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Well, I took a plunge yesterday. I finally owned up to the ex what i was feeling and thinking. She is convinced that if i will only pray the right way, allow God to work, that I will be cured of this need to be female. She simply will not listen when I tell her that I have prayed, I have tried, and nothing has changed. So she took me to a friend of hers place, and tried to double team me, but even the friend admitted that they would refuse to hospitilize me to try and cure me of this. The ex wants me to talk to her pastor before taking any steps towards being female, and I said i would. Meanwhile, the little support site a friend made has moved, and the new site is: http://z7.invisionfree.com/Butterfly7/index.php?
if anyone wants to join us.
Comments
Sigh
Here we go again.
"If I pray the right way"??? WTF? How about you tell your ex you prayed your ass off and God came back loud and clear that you were doing the right thing? What would she say then? God was wrong? She'd probably say you were listening to the devil.
"Pray the right way"? what does that mean, that if you reflect on it long and hard in isolated quiet (or with subtle maipulation and directive guidance)that you would change your mind after the overwheming guilt and shame descended on you?
God(s) do not give a rat's ass about your GID other than the extent it gets in the way of you living life to its fullest extent. If being a woman or somewhere in between is going to turn off the noise and let you move forward a happier person then this is a good thing. You are in no way responsible for your ex's happiness. There is nothing in her book, or her pastor's book, nor does he in any way remotely have training or experience that in any way relates to your issues. There is no insight he could have that would relate. The only tool on his side is guilt, which is an evil weapon. When they pull out the guilt card they are desparate; "if you love me..." "if you love your family..""if you love God...""if you love Jesus..."
IF? What kind of judgement about you is that? IF you buy into being responsible for your ex's, your family's, God's, and Jesus's happiness? What they are saying is that during the very small percentage of the time that you cross their small narrow minds, thoughts of you make them uncomfortable. And they are so utterly self absorbed and selfish that they insist their momentary comfort is more important than the hell that you live with 24/7/365. They do not see it. To them this is a "choice" on your part and you are being very selfish. They need to look at themselves in a mirror.
My own father was more concerned about what the neighbors might think. His neighbors did not know me one way or the other. He was more concerned how this would reflect on him. After many opportunities to reconcile, I purged him from my life.
This is your life kiddo, your day at the spa. These people raining on your parade are the telemarketers and low lifes trying to steal your time, steal your life out from under you so that they can feel better.
GOD will Heal YOU!
This sort of makes my blood begin to simmer, but not enough to make the whistle on the tea pot go, :(
I did not accept the "Lord Jesus Christ" into my heart until I was 27 and like many late life saves, I took the hook and swallowed it. I was extremely devout, studied the Bible very hard, and wanted to go to Bible College and be a Pastor. So, one of the fantasies that I bought was that God would heal me of um "certain things".
Yes, we are all bored with the very common, "I knew at 5 years old", and I did too. Well, it was all beaten out of me but about 35, it began to slowly surface again. It was always there before, but was expressed in outbursts of temper, anxiety, poor self worth, and sudden emotive episodes. Well, Doctors eventually concluded that I had some Pituitary difficulties, but no tests were done. As a father and husband, life around me was like a roller coaster.
So, during my very conservative Christian years, I prayed often about the evil lurking within me; just knowing that God would heal me and when it did not happen, I just assumed that I was not yeilded to God, so yes, it was "all about me" and yes was in fact my fault! Over the years, I prayed and prayed, but there was no result. During the end of all this Prayer, my last daughter left home and got Married, My Son got a divorce, I fell down a Man Hole and broke my back, 9/11 happened and that brought on a bunch of stuff at work that gave me PTDS, and I think my wife was having an affair. We'd gone to Kenya as Missionaries the spring before 9/11 and I was prohpesied against by an African Woman. Ask any Missionary who has been to the field in Africa. Strange things happen there.
So, as 2004 began to draw to a close, and none of my prayers were answered, I was faced with a dilema. I had to go back to basics. In my heart, I knew that God existed. I knew that he had answered my prayers before, or at least good things had happened to me that were the desires of my heart. So, how could he not heal me of something that so threatened to destroy my life? I knew that I loved God, and wanted to do good by my family and all those about me. Finally, I came to the conclusion that God did not heal me because I was not broken.
After my initial disasterous, "outing", I was sent to a special um Pastor who was supposed to be an expert in these matters, and he was so abusive that I walked out on the first session. He'd used the Marine Corps approach on me and urged me to like "Man Up". That shit just don't go for me! So, just don't expect much from them. They ain't never gonna like get it.
I think that the root problem with conservative Christianity is that there is a huge failure on their part to allow their theology to engage available scientific knowlege. There is increased evidence that the brains of those in the GBLT set are different. So far, christianity has failed to engage that at all. Certain sects of Islam and Eastern Orthodox Christianity, have though; their thought being that the final judgement is up to Allah SWT.
I think that time will tell, from my own personal research, that I am likely a variation of XXY. They have found in mice Males with XX genes, but are potent. From comments of Doctors and various other people, I have a feminine phenotype. Perhaps before I die, we will all know the truth. My best truth to myself is that I know the intentions of my heart. I know that I tried as hard as I could to be what society expected of me, but I just could not do it.
Unitarians, ELCA Lutherans, and Metropolitian Church of Christ People are making an effort, but it may be that your old attachment to Christianity will break.
I am sorry.
Gwen
Dorothy...darling...
Don't you feel simply delighted knowing that there is a 'cure' for your 'disease'?Doesn't it give you the tingles knowing that your affirmation in someone elses Jesus will reconstruct your very psyche? Have you ever heard such a crock of shit before? Oh...yeah...the recession is over! Know you've heard it all!
Whilst you certainly made a very brave and honest decision, it certainly seemed to fall upon the deaf and the blind. I truly admire the strength it took to reveal your 'inner self', especially to an ex. It will be that same well of strength that will guide you toward what YOU feel to be right.
Whilst you did promise to speak to a Pastor, bare in mind that most people of religion (not people of faith mind you) live by the axiom; 'love the sinner but hate the sin'. This means that you are already judged before you walk in.
There is nothing I have found you to be guilty of except perhaps an over sensitivity to those who have none to begin with. I have faith and I will pray for two things. Firstly, that those who choose to judge you so quickly recieve quick judgement for themselves. Secondly, I will pray for your continued strength, health, and well being in the face of those who might seek to steal it from you.
Mea the Magnificent
you took the plunge alright....
....thankfully there was water in the pool. Genesis 1 says that He created them in his own image, male and female he created them...which means that both aspects of humanity, female and male dwell in god, and consequently, to some extent in varied degrees, both aspects dwell in us as well? And one thing Jesus said...I have come that you may have life and that to the fullest? Not how your ex defines it...not how her pastor defines it...but how you define in as you pray for guidance... Who better to know what He is saying to you than you yourself, yes? Do you have anyone to advocate for you if you do visit her pastor; so that it's not two against one? And Meaghan is right...they've already made their mind up...this won't be a discussion or a dialog but a lecture. All my prayers for your strength and resolve.
With much love, Andrea DiMaggio
Love, Andrea Lena
Dorothy,
ALISON
'you know that there is an old saying "that if you lay down with dogs,you will
get up with fleas".The moral of the story is to stay away from your ex and her
"God bothering ,bible bashing friends".Just be who you want to be.There is a lot
of support for you on BCTS,and none of us wear 'back to front collars'.
ALISON
Religion
is organised superstition - organised to keep you in the dark and under control. Christianity, was intended as the religion of love, since the originator got nailed to a tree, they lost the Christ bit but kept the inanity.
Science is organised too, and means you don't die of ignorance, nor in it.
Angharad
Angharad
It hurts me deeply...
...as I expect it does for others of faith here that you chose today of all days, the holiest day in the Christian calendar, to once again categorize the belief system of over a billion people as ignorance. Please be considerate of other people's faiths even as you express your own. Thank you and best regards.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Con grande amore e di affetto, Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
OMG
I thought that Xmas was the holiest day.
Mr. Ram
Easter, or Resurrection Sunday as it is also know
...is the most holy of days of the Christian Calendar within all expressions of Christian faith. It commenmorates the resurrection of Christ. Here's a link, although there a numerous on the web that also explain it as well.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Easter
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Con grande amore e di affetto, Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
An interesting article, but the discussion page is more fun
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Easter
Not taking sides,
Liobhan
-
Cheers,
Liobhan
And so it begins...
Well, you have taken the first step, well done you. The thing is, what's to cure? Oh, you will get all the usual misconceptions: 'are you gay?', 'is it something I've done wrong?', 'What will the neighbours/family/our friends/work (delete as applicable) think?'and so on. Then, of course, you are obviously doing this out of badness to punish your wife, or so she will think. Exactly what help any sort of religious officer can be is anyone's guess though, as they have to toe the party line on this, regardless of their own convictions. I would consider yourself just part of nature's infinite diversity and leave it at that. You obviously know who you are, or you would not have said anything....
On the flip side of the coin however, you have had time to come to terms with who you are, your good lady wife has not had that luxury and will be feeling somewhat betrayed by all this, so I would consider much talking with her and it will be hard, but nothing in life worth doing is ever easy. You are in my thoughts...
May the blessings of the day be on you and yours - Jay xx
That which does not kill me only serves to delay the inevitable. My blog => http://jaynemorose.wordpress.com/ <= note new address
That which does not kill me only serves to delay the inevitable. My blog => http://jaynemorose.wordpress.com/ <= note new address
Bailey Summers I'm home
Bailey Summers
I'm home reading the things here 5:10 in the am drinking a large cuppa. I want to say first and foremost. This need is a need and if you feel deep down soul deep/core of your being deep that if you don't do this it "Will" kill off part of you, then I'm saying listen to your heart.
There is something I've been learning about as I've been getting older and that "Life Is.", This it just is; It's all the same when you go and read other peoples stories and hear stuff on the radio, TV ect. We all have messed up lives, messed up heads, messed up beliefs and we're all more or less still here. Life is just that life, regardless of what you believe in, it still happens for you and to you.
Bad things in life including bad people happen, but just treat them like bad weather. If it keeps it up then perhaps a move to a better climate.
Feeling blame or guilt for being TG is about as good as a bird being upset that it can fly.
It's not on you to make your ex-wife feel better in her beliefs/feelings or her pastor unless you feel the true need to do so then go ahead and do that.
I guess the rambling point is Just breathe hon, take the time to find your center and your compass and follow that more than any advice from anyone/thing else.
Sigh...
On another note to you others out there posting on this. I'm new here and have my own views on theology and faith. I don't think they should go up here or get aired here since I can just about feel a fight out there over it and it's not what the site is about. How about we just defend Dorothy and not our viewpoints?
After all that's why they've got chat-boards for theological "discussions".
Bailey Summers
5 years, three months and I still ain't over it.
I had the same experience, and can probably predict the major content of any conversation you will have with any of them in the future. They will assume that you are gay, and there does not seem to be a single thing that you can do to change that. My family is also convinced that I was out fucking every guy in town.