Advice Column Highlight

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The last letter in this week's "Savage Love" sex advice column touches on a TG theme.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=2763502

N.B.: This week's column is relatively tame as regards language, imagery, and squick factor, compared to other weeks. You probably shouldn't be reading this column from work.

The advice columnist is a gay man, the people requesting advice come from all walks of life and all parts of the multi-dimensional human sexuality spectrum. Letters and responses are often remarkably raunchy, but the advice is always forthright and somewhat logical. It's my favorite advice column.

Comments

What sensible advice

Angharad's picture

unless toilets also serve as changing rooms, I've never seen what the problem was.

Angharad

Angharad

One problem...

is that "up-skirt" photos and videos are very popular amongst a certain class of men, if I may be forgiven for using the word "class" in conjunction with that particular logical class. In addition, at least in the USA, many stall partitions are rather more like "modesty panels" on a desk, offering ample opportunity either to peep in directly through the almost inevitable gaps, or to position surreptitious devices to offer a more intimate view.

Try looking for "up-skirt" in Google. The last time I checked, there were 16,800,000 references, many of which seem to have been taken in women's restrooms. One gathers from a cursory glance that urination shots are favoured by a sub-class of them, and I use that word advisedly.

Also, as you point out, changing rooms are another matter, and public toilets serve as impromptu changing rooms all the time. Women often adjust the tucking of their blouses in front of the mirror, for example, at least when wearing skirts, through raising the skirt and tugging down the bottom of the blouse from beneath the skirt, a state of clothing disarray that would be embarrassing to many of us.

Not me, I have to admit, but I don't mind nude beaches either, and there are always grotty guys around. In some states, it's actually not illegal for persons of either sex to use toilet facilities labelled for the putative "other" sex, unless prohibited by local ordinance. Although it may be a workplace issue, it's quite often not a legal one.

I personally am in favour of "liberating" men's restrooms when lines stretch down the corridor for miles, and have done so when it seemed called for. It's been my experience that most men are gentlemen (in the old-fashioned sense) and readily agree to share the space when the situation is explained to them as an opportunity for chivalric courtesy. I've had men offer to guard to guard the entrance, rather more often than not, but then I'm winsome in many ways.

For a more nuanced take on this, here's a discussion on Feministing:

http://www.feministing.com/archives/014574.html

There are a lot of issues around this besides "men in women's toilets," as I've had friends, butch women, who've had the hue and cry raised on them by religious bigots with nothing better to do than harass and vilify any woman who doesn't fit their idea of what women looked like in the Fifties, those "Happy Days" of yore when men were men and women were women and everyone knew who wore the trousers in the family.

In fact, when I was young, it was illegal for a woman to wear "men's clothing," or vice versa. One could, in fact, get away with "slacks" or "pedal-pushers" only as long as they were clearly feminine in cut and colour, but skirts or dresses were more or less required in most social situations other than certain sports activities. Even the "shorts" we wore for "gym" were cut to look like very short skirts.

Cheers,

Liobhan

Here they are:

Golly, they were ugly.

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Cheers,

Liobhan

I Used Unisex Restroom At Work

jengrl's picture

When I went fulltime, HR designated that I use the Unisex restroom near my department. I accepted that, but I also felt that I should be allowed to use the Ladies room because no one would see anything anyway under a stall door. I could see their point in those restrooms that had shower and changing facilities. I wouldn't have wanted to go in those for obvious reasons. I attend college now and use the Ladies restroom all the time with no problem. I do the same in public. I have never had someone scream and point me out as being anything other than who I appear to be. I realize there are others in our community that aren't as lucky and get "read" every place they go. I once had a family friend mention to me about what happened after I visited a lingerie store shopping for bras. She told me she overheard some women talking about the clerks in the store conversing with each other about the crossdresser that had been in their store. The women that had overheard this were talking about calling the police if they ever saw me in there again. I went in that store to buy bras because I needed them and at no time did I undress outside of a changing room. The way these two women carried on, you would have thought I was stripping in the middle of the aisle. I seriously thought about suing them for defamation, but since I didn't hear them say it in my presence, then it would be considered hearsay. I did put the word out and several friends and family refused to shop there ever again. The place went under shortly after that. I don't know if the boycott drove them out of business, but I'm sure it certainly didn't help them.

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

Way to drive away custom

You wonder if there's anything between the ears of some of those you find serving in shops these days. To my way of thinking, a sale is a sale, and if you can make a sale to a tg customer who is not behaving in any way different to other customers, why not?

I know that a number of shops of different sizes in the UK, including Marks and Spencers, make it part of policy that custom from the tg community is welcomed. This time of year, they are going to get men buying Christmas presents from the lingerie department anyway. Why turn away good money?

Penny

downunder

i moved to a small town (about 8K in area) in 2001, while in transition in 2002 my wife Gillian spoke to a local boutique clothing store about my shopping there.

it turned out that not only did they have a significant male clientele, they had actually sacked a staff member who effectively drove away one of the regular male customers.

in a small town they can't afford to be choosy, and everyone is welcome to use the changing rooms if they wish to.

Amanda

>> Stall doors

Puddintane's picture

I've only seen these in a ladies room once, so I can hardly claim that they're common, but thirty years on Angel Island in San Francisco Bay, I encountered what used to be a military restroom for female soldiers which had a row of women's urinals along one wall, just as they are in men's restrooms, only they were at a height and of a design that allowed one to squat over them. They looked wildly impractical if one was wearing trousers, but would have been negotiable in a military-style skirt, although one would have to be careful.

They looked a lot like this:

There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy.

Cheers,

Puddin'

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Cheers,

Puddin'

A tender heart is an asset to an editor: it helps us be ruthless in a tactful way.
--- The Chicago Manual of Style