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As Andy Willams might sing, 'Where do I begin?" Mrs. D walked into the office last week to get something off our 'documents' file on the desktop. I was talking to a friend here via Messenger and I had neglected to sign off. (More about that later) She wanted to know who "Amanda" DiMaggio was, having hurriedly left the office when I returned from wherever it was I had gone. That evening her only question was, "Are you going online with a female persona?" I explained that I used the name (without correcting her) as a nom de plume for a website I visited. After a reasonably short conversation she acknowledged her suspicions that I was a lot more femme than most me, but we did not discuss the idea of transgenderism at all. Two friends here have surmised that Mrs. D talked as much about it as she felt comfortable, and the subject has not come up since. How much she knows or doesn't know is a topic for discussion for another time because.....

My health in many ways has either improved or plateaued at a level where I can cope. The tremors are almost negligible and the broad shaking has nearly disappeared. The dizziness, however, is another story. I went to my GP, and he referred to a cardiologist regarding my blood pressure. He already believes it isn't related to my heart because of observation and examination regarding my blood pressure. The referral is more of a 'rule out' rather than find a cause. I still am convinced that it is Postular Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, which is one of several varied symptoms of Chronic Fatigue.

Simply put, I get dizzy from standing up. Some people who have this condition have trouble remaining standing, but I don't. However, I'm falling down or falling against something nearly every day, often several times a day. In addition, I get little relief from lying down or sitting, and I get nauseous. As I've told my friends and family, it's not the worst thing in the world, but it is frustrating, since it interferes with normal routine, and I haven't quite managed to cope yet.(I will, BTW)

The stress of the health issues probably is what led me to be less cautious and more forgetful. Another issue which has added to the stress, which exacerbates every physical problem, is that I've started to experience new flashbacks. In April, I discovered through memories and by confirming through my sister's therapist, that my father had molested my sister. In subsequent memories, I remembered being abused by my mother and my father. It has been horrible, to say the least. But with the help of friends and family, I've been able to weather the storm. Having to visit the issue once again has been horrible. I'm experiencing new feelings of betrayal and sadness. I am sure that the abuse issues of the Pearson family in my Mississippi series have triggered and/or arisen from the the memories. It is my hope that as I resolve these issues, both in my story and in my own life, that I can provide hope and encouragement for any of you who have experienced the feelings of outrage and betrayal from this horrific abuse.

This whole year has put my family through hell. That Mrs. D hasn't freaked out (yet?) regarding the whole gender issue is a testimony to the love we've forged through over 25 years of marriage. And as some have reminded me, "she already knows 'drea through you."

Thanks for caring for me. Your encouragement and support has literally saved my life, as I've said on other occasions, and I cannot begin to thank Erin enough for this site. And if you happen to be dealing with anything like what I've described? Get some professional help, please. You folks mean so much to me and I want the best for you, okay? Much Love, Andrea