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Jill demonstrates her bravery in standing up against one of her tormentors and works to move on with her life. This is the conclusion of the story.
Changing Keys, Part 10
By Jillian
“I object!” shouted Tommy’s attorney.
“On what grounds?” shot back the prosecutor.
“That this witness is lying to the board concerning his identity.”
The board member sitting in the middle looked at me and asked, “Do you know what he’s talking about?”
I cleared my throat and began, “Your honors, I used to be a boy named Jack Tucker. I’m not anymore.”
Mr. Myers, Tommy’s lawyer piped up, “Have you in fact had surgery then?”
“No, I have not.”
“Then aren’t you legally still a male named Jack Tucker?”
“No I am not. My name was legally changed to Jill, and as a person who is actively being treated for gender dysphoria, my driver’s license lists me as female.”
“Objection overruled,” came from the man in the middle.
The prosecutor cleared his throat. “Now then, Miss Tucker. Could you tell us what transpired between you and the defendant on Tuesday the 18th of this month?”
“I was on my way home from my appointment with my therapist, Dr. Janet Filo. Unfortunately, I had apparently allowed my attention to wander and Officer Robinson pulled me over for speeding.”
“And when he recognized you, what happened?”
“He started calling me the same kinds of names he used to call me when we were in high school.”
“Names like?”
“Queer, faggot, things like that.”
“And at this time, how were you attired?”
“Excuse me?”
“What kind of clothes were you wearing when the officer pulled you over?”
“Casual. Jeans, a top, that sort of thing.”
“And did he threaten you?”
“Not so much verbally, but then he never really did.”
“To what do you refer?”
“Tommy had always been abusive toward me, not only verbally but physically as well.”
“Objection!”
“Overruled.”
Following the interruption, the prosecutor continued, “In what way?”
“We went to school together most of our childhoods. By the time we were in high school, he would take any opportunity afforded him to be mean to me. He eventually reached a point where he expected me to do his work for him and would hit me if I didn’t do it, and…” I had to stop to compose myself before I could go on. “…and he would sometimes drag me into the restrooms and make me…” I started crying too much to continue.
“It’s all right miss. Take your time,” the prosecutor said softly to me. “Whenever you think you’re ready, please continue.”
It took me a few moments to regain control of my emotions. Once I had more or less stopped crying I continued, “He would sometimes make me take him in my mouth and…” I lost it again.
Once I again managed to compose myself, I added, “All I’ve ever wanted was for him to leave me alone.” At that point the tears became so profuse there was no way I could continue.
Coming to my rescue, the prosecutor said, “That’s all right miss.” Turning to the Board he then said, “No further questions at this time.”
The prosecutor returned to his seat, and the panel turned their attention to Mr. Myers. “Your witness,” the gentleman seated in the middle of the dais said.
Rising from his seat, Mr. Myers walked toward where I was seated and stood directly in front of me. “Now then, MISS Tucker,” he placed a heavy exaggeration on the word ‘miss’. “When did you complete the process changing your name and legal identity?”
“This past week.”
“So it’s safe to say that when my client pulled you over, in the eyes of the law you were still male?”
“I suppose so.”
“There’s no supposing to it…”
The prosecutor cut him off by jumping up and shouting, “Objection!”
“On what grounds?” asked Mr. Myers.
“Relevancy.”
“Sustained.”
“How could this not be relevant?”
One of the members of the Board, who had until now been silent, said, “Mr. Myers, this is not a regular court of law. This is an internal police tribunal, and if we deem a line of questioning irrelevant, then that’s the end of it. Do you understand?”
“Yes, your honors.” Clearly flustered, he took a deep breath and tried to begin anew. “MISS Tucker,” he said, again emphasizing the word ‘miss’, “Is it not your contention that Officer Robinson behaved in an inappropriate manner during this traffic stop?”
“And then again during another encounter, yes.”
“Now then, MISS Tucker,” this was getting old rather quickly, “Isn’t it true that you have harbored negative feelings toward the defendant for several years associated with the alleged abuse during your time in school together?”
“It is probably safe to say that, yes.”
“So what is to make this Board believe you’re telling the truth concerning these events? How are we to know you didn’t just make all this up to try and settle an old grudge?”
“It happened!”
“MISS Tucker, please. There is no need to get upset. I’m merely pointing out that you have no proof such an incident occurred.”
“Not the traffic stop, no. But…”
“And what do you mean by that, MISS Tucker?”
“At the nightclub there were witnesses who saw how he was treating me. They intervened and then escorted him from the premises.”
“Who might these witnesses be? Have they been summoned to these proceedings?”
“An old friend of mine, Mike Bishop, and the door staff who were working at Windham’s that night. I don’t know their names. And I don’t know if they were subpoenaed or not.”
“So you’re saying that if we talked to these individuals, they would corroborate your version of events.”
“Yes.”
“I have no more questions for this witness.”
Before I could be dismissed, the prosecutor jumped up and said, “Redirect.”
“Continue,” came a voice from one of the members of the Board.
“Is there anything you’d like to add to this, Miss Tucker?”
I thought about it for a moment before saying, “If I thought I was the only person who had ever had a problem with Tommy’s behavior, I wouldn’t want him to lose his job. I’d just ask that he please leave me alone. An apology would be nice. That’s all I want really. But from what I’ve been told I know I’m not the only one he’s harassed while on the job. That’s why I’m here. Someone needs to stand up to him, and I guess since nobody else has done it, I’m going to have to be that someone.”
“Thank you Miss Tucker,” said the gentleman sitting in the center of the dais. “Will there be anything further?”
The prosecutor answered, “Not at this time. However, we reserve the right to call more witnesses as the situation dictates.”
“So noted. Now we will be taking a short recess before hearing from the defendant.” The panel rose from their seats, prompting everyone in the room to stand up as well, and walked single file out of the room the same way they had entered.
As I stood up, Captain Gibson and the prosecutor came up to me and said, “Good job today Miss.”
“Thanks. I just hope it was enough.”
“With everything else, I’m sure it was,” said the prosecutor. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to make a phone call before we come back from recess.” He then left me standing there with the captain. We started walking toward the exit and were joined by Sarah.
“You did great,” she said as she gave me a hug and kiss.
“Thanks, but I think you’re a bit biased.”
“Well, DUH!” she said as she slapped my arm.
Outside the hearing room, Captain Gibson asked, “Do you two want to stay for the next part? If so, you can sit with me in the gallery.”
“Thank you, Gerry,” I said. “I just don’t know that I’m up to listening to him right now.”
“Understood. I’ll call you after to let you know what happens.”
“Thanks,” we both told him. We then left the courthouse and headed back home, content that we’d tried to do something good today.
When we arrived home, we joined Jen and Shelly in the living room. “So are you going to tell us what happened?” Shelly is not exactly a patient person sometimes.
“It was a lot like a trial, except instead of one judge there was a panel of people and no jury. The prosecutor asked me questions, then Tommy’s lawyer did the same. I walked out still alive, so it couldn’t have been too bad,” I tried to make light of the morning’s proceedings.
Sarah came to my rescue, “I think you were very brave this morning.” She then leaned over and kissed me.
Jen commented, “Do you two need some time alone?”
“Maybe later,” I said. Everyone broke out in a fit of giggles after that.
As we were about to move the living room around to make room for band practice, we heard a crashing sound as a brick came sailing through the picture window, shattering the glass and scattering it around the room. Everyone dove for cover as the shards of glass rained down upon us, and by the time we had managed to return to standing positions to look out the hole to see who had thrown the brick all we could see was a puff of smoke from where they squealed their tires on their getaway.
“Somehow I doubt Tommy had anything to do with this,” I said as we began the process of cleaning up the glass.
“Why do you think that?” asked Jen.
“Because he’s probably still at the courthouse,” Sarah answered for me.
Shelly said, “He could have had someone do this for him.”
“But would he?” I asked. No one seemed to have an answer to that one.
We spent nearly an hour picking up bits of broken glass, until it got to the point we could use the vacuum to get the rest. While Sarah tended to that task, I hung an old blanket over the broken window in an attempt to preserve some warmth.
“I guess we’re going to have to call someone to fix this, huh?” I asked, not expecting anyone to actually answer.
Shelly went over to the phone, dialed it, and waited for an answer on the other end. “Hey…I need a favor…Yes, actually, it would be the kind of thing I’d pay you back for in that way…Some idiot threw a brick through out front window, and we need a new pane of glass put it before we freeze our cute little buns off…I’ll see ya in a little bit then.” She smiled as she hung up the phone and turned to us to say, “Problem solved.”
It was a couple of hours before Shelly’s friend could make it over to take care of the window, and another hour and a half after he came by before he returned with the new pane of glass, which pretty much meant no band practice today…it was just too chilly, and besides none of us were really in the mood.
Around bedtime, Jen stuck her head into Sarah’s and my room and asked, “Do you think those jerks could’ve had something to do with the window?”
“I suppose. I hadn’t really thought about that, to tell you the truth,” I said as I changed into my nightie.
“They know where you live, and I’m sure they’re ticked off enough at all of us to do something like this,” Jen commented.
“If it’s them, what do we do? Phone the police?” asked Sarah.
“I don’t think we want to open that particular can of worms, do we? No, I think I know a better way,” answered Jen. That reply made me very nervous all of a sudden.
“I think we should wait and find out before going off and doing something rash, ya know?” I offered by way of making peace, at least temporarily.
“We’ll see. For now, I have a date with a vampire,” as Jen left the room, holding her book, Sarah and I settled into bed for the night.
My last thought before I fell asleep that night was a whispered, “I love you Sarah.”
She responded with a whispered, “I love you too Jill.”
We fell asleep in each other’s arms.
Tuesday meant another visit with Janet, so I got up and around just in time to get to my appointment. Obviously, mornings just never were my thing.
We talked a lot about my court experience the day before, as well as how I was doing with the new hormone dosage, how things were going with Sarah, and on and on. I swear, sometimes sessions with Dr. Filo felt less like therapy than they did a gossip session. As far as I was concerned, that was a positive.
Late Tuesday afternoon, I’d been crashed on the couch reading when the telephone ringing brought me from my trance. I ran to answer it, reaching there on the fourth ring.
“Hello?”
“Miss Tucker? This is Captain Gibson.”
“Yes captain. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“It’s safe to say you won’t have to worry about Tom Robinson for a very long time.”
“What? I thought that hearing was just to determine whether or not he could continue to be a police officer?”
“The Board of Inquiry is a little more than that. They have the authority to hand down prison sentences, when such is called for. And since Robinson and several of his cohorts have just confessed to several counts of wrongdoing in hopes of cutting down on their prison time...”
“You can’t be telling me...?”
“Well Miss Tucker, it’s safe to say that your testimony would have gotten him fired on it’s own, but when we discovered some of his felony activities, we shot clean past dismissal and wound up at ‘doing time’.”
“So, Tommy’s gone? Really?”
“On his way to a maximum security detention facility, and in part it’s thanks to you and your courage.”
“I don’t know what you mean?”
“When you came in that night to file your complaint, the investigation that triggered stirred up a hornet’s nest of officers engaged in extracurricular activities. My only regret is that we didn’t find out about all of them sooner. This city owes you a huge thank you.”
He couldn’t see me blush, but everyone in the room could and they were really enjoying watching my embarrassment displayed all across my face. “Thank you captain for being so nice to me throughout all of this. I hope I’ll never have to deal with police again, but if I do I hope those officers are as nice and understanding as you have been.”
“Thank you ma’am. Take care.”
I stood there listening to the silence coming through the receiver for a couple of seconds before I heard the click that told me he had hung up on his end. When I finally put down the receiver, I could tell from the looks on everyone’s faces that they knew what the call was about, and wanted details, lots of details.
To celebrate, Sarah and I actually went out on a regulation eat hot food and go to a movie date. Throughout the evening I was a bit distracted, as I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the question I intended to ask Sarah that evening. I nearly did it at dinner. I stopped in the middle of forming the words as we parked the car at the theater. And I was so preoccupied during the film I can’t even remember what we went to see.
During the drive home, I was very quiet. So much so that it started to concern Sarah and finally at the end of the evening, she said so.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as we pulled in the driveway back home.
“Sorry, I guess I’ve been a bit preoccupied this evening.”
“You guess? I’m a lot more certain than ‘guess’. Now what’s wrong?”
I turned to look into her eyes and waited until after she turned to return my gaze before I answered, “There’s been something I’ve wanted to ask you all evening, and just hadn’t been able to get the words out.”
“Yes…” she said expectantly.
“Okay, here goes. Sarah, you know I love you very much.”
“And I love you too.”
“I’ve come to the conclusion that a life without you in it isn’t really worth living, so I would like to spend the rest of my life with you, if you’ll have me.” There, I said it.
As she sat there looking at me tears started streaming down her cheeks, mirroring the ones raining down my face. For a moment it was difficult to decipher whether they were happy or sad, but then she began smiling and leaned toward me as I did the same. We began to kiss, softly at first before becoming more passionate.
As we broke momentarily for air, she said, “Yes.” We then started our kiss anew, eventually deciding that our best course of action would be to take our activity to the bedroom.
Once behind the closed door of our bedroom, I took her in my arms and began planting kisses on her lips, eventually expanding the scope of my lips’ exploration to include her earlobes, neck, and points south. We undressed each other, all the while continuing our kissing as if it were more important to our survival than air, because at that moment it was.
We gave ourselves to each other in ways we never had before, and became one in more ways than I thought possible. As we finally drifted off to sleep protected in each other’s embrace, I knew for the first time what Heaven surely was like.
Thursday morning my eyes popped open and when I looked at the alarm clock I said, “Crap! I overslept!”
I jumped out of bed, took the fastest shower of my life, threw some clothes on, and was out the door in under fifteen minutes. I didn’t even stop to wake Sarah and tell her goodbye, I was in such a hurry.
As I was headed out the door, Jen stopped me for a moment. She gave me a hug and said, "You know, I'm really glad you're my sister."
I started tearing up as I replied, "Me too. You're about the best sister a girl could have."
After another hug and a wipe of tears, Jen said, "You'd best get going, and be careful."
I turned and headed out the door. As I was unfortunately prone to doing, I had some difficulty keeping my mind on the task at hand. When I should have been focusing on driving my mind kept wandering, thinking about how lucky I was to have found as much happiness as I finally had.
My sister had been better to me than I could ever have expected. She would have been well within her rights to more or less tell me to go away and never come back, but she didn't do that. Instead she had been supportive of me...more so than I deserved, really.
Then there was Sarah. I loved her more than I ever thought possible. And to think that she had actually accepted me, for me?
I shouldn’t have been driving so fast, but I didn’t want to be late to my appointment with Janet. As I was crossing an overpass, I hit a patch of ice unexpectedly and the car spun several times, slammed into another vehicle and eventually going over the shoulder and down an embankment. We rolled over and over, sometimes one on top of the other, before finally coming to rest in a culvert.
As I began to take inventory of my injuries I became aware of several things all at once. I was fairly certain I had numerous broken bones, blood was running from my forehead into my eyes, and while I could feel very intense pain everywhere, I couldn’t move anything other than my eyes. As I directed my vision outside my car, I saw staring back at me Dave and Billy Joe from ‘Kentucky Straight’ trapped inside the van that had joined me in that tumble. They both looked to be injured at least as badly as I was, and at that moment I asked forgiveness for every bad thought I’d ever had about them. They didn’t deserve to die here, any more than I did. It seemed the universe had other plans.
I whispered the name of my beloved, “Sarah,” one last time as there was a burning flash accompanied by searing pain, then nothing.
Epilogue
Mike Bishop walked up to the mic. “Ladies and gentlemen, the group that was supposed to perform here tonight, ‘Starlust’, won’t be able to do so because of the death of their guitarist, my good friend Jill Tucker.” He stepped away from the mic for a moment, trying to clear the tears from his eyes. He then looked at the table down front where Jen, Sarah, Shelly, Annie, and her husband sat, inconsolably in tears already. He finally was able to continue.
“Jill’s car went over an embankment Tuesday morning after presumably hitting a patch of ice on an overpass. Her band mates are here with us this evening, and I hope you’ll join me in offering condolences to Jill’s sister Jen and her friends Sarah, Shelly, and Annie for the passing of a brave and lovely person whom I am proud to have been able to call a friend. She most assuredly will be missed.” As he looked in the direction of 'Starlust's' table, he caught sight of both Jen and Sarah mouthing the words, "Thank you" to him.
Again he stepped back from the mic in a vain attempt at regaining control of his emotions. “We’d like to start this evening with Jill’s favorite song.”
He began playing the introduction to ‘Lenny’, and the band followed him into the song as they conveyed a sense of loss and sadness in every note. His solo culminated in a stinging, powerful outburst of emotion that would have made Jill proud indeed. As the song was brought down to it’s close, instead of applause it was greeted with a moment of silent prayer.
The End
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Comments
Ending of Changing Keys
Good story, good characters,
Lousy ending, it brekes my heart.
I've seen too much senseless death I guess.
Sorry, I'm too much the romantic at heart.
I was hopeing for someone to have a happy ending for once.
[email protected]
End of Changing Keys
I am sorry also for as much as I liked all of this story I did not like the final chapter. You write much better than this chapter.
Somebody said we should all read Disney Stories -
-If we all wanted happy endings.
I remember in Tinkerbelle where all the pirates got killed.
I have some friends who are pirates; I thought that was very sad!
I also remember "Tommy" giving Jill a ticket for speeding, which she didn't dispute. He gave her a warning which she ignored and then was killed due to negligent driving!
Funny isn't it, if Jill had worried more about Tommy's warning than his calling her names, she might be alive today. Is that life or not?
Great story Jillian.
LoL
Rita
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
I really liked this story,
I really liked this story, and while I was upset at the ending, I have to admit that part of me was glad that it wasn't the same 'and they lived happily ever after' ending that is so commonly used.
It sucks that Jill had so much pain, and when things were finally starting to go right, she got a BSoD.
CC
The Ending
Loved it Jill!
A different thought....
.. in all the discussion about this story there is someting that occurs to me that has gone unmentioned. Jillian has made it clear the ending was planned from the start. That being the case why is the story written for the most part in the first person - Jill?
What that means is the story is being told or recounted by a character who is dead!!!!
Should it not have been done in third person or even through the sister?
This thought occurred to me with a couple of other stories ie: Bagwell (I think it was called.)
Anne
Interesting You should bring this up..
The story was conceived as a "life flashing before your eyes" type of thing. Jill is remembering everything in the moments before her death. You no doubt noticed how singularly self centered the entire story was before the actual death. That's why the epilogue switches to third person after the death.
Interesting you should mention Bagwell. Yours is by no means the first such comment comparing my style with Dimelza's. As a result she and I have had numerous discussions and have become friends. I haven't asked her specifically, but I've a feeling Bagwell is similar to Changing Keys in terms of the protagonist remembering their life in it's final moments.
Perhaps this answers some of your questions. Thanks for taking the time to read my work. I hope you will enjoy my future endeavors.
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
I Hate to Pile On...
...after the first two comments, and maybe I should wait before posting this. But I'm disappointed here.
Complaints about one officer's misbehavior that aren't even tried in a courtroom end up with a half-dozen cops arrested and doing time for felony corruption? Sure, you told us you were telescoping things for story convenience, but this is on the order of stopping a bus driver because his outside mirror is damaged and then taking him and everyone on his bus out the back door and into jail on gang violence charges. Due process seems to have gotten lost somewhere, and if gangs are the problem, there's not much point in arguing about how broken the mirror was, or examining witnesses on the point.
But at least that one's not completely unexpected, after the chief's "what's he done now?" and his constant comments that there'll be plenty more than this one incident for Tommy to answer for once he gets called before the commission. It's the ending that's the serious problem.
So finally a slippery road kills our heroine and coincidentally rubs out two of her adversaries who happened to be in a van alongside? Where did that come from? This doesn't seem like "the universe doesn't care"; it's more like the Gong Show -- you guys lose, clear the stage, who's next?
It's not just that the ending's sad; it's the lack of its relevance to the story on one hand, and the waste of a reader's emotional investment in the characters on the other. Worse: it's almost like the author's telling us: "fooled you, these aren't real people after all." And it's especially unfortunate in episode ten of a continuing story, as opposed to a one-shot deal.
Eric
Sorry, but I have to agree ...
... with the others so far. What a bummer ending, and coming completely out of left field - completely overshadows the legal errors. What is this trend that seems to be developing for unexpected unhappy endings?!* Damn it, we have reality for that. I'm sorry, I was so enjoying this story, but now I feel like I've wasted my time!!
* - Seems like it started with a story titled Bagwell, or something like that
"All the world really is a stage, darlings, so strut your stuff, have fun, and give the public a good show!" Miss Jezzi Belle at the end of each show
BE a lady!
well...damn!
Hollow endings ...
... always ring false, like a cracked bell. To seduce readers into caring for a character and then to kill her in a senseless accident after bringing her so close to happiness ... well, it seems to come more from the author's need to find an ending that will hit the audience hard, rather than as an organic progression of the story.
Yes, this kind of thing happens. Tragedy is too often sudden and violent, and totally unexpected. In real life, there's nothing we can do about it but weep. But in a work of fiction, the author creates the characters, the situation, and the reality -- so why lead us all through Jill's journey only to cut it horribly short, for no apparent reason?
I agree with Jezzi. Would it have been so hard to let Jill have the life she had finally begun to live? To let her have the happiness she had been denied for so long? To end with her asleep in Sarah's arms, or standing on stage with the band? Granted, it wouldn't have the same impact, but this has always been a story about overcoming obstacles. About growth and discovery ... and love.
Now, it's just a story about death -- and how easily it comes, no matter what hopes and dreams we may have.
We don't need fiction to show us that. All we have to do is turn on the news.
Jillian Marie
Sorry but that ending hurt. Great story, wonderful characters - hurtful ending. Though it is true that things such as this do happen in real life, to have built up your readers with all the wonderful things in Jill's life coming true and then just tear everything apart at the end, without even closing the story on Jen, the band and especially Sarah, well, I KNOW you are a better writer than that.
I don't presume to speak for other readers, but I for one come to read TG fiction, to in a little way escape from the sorrows that real life brings. You have a great writing style and are a wonderful wordsmith. If I could ask one thing it would be for you (and other writers) to lift our spirits and help take away the pain from our lives.
I honestly and truly hope you do not have any such hurts in your own life just now Jillian. If you do, I wish for you all the comfort and love I possibly can.
with love,
HER
with love,
HER
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
It isn't fair!
If the theme of the story is supposed to be that life isn't fair and the best you can hope for is to find someone to love you for a few perfect moments, then it worked.
Endings and Remembrance
I'm sorry to disagree with some of the other comments here but I had the feeling from the first chapter that this was going to end in tragedy. It's a blues riff on a heavy metal theme and death is the final chord.
There are problems with the story. The compression of time used to put Tommy and friends behind bars could have been better done. The easiest way would have been not to try to have it all happen in such a short span but draw it out by having some long time gaps.
People die. Happens all the time. I think it fitting that this story ended on the weekend of the Transgendered Day of Remembrance where we remember the victims of intolerance and persecution in our community. Survivors are victims, too, and even if you survive and get what you want--you're not guaranteed a happy ending.
One famous country blues legend said, "No matter how you struggle and strive, you'll never get out of this world alive."
And another music legend said it even better, "Let's rock."
Thank you, Jillian.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
In the middle of the road.
True, but where's the payout? Even in the loneliest, saddest blues song, there's the sense that the sharing of the experience tells us something, and that by continuing on, there is some sort of acceptance and peace.
I'm just not seeing this here. Good story, interesting people (more than just characters), but no reveal, no deep spiritual truth.
Still, not everything has the hero win, and sometimes they all die. So points.
Very Hard To Accept
.. this ending Jillian has lain out for us to read. It is Jillian's chosen ending for Changing Keys. As a reader, I find that this was just a cheap means to end the tale without seriously exploring the issues, feelings, and situations brought up within the story. So much more could have been done and handled better. So much more was left to do and now will not. It is the author's choice and I must stand behind it even though I disagree and I am filled with sadness at its sudden ending. I feel as though I have lost a friend in the death of Jill and now her life and work in the story will never be completed. *cry*
Please forgive me Jillian. I love your story, its characters, but this ending is terrible. Terrible for me. I am sorry.
Sephrena Miller (work pc)
I'm really disappointed in the comments on this story
Do a little thinking about what you're saying people. This is very hurtful stuff. If you want all happy endings, go to the Disney channel.
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Erin, What I said is not meant to be hurtful
... but it is what I mean in what I say . Its what I feel after reading it. Author wants comments, feedback on story? True, my comment is little negative, but it is what I feel as a reader. Jillian writes GREAT! No question there. The ending is what bothers me. So many issues were ready to be explored: Resolving the person(s) harassing their home, where the band would take them, the wedding with Jill & Sarah, the fame and fortune they were going to roll in. All wiped with an easy sentence or two. The death does not bother me. It is its placement within the story at the junction it occurred.
Saying I as a reader to need the disney channel is like telling your readers if you do not like the ending don't come to BigCloset! Sure you can be disappointed I commented how I did, but that is no reason to criticise me FOR commenting. You know 90% of my comments are usually positive. I also support all authors despite what they may write. If it is something I really dont like, I will not comment.
If this many commenter's are saying the same thing that they don't like the ending, well, there must be something wrong here Huh? Erin, just because I disagree, and most of the readers who did volunteer to comment disagreed with the author's ending , please dont try make us FEEL bad about doing so. We all disagree with the story ending, we do not disagree with the story previous to this chapter. We also do not dislike the author either. We love her. We are not trying to get her to change the story. We are letting her know we do not like how this ending was inserted at its position in the story. The death is a device that can be used. WHERE it is used can make the difference from a GREAT story to a GOOD story with a misplaced ending.
Please understand Erin, there is a difference in commenting because of a device location, and commenting because of the use of a device. Also be aware that your statement "
I'm really disappointed in the comments on this story
Submitted by Erin on Sat, 2006-11-18 13:25.
Do a little thinking about what you're saying people. This is very
hurtful stuff. If you want all happy endings, go to the Disney channel.
- Erin "
actually has hurt BigCloset's reputation? As a Site Admin, Author, or commenter, you are saying there is no room for tasteful dissent. You are inferring there is no tolerance for dissent here at BigCloset. If this is truly your opinion, then what are we authors supposed to think when we get no comments because people who have been reading have been chased off? Will that make Big Closet a place for authors to come to post? Please think this over.
Sephrena Miller
Read what I said again...
I didn't criticise you FOR commenting. I didn't criticise anyone in particular. I complained about the tone of comments and the fact that most commenters were complaining that they didn't like an unhappy ending.
The foreshadowing for that ending was all over the place, from the first chapter.
Now you're complaining that I shouldn't criticise critics. Why should an author have to accept any comments while a critic is sacrosanct?
I did not "infer" nor imply that there is no room for dissent here at BC. The suggestion is hideous.
I simply asked people to think about what they were saying and since the current complaint was that there was an unhappy ending, I suggested a place where happy endings are in plentiful supply. I did that to indicate the forcefulness with which I felt my suggestion was appropriate.
I spend a lot of time and money running BC as a place where authors can feel comfortable and readers can find something to their taste. This doesn't mean I sit quietly by when people misunderstandd what an author was aiming for and practically demand that stories be written to specification.
I have thought this over, Sephrena, over many years and with much effort and patience. Have you?
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
It seemed rushed how it ended...
Is it possible that it is a fake posting? Seemed to post very very quickly after the previous chapter (compared to other chapters)..
However assuming that it's not faked, maybe she ran out of steam for the story and wanted it over to start something else, maybe something in real life as Erin said.
While I don't like how it ended, I don't like how a lot of stories end TG or not, that doesn't really take away the enjoyment I got up until this ending, and can't wait to read more from Jillian in the future.
Wolf-Pup
My apologies to Jillian Marie ...
... if she feels my comment was some kind of personal attack. It was never meant to be. Changing Keys was well written and engaging -- and the intensity of the comments shows that a lot of people came to care very deeply about Jill and the people around her.
My point, both as a writer and a reader, was that the ending felt hollow. It did not flow from the rest of the narrative -- instead, it fell like a hammer from the sky, as a random arbitrary act. It added nothing to Jill's story but an abrupt ending, and the lesson it seemed to teach was one of hopelessness in the face of an uncaring fate.
To me, it's not about happy endings, Erin (although I do love them, if done right). It's about endings that come naturally from the beginnings of stories -- endings that grow out of what came before, to create a sense of completion in the reader. To me, Jill's story was beautiful until the end. I just think she -- and the story -- deserved better.
From me, thanks for the apology
But I have to disagree that the ending didn't flow from the story. Personally, I felt it was the ending that the story had been foreshadowing from the beginning. It felt like the only appropriate ending, to me.
Of course, others may disagree but the bitterness of some comments really upset me.
Again, from me as editor, thanks for the apology.
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Your Reactions Were Somewhat Expected
First, let me apologize for the delay in my response to not only those who have posted public comments, but also those of you who have sent me private messages. Saturdays are my family's main day to spend together, and I rarely check the computer on that day.
When I first conceived this story, I knew immediately that there would not be a happy ending. I also knew that it would not be received well, so it's safe to say that yes, I was expecting this.
In a lot of ways, Jill's world could be considered like Voltaire's "Best of all possible worlds" from Candide. She had found a place and people who accepted her for who she wanted to be. She had someone who loved her and whom she loved. She was able to live out her dream by playing music for a living while being that person. And to top it all off, she had been able to exorcise at least one demon that had tortured her for much of her life. She did indeed live in "the best of all possible worlds".
Unfortunately Utopia doesn't exist, even in fiction. That fact is at the root of the end of this story. If Jill had lived, then the utopia could have possibly been sustained a while longer. But given that her life was already about as complete as it was going to get, to sustain the story would have forced a situation that I felt would be bad for the story, forcing it to become repetitive and boring.
The old band members also dying in the crash may seem random, but I prefer to think of that as the righting of a cosmic wrong. In my mind it would have been wrong for them to live while Jill dies. This way her death has a little meaning in that it allows one of those wrongs that have been visited upon her to be righted.
As to the comments about the compression of time in the judicial proceedings, in truth I messed up and didn't even think about it until after the story had been posted. I had intended to say that Tommy and the other corrupt officers had confessed to the wrong doing during the course of the investigation, but didn't actually do so. This would have probably quelled many of the objections that have been voiced about that part of the story.
My friends Karen and Angharad were kind enough to offer their services as proofreaders, although Karen's schedule had prevented her from editing part 9, and she had informed me she didn't feel like she could edit the last chapter, which I found totally understandable and might have had a hand in my omission of the confession bit. She also warned be about the reaction that this ending would likely meet, so it is safe to say I was ready for it.
This has been my first attempt at writing fiction with a totally original story line. My only other fiction attempt was my fanfic based on Maddy Bell's Gaby series, which was called "Lost in Thought", and didn't explore any plot lines outside of Maddy's own, instead voicing a different perspective on the same events she wrote about. I'd like to think I've learned something over the course of writing this story, and hopefully this ending hasn't made it so no one will ever read anything of mine again. I promise, my next story, which I just recently started, does not end with someone dying. :)
Thank you everyone for taking time to comment about Changing Keys. The idea that it has touched people enough to make them want to say something is gratifying, even if some of those comments are statements of disappointment with the ending.
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
My Two Cents
I guess it's time for me to weigh in on this. First, I owe Jillian an apology for not getting an edited version of CK9 back to her. Time and mental health issues (work is driving me crazy!) kept me from fulfilling my obligations to her. Second, I'm sorry I wasn't able to see past my own prejudices and make the time to assist her with CK10. I'm not vain enough to think I would have caught the continuity and other errors, but I failed to fulfill an obligation.
Yes, I warned Jillian this would probably happen. I even referred her to the "Bagwell" uproar some months back. She assured me this is the ending she had planned all along, that she felt it was right, and that's the way she would write it. So be it. As I said then, and I told her in a private email, it's her story to write any way she sees fit. We don't have to like it. Accept that the story didn't end the way we'd have liked it to and go on.
Jillian is in the process of writing some new stuff, both Gabyverse and regular(?) stories. I have part of one residing on my drive waiting for me right now. I hope that people will give her a fair shake on her new stories. Remember, she didn't set out to piss anybody off, she wrote the story that was in her head, and her heart.
Hugs to all,
Karen J.
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.” - Turkish Proverb
To My Friend Karen
I hope you know that you've never had any kind of obligation to help me. I very much appreciate your assistance when you can do so, but I don't expect anything from you, although I greatly appreciate your friendship and would miss it dearly if anything ever happened to change that.
Jillian
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Hugs Dear Jillian
Although your story had a sad ending, I enjoyed reading it. I am glad that you wrote it and I want to encourage you to continue your writing. I applaud you for having the courage to express yourself. It can be daunting, and you can never make everybody happy. Keep up the good work. I hope to read more from you. Tons of huggles to you.
Love,
Paula
When the lines between reality and fantasy blur, true magic can begin.
Paula
Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.
The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune
Thank you
Greetings Jillian
Thank you for the story.
Though I was disappointed it finished the way it did. Sorry that more could not have been made of the relationships within the group.
Brian
Jillian It is not the Death
... but the placement of it. It would have made us readers feel a little more comforted to have experienced some of the happy expectations Jill was having coming up and having felt them before the death. Now the story has a taste of incompleteness to it that is extremely disatisfying. Again, You write extremely good! My comments on the previous 9 chapters indicate that. I have no problem that Jill must die. Just building up a readers expectations within the story and bring them to a peak and rip the ride out from under them in that manner before it had a chance to make a loop is what the majority of us are complaining about.
I am quite sure there are not many that disagree with the death in the story. Any plot device is writable. Again I am making it clear I am not complaining about any device in this story whatsoever. I will not back down or stand aside to my comment and conviction the story would have been better if at least some of the hopes Jill had were realized before the death ending. That would have touched the readers in a way to make the departure of Jill less traumatic and the ending accepted more. The story doesn't need to have a happy ending, just the lead up to the ending Jillian wrote MAKES the reader expect a little more completeness of Jill the character's hopes.
Erin, yes I have thought about this a lot. I stand by my original comment for chapter 10. I disagree with the ending, if it makes 99% of all the readers here unhappy I disagree with the author's treatment of the ending, so be it. But I support the author's original ending despite it being tasteless to myself and leaves me disatisified for having read the other 9 "good" chapters. Changing Key's will forever be incomplete in my heart as an unfinished story because of the abrupt ending that came about. This happens when a reader cares for the story and the characters. I am sorry if this is being taken any other way.
Sephrena Miller
No argument
with whether anyone can say they dislike the story or ending. What I've intended to talk about was the personal offense some commenters seemed to be taking.
Perhaps I misunderstood their intent as I think you have misjudged mine. But frankly, the ending was almost exactly what I expected and I think JIllian did give honest emotion from Jill on her expectations and hopes. The constant references to automobiles and drivers in the story, the images of death and martyrdom, the hope-in-the-face-of-despair of the main character -- all pointed to a sudden violent end in a car crash, probably after most conflicts had been seemingly resolved. That's almost exactly what Jillian wrote. I think she accomplished what she wanted to do with the story and I, for one, wanted some public acknowledgement for her craft.
Caring about the story and the characters is the reaction a writer is trying to engender in a reader but as commenters here on BC, I like to see a little caring about the author and the craft of writing. Jillian made some mistakes, she's fairly knew at writing a highly plotted story. But I don't think the ending was a mistake.
This story is certainly getting a lot of discussion and that's a good thing. :)
Hugs to all,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Story and other comments
You know this is a great example of what is wrong with comments. If I do not like a chapter or a story as a reader then maybe, according to a comment herein I should not comment. Then maybe we, as readers, who are as different to likes and dislikes as the writers, should not say good or bad. Writers in the main stream find out how much people like their stories through how many copies sell. Writers, on line, find out only by how many comments, good or bad, they receive or at least they should. If they receive no comment then, we the readers, are chastised about not leaving comments. Folks it cannot be both ways.
Authors who post either want to know what readers feel about their stories or they don't. I offered to edit once and caught hell for not liking the content story to the point I did not want to edit anymore. Now I seem to be catching it because I stated what I thought about one chapter, the final one as it is, not the entire story. Comments are not personal, they are, or should be, what the reader either likes or dislikes about a story. No one is or should attack the author, nor do I feel anyone here did.I did not like the final chapter and still do not.
A lot here I believe have had a difficult if not hurtful real life. I know I did and still do so far. Some, very honestly seem to want to wallow in hurt and sadness and want others to do so likewise. I, for only myself, do not need nor do I like to read about really bad sadness or hurtfulness in any fiction that I read. I read to escape my real life, for a brief moment, not to continue it's sadness in fiction.
I am sorry but I see no hurtful comments in any of this. Maybe I am missing this as much as it seems I missed from the beginning the bitter ending. Most posted comments said they did not like the ending, that is all. So I did not like the ending, my problem and no one else's. That is what I am telling the author, nothing more and most surely nothing else! I did not like the final chapter at all and still do not.
A comment herein bothered me much more that the ending,
"I think it fitting that this story ended on the weekend of the Transgendered Day of Remembrance..........."
This statement in it’s self is as profoundly personally hurtful and mean spirited a statement to me as anything I have seen or read in a long time. Someone else here needs to do a little more thinking about "hurtful stuff."
"Do a little thinking about what you're saying .....†is good if not great advise if not always understood or followed.
No Hurt Feelings Here
Believe me when I say I haven't taken offense at anything that's been said here. As I said before, I expected negative comments about the ending and know full well that they are directed toward the story, not me personally. Hopefully, my next effort won't disappoint anyone the way the ending to this one apparently has.
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Whoa! What a ride!
I suspected the ending would generate some strong responces but WOW!
If this is your first attempt at a more serious piece, your future work will be a must on my reading list.
The police investigation/hering had some problems but nothing huge. It was an administrative hearing and they could act as the saw fit. That was not a court of law. Plus we only saw her small slice of it, so it would seem quick. That we cared so much for your characters is what hurt. I am torn between Randalynn and her slant on it and Erin in pointing out his/her death was forshawdowed.
Whether it was a ending that made some feel cheated or the only logical one I can't say. But it was a hell of a try. If the execution of the last chapter was not 100%, geeze, the other nine are so good, you did well in my book. I wish I could write this well.
I've had the privalege of being Karen_J's lab mouse for some of KARI! and the next two books of that stort arc and I do like drama and crisis when done well. You did well, your crime was developing Jill into someone we were pulling for despite life trying multiple times to kill her and fimally suceeding.
I tend toward the Disney -- patent pending -- ending but I can see your point that there was a risk this could become Ozzie and Harrette. Still, life was awfully mean to Jack/Jill. Maybe in a later story, he/she can play a character who gets a better deal from life. That he would not wish on those bastards what was about to happen to them all in the wreck says volumes for his/her character.
Bummer. Thanks for your hard work. I still would have prefered a happier ending but I'm a romantic softy.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Remembrance
I never said no one should comment if they didn't like a story. I never said no one should tell an author what they like or dislike a about a story. I've been associated with this site for seven years, this month and I've never said anything like that. I don't know why anyone would think so.
Neither can I understand why you would think that my comment that a story dealing with the persecution and death of a TG person being appropriate for the Day of Remembrance would be personally hurtful and mean-spirited. What other sort of story would be more appropriate?
Two years ago this past month on Halloween, I lost my life partner of 20 years, a very dear transwoman named Jeanne who suffered persecution even after her death because the law did not allow me to see to her burial and her family insisted she be buried as male. I've talked about that in my blog here and elsewhere, I'm not going to say more about it directly now.
But I've had my Remembrance and it was very personal and hurtful.
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
If this was the intent from the beginning...
If the ending was the intent from the beginning, then as mechanics go, the story writing was not the best, although the writer does show promise. The plot, and the supporting props for the plot, needs lots of work. I actually thought this was a "go as I think it up" story. What I suggest, if the author is interested in gaining skill, is to rewrite the story.
When I read the ending, I got a bit nervous as it sounded like something negative had happened in Jillian Marie's life and she was expressing that negative thing in her writing. Now I know that it was just a beginner's lack of skill and I am happy to know so.
Hard
It's hard for me to comment on this story. Like John from W, I like the Disney endings. Jill had a hard time in her life and but stayed true to herself even in an unfortunate and tragic end. When my own writings have so many short-comings, it is hard to comment when yours are very good. I guess when you've brought out so many strong feelings from your readers of both good and bad that you must've done something right! That's a compliment.I am looking forward to seeing more of your work. HUGS!
Dear Erin and Jillian
If my comments were in poor taste or offensive in any way, you both have my most heartfelt and profuse appology.
I have nothing against a heart-wrenching ending. I actually had physical pain from the ending to Karen's "Concrete Cows" and cried myself to sleep. I suppose the thing that I missed with "Changing Keys" was that there was no closure for the band, Jen and especially Sarah.
I was also sincere about my wish that there be no unpleasantness in Jillian Marie's life and an honest wish for comfort and solace if there was.
Thank you for you time and effort to maintain a place for readers of transgendered fiction to read quality work.
with love sincerely,
HER
with love,
HER
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
I will apologize only on
.. the point of accusatory bias of which an earlier comment Erin posted gave the appearance of. Erin has since clarified this up so I will retract what I have said and apologize. I do not hold grudges not deserved of. And I am not immune from making mistakes. I acknowledge them.
Sephrena Miller
We all make mistakes...
...and need to apologize occasionally. I don't think anyone here meant to say anything hurtful.
I apologize for any offense I may have given. I feel strongly about an author's right to tell the story they want to tell so I may have stated my position too forcefully.
Hugs to all,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
I am me physically...
... about once a month. I am me mentally when I am on line or writing. The other 90% of the time I'm my drab self dealing with real problems in the real world where endings are random and bad things do many times happen to good people. I'm a Yank, and I cared passionately about the 2004 presidential election. I believed the evidence against the current administration so overwhelming that I saw no way the president could win re-election - rose colored glasses. He did. And I felt the same way I felt about this story, that I had wasted my time. But that was reality. I become me in large part to escape reality. I suppose I have had it better than most; in 12 years of being out and about as me in the real world (albeit only once a month) I have never had a bad experience. Stories like this put a hammer over my head that I become me to avoid; they add the "yet" to the end of the last sentence.
I suppose that's good in a cautionary way, but I don't like to be reminded of it. I go into a story like this with my same (although elegantly feminized) rose colored glasses on and see the good and I guess ignore any foreshadowing - like my ignoring of the fact that my car has 132,000 miles on it and the likelyhood of a breakdown while driving enfemme is increasing. So an ending like this one hits me hard, and, as I said, I have reality to do that.
Anyway, that's why I take endings like this one so badly: For me, the story was lovely ... and then, abruptly, it wasn't, just like the reality I leave Bob behind to vacation from can be.
"All the world really is a stage, darlings, so strut your stuff, have fun, and give the public a good show!" Miss Jezzi Belle at the end of each show
BE a lady!
I didn't see any foreshadowing at all
I just saw a story of hope and change, and a somewhat optimistic one at that, given the support of the other members of the band and even the musical community when Jill was injured.
I'm also a little at a loss to figure out how someone "foreshadows" a completely random accident like the one that killed Jill. All I can see that might be construed as foreshadowing was her driving. Because she exceeded the speed limit once or twice and drove somewhat recklessly when excited, we can ALL see how she'll die in a freak car crash involving a patch of ice? Just when things seem to be coming together? If that was the foreshadowing, it just sort of slipped on by.
Sorry, Jillian. I think upon reflection, maybe you should have been a bit more heavy-handed in the hints of disaster to come. Too many of us seemed to miss them completely.
As for the ending "appropriately" coming to pass near the Day of Remembrance, I don't see how Jill's transgendered nature had much of anything to do with her accident -- except for her rushing to get to her appointment with her therapist on time, but that could happen to anybody. The bottom line seems to be that she was finally happy for once in her life, and as a result, she overslept, hurried, crashed her car and died. In a weird way, her previous persecution by Tommy and her former bandmates had nothing to do with it. It was her happiness over her liberation as an individual -- and her love for Sarah -- that killed her.
And that just doesn't seem right to me somehow.
Randalynn
Foreshadowing
People have been educated by movies to expect a heavy hand in the foreshadowing department but novels and stories have the option of doing it more subtly because it can be done over and over. Jillian is learning the craft but I think she did a good job of it; good enough that I didn't read the last three chapters until they were all out cause I felt the doom hanging over Jill's head so strongly.
As to appropriateness, death is a great leveler. That Jill was persecuted and that she did die before she could really enjoy life makes her a candidate for Remembrance in my estimation. It's not just about people who were murdered or committed suicide but about remembering that TG people are people first.
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Perhaps ...
... I didn't see it because the story came out in serial chapters. Maybe I mistook events that were meant as foreshadowing for the obstacles and trials Jill was supposed to overcome -- the ones we all face every day (and some that were hers alone).
In any event, it doesn't take away from the power of the story, or the talent of the author.
Randalynn
Changing Keys Part 10
Over the course of the last 5 or 6 years that I have been involved in writing and participating in the TG Fiction genre, I have seen COUNTLESS stories that have "happy endings." There are, literally, thousands of them, probably because people LIKE and WANT to read stories that HAVE happy endings. Unfortunately, life is NOT always about happy endings.
Life teaches us that, even at the very moment of our supreme happiness, things CAN happen that totally and irrevocably change that happiness into tragedy. It happens every day, to people who seemingly have done nothing to deserve such a tragic end to their happiness.
I believe, in this case, that Jillian presented us with a story which presented that real life tragedy in story form. NOT to bring us down, or spoil our appreciation of an otherwise well written tale, but to remind us that "bad things DO happen to good people".
I point you to "Halloween Forever" by Jennifer Lynde, as an example of not so happy endings, and that story is mild as compared to some others I have read. The end of it presents "gender identity death" which is pretty close to the "real thing" as presented by Jillian, in my opinion. Yet there was very little, if any, negative comment about that from readers.
In truth, and again, in my opinion, the readers expressing their discontent with the ending of this story by Jillian, are really only saying, "This story didn't end the way _I_ thought it should!"
Have we become SO jaded, or so used to happy endings, that we have no room for a different outcome? No comprehension that stories do NOT have to have happy endings?
Certainly everyone has a right to their opinion, and I would not dream of suggesting anything else, but to level this kind of criticism at an author who presented us with a story that IS well written, but ends in a way they don't like, borders on creative censorship, to me.
In the end this is JILLIAN'S story and it went the way SHE wanted it to go, and ended the way SHE wanted it to end. It is only for US to comment on the story itself, NOT the creative vision that led Jillian to write the ending the way she did.
Please understand, I am NOT defending the way the story ended! I am only defending the right of Jillian to end the story the way SHE wanted it to end!
Also understand that I am not throwing rocks at the people who HAVE commented on this story! I am only finding fault with their intent, which seems to me, to be a bit selfish. Folks, YOU didn't write this story. Jillian did. If you want a different ending, one you can LIKE, then write it yourself. If that sounds cruel, or harsh, forgive me. It's not my intent to be cruel or harsh, but it's the way I see things are going regarding this story.
Perhaps we all need to re-examine our expectations about stories and realize that it's really ONLY the WRITER'S perogitive to determine the way a story progresses and ends. As readers, it's not for US to find fault with an ending, but to let the writer know whether or not the story was worth reading, and why.
I know I've rambled. I do that. My apologies to anyone I might have offended with my words. I'm really only expressing MY opinion of this tempest and what _I_ see as the reasons for it.
I say, regardless of the ending to this story, Jillian did a very good job with it and deserves CREDIT for a story well told, not criticism from those who found coal instead of candy in their christmas stocking.
Huggles from Cathy_t_
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
The Readers
Cathy, you seem to be missing the point all of us here are saying. We read the story, we are saying why we DO NOT LIKE IT! We do NOT like the end of Changing Keys Chapter 10. Period! It is not the death. it is the abrupt placement of it choking off things we as readers wanted to experience with Jill before her demise. You said "... As readers, it's not for US to find fault with an ending, but to let the writer know whether or not the story was worth reading, and why..." Well, I believe if you reread all of our comments, we have explained the WHY we do not like it. Take it how you like but we are the readers, we read it, we expressed our opinion. The opinion WAS directed at the ending of the story, not at Jillian or her writing.
If the author wants author/reader rapport and have a nice niche, that is up to the author. That takes understanding their target audience and what is expected for that audience to consume. If the author chooses to write for herself, then guess what? Better expect comments like what this chapter generated if it slices the wrong way. Its the author's choice and no one here in any of the comments has said anything to touch this subject so Cathy, your rant has no basis - at least it has not happened yet (no one has directed an attack to the author and I hope NOT).
Everyone here seems to forget every reader here has a unique taste of stories to read. It just so happens that a bunch of us, the majority, happen to like the same things. If the author doesn't want comments, they are welcome to use the feature to post a story and not permit comments. If they want comments, then they really do not have a right to complain if the comments about their story happen to be a little negative about some aspect of it. If you look back, ALL comments have been overwhelmingly positive for chapters 1 -9 for Changing Keys. Chapter 10 is not written well. That is the majority consensus of all the reading commenters that have posted. This is not a conspiracy, we are not slamming an author, there is no disagreement that she does not write well... and NO it is not about the death device itself. The disagreement is solely based on the treatment the characters received when alive in the story and with the abrupt callousness with which the characters died. We as the readers of changing keys, the select audience that reads Romance style stories on Big Closet, would have liked to have been let down a little more gently rather than a hack and slash abrupt ending! It was out of place and does NOT fit well with the way the rest of the story had been written. The wording and language used in the death scene paragraphs seemed out of place and not in character or consistant with the rest of the story.
Please Cathy, Try to understand. We are THE majority audience here at BC. We read, we made our opinion known, yet a couple of individuals still seek to put US down like we are at fault!!! I beg to differ and point the finger back that those accusing the majority of us readers that those few individuals need to stop saying we are wrong, look at what we said carefully and see what we have said. Ask yourself this: Do you want the majority of us TO COMMENT? if not, we won't. If you want us to comment, then ACCEPT the comment even if it is dissent! The majority of us CANNOT be wrong if we say there is something we dislike. Dislike! Not that the author is wrong - just something the author did that we do not like. That is all.
Please forgive me for being so direct. I have been hounded on this for 2 days now non stop from many people! It is wearing me into the ground!
Sephrena Miller
I spend countless hours reading because I am slower than most people. I DO make good comments where deserved. Sometimes I am frustrated like in here in this thread. But I do read and do analyze, and did provide comment feedback on WHY i like/dislike something of the story.
The point
Sephrena, if anyone is missing the point, I'm afraid it is you.
You feel picked on. I'm sorry but my reaction and Cathy's and others are because of the appearance in some comments that the author was being picked on. Those were early comments and actually before your first one.
This story was not about your preferences. It was about Jillian's aims and goals in telling the story she wanted to tell. You've said over and over you didn't like the ending. We got that.
And contrary to your apparent belief, you have no way to know if your opinion is in the majority or not. Saying that you are in the majority without knowing it for a fact is silly. And saying the majority cannot be wrong is also silly. Numbers do not make wisdom, democracy is simply a good approximation and there are plenty of examples of when a majority has been wrong.
You're not being picked on. I'm commenting on your comment. Your opinion has not been suppressed, and I do have the power to do so. I do that only in very specific situations and you have not crossed that line, nor has anyone else. Your opinion is right there in front of me and in front of anyone else who cares to read it.
You provided input on why you disliked the ending of the story. I for one, objected to the way some of the opinions were expressed but I didn't single you out on that point. I also disagreed with you on what you saw as a failing or weakness in the story. I never said you did not have the right to your opinion and neither has anyone else. I disagreed with you, I did not attack you.
Your commments have been accepted, they've just been disagreed with. That's all.
No one is hounding you. Disagreement is not persecution.
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
The point of giving comment
The point of giving comments to readers is not to just let them know if we like or dislike a story, but to help the writer become more skill at their art. I don't know the writer, and I don't know the writer's skill level at writing. The mechanics of this story had problems, and it had problems from the first part. I found the flow of the writing to be a bit lacking. At points the story just sort of "drone on." I am talking about the mechanics of how the writer is expressing ideas, thoughts, and emotions, to the reader. Some of the "props" used in the story were a bit thin. I think this has been mentioned in other comments as well. Great writers have paid proofreaders to go through their manuscripts to not only catch errors, but to help with the mechanics of the story telling as well. That is why the great writers can write great stories. The readers here are the proofreaders for the author.
I now ask this of the writer; what was the main purpose, theme, or plot for this story? I am not sure and I read the whole story. I really thought that this was a “go as I think it up†story with no real plot, no real message, and that it would just muddle along until the writer got tired and moved on to other things.
The purpose of comments - Erin, note
Authors don't owe anyone an explication of purpose, theme or plot; the work speaks for itself.
They certainly don't owe such an explanation to someone who spends two rambling, barely coherent, ungrammatical paragraphs tearing them and their work down. Nor are they likely to accept writing advice from such a person, especialy one who signs no name.
As far as I am concerned, comments are for the encouragement of authors, including the offering of helpful advice but not extending to blatant and repeated attempts to bludgeon the author with one's opinion. I think "Guest Reader" may have contributed to this thread earlier, the style looks familiar and the attempt to assume authority over Erin's website is a dead giveaway.
I'm tired of this. I'm going to ask Erin to ask Jillian if commenting on this thread can be suspended because this argument has gone on too long, it has ceased to be about the story. It's become an ego-display without even prurient interest, people are beginning to repeat previous points with no value added. It's taxing to say the least.
--- Donna Lamb, Flack
-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack
Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna
No Name Stake
Everyone, whether they are a guest reader or a self-proclaimed author(yours truly), is entitled to their opinion.
Perfect English isn't a prerequisite. In fact, some of the best advice I've received has come from those who speak from their hearts in fractured sentences.
I know when an ending is right, because I get all teary-eyed. Some people hate sappy endings. I'm not about to say they're right and I'm wrong - or the other way around.
BC is all about expressing opinions -- in a nice way.
"You suck" isn't nice. "You're a genius" is nice, but delusional. Somewhere between them is where we should aim our comments.
And please, Guest Readers, please feel free to comment on any of my stories. I value your opinions. ( Unless you think I suck. ;) )
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I enjoyed the story. While I
I enjoyed the story. While I didn't like the ending, that's because I wanted Jill to live a happy & full life.
Having said that, Jillian has created a good little work here. Yes, the foreshadowing could have been more obvious, but as Erin said, then half of the readers would have seen it coming from the start. One hte things we as readers have to remember, it takes work and practice to write. Jerry Pournelle sugests that you should plan on throwing away your first million words of writing. Most of the stories here are exactly that, writers learning their craft. The difference is, we get to enjoy some of the process and perhaps help a new writer mold their style and develops the "tools of their trade...".
Jillian, please keep writing, both individual stories and in the Gabyverse.
Janice
In Case Anyone is Interested
While I know this won't address everyone's concerns about the ending, I have gone back in and tweaked a few things to correct some of the mistakes I know I made. If they change anyone's opinion of the ending, great. If not, then I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Sometimes that's what friends do.
This has been quite a learning experience for me. Hopefully I'll be able to come away from it with the ability to incorporate those lessons into my next effort.
Thank you everyone for taking time to comment and sharing your ideas. I really do appreciate the fact that so many people have cared enough about this work to feel the need to comment. Even in those instances where I disagree with the comments that were made, I appreciate the effort.
Until my next story is ready (which I hope won't be too long),
Jillian
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Thank you, Jillian
I'm leaving the comments on this open unless you ask me to close them.
I'm looking forward to your next story and I think everyone who has commented here is also looking forward. :)
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Thanks, Jillian...
...for the alterations. IMO, they did help, though as you said we'll have to agree to disagree about the effectiveness of the clear-the-slate ending where Jill's adversaries die along with her.
Appreciatively, Eric
My tears endorse the alterations
Thanks Jillian. Though I still prefer a happy ending, your changes have addressed some of the issues I brought up. Hey if you listened to every one about how to write your stories ------- well they wouldn't be your stoies anymore, would they?
I hope you feel that the comments were a help rather that pressure to censor your artistic vision.
with love,
HER
with love,
HER
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
No Pressure
Really the only thing the comments did was push me to acknowledge those things I wound up fixing. Without them I might have been inclined to just ignore the mistakes and move on.
I don't pretend to be good at this. I'm just learning :)
Jillian
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Never let it be said that I don't enjoy the occasional delusion of grandeur
Thanks Jillian for a journey well worth taking.
Jillian,
I wanted to express my gratitude for taking me along on Jill's journey. In some ways she received more good things than others in her situation might have and in other ways she went thru a lot more sorrow than others have. While others may not have had as dramatic a death as Jill had, death is final no matter what the circumstances. Sometimes someone that we love deeply is taken from us before their time. We can not help notice the great big hole in our lives without hope of ever having that hole ever filled again. That makes Jill relevant to the world after her passing because it can never make up for the emptiness of her passing.
Thank you Jillian,
Sasha
'How we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life.'
All my hopes
Ariel Montine Strickland
Thanks Jillian for a journey well worth taking.
Jillian,
It occured to me that I should add that being in the practice of telling someone how you feel about them as you live in the moment is a wonderful one to have. Circumstance which prevent expressing how you feel can be very sudden and there is no going back for a do over. That's one of the things great writing does is to remind us about what's important in life.
All my hopes,
Sasha
Carpe Diem
All my hopes
Ariel Montine Strickland
That is so true Sasha
Not enough of us do that. If we could take the time and every now and then tell the ones we love that we love them, if anything happens, they leave knowing we do.
In a story, the character can not respond back to how you feel. So if you love the character, and it means something to you, well, I do not know what you can do other than hope and remember. A character's passing can affect a reader as much as a real person passing away. I know. I really cared for Jill. She had been crafted very well into a living breathing person within the story. That is a statement of the quality of which she had been made from and lived throughout the story with. No cheapness was used in her being.
I have been grieving her death for the past few days. This serial meant a lot to me. Its end... just extremely painful as it became hard for me to concentrate and work without thinking of Jill. Her smile, her hopes, her love. I do read stories different from most people.
I cannot say goodbye to Jill any other way than this comment. Its so final.
I hope when you incarnate in another idea, you receive a better life. You will be sorely missed by this reader Jill. My heart and soul go out to you. May your reincarnation spoil you with gentleness and love while preserving your beautiful qualities of kindness, understanding, and love for others. I am missing you so very much Jill. *cry*
In Rememberance of Jill Tucker, "Changing Keys," BigCloset TopShelf
Born 10-03-2006 Gone 11-17-2006
Sephrena Miller
changing keys...
i think it would have been far more appropriate if jill had uttered "rosebud" instead of "sarah" in the final analysis...
peace be with you.
always,
darla...
Change Keys....
Dear Jillian,
I normally don't post remarks to stories, but Changing Keys was one of my favorites. Though I am really heart broken and/or disappointed in how it ended.
I live in Antarctica, and your story was one of the high points of my day. I guess I was really hoping that Jill's story would continue and eventually have a happy ending.
I know you had your reasons for ending the story, but I still hope that maybe you would someday consider an alternate ending or continuation.
Sincerely
Dori
good response
It is really amazing that you have written so fine a story on your first attempt. In tribute to your ability, just look at the response you have received. Veteran writers, good ones too, consider them selves lucky to get a dozen comments. I know, some have confided to me, their joy at getting any response.
You did such a good job getting the reader involved they had to take you to task to try to have the story end their way. I'm a romanticist. I particularly like happy endings. This didn't have one. But the story is so good, I must like it anyway. And I do like it. I am glad that Jill finally achieves some degree of happiness.
A tale well told. Thank you for sharing this story with us.
I will definitely look for more stories from your capable keyboard.
unhappy ending
Just thought I'd put my 2 cents in. Jillian, I just discovered your stories yesterday, read through passing tones. Then I read this story today. I enjoyed the story. Yes, I agree with others that I don't like unhappy endings. Yes, there might have been a little roughness in your wrapping up the "trial".
However, it's your story. You're entitled to make the ending upbeat or not. I think your writing is very good. I look forward to reading more from you.
I also look forward to more of passing tones. Most of my musical background is in classical(violin).
Keep up the good writing.