This letter was writen by a friend of mine to a relative

Dear Relative --

You’ve no doubt noticed that I have had a lot of things on my mind lately and that I haven’t been myself for…well, years.
I’ve been trapped in depression and self-loathing for years…all because I took everything that people have dished out at people like myself and internalized it.
The message from school to people like Bernie was made clear. Don’t do that. Don’t act like that. Don’t BE that.
So, I took who I was and buried it for years.
All the while I’ve felt out of place like an alien on another planet, like someone cast in a reality show where everybody but me is in on it. I’ve felt out of place, wrong…all for living a lie, some lousy lie to please others.
Last year, I finally reached the breaking point where I could take it no longer. Or so I thought.
I came out as gay to some people, including you, eventually.
That was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. Because while you’ve shown me you love me, someone on that situation never has a guarantee how any one. There are plenty of people out there who have been rejected by family who was previously loving.
But…I wasn’t being completely honest with you, because I wasn’t being completely honest with myself.
It’s weighed heavily on me ever since..even heavier than it has in the years before.
It’s as if coming out as ‘gay’, left the real truth room to rise to the surface.
And rise, it has.
It’s at the point where I have to do something about it. I can’t live in denial any more. I can’t stand the sharp pain in my heart. I can’t stand the sense of dread that greets each new day. I am scared of that nagging feeling that death would be preferable to this.
You’ve heard me say, "I wish I were dead"…that isn’t just idle bluster..some times it’s how I feel, but no more.
I refuse to die as my fake self without giving myself the chance to be my real self and be happy for the first time in my life.
This is the toughest things I’ve ever had to write…but I have to write it nonetheless.
The truth of the matter is that I’m not gay. If I were ‘only’ gay, that would be simple.
The real truth is that I was born in the wrong body.
, I am transgendered.
I have some additional reading material that explains it further, but the short version is this — my internal soul doesn’t match my external self. I have always felt like a female inside.
I know, I didn’t play with Barbies or anything, but a lot of girls who were born female don’t, either.
I realize this is a lot to throw at you, but I can assure you of the following
1. It’s not a phase. Phases don’t last back to childhood.
2. It’s not something that can be cured or made to ‘go away.’….see how miserable I’ve been for evidence of how well that strategy ‘works.’
3. I am not a crossdresser or a transvestite. No offense to anyone who is, but that is not my situation. It goes behind a dressing thing and it is not a fetish behavior. When I’m dressed female…I feel normal.
3. I am still in many ways the grandchild you’ve loved all these years. A lot of the things I like and dislike aren’t going to change, even if my external gender does. Just because I become a woman doesn’t suddenly mean I’m going to stop enjoying football and start watching "Oprah."
4. I still prefer men. This means that..contrary to current outward appearances, I identify more as a straight woman than a gay man. Gender identity and sexual identity.
5. I am not planning a sex change next week or anything. While my dream is to live as a woman eventually, that's not practical right now. Besides, there are a lot of steps to be taken. While I can't bury my true self any longer, I have no intention of rushing into the final step without taking all the right steps first.

You might wonder why I’m telling you now.
For one thing, I have reached a tipping point where I can deny my true self no longer. While I am not out locally and will not be for some time (if ever), I can’t keep suppressing who I really am. The time was rapidly approaching where you would have figured something was up. Perhaps you already have.
I love you so much. I owe it to you to be honest.
I also hope that you’ll realize that this is a path that gives me a chance to be happy, something that being Kreig does not.
You’ve loved me unconditionally so far. I hope and pray this continues.
Also, I believe you deserve to get to know the real me, not some façade I’ve put up. I’d love for you to get to know me how I really am, how I really feel inside. I am tired of living a lie around you. You don’t deserve it and I don’t deserve it any longer.
You also don’t deserve my attitude that I’ve thrown up as a deflection, wanting to be left alone for fear you’d reject the real me.
This is an unusual situation, I know. Percentage-wise, there are more of us than you’d think, but we are still a minority.
That does not mean, however, that we are somehow freaks who are undeserving of dignity and respect. I was born this way. I would have preferred to have born a female with all the female parts, but that didn’t happen. It doesn’t change who I am inside and, God willing, I’ll one day be able to have the external part match.
I realize that this might take some time for you to get used to it. After all, this is something I’ve been wrestling with for decades and you’ve only just found out (or had your suspicions confirmed).
I am taking steps to deal with my situation. I have joined a support group. I am planning on counseling, as soon as I can afford it. I haven’t decided whether to come out to a greater degree here in town. As you know, this is a small town, with all of the bigotry and small-mindedness that implies, especially with all the Catholics around.
But I do need to find ways to express my true self when I can and while I work on things. I obviously couldn’t do so without your knowing.
All I ask is for your continued love and support and understanding. It would mean so much for you to still love me and after so many years, have you love the real me.
And I ask for your forgiveness for my extreme moodiness for the last God knows how long. You have not deserved to be on the receiving end of that.
I can only hope that you learn to love my true self as much as you have loved the part you've seen.