Many are taking what they perceive to be a huge risk by coming here, or by posting, or by signing in. BC isn’t the most comfortable place for them to be. . .even though it is very important for them to be here.
Be aware of the other person’s needs and treat everyone with the utmost respect and kindness.
And if you need to dump on someone . . . dump on me. I’ll try to see it for what it is and love you all the same.
Jill
Comments
Please Expand and Expound
You are correct. Most of us are damaged in some way. Many of us are probably here for validation in one form or another, either from ourselves, or from others. The seeking of this probably takes several forms, not all of which are either adult or pretty or conducive to "plays well with others."
I would guess that our first task towards improvement is individually learning to accept and understand ourselves and our own fears, anxieties, needs, etc. It sounds like you, in dealing with your anxiety/panic attacks, had to face this, and learned techniques for doing so.
I'm very interested in the mantra you used, "Accept, Relax, Float, Let Time Pass." Would you care to expand upon this and perhaps relate some practical "how-to" advice to those of us dealing with similar issues? Perhaps a brief practical/tutorial? (Something you might consider posting as non-fiction in the stories area. These blog posts scroll off too quickly.)
I think learning to do what you did may be primary to learning how to accept the perceived faults/slights of others with love and understanding.
I'm Familiar With Nerve Damage
I was on Tegretol for years (eight to sixteen) to control my epilepsy, and because of the high dosage I was given for that time my nervous system is permanently damaged. I occasionally will have a "nerve attack" where parts of my body will start spasming, and it becomes very hard to concentrate, or even speak. In addition to this, I'm also highly neurotic, and suffer from panic attacks as well. So, I understand all too readily what it's like to face those kinds of feelings.
And, I agree that people here tend to be very delicate. You're right, most of those who frequent BCTS have their own issues to deal with that can cause them to be far more sensitive than they might be in another situation. Sometimes we all might suffer a little chafing from the silk glove we're required to use, but we do all need to be aware of each other's feelings.
Including yours! No dumping on you either, you hear me? *Shakes finger at Jill* If everyone else deserves to be treated with respect, then so do you. BCTS is a place where ANYONE is supposed to be able to visit, and find comfort in some small way from being accepted for a part of themselves that their daily lives might otherwise heap ridicule and pain on them for.
On the other hand, we can all be jerks sometimes. There will be occasions where we'll hurt each other's feelings without meaning to, or be offended by a comment that others might find innocuous. That's the nature of the beast when it comes to "us," and a lot of us could do with letting a lot of our feelings of insecurity go. That is, of course, much harder than it sounds, but many times I have seen people get hurt or angry over things that were completely innocent -- including myself. Acceptance and understanding are a two way street, and until we can learn to accept our companion's insecurities for what they are, we will all have trouble tackling our own as well.
So, what I've wasted all this digital wind on saying, is that we all need to lighten up a bit when it comes to how we deal with each other. Be careful with what you say to one another in comments, but be just as careful of how you interpret comments, and respond in turn. Those same people who might seem out to hurt you are likely in just as much pain due to their own issues, and all that infighting will do is make everyone's problems worse.
Respect Ms. Erin, respect the site, respect EACH OTHER. If we can't help others in our own community, then we can't expect to ever be able to push the boundaries and gain acceptance from those in our day to day lives.
Big Closet is more than just "a friendly place to read, write, and discuss transgender fiction." To many, it is a kind of lifeline, and should be treated as such.
Melanie E.
And just to make things interesting!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Funny how that goes
As I was dealing with my Aunts illness and all the associated stuff as well as just surviving and at times feeling rather alone and put upon... well I guess I just tried to muddle on and all's normal. But on a few occasions I would find my heart hammering at a hundred miles an hour and largely unable to do much at all for about 10 mins or so and moved like a bit of a zombie for minutes after. Not pleasant. I sort of understood it but that didn't help much... just think calm, slow even breaths... It's only months later that I'm getting more or less back on track. I'm a pretty easy going soul but stress can whack you in all sorts of ways.
It's fair to say that many that come here have problems of one sort or another and the bald words that serve as communication are rather lacking in personality. It's so easy to make a judgement based on false perceptions. Different worlds, upbringing, beliefs make misunderstanding almost inevitable. We just have to try our best don't we.
Kristina