Just when things seem to be looking up for our heroine, Jill and Sarah have a misunderstanding. Then to top it all off, a ghost from Jill's past adds to the turmoil. Thanks to my good friend Karen J for her assistance.

Changing Keys, Part 7
By Jillian

To say that Saturday morning we all slept in would be an understatement. Since it had been so late when we got home from the club and cleaned up, it’s safe to say that nobody got to bed before 3am, and while I don’t know for certain about Jen and Shelly, I do know that Sarah and I did not go straight to sleep.

What all that means is that it was well after noon before any of us dared peek our heads out from under the covers. What it doesn’t mean, however, is that I got a pass from Shelly’s little box of horrors. I think Sarah was feeling rather sorry for me by the time I could convince Shelly to stop for the day, but at least there were two hours worth of hairs that would never see the light of day again.

As I was getting up from the electric chair, Shelly started to give me her standard ‘we’re almost done’ bit, but I cut her off. “Don’t even start, Shell. We both know the end isn’t in sight for this little project, and your bit about ‘almost done’ doesn’t help.”

“And I thought you were grumpy before we started,” she said, making cat claw gestures at the same time.

“Listen, I’m sorry, but I’m just not feeling very well today,” I finally offered.

“Gee, I can’t imagine why,” added Jen. Sarcasm is her native tongue.

“So, what are we going to do with the rest of the afternoon?” Sarah asked as I sat down beside her on the couch.

I took her hand in mine and said, “Whatever you want.”

“Yuck!” said Shelly as she was putting her machine away.

Sarah thought for a moment or two before saying, “It’s a lovely day out. Why don’t we all go for a walk in the park? I know Jill needs to get out and a bit of exercise won’t hurt any of us.”

“Ooh, that sounds like a good idea,” added Jen.

“That’s settled then,” Sarah finished. “What say we all go get dressed, and we’ll go for a nice leisurely walk?” She was the first to get up and go to change.

She had obviously planned on staying last night, as she had not only something casual for during the day, but also already had her things for tonight’s gig. I followed her into the bedroom and pulled on some jeans, a sweatshirt, and a pair of sneakers, then pulled my hair back in a scrunchie. By the time I had returned to the living room, the others were also dressed in a similar fashion.

We walked the half block to the local park, then started our official stroll around the park. There were lots of kids about, playing all sorts of games and we just watched them for a while.

Since I was still fairly weak, I had to stop periodically to rest, and it was during one of these rest stops that a little girl started looking intently at me. This went on for a couple of minutes before she finally worked up the courage to come up to me.

“Are you a man?” she asked.

Wow, that wasn’t what I was expecting. I know I looked a bit flustered for a second before I managed to regain some composure and responded, “I used to be.”

She looked at me for a while with the strangest look on her face, before she finally just shrugged her shoulders, turned, and walked away.

Sarah saw the stunned look on my face, and even though she hadn’t overheard the exchange between the little girl and myself she could sense something was wrong. “What’s the matter?” she asked.

I looked at her for a moment and said, “That little girl just asked me if I were a man.”

I could see a brief look of sadness come over Sarah’s face. Whether it was because I wasn’t one anymore and that fact made her sad, or because she was concerned what my reaction to the little girl might be, I don’t know. Whichever the case may have been, she took hold of my hand and gave it a squeeze.

I flashed her a brief smile before standing up and pulling her up along with me. I said, “I’m a bit tired. How about we head back home?”

She stood there next to me, still wanting to make some unknown hurt go away, before saying, “Sure,” then taking the lead on our way back to the house. Jen and Shelly quickly joined us in our return trip, and before long we were home.

Saturday night at the club went very much like Friday had, with the exception that I knew what to expect. I played with the girls for a few songs to begin the night, then individual jammers started sitting in, one at a time.

I was sitting at the front center table again when I was surprised to see Dr. James walk up on stage to play. He actually was quite good, and the crowd’s response to his performance was enthusiastic. After just one song, he left the stage and came by my table to say hello.

“I didn’t realize this was for you,” he said as he took a seat beside me.

“My sister and friends arranged it with the club owner to help with the hospital bills,” I replied. “What brings you out?”

“I never miss a jam session when I’m off work. This is my relaxation,” he said, leaning close to my ear so I could hear him more easily.

I switched positions so he could hear me and said, “You play pretty well. How long have you been at it?”

“Nowhere near as good as you. I’ve been playing most of my life, but I’ll never be that good. Guess that’s why I’m a doctor instead of a musician,” he cracked a huge smile as he made fun of himself.

“Well, I think you did great,” I said earnestly.

“Thanks. It was fun. I’ve never gotten to play in front of quite so many people before. That was a little nerve wracking.”

“You kind of get used to it.”

“Not me. I’ll never get used to it.”

The band ended the song they were playing, and Sarah came down to sit with me, so there must have been a keyboard player come up. She walked up beside me and gave me a kiss, then to the doctor said, “Hiya, Doc! What’s up?”

“Oh, just relaxing a bit and talking to one of my favorite patients,” he said to her as he patted my hand.

She responded, “Well, it’s good to see you outside the hospital. Having a good time?”

“Yes, very much so. I was just telling Jill I’d never played in front of a crowd this big before. It’s scarier than my first open heart surgery, to tell you the truth.”

“What? This? This is just playing in front of friends. Nothing scary here at all,” she tried to convince him.

“For you maybe, but for me?” he said. “I think I’ll stick to surgery. It’s easier on my nerves.” He then turned his attention back to me, “Jill, I’ve got to get going, because I have to work tomorrow.”

“On Sunday?”

“Hey, I did some of your surgeries on Sunday,” he responded.

“I suppose you did.” I didn’t know that, but I suppose it only made sense, didn’t it?

He stood up and slung his guitar, in it’s gig bag, over his shoulder. “Well, good night, ladies.”

We waved goodbye as the next wave of jammers came up to the table to ‘pay their respects’. He made his way toward the door, and was gone.

“That was a surprise,” Sarah said as we shook hands with the new arrivals.

“Yeah, but kind of a pleasant one, ya know?” I replied.

It turned out that I got to sit out the vast majority of the evening as there were lots of guitar players in attendance, until about the middle of the last set when we took back the stage to finish out the night.

Just like the night before, we weren’t allowed to slink away to the dressing room. Instead, we were expected to hold court for well wishers to come by and say their good nights and so on. By the time we had tended to those duties, it was well after 2am, and we were all exhausted.

The girls started packing up everything, which took a lot less time than it could have, and some of the door staff volunteered to help carry stuff out to the van, since we were girls, after all. Never wanting to turn down volunteer help, we allowed them to do all the heavy lifting, while we just worried about packing up guitars and cords and such.

Again, we all returned to the house afterwards and following showers and changing into nightclothes, we gathered in the living room for hot chocolate. It didn’t take long for exhaustion to catch up to all of us, and in fact I think everyone at some point started to doze off while still sitting there. We eventually retired to the bedrooms, and in no time at all snoring reverberated throughout the house.

The next few days were a little tense, and it took me a while to find out why. Shelly brought over her hair gadget and worked on my face on Monday for a couple of hours, and Sarah spent quite a lot of time with me, mostly at home. Now that I was getting used to sleeping in the same bed as her, I was pretty sure I didn’t want to sleep alone again any time soon, and I decided to broach that subject with her Monday evening.

“What would you say if I asked you to move in?”

“What? You mean here? Wow!”

“Was that a good wow, or a bad wow?”

“Surprised, mainly.”

I couldn’t help but think that was an evasive answer if ever there was one. “Do you not want to?”

She looked incredibly uncomfortable before she said, “Listen Jill, can we talk about this later? I really need to go take care of a couple of important errands.”

“Okay,” I replied. The stunned look on my face was surely obvious to anyone with eyes.

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek, then left. I wandered around the house for a few minutes before I ran into Jen in the laundry room, hanging up things out of the dryer.

Jen looked up from her task, “Hey, what’s up?”

“I’m not exactly sure, to tell you the truth.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, I think I just screwed something up. I asked Sarah what she thought of the idea of moving in, and frankly her reaction wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.”

Jen suddenly gave me her complete, undivided attention. “Why? What happened?”

“After I asked her she said wow. I asked if that was good or bad, to which she just said ‘surprised’. Then she said she had some errands to run and took off,” I then paused for a moment to let that torrent soak in. “Now I don’t know what to think. Did I screw up here?”

Jen grabbed hold of my elbow and began leading me toward the dining table. “Come with me,” was all she said along the way. Once sat, she finally began, “You know that this past weekend was more or less a charity thing to cover the hospital bills?”

“Yeah, and I’m glad, since I really had no idea how I would ever pay for all that otherwise.”

“Well, it’s like this. The band didn’t take pay for the weekend, so that went into the pool as well.”

“I didn’t know that. So how is everyone going to get by? I know there isn’t another booking for this weekend…”

“Now I think you’re starting to catch on. Sarah is trying to come up with rent money that was due a couple of weeks ago for her apartment. She’s been late often enough that they’ve already told her they want her out if she can’t pay it by this Friday. The errands she was telling you about probably have something to do with that.”

“And she assumed that I knew all about this problem and thought I was just asking her to try and help?”

“That would be my guess.”

“I suppose it would help her out. So what’s the problem?”

“I’m not sure, but if I had to guess I’d say it has something to do with not wanting to be in a position of owing you.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“I know that, and you know that. She’s so caught up in her worrying about this she probably can’t see it.”

“Now I feel like an idiot.”

“Don’t. Maybe you’re guilty of rushing things, but other than that, I don’t think you did anything wrong. How were you supposed to know she was having problems? You’ve been cooped up in a hospital room for the past week.”

“So, what do I do?”

“That’s up to you really. Listen, give it time. I know she loves you, maybe she’s just not ready to take that plunge.” Once she finished making her statement, she got up from the table and returned to the task of folding laundry.

I sat there for quite a while lost in my thoughts. What did I do wrong? What can I do to fix this? How do I convince her that my question has nothing to do with any problems she might be having financially?

I kept coming up with questions. The problem was I didn’t seem to have any answers on hand. The longer I sat there, the bigger the list of questions got even though I still had yet to find an answer to any one of them.

I eventually noticed it was after midnight, I was still sitting there thinking, and there was still no sign of Sarah. Maybe she decided to stay at her place tonight? I hoped I’d be able to get to sleep with her gone. Had I really become that attached to her already?

Succumbing to exhaustion, I finally gave in and went to bed. That’s not to say I got much rest because the truth was I spent much of the night alternating between worrying about Sarah, just plain missing her, and berating myself for asking her to move in even though I don’t think I ever wanted anything quite so much in my entire life.

In spite of my lack of sleep, I got up early Tuesday morning and got ready to go to my appointment with the psychologist. When 10 am rolled around I knew I could wait for Sarah no more so I went out, climbed behind the wheel of Jen’s old clunker of a car, and drove myself to the offices of Dr Janet Filo, PhD. It didn’t occur to me until I pulled into the parking lot that this was the first time I had ever driven as Jill. Just as well, since had I thought about it before I probably would have had to add ‘bundle of nerves’ to the list of items for discussion this morning.

“And who are you here to see this morning?” the receptionist asked just after sliding open the opaque sliding glass.

“Dr. Filo. I’m Jill Tucker, and I have a 10 o’clock appointment.” I then turned around and took a seat on the couch, picking up a six month old issue of Cosmo to peruse as I did so.

I was about halfway through an article describing how to achieve the perfect sexy eye look when the receptionist startled me, “Miss Tucker? The doctor will see you now.”

I returned the magazine to it’s previous resting place and followed the receptionist through the door and down a winding set of corridors before being ushered into an office to wait for the doctor. It was while I waited that just how tired I really felt hit me, and I started to yawn but stopped when the pain in my ribs decided to remind me of my injuries.

Just then Dr. Filo opened the door, asking as she entered the room, “Something wrong?”

“I made the mistake of trying to yawn,” I replied.

She took a notepad off the top of her desk and came around to sit next to me in the armchair facing mine. “Are you not sleeping well?”

“I didn’t last night, but that was an unusual case.”

“How so?”

“I’ve become quite used to sleeping with Sarah, and she wasn’t there last night. I tossed and turned all night long. Fact is, I winced from the pain in my ribs on quite a few occasions.”

“And Sarah was missing because…?”

“Doc, the truth is I’m not entirely sure, but it basically comes down to a misunderstanding that I’m hoping to clear up as soon as I see her again.”

“First please call me Janet. Titles like doctor tend to force a wedge between us that can interfere with what it is we’re trying to do. Now, is this anything you’d like to talk about?”

“Dammit Janet!” I quipped mimicking the line from that song in ‘Rocky Horror’ and breaking out in a fit of giggles until the tenderness in my ribs made their presence felt once again. I eventually got myself back under control and noticed the doctor looking at me with a smirk on her face that told me she was a woman of good humor, but that she was trying to maintain an air of professionalism.

I finally restarted the conversation. “Well, Sarah…and the rest of the band I work with…played this past weekend for free to help raise money to cover my hospital bills, and in the process Sarah has found herself in danger of being evicted from her apartment for non-payment. I didn’t know anything about this until after our problem transpired, but the gist of it is that I sort of asked her to move into my sister’s and my house with me. I actually thought she’d think it was a great idea, so I was stunned when her response was so cool. After she left I talked to my sister, telling her about the whole incident. She’s the one who informed me about Sarah’s financial problems, and how she was on the verge of eviction.

“I was still a little confused by her response until Jen suggested that maybe Sarah was hesitant to accept my offer because she might think it was made out of pity for her situation instead of for more personal reasons. That happened early yesterday evening, and I haven’t seen or heard from her since to explain my motives.”

“You’ve not had a lot of experience with relationships before, have you?”

“That obvious, is it?”

“Sorry, that’s not what I meant…”

We chatted about the Sarah situation, my nightmares connected to the attack, how things have been since I got out of the hospital, and more various other topics than frankly I could remember over the next hour before she glanced at her watch. “Oh, it would appear we have run out of time for today. How about if we pick back up on Thursday?”

“All right,” I said as I got up from the chair and shook her hand to thank her for seeing me. I then left the office, following the exit signs to try and find my way out of the maze of offices I found myself in. Once I emerged back into the main floor hallway I found the elevator and headed back out to the parking lot.

I climbed in behind the steering wheel, started the engine, and set the heater full blast to take the chill out of the air before I set back out. In the few minutes I spent waiting for the warmth to return feeling to my fingers, I reflected on some of my just completed conversation with Dr. ‘You have to start calling me Janet’ Filo.

After a few minutes of allowing the car’s engine and defroster to warm up I put it in gear, backed out of the parking space, and started on my way back home. I must admit that my mind wasn’t exactly focused on the task at hand, as it kept wandering back to what had transpired with Sarah the night before. I was basically making the trip on autopilot right up until I heard the siren.

The sound caught my attention, prompting me out of my trance as I looked at the rear view mirror which revealed a police car with it’s lights going sitting on my bumper, waiting for me to pull over and face the music.

I pulled off the road into an empty parking lot, then took the car out of gear and turned off the engine. While the officer was approaching my window, I checked to make sure I had the vehicle registration and my driver’s license on hand. He wrapped on my window and I lowered it, saying without even looking up, “Good morning officer.”

I then looked up to see that I had just been pulled over by none other than good old Tommy Robinson from high school. Tommy was one of the pigs who had on occasion harassed and taken advantage of me, and I had prayed to God every day that I’d never meet him again…I suppose that meant the answer to those prayers was no.

Tommy started to say, “Do you have any idea how fast you were…wait a minute, you look awfully familiar…I’m sure I know you,” he stammered as I reluctantly handed over the required paperwork.

“Holy crap!” he exclaimed. “Jack Tucker,” he sneered as he looked back and forth from me to my license. “As queer as ever.”

I sat there silently crying and cursing myself for my stupidity in not paying more attention to what I was doing. “Hiya Tommy,” I finally managed to say.

“That’s Officer Robinson to you, faggot,” he snarled back. “I oughta run ya in, but then I’d have to fill out a bunch of paperwork. I guess you’re gettin’ off lucky today, freak.” He finished filling out the citation, and as he was handing me my copy, he added, “Have a nice day,” and started cackling like a hyena as he turned around and returned to his patrol car.

I sat there still crying as he drove off, leaving me in no condition to drive the rest of the way home. Over the next fifteen minutes or so my emotions drifted from fear to anger to sadness, ultimately coming to rest in a depression that brought with it sheer exhaustion.

I finally got my tears under control enough to make the trek the rest of the way home, paying special attention to make sure I didn’t do anything that might attract the attention of any more police officers.

I pulled in the driveway and let go a huge sigh as I put the car in park and turned off the engine. Making my way to the front door, I swear it felt as if my feet were encased in lead, they were so heavy. I entered the house to find that I had the place to myself, so I headed straight for my bedroom, plopping into bed where I intended to spend the rest of my miserable life.

The next thing I remembered was the sound of my sister’s voice shouting, “Hey! Wake up!” as she shook my shoulders trying to rouse me. As I opened my eyes the tears began flowing once again, and as I rolled over to face Jen she grabbed hold of the ticket, which I was still clutching in my hand.

“Obviously you’ve had a great day,” Jen’s voice dripped her normal sarcasm as she looked at the traffic citation.

“Can I just start the day over?” I asked as I tried to pull a pillow over my head and return to sleep.

“‘Fraid not,” Jen countered. “The girls are going to be here for band practice in just a little bit.”

“No,” I moaned.

“Come on. Playing always makes you feel better.”

She was right about this at least. However, at that moment I doubted anything would make me feel better, ever again.

Just then another voice entered my room. “Jill? Are you all right?” It was Sarah.

“I’ll just leave you two to it then,” Jen stated as she got up and exited the room post haste.

Sarah came over and sat on the edge of the bed as I rolled back over to face her. “Can we talk?” she asked once she felt she had my attention.

“I suppose,” I allowed, on the brink of crying yet again.

“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. I was all wrapped up in my own problems, and for some stupid reason I thought you were asking me just because I was about to get kicked out of my apartment.”

“I didn’t even know anything about that,” I protested.

“I know that now. Jen talked to me about a lot of things this morning.”

“The offer still stands.”

“That’s good, because I have a carload of clothes and nowhere to put them,” she tried injecting some levity into my dark little world.

I sat up and wrapped her in a gentle hug saying, “Welcome home.” I then kissed her and she kissed me.

“I take it your day hasn’t gone so well?”

“Let’s just say I ran into a ghost from my past that I would rather never to have seen again.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Maybe later, okay? Right now I’d like to just forget about the whole thing; pretend it never happened.”

“I can do that.”

With that, the love of my life comforted me until the rest of the band showed up for rehearsal.