Gateway to Life
-:Book 1:-
Through Death, Rebirth
by Faeriemage

Sometimes, it is what you do that matters. Sometimes, it is who you are. Usually it is just being in the proper place at the proper moment in time with the will to act.

Chapter 3:
How I get myself into these things

I wasn't going to just go off and leave Mary₁ hanging. So, I hurried back through the portal. Once more the familiar tingling sensation took me and the air was warmer than it had been just a moment before.

"Mary, Jamie₂ has decided she has unfinished business with her father. She won't leave me until we have gone and said goodbye."

Jamie₂ was happy. Her happiness was almost infectious. I felt really sorry that she was dead.

'Jamie₁, don't feel sad for me. I lived my life how I wanted to. I know that I missed out on the might have beens of the future, but at least you are alive to carry on for us.'

'I'm not a girl.'

'No, you are a Jamie. Whatever you decide for your life, it should be wonderful.'

I cried a bit, and was amazed at Mary's patience. "We have been standing here for a bit, Mary, weren't you going to say something?"

Mary chuckled a bit and smiled. "I could tell you were talking with Jamie₂, and didn't want to interrupt."

"Thank you, Mary."

"I think the two of us should head back to my house for a couple of hours. We need to meet with child care division, and they can temporarily place you in Frank's and my care. Then you'll have time to take Jamie₂ to go say goodbye."

'Yay' and she was off again with the jumping and hand clapping.

'When I become a girl, I'm not going to be this giddy.' I stopped, shocked by what I had just thought. I hadn't realized I had made a decision about my life before that moment. Mary had told me about other options to Testosterone injections when I told her about Jamie₂'s date with Brian. It had taken me a year to realize, but this is what I wanted. I knew it when Jamie₂ received her dress eight years ago. Sure, it was her memory of receiving the dress, but it was my sense of loss when I realized I hadn't received it.

"Mary, I'm ready to start my life as a girl."

"Where did this come from, Jamie? This isn't because of Jamie₂ is it?"

"She just helped me to realize the decision I'd already made."

"Well, let's get you home and we can talk about this after you get back from saying goodbye to Jamie₂'s Dad."
We went to the car, and I climbed into the passenger seat. I thought about everything that had happened to me over the past day. A short ride later and we arrived at Mary's home. She showed me the room they kept for runaways, and I stripped to my underwear and lay down in bed.

'How can you just leave your clothing on the floor? It's messy.'

'Jamie₂, I'm trying to go to sleep.'

'Yeah, but. . .'

'No buts. We can clean it up tomorrow.'

'Jamie₁. . .'

'Go to sleep!'

'Fine.'

I could tell she was sulking, but I was too tired to care. I woke up when my face hit the floor.

'JAMIE₂! What did you do!' The headache was less this time. Guess I was just exercising some "muscles" I hadn't used before.

She was crying quietly in my head. 'I can't sleep anymore, so I decided to try to get the body up and clean up the room for you. It was a lot harder than when you let me talk to Mary₁. It was like I was walking in cement, or something. I ran out of energy about the time we got out of bed and collapsed on the floor. I'm sorry, I was just trying to do something nice for you.'

I thought her a hug and picked myself up off the floor. 'I'll let you take over from me, but make sure I'm asleep before you get us out of bed, ok?'

I could feel Jamie₂ smiling through her tears. 'Ok'

I let go of control of my body, and fell asleep faster than I ever had in the past. My dreams were garbled and tied up with being a twin, and my father being a monster.

'Jamie₁, you need to get up. The child care officer is here.' Waking up with your eyes already open is a really weird sensation. 'Her name is Anne.'

'Thanks.' I replied to Jamie₂ and focused on the officer in front of me.

"Are you ok, Jamie?" Mary asked.

"Yeah, I was in a meditative trance until just a moment ago."

"You were walking about in a meditative trance?" Anne said as she looked at me a little funny.

"Yeah, it's kind of like sleep walking."

Mary looked sharply at me. I knew she didn't approve of me lying to the officer, but I doubted the truth would help, or even be believed.

"So, why are you here, Jim?"

"I prefer Jamie, or do you like total strangers calling you Annie?

"I didn't mean anything by it, Jamie, I was talking to your parents before coming to talk to you, and they call you Jim. So, Jamie, why did you come to Mary and Frank's house?"

" I ran away from home. I was tired of my father hitting me. This time he threw my journal at me and cut my face."
"Did you have someone look at that?"

"I don't think it was that deep, and there were other things bothering me."

"Like what?"

Before I could respond, Mary interrupted me. "Tell her the truth this time, Jamie."

"I went up the hill behind our house and witnessed a murder, only it was in a different reality. The murdered person was the me from that world, and her ghost is inhabiting my body. She was in control while I was asleep."

Anne blinked a couple of times, started to say something, stopped, blinked again, and then finally found her voice. "Is this true, Mary?"

"As true as I can tell without a different degree."

Anne chuckled at this. "What degree would that be?"

"Parapsychology."

Anne's mouth made an 'oh' of surprise.

"You mean. . ."

"Can we talk to Jamie₂ please?" Mary said as she looked at me.

'It's your show, Jamie₂'

Jamie₂ smoothed out her clothing, and sat up straighter. She put her knees together and sat closer to the front of the couch. "Hi, Anne. I met you at the door, remember?"

'It always used to be a little uncomfortable sitting this way.' Jamie₂ said to me at the same time.

'I have no testes.'

'I would have given almost anything for that.'

"Yes, I thought that you changed a bit when you sat down, but I couldn't really put my finger on how. Now I see. "

"Pleased to meet you, as myself I mean." Jamie said with a demure little smile.

"What do I call you?"

"Jamie₂ or just Jamie if you prefer."

"Jamie 2?"

"Jamie₂ but that's close enough."

Anne talked to the two of us for about half an hour. I forget most of the particulars, but mostly she was asking me about my parents, and about times that my father had hit me. We talked about Mary and Frank and what I thought about them, after asking Mary to leave the room of course.

"Could you come back in here, Mary?"

Mary came back into the room.

"I think it would be best if both of them stay with you for the time being." Anne said with a smile.

"Really?" l asked with a little grin.

"Yes, really."

I did a little jig there in the living room while Mary and Anne laughed.

"I'll be here to check up on you in a weeks' time, and will assess what we are going to do at that point."

"Did you hear that, Mary. I get to stay here."

I was so elated that I didn't have to go back to my parents house that I didn't even notice Anne leaving.
"So, are you rested enough to go back to Earth₂ to say goodbye to Jamie₂'s Dad?"

'Yes please.' Jamie₂ said in my head.

"It would seem so. Jamie₂ definitely is." This time I was dancing and clapping with Jamie₂ in my head. I could suddenly see the appeal. Sure, we were happy about different things right now, but the happiness was something we shared.

Mary and I went out to the car, after Mary told Frank where we were going. We made the drive out to the hill once again.

"Mary, before I forget." I took Jamie₂'s phone out of my pocket. "If this rings, just open it up. The ear piece is where the picture is, and the mic is below the keypad. I will let you know if something comes up, and when to come to pick me up."

"Be careful over there, Jamie. We don't know what crossing over takes out of you, so I need you to pay attention to what your body is telling you. Make sure that your well rested before you try to come back again."

"Yes, Mary."

I stepped through the opening in the air and again found myself on Earth2. I suddenly felt very weak and tumbled to the ground. 'Help me, Jamie₂' I said when I realized I couldn't lift myself back up again.

'I'm trying. I can't take control.'

'You have all the control you need.'

I was barely aware when Jamie₂ stood us up and started running down the hill. I felt myself slipping out of consciousness and tried to hold on. Jamie₂ ran into her house and found her Mom. 'Mommy, Jamie₁ is hurt and I can't help him.' I'm not sure who fainted first. Me or Jamie's mom.
---
I woke up in my room. Ok, it wasn't my room, it was her room. I was underneath the yellow comforter and looking at the China doll on the shelf. She was dusty and looked like Jamie hadn't thought much about her in a while.

'That old thing? I never really wanted her in the first place. I liked the cloth doll better.'

I was shaken a bit. Had I misunderstood how this memory sharing worked all along? Did I get the raw feed, so to speak, and then simply applied my own values to them?

'It would seem so, Sis.'

'You calling me Sis now, Jamie₂'

'It's less of a mouthful'

'You don't have a mouth anymore, girl'

'You know what I mean.'

'Ok, I can live with Sis.' Jamie₂ knew the little thrill I had gotten when she called me that. 'So, to keep us straight, what would you like me to call you?'

'Well, it would be a little more special if you came up with it yourself.'

'How 'bout Metoo'

'That's almost as bad as Jimbalaya.' She thought as she mentally stuck her tongue at me.

'Nothing's as bad as Jimbalaya.' I agreed with her. 'Jams?'

'I like it. How are you feeling, Sis.'

'Better now.' I say. Why aren't you moving us about while I sleep.

She began to cry. 'Because it's all my fault that you collapsed. I could feel your energy reserves going down while you slept last time, but it was so much like I was the only one there, that I was alive again, that I couldn't stop. I needed to feel alive again.'

I couldn't imagine anything I could do to comfort her, I couldn't think of anything that would make her feel better. Then a thought came to me. 'Jams?'

'Yeah, Sis?'

'Maybe you could sleep if I let you into my dreams, like I let you take control of my body?'

I felt her perk up, and knew she would be beaming a smile if she still could. 'Let's try it,' she said with enthusiasm.
I still felt tired, so I rolled onto my side and let my mind drift as I fell asleep. I kept thinking over and over that I wanted Jamie₂ to be a part of it. I'm not sure what I had been dreaming about before that moment, but there was a moment when my conscious mind reminded my unconscious one that Jamie₂ should be there, and suddenly she was.

"It worked, Sis. I'm here!" She danced a little jig and I giggled.

I put my hand over my mouth. "Did that just come out of me?" Something felt wrong about my hand and I looked at it. My nails were a bit longer than normal, and perfectly shaped. There was an iridescent polish on them that seemed to change all the colors of the rainbow as the angle changed. "Oh, wow. Look at my hands."

"Look at your hands? Look at the rest of you?"

I was wearing a ball gown. It's color matched my nail polish, but it seemed a bit toned down, as if it only reflected pastels, and not the whole spectrum. I was wearing flats underneath it that shimmered like diamonds.

"Let's go find this dance you were dreaming about," Jamie₂ said. She closed her eyes for a moment, and was in a dress similar in pattern, but a pale yellow in color. She grabbed my hand and we ran off in search of adventure.
This dream turned out to be one of my Princess saves handsome Prince tales, and Jamie₂ and I had a blast trying to make it come out alright. I don't remember all of the dreams I had that night, but I do remember that Jamie₂ was there with me in all of them.

I awoke feeling rested, with a smiling Jamie₂ sitting in a corner of my mind. 'I didn't stay in the entire time, because some of your dreams are really weird,' she thought, with a grimace on her face, 'but after you showed me the way in, I think I can get in there anytime I get bored.'

I smiled at this. I knew that this entire situation was really tough on the both of us, but if I could make it easier in the least bit it made me happy. I squealed at this thought. 'You're contagious, you know that?'

'Which one of us was wearing the Rainbow Ball Gown when I showed up.'

I blushed because we both knew who she was talking about.

She giggled. I couldn't help it and I joined in with her.

'Come on, Sis. Let's get dressed in something more becoming.'

I felt a little scared, but I felt exited at the same time. I had never dressed like a girl before. This would be my first opportunity. We discovered that Jamie₂ was couple of inches taller than me, and a bit bigger in the waist, but it was close enough that it could have been picked out just for me. We picked a knee length skirt and a tee shirt.

'Are you sure?' I asked her, looking at the skirt and shirt. 'They're girls clothing.'

'Of course they are. But they're also my clothes. No one will think anything about it, Sis.'

My heart beat faster as I slipped into her clothing. It was both fear and excitement that drove me forward. I was finally doing this. Sure, It wasn't anything like that little party dress I remember from so long ago, but it was a skirt.

I had a goofy grin on my face as I zipped up the skirt. I added a belt to the skirt to cinch it in that little bit, and then it was perfect.

'Let's do your makeup'

'Really? Do we have to?'

'Stop whining, Sis. It's unbecoming.' She said this last with a little grin and a giggle.

'Ok, but only because you made me.'

'That's the spirit.'

'If I let you take over, are you going to tire us both out?'

'That only seems to happen when you are asleep.'

So I let her take over. She had obviously had lots of practice. I had let my mind wander as she worked, thinking about the steps that had brought me here, when I felt her frown.

"It's not fair."

I looked in the mirror and I was shocked. Sure, I'd never be a beauty queen, but no one would take me for a boy. She had used techniques that I had never heard of, but the end result was subtle and eye catching. I still looked younger than my thirteen years, but now there was a femininity about me that was unmistakable. I probably would have still looked like a girl in the clothing I had worn here. 'It's amazing,' I thought with a look of awe on my face.

'That's why it's not fair. I had longer hair than you, but you just look more like a girl than I do.'

I knew this admission really hurt her, so I gave her a mental hug. 'Next time I have the Arthur dream, you get to be Guinevere, Ok?'

She chuckled sadly at this but responded, 'Ok'

I went downstairs to see her mom. 'What is your last name?' I asked. I had been assuming it was Patrice like mine, but I suddenly realized that I might be wrong. People were close in this reality, but not everything was perfect.

'Patriche, but my Mom went with Bonham-Patriche." She pronounced it like Pat-ree-shay, so that fit with the odd pronunciation for my own last name, Pat-rees. She also got the reason that I had asked.

"I'm sorry if we scared you when we came in, Mrs. Bonham-Patriche"

Jamie₂'s Mom looked up when I came in. Her eyes were a bit puffy, but she gave me a smile. "You make me sound all stuffy. Call me Helen, if you must, but I would prefer Mom."

"You do look a lot like my Mom, but you certainly don't act like her." She looked a bit startled at this, so I continued, "My father beat me, and she did nothing about it. I had to wear lots of sweaters and turtle-necks to hide the bruises."

"I'm so sorry, sweetie. I know that nothing I say can make up for what your Mom did. I just know that if my Andrew ever did anything like that, and I knew about it, I would kick him to the curb in a blink."

"My father's name is Allen, so there at least is a little difference in our worlds. . ."

"Jamie, my Jamie, told me about it after getting me back up. I really don't know what to think about it, but seeing you in her makeup and clothes, I can see that the resemblance is not perfect. You look very nice."

"Your Jamie thinks I look better than she did."

Helen₂ Chuckled. "She was always one to give a complement, where one was due. So, why did the two of you come here? Not that it matters, I loved spending a little more time with my daughter. The trip seems to have taken a lot out of you, however, and I'm worried that it was for something important."

"Jamie₂ wants to say goodbye to her Dad. She thinks then she might be able to move on. It's a little crowded in here with the two of us." Helen₂ grimaced. "I really like your daughter, Helen₂. She's like the sister I never always had. I have been sharing her memories for years. It's just that it is tough to live with two people in a space that was only really designed for one."

"I think I understand what you mean. While I will be really sad to see my daughter leave, you have given me the opportunity to make peace with her passing. It makes it more like a sudden illness than. . .than. . ."

She began to cry, so I walked over and hugged her. "It's okay, Mommy. Jamie₂ isn't gone yet, and I tied up the boy who did this and called the police on him."

"Brian did this?"

"Yes. Didn't the police arrest him?"

"They got there and he said something about being attacked by a maniac with a knife. He says that he tried to fight the assailant off, but he was overpowered and knocked out. By the time he came to, he was tied up and Jamie was dead. I had him here consoling me over the loss of my daughter right after they released him."

'That little bastard was in my house and lying to my Mom?!' Jamie₂ began to sob uncontrollably.

"They're looking for the mystery assailant. Apparently he left behind some sort of journal."

'Ask my Mom why the police told her so much about the case. Don't they usually keep this all a secret?'

I repeated her question to her Mom.

Helen₂ blushed. "Usually they would, but I used to date Richard, I mean Detective Paxton, who is in charge of the case."

I sat back in my seat. Not only did they have my journal, but now they wanted me, and not Brian₂, for Jamie₂'s murder. It just keeps getting better and better. "Helen₂ I think that I need to talk to Detective Paxton again."