Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

I had no clue what I was doing here. I had watched Jamie perform all sorts of almost magical acts over the past. . .how many days had it been? I died on a Sunday night. Monday we were in the police station and then attacked by my step-father. I still shudder at what would have happened if I hadn't been waiting for him to get home. Tuesday was doctor's visits and the salon. Wednesday was school. Then we went haring of into the great beyond. Thursday was our first day in the sanitarium.

But what day was today?

I paid attention to what the others were talking about, but I couldn't really help them. They assumed something that wasn't really true. I had no ability. I couldn't touch other worlds they way Jamie did, to pass through solid objects like Lacey. I couldn't read thoughts. I couldn't walk the astral plane. I couldn't do any of the things these people considered normal.

'I'm useless. I can't do what Jamie did. I shouldn't be here. You all need to listen to me.'

Everyone stopped talking immediately. They had been arguing about the best way that they could prevent the guards from taking back over. They all looked to me.

I sat there looking back at them each in turn. Pedant shook his head. 'You have an ability my. . .I mean Queen.

Moving his pieces seemed to break the trance over the other individuals at the table. Lacey glared at me.
'What are you talking about, Pedant?' He looked embarrassed, and none of the others around the table would meet my eyes. 'Tell me.'

Immediately, Pedant opened his mouth and began to speak: 'My liege, you have the voice of command. No matter what language you use, you will be able to command respect and allegiance of those around you. Pedant threw the pieces down "Stop that!" His signing was wild and angry.

I followed him into the same language, "Stop what? I don't even know what I'm doing."

"Don't command anything!" There were some emphatic nods around the table.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was doing. Forgive. . .I mean, will you forgive me?"

There were some sighs of relief around the table. I felt someone wrap their arms around me. I looked up into Underseers eyes. I relaxed back into him. He just held me there, and I let myself be held.

'Now that the interruption is over, let's get back to business.' Pedant began, after collecting his pieces again.

'I think that the guards are less important than stopping whatever it is they're doing to the lighting in this place,' Walker interjected.

'They are adjusting the cycle rate of the lighting elements so that it interrupts neuron firing.' I felt his arms move as he spoke his pieces. I can hardly describe the feeling that it gave me. He continued: 'Lacey, can you take other people with you as to pass through objects?'

'Yes. . .' Watching someone not speak with anticipation of a response is something to behold with a motion language like that of the chess pieces.

'The control areas are toward the center of the building. If you were to take Queen in there, then she should be able to get the guards to shut down the controls, and then destroy them. The controls I mean.'

I tensed a bit. I couldn't do this. I couldn't take this job. I felt Underseer's arms close around me. "You can do this, Jams. This isn't beyond you."

I wanted to sit there forever in his arms. I wanted to feel safe and secure. I stopped to think for a moment. I reached for my pieces: 'We are one facility in the midst of a world that hates and fears us. They have weapons and devices that could level this building, without their need to retake it. Shutting off their devices is not going to be enough. Taking this building is not going to be enough. We aren't yet ready, Pedant, and we are fooling ourselves to believe that we are.'

'We can take them.'

'What then, Pedant? Stand off an army? They have convinced you that you should fear people like Jamie. They don't want you to know that they are the only ones who can save us.'

Keeper picked up her pieces: 'We don't need that freak!'

I picked up my pieces to speak, but I stopped. I needed to think before saying my next reply. This had to be their decision: 'I would like you to think about what you are saying. The people in charge of this place want us to fear each other as much as they fear us. Would you please consider what they have told you that's concrete about them?'

Each reached for their pieces, paused, and put them down. They all began to have thoughtful expressions on their faces. Underseer began to speak: 'Queen is right. She hasn't been with us long, no matter how much she looks like our lost friend. She isn't Intuition. She has a different Psi ability, and she has something perhaps even more important.'

'I don't see it,' Walker said looking at me.

'I know what Underseers saying. She is a leader.' I look at him with a quirked eyebrow. 'Really, you are. You take all of us, a group who can't agree on anything, and argue for the fun of it, and we are focused on what you have to say.'

'If you don't give us a direct command, your power does nothing.'

I thought about this a moment. Could this be true? Sure, I had a group of friends, but none of use really led, did we? Ok, so I tended to resolve disputes, and make sure we ended up listening to everyone, but that's normal friend stuff. . .

Everyone was looking at me expectantly. What could I give them? 'You all have so much more experience than I do. I can't lead you.'

'A little simplistic, don't you think, Pedant. To be a proper leader I would need to understand our goals, and be able to direct each of us to achieve our portion of those goals.' I'd also have to be willing to send these people to their deaths. I leaned into Underseer for comfort. I couldn't ever send him to his death, could I? And if I could, would I like myself at all for doing it?

'Tell me truthfully, Queen. Is it that you can't lead us, or that you don't want to?'

He knew my answer before I gave it, but I did not return his smile, 'I will lead your rebellion until someone else comes forward who is better able to lead.' I felt along the ribbon that still connected me to Jamie. It was still a bright yellow, so I hoped she was ok. I could only tell that she was still alive.

"Our time of silence has ended." I spoke because my arms no longer had the strength to move the pieces. I had been running on adrenalin or something, because I slumped bonelessly into Underseer. "That and I no longer have the strength to talk with my hands," I smiled weakly as I continued.

"Lacey, can you take two as well as one?"

"I can, Queen."

"Pedant, you and Walker should direct the other inhabitants to this room. Keeper make sure they don't leave."

"Keeper gets to keep them." Walker smirked at his own joke.

"Underseer, lead on to the control room. We're only going to be normalizing the lighting in here."

I felt him rise effortlessly with me in his arms. It was the best feeling I had ever felt. I whispered to him as we travelled down the hall, "What's your real name?"

"Corin"

"Keep me safe, Corin," I smiled and lay my head against his chest, and listened to the slow beat of this heart. I felt his strength as he carried me. It was like floating down the hall, more so than being carried. I expected to be bounced as I was carried, but none of that happened.

"I think someone is enjoying this, Underseer." Lacey said from beside us. I blushed and buried my face in his chest to hide it. I felt his laughter in his arms and heard it rumbling in his chest.

"That makes two of us, Lacey."

I didn't know I could blush more than I had before, but I simply went back to leaning my head against him with a smile as I looked at Lacey. Seeing her expression I remembered. "I'm sorry for you, Lacey. I really am. Usually, I've been the one where you are."

"But you're beautiful."

I smiled sadly at her. "I was born male." I felt a shift in Corin's grip, and I felt the blood rush from my face, I looked up at him, but he was looking straight ahead. My happiness had already gone. I shouldn't have said anything.

"Let me tell you a story, Lacey." A tear trickled down my face, and I currently didn't have the strength to wipe it away.

"I was raised as a girl, because that's what I always felt myself to be. It's something that happens sometimes. More or less rare depending on which psychologist you talk to.

"I wore dresses and makeup and had lots of parties with my friends where they talked about the boys they dated, and all of them thought that one of them had their eye on me. All of us liked Brian because he was good looking, and popular, and played sports. I didn't think I possibly had a chance with him.

"I looked at myself and saw my flaws, not my good qualities. I saw that physically I didn't match what I looked like on the outside."

I stopped to think about the next thing I would say. I smiled sadly. Aware that any chance I had thought I had was probably gone forever anyway, I continued, "I seriously considered cutting off certain parts of my body, thinking that it would help me to fit in better."

Lacey looked at me with a question, and I looked at my legs. She nodded her understanding and I continued.

"That's when he asked me out for the first time. I thought I was the most special girl in the entire school. I was going out with Brian. He groped me on our first date, and tried to kiss me, but I ignored it, hoping that he liked me for who I really was.

"We dated consistently for a year. We started making out quite a lot toward the end. It made me feel so special to be held by him, and feel his lips pressed against mine. Sometimes he would try things I wasn't comfortable with, and I would gently move his hand off my leg.

"Last week, he told me he loved me. I felt as if my entire life had been vindicated. I was loved and in love with a wonderful boy. I could see an entire future open out before us. I told him that I loved him too. I was so happy I thought I would burst.

"He told me that he couldn't believe me. He felt I had just been leading him on. He had planned to tell me he loved me and leave me to myself. I argued with him. How could he believe I didn't love me.

"He told me there was a way we could prove our love to each other.

"This wasn't the first time he had brought up sex, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I began to cry uncontrollably and he left me there in my bedroom. I should have seen that this was just a plan to get into my pants, but I was too blinded. I needed to be with him. I felt I would die without him.

"I spent most of the next day with my friends, and we cried and talked and cried some more. They felt sorry for my loss. One of my friends asked why I couldn't just tell him what was going on. We all thought it would be a great idea.

"I called up Brian and asked him to come over so we could talk. I think he thought I had reconsidered. He hadn't expected what I'd told him. I told him the truth. He called me a faggot and a queer. I ran from my room crying. I walked into the forest behind my house and wandered around for a bit.

"Brian jumped from behind a tree. I thought for a moment that he was there to apologize, but he wasn't. He killed me. I died there in the darkness by the hand of someone I thought I loved.

I felt Corin's hands tighten around me, but refused to read anything into it. I had lost him already, and he was just trying to comfort me.

"I have spent the week in Jamie's head, afraid at times I was nothing more than a figment. When we found this body, I hoped at most to be back in the same state I was before. When I found out that this body was physically female, and matched my mind, I thought all of my troubles would be over. But I'm still me, and it seems I am cursed to be alone for now."

"I'm sorry for how I reacted, Queen. I should never have thought you less than you are."

"It's ok, Corin. Shhh. Don't worry. I know that you can't possibly feel for me what I would like." I laid my head back against his chest and listened to his hear again. I looked at Lacey for the first time since I started my story. She had some tears in her eyes.

"Lacey, you are a beautiful girl, and don't let anyone tell you differently. There's someone out there for you. Maybe even this big lug." I bounced my head against his chest, since none of the rest of me seemed in working order.

"I'm not interested in Lacey. Sorry, Lacey."

"Don't worry about it, Big guy. I'd be more likely to go after Pedant." She said this last with a look of disgust on her face.

"What's wrong with Pedant? Sure, he is a little abrasive, but he is pleasant to look at."

"You can have him, then, because the abrasiveness is too much for me."

"We're here," Corin said, indicating the wall on the left hand side. Lacey grabbed his arm and pulled him forward as she walked slowly into the wall.

It was almost indescribable. It was like someone running their fingernails down a chalkboard, only you were the chalkboard. I couldn't feel the wall. I could feel it all through me. It felt like I was being pushed apart from the inside. Then my face entered the wall and I couldn't breathe. I was trying to pull air through a solid concrete wall. My lungs burned, and then they were completely in the wall too. I could not breathe. I could not scream. I could not move. I felt the wall pass through me some more, and my arm was free. Half of me was out of the wall, and then my mouth came out. I could only breathe with half of my lung, and even that was painful.

I looked into the room. A guard was reaching for his gun. "Stop," I commanded him, "Sit." He sat down with a bemused look on his face. He shook his head and before he could rise again I commanded, "You will fix the lights so that they radiate like any other lights." As soon as he complied, I continued, "Shoot the console and make sure it can't be fixed without it being completely replaced."

He emptied his clip into the board. Reloaded. He did it again. He looked for another clip to reload the gun a second time, but he seemed to be out. The contradiction broke him from his trance. He raised his gun and pointed it at us again.

I smirked at him and turned to Lacey, "Would you be so kind as to let us back into our cells, Lacey?"

"Of course, Milady."

The guard began pulling the trigger as we walked back into the wall. I took a deep breath this time, and heard Corin do the same.

We got to our side of the wall again, and Corin turned toward the dormitory where I had woken up. "Thank you, Corin. I love you." I was surprised at what I had said, but by the time I realized I'd said it, I was asleep. I sat in the emptiness of this body's dreamscape and prayed that I had only thought it.

Wanted someplace to lose myself in. I thought about my Jamie Spade office: The frosted glass in the door with the gold lettering on the outside. The big oak desk, with all the papers scattered about. The rolling desk chair, and the neon sign outside the window.

I smelled the Chinese place on the ground floor and started, coming to myself. I had created my room. I clapped in glee and sat down behind my desk. . .just in time for my first client of the night.

"Jamie Spade, I really need your help."

I grinned at the person who had just come in, "Help is what I do, Sweetheart. Have a seat and tell Auntie Jamie where it hurts."
---
I slowly became aware of my surroundings. I had been doing something important. . .or already done something. I couldn't quite remember what it was.

Someone was rubbing my back, and it felt really good. I arched myself into it and stretched. "Jams, you awake."

I stopped. I knew that voice. "Corin?" I remembered now what I had said, or had I?

'Please don't let me have said it, please don't let me. . .'

"I think we need to talk about what you said."

'Crap,' "Um, what did I say?"

"You can't take something like that back, Jams."

"Like what?"

"Like you being a boy. . ."

I relaxed, but felt a tear in my eye. Here it comes.

". . .and that you love me."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he put a finger on my lips.

"I need to have my say. I need some time. I know that you will probably need some time as well. I know you didn't mean to say it, but there was power in your words, and I know you spoke the truth."

I looked up at him, a question in my eyes, and he tapped his head.

"I see energy waves, and patterns. That's all I see. I can see when people lie, because they can't hide their energy changes. You use a different part of your brain to lie, than to tell the truth."

I didn't fully understand what he was saying, but I let him continue.

"I knew Jamie, I mean Intuition. You know, the person who used to be in your body. You know what I mean. Journey really complicates things, doesn't she."

I nodded and he continued, "I was used to her mannerisms, and I had a bit of a crush on her. She was always hanging around with someone else, thought, so I never thought I had a chance.

"You act a little bit like her, so I thought this was my chance. I thought I had been given a second chance with Intuition. But you're not her. I really like the way you look, Queen, and I really like you as a person. I think we can definitely be friends."

I had been physically female for less than a day, and I was already being given the 'just friends' speech. I began to cry. I felt strong arms encircle me, and lost all control. I sobbed into him, wanting him to be able to comfort me, but he couldn't be mine like I wanted him to. I knew if he asked me to prove my love, like Brian had, I would have given myself to him without a thought, and that scared me and made me cry harder.

"I want to start as friends, Jams. I need to start there. I don't know who you are, but everything I have seen tells me your are someone I could come to love."

I was still crying, but it didn't feel so desperate. He held me and ran his hand along my hair. I felt his comfort, as a friend, and felt it might be enough for now.

"Give me some time, Ok? I need to process everything that's happened so far. I want to love you for you, and not my history with Intuition."

I nodded, and leaned against him. I smiled through my tears. He really didn't know it yet, but I would have this man as mine. And not through any tricks or so called feminine wiles. I would be the best me that I could, and he wouldn't be able to resist.

"I'll give you as much time as you need, Corin." I looked up and smiled at him. I put all of my love for him into that look, and my happiness, for now, was complete when he smiled back.