Stricken Pt 4

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Ryan was nervous. His girlfriend was on her way...what would her reaction be? He desperately wanted to appear strong and masculine. His skin had changed and he now stood a bit smaller than he used to, but he was still the guy she fell in love with. He remained the quarterback of the football team and could still be her man after all right?

The knock came. Ryan took a deep breath and swung the door open.

There stood his baby girl looking very happy to see him...with a bouquet of flowers?

"Hi baby!" she said giving her boyfriend a big hug, "I was so worried about you"

Ryan returned her affection but was thrown off by the flowers.

"I'm fine. I kind of shrunk a little but other than that everything is cool."

"You look good. Ummm, these are for you." she replied as she gave him the bouquet of flowers.

They were an interesting arrangement of red and white roses in a pink wrapper.

"Flowers?" he asked.

She looked at his disappointment and she couldn't take it anymore. She burst into tears.

"Christina, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Ryan. I didn't know what to do. I thought that you might like flowers now or something. I don't know what to think of all this. I'm so sorry." she replied sobbing softly.

"I told you not to worry babe, I'm not going to let this affect me. I don't care what everyone says, I'm not changing. Why don't you keep those flowers for yourself beautiful. They look much better on you." he replied with confidence.

"Oh I love you Ryan. I don't want this to happen, but I am going to be here no matter what ok?"

"Look, I told you that I'm fine. Now can we just drop this and get re-acquinted with each other?"

"Sure thing babe" Christina replied as they embraced.

The two spent the rest of the day together. Christina heard of other boys having the virus and knew what the end result would be. She admired how brave he was but was concerned with his unrealistic approach. He must still be in denial. He seemed the same looks-wise, but his skin was porceline and felt softer than hers. It reminded her of a babies skin. She made a mental note to not wear any heels when she was around Ryan. He still was an inch taller than her.

That night Ryan took in what had transpired that day. He was different...there was no denying that. He both marveled at and dreaded how quickly he had changed. There was absolutely nothing that he could do to prevent it either. He felt helpless against the changes looming in future and had a restless night. Come on Ryan...keep your head up!

The next day Ryan saw his return to school after his lengthy absence. The word that he had the virus had spread like wildfire and he was confronted by strange looks and snickering by the immature students. He ignored them for the most part and headed to his peer group. That too was an awkward experience.

"Damn Ryan, I heard about the virus man. We are sorry about that. It kind of hit us like a load of bricks when we found out." his friend Rob said.

"Yeah, I mean not you bro. I feel for ya man." another friend chimed in.

"Drop it guys. I'm not talking about this. I'm still the same guy as always." Ryan defended himself.

Although they tried to make him feel welcome and act as if nothing had changed, the air of the group was different. No matter how they attempted to overlook what was happening, his friends could clearly see the differences in Ryan already. Ryan too could feel how uncomfortable the vibe was. Would things at school ever be the same again?

The answer to that question came at the end of the school day when he was summoned to the principal's office. As he entered he saw his mother sitting in the room. His football coach was also there as well as a woman he didn't know.

"Ryan, go ahead and sit down." Pricipal Stevens said, "I asked your mother to join us as well as Tom and Ms. Jacobs."

"What's this about Mr. Stevens?" Ryan asked.

"First of all, we all understand the journey that you are about to take and we are here to be your counsel and support throughout your transition."

"Look Mr. Stevens, I really don't need any of this. I'm fine ok? I just want to live my life like I always have." Ryan countered.

"Ryan, please listen." his mother jumped in.

"Ryan, there are certain rules and guideline that we need to adhere to when someone is found positive. These are rules that are set in place by the state and, by law, we need to follow them. These are put in place to both protect you and also to make your transition as comfortable as possible."

"Okaayyyy" Ryan replied.

"Let me introduce Ms. Jacobs. She instructs a special class for students who have the virus."

"Hello Ryan" Ms. Jacobs said, "Beginning tomorrow you will be attending my classes. There are currently 4 students who are in various stages of transformation..."

"Hold on a second here. I'm not going to go into some new class. I'm great where I'm at and I don't need to be segregated from the everyone else." Ryan interrupted.

"Ryan, this is not optional. You are going to be going through many changes, some of which you have already experienced. This class serves several purposes. We will educate you on how to adapt and thrive as a female and be there for you through your fevers. In addition, this class setting will protect you from those who may not understand what you are going through. It's a cruel world out there sometimes. Once you have fully transitioned, you will be given your "diploma" and you are free to join your regular classes again. Like I said, this is not optional. The state requires this for all those who have the virus." she explained.

Ryan sat in silence. She was going to teach him how to thrive as a female? Holy crap! His heart sunk as everything was becomming that much more real.

"I'm still going to be able to lead the football team though...right?" He asked frantically.
"Ryan, this hurts me more than I can tell ya, but with your condition you're not going to be able to participate any longer." his coach informed.

"Hell no coach! I'm still good man!" Ryan pleaded.

"You already are not the same physically as you were a couple weeks ago Ryan" his principal explained, "as you move foward with your transition you could be seriously hurt"

Ryan didn't know what to say or think. His world was quickly caving in and he felt helpless to stop it. He thought of how great his life was and how much it was going to suck. There was no way he would ever "adapt" to being a girl. "Thrive"? No way! He was a smart kid though. He knew that there was no reasoning with these people. He would go to the stupid classes. He would not be on the football team for now. He was very strong willed and he knew his resolve could do wonders. He would not let this virus take control of him. He would show them all that he could beat this thing. Suddenly he was filled with a new enthusiasm and zest. He would triumph over this virus, and in doing so he would get his old life back and things would be awesome again!

"I understand and I take your counsel and do what you ask of me", Ryan replied to a somewhat shocked room.

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Comments

Thick

littlerocksilver's picture

Ryan may have been a macho champion athlete; however, he is dumber than a post. I hear what he is saying; however, it doesn't make any sense. At least, he doesn't. What makes him think that he is any different than anyone else with this affliction? There is something seriously wrong with his thought processes. This sort of denial will probably lead to suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure it's been discussed; however, does the virus affect gender as well as sex? Is this course of instruction more brainwashing than anything else? Without a doubt, Ryan is going to have to accept the physical changes. Now, how does this male psyche that was probably inappropriately pumped up by a father who was feeding off his son's athletic accomplishments survive? I hope Ryan learns to think objectively.

Portia

Portia

This is not a question of smarts but grief

Hey! Take it easy on Ryan. He's not stupid, but scared & confused. Moreover, he'll likely be so for some time. His denial is the beginning of his grieving, which also will be just as new an experience for him as his imminent genetic rewrite by the virus. Anyone will go through grieving when the loss is great enough & that includes smart folks, too. Denial is the well-recognized first stage of this painful process.

Also, Ryan's still a teenager. He hasn't acquired the needed experience to think things through. So, this is likely his first time encountering a new situation that is so serious as to force an unwanted major change in his life. As an athlete, his father & coaches have probably instilled in him the belief that he can overcome what is (in his mind) a physical challenge by will alone. Thus Ryan's fully engaged, for better or worse, in the belief system of his athletic subculture.

The verb "thrive" here is especially important. Ryan attacks in his thoughts Principal Stevens' use of this word, as he finds it especially painful. The word "thrive" & the phrase "thrive as a female" shows just how clueless & insensitive an administrator can be with a student's plight. It sounds like Mr. Stevens found it in the mission statement for the bureaucracy operating the state-mandated transitioning course. He needs to be aware that, at that very moment, he's crushing the young man's hopes, dreams & self-image. And of course, Ryan's being kicked of the football team for no fault of his own. [I'd interpret it as more for fear of legal liabilities than anything else!]

The virus is there & will, in its own time, progressively destroy Ryan's male being. What a person like him needs right now is understanding & counseling much the same as someone facing any other life-changing illness.

Dumb as a post? Not Ryan. I expected his response: it's quite logical, a textbook example of grief really. I think that Principal Stevens gets my vote for the most deserving of the "Dumb as a Post" award.

The Rev. Anam Chara+

Anam Chara

Denial Is Not A River In Egypt

jengrl's picture

Denial is not a river in Egypt. Ryan is fooling himself into thinking that he has power over the virus. Maybe when his testosterone is replaced by estrogen, his macho attitude will change? One can only hope!

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

sad :--(

I really feel sorry for him. I also wonder wether it also changes your gender (who you are on the inside).
I do have a feeling it will change his thinking too, but damn it! I feel for him, it's like reversed transsexualism, he becomes ts. so somewhere I'm really hoping he can overwin this virus (without overblowing his ego), but that's prolly not going to happen :--(

Stricken Pt 4

Ryan/Reanna can still play football, as the kicker or play soccor, lady's basketball and other sports where gender is not anissue. But will she find that wearing skirts and hose toooo much for her, or will she choose to be real girly and be a cheerleader, or figure skater?

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

If It Really Is A Virus...

Well, I can't predict where the author is taking this story, but just as a general comment about viruses, diseases, etc., Ryan's attitude is the best one. With many diseases, sheer force of will and positive mental attitude has helped many an invalid survive, where those who just give up, do not.

While this is not a fatal disease, and doesn't seem to be contagious in the same way as a normal epidemic, Ryan might be on to something. However, this is transgender fiction, so unless Ryan at least partially loses his fight, this story wouldn't be here in the first place! :)

___________________
If a picture is worth 1000 words, this is at least part of my story.

Billy story

Now that you're back will you be finishing the Billy story, or is that a dead end?

I plan on going back to

I plan on going back to Billy. I was sidetracked for a while and kinda lost interest. I'm glad you want me to continue though :)

great addition

I'm really enjoying this one and you have me on the edge of my seat!