Synopsis:

Does Jill get through the band's first gig unscathed? What happens with Dave? Jill makes some discoveries about herself when she least expects it. Thanks to Karen J and Angharad for their assistance.

Story:

Changing Keys, Part 2
By Jillian

You would have thought that once we started playing, my nerves would settle down some, but every time I dared look toward the audience, all I could see was Dave sitting there smiling at me. He knew!

The worst part of it was that all this nervousness was throwing off my timing, so I wasn’t playing nearly as well as I could have. By the time we were through the first song, I’m pretty sure I was sounding pretty much normal, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still scared silly.

The entire first set, I felt like I had chains weighing down my fingers and was afraid that’s how I sounded. To their credit, none of the girls said anything negative to me while we were on stage, and we ploughed through the set without any major incidents. For the most part, the crowd did seem to be enjoying themselves, at least.

As we came off stage after the set, Dave was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking at me. “Fancy meeting you here,” he said with just a touch of a chuckle in his voice.

When I got to the bottom of the steps, I grabbed his arm and immediately pulled him back toward the ‘dressing room’ for a quick chat. “Hi Dave. What are you doing here?” I said, trying not to sound panicked, but failing miserably.

“Well, I was actually here to wind down a little tonight. Imagine my surprise when the band comes on and there you were,” he said as I could see the wheels spinning in his head.

Knowing just how bad this could end up, I started to say, “Dave…”

“Hey, it’s not like this is a total surprise, although I wasn’t expecting to see you up on stage like that. I had my suspicions about you for a long time.” He interrupted me before I could complete my thought.

“Oh, really?” My panic started easing, giving way to curiosity.

“Really,” he continued. “You did always come across as not exactly manly. Although, knowing what you sound like when you sing, I’m guessing you don’t do any vocals with this group.”

I don’t think I’ve ever blushed so much in my life, but did finally manage to speak. “That would be correct. What do you want, Dave?” There, I got to the point. No pussyfooting around, there really wasn’t time.

“Oh, nothing. I just thought I’d hang around and listen to this chick band. I might even call the other guys to see if they wanted to come by as well,” he grinned like he was the cat that just ate the canary.

My heart sank even deeper. It wasn’t bad enough that one person I’d essentially lived with for the last year and a half just found out about me, but he was threatening to call the rest of them so they could all see the ‘freak’ in action. I thought, “How much further ‘til I hit bottom?” Trying to maintain some contact with reality, to Dave I said, “I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t do that. Please?” I was on the verge of crying at this point.

Dave looked at me for a moment, then smiled and said, “Nah, there’s really no reason to, is there? I mean, we all suspected there was something screwy with you all along. We just weren’t sure what it was. That’s not to say we didn’t have our suspicions. I mean, I did see your laundry on occasion when you were washing your things.”

“You mean, you looked through my things when we would stop at the Laundromat? How could you?” I was beginning to move past curious, blew through scared, and into pissed off territory.

“Hey, it wasn’t like we did it on purpose or anything. It’s just that, in all the time we were playing together, you never once brought a chick back to the hotel, and yet you always had panties and bras and stuff in your laundry. It was kinda hard to miss. We just figured you liked to play dress up, so we let ya have a room to yourself so we didn’t have to see it.”

So there it was. My great plan I had thought had secured me my private room all that time, and it turned out it was because they didn’t want to see my in my most comfortable state. I was relieved and sickened at the same time. My secret wasn’t so secret after all. I looked at Dave again, and said, “So, are you going to say anything?”

“Nah, I don’t see much reason in starting a riot here tonight. Just don’t expect to ever live this down,” he said and started chuckling again as he left the dressing room to return to his table.

I sat down on a beer keg, since there weren’t any chairs in the room. As I was going over everything in my head for the umpteenth time since we got off stage, I fought the urge to break down and start crying my eyes out. I knew that no good could come from that, but it was a battle I felt like I was on the verge of losing at any moment nonetheless. Once I finally started to settle down, I just sat and thought until it was time to go back on.

Just before time, Jen came over to me and said, “Hey sis, it’s time to go back on.”

“I’m not sure I can.”

“What? Some jerk shows up and gives you a hard time, and you want to just quit? That doesn’t sound like the sister I know.”

“Well, say hello to the new me,” I replied with as serious a look on my face as I could muster. I was only able to hold it for a second before the seriousness started to fade.

She looked at me for a second, then said, “Whatever. Let’s get a move on, girls.”

Shelly surprised me by coming up beside me, taking my arm and pulling me up into a standing position. She gave me a little squeeze to start me walking toward the door, and said, “Nothing’s going to happen, you’ll see.”

I looked at her like she had two heads for a moment, then responded, “Yeah, right.” Once we were at the foot of the stairs leading up to the stage, we all looked at each other. All of a sudden, I felt a new resolve come over me. There was no way I was going to let him get to me like that.

As we got ready to start the set, we could clearly hear Dave shouting, “SRV! SRV!” Obviously, having played together for so long he was aware that I had done a lot of Stevie Ray’s songs at one time or another, but wasn’t going to be doing any singing tonight. I mean, I can look all right, and I can manage a semi feminine sound when speaking sometimes, but there was no way I would ever be able to sing and sound the least bit feminine, period. And since Jen didn’t do any of his songs, we had to try to ignore him. He did say not to expect him to let me live it down.

After the first song was done, Dave started in again with his “SRV!” chant. He carried on like this in between songs, and the longer it went on, the more certain I was that it was indeed intended strictly as a jab at me. However, I was long past getting worked up over his sad attempt at heckling, and we battled on womanly through the second set, and the third, all the while being treated to his “SRV!” chant in between songs. He even carried on some in between sets, and at one point I was certain the bouncers were going to come over and escort him from the premises, but that didn’t happen.

While on our break between the third and fourth sets, I finally spoke up, “I’m so sorry, guys. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have to put up with that idiot Dave out there trying to get under my skin. I just wish I could shut him up.”

All of a sudden, Jen looked like a light bulb had come on over her head. “Maybe there is.”

I asked, “What are you talking about? I know you’ve never done any of Stevie’s stuff, and I’m sure not going to sing. There’s no way I could possibly sound even the least bit like a girl.”

Just then, Shelly seemed to catch on to what Jen was thinking, and said, “Nobody said anything about singing Stevie Ray. You know some of his instrumentals don’t you?”

“Well, duh. You can’t play guitar for a living without knowing some of those tunes.”

Jen then said, “Why not play one of them?”

Finally catching on, my face lit up as I said, “And I know the perfect one. It’ll maybe shut him up for a bit, and give us a chance to bring down the intensity for a minute or seven.”

Annie jumped in, “You’re thinking of digging out ‘Lenny’, aren’t you?” She was well aware of how familiar I was with that tune, since when we were in that band together before, that was my big feature song every night.

I looked first at Annie, then at Shelly and Sarah, and finally at Jen before speaking, “It’s a pretty easy tune for the band to play. You just have to watch for signals when to bring things to a halt.”

I was starting to get excited. Maybe Dave is drunk enough at this point he’ll forget why he was shouting for Stevie Ray all night long, and will shut up once we play it. I doubted that, but it was a possibility. On top of that, if I had to pick one song and say, “This is my all time favorite”, it would be ‘Lenny’.

I explained quickly that I would start things off by myself, then when I gave the signal, the band would come in. I asked them to exaggerate the dynamics a lot, because that helps make the song work. And finally, I told them to watch for my signal toward the end that would tell them it was time to drop out, allowing me to play it out to the end.

If it worked it would be a huge crowd pleaser. If it didn’t, we could expect to hear nothing but the crickets rubbing their legs together when the song ended. I dearly hoped it would be the former.

We climbed those steps one more time and made our way to each member’s respective positions to a smattering of applause, along with Dave’s by now seriously slurred chant of “SRV!” We started the set off with Van Halen’s ‘Jump’, and then as the crowds cheers subsided, Jen took to the mic to say, “You’ve been patient all night, so here’s one for that Stevie Ray fan over there.”

I started in with the jazz chord introduction, like Stevie played live, and then after I finally settled in to the main tune, I signaled the band to come in gently. It felt amazing, considering the fact that we’d never played the song together before, to hear the intensity rise and fall with each passing phrase. I dug deep and pulled out everything I could think of to throw into that song, and by the time I signaled for the band to drop out so I could play the sustained jazz chord ending, I felt completely drained.

Then it came time for the moment of truth. There was an instant of silence during which I was scared to death that maybe it sounded like crap. When the cheers began, a sense of relief washed over me and revitalized me, really. It seemed they really liked the song, and for the first time since the end of the first set, there was no chant of “SRV!” I looked down at Dave’s table and saw why. He had apparently left during the song, the jerk. Oh well, at least we might not have to be heckled for the rest of the final set.

Jen smiled at me in an attempt to bring me back to planet Earth, and then we picked back up with the pre-planned set list, closing with Alanis Morrissette’s ‘Uninvited’. As we walked off stage, cheers and calls of “Encore” assaulted us. But, as it was past 1am, and the bartender had already shouted, “Last call”, we were done for the evening.

Once we were gathered in the storage/dressing room, we engaged in a group hug; and to be honest more than a couple of tears were shed. As the hug was breaking up, the manager came into the room and paid Jen, who then promptly divvyed up the night’s earnings. While she was doing the math, the manager asked, “Did any of you know that jerk up front that kept screaming for the SRV?”

Feeling mildly confident in my ability to sound quasi-feminine, at least enough so to hopefully avoid detection, I replied, “Yeah, I used to play with him. Things didn’t end as amicably as they might have, and when he discovered I was playing with the band tonight, he decided to try giving me a hard time.”

“Well, if you’d played that tune earlier, looks like you could have saved yourselves a little frustration. What kind of jerk requests something all night long, then leaves in the middle of it?”

I really didn’t want to elaborate on that point, as there was a chance that doing so might expose me as a not exactly genetic girl. So I simply said, “The kind I’m glad finally left, so we could enjoy the rest of the gig.”

The club manager started to leave our ‘dressing’ room, but stopped and turned to face us from the doorway and said, “So, ya’ll are here through the weekend, that right?”

I stared at him blankly. The fact was, I had no idea when or where we would be playing, but it turned out I didn’t need to. Jen, who generally served as band spokesperson, said, “That’s right. Tomorrow, Friday, and Saturday nights.”

“Cool, I guess I’ll see you ladies tomorrow evening then,” he said as he exited.

I looked at Jen and jokingly said, “Nice of you to let me know the schedule. What if I’d had a date or something?”

She didn’t say a word, instead simply looking at me with an expression that was intended to convey, “Yeah, whatever.” I ignored her as I closed the final latch on my guitar case. I was ready to go home, but it seemed none of the others were quite on my schedule, so I took a seat on a beer keg and waited patiently for the other girls to finish getting ready to leave.

As I looked around the room killing time, I found that my eyes kept gravitating back toward Sarah. She was the one I knew least well of the band members, and for some reason there was just something about her that intrigued me.

What I did know was that she was very shy, despite being really pretty. The thought occurred to me that I might have to find out if there was a story behind that.

I noticed more than a few times, I’d look her way to find her looking at me, which I found quite disconcerting. I was having trouble reading her expression, partly because every time I caught her looking my way, she would quickly divert her eyes and look at the floor, or her nails, or basically anything but me. Somehow, that intrigued me all the more.

We played this little stare and divert game for a few minutes, until everyone was ready to head out. I was just about to make my way over to Sarah for a chat when Shelly came over to me and said, “I’ll see you in the morning, and be prepared for more pain.” She cackled as she walked away. Unfortunately, while I was distracted by the evil hair killer, Sarah left so I didn’t wind up getting the chance to talk to her.

On our way back home Jen was quiet, which suited me just fine, as I still hadn’t processed everything that had just happened. Once we arrived at the house, we both carried our guitars in and while she headed for the bathroom and started the shower, I sat down on the sofa, almost falling asleep instantly.

The next thing I knew, Jen was standing there in her nightie with a towel wrapped around her hair. She nudged me a couple of times and said, “Hey don’t think you’re going to sleep on my couch in those smelly clothes. Go get showered, so we can get rid of the smoke smell.”

I dutifully did as instructed, and while I was in the shower, my mind began wandering in directions it hadn’t gone in a long time. It seems that at least in part because of my gender issues, I never had really got around to figuring out just who or what I was interested in, sex wise. It just never really seemed all that important, since I wasn’t sure what I was, and without knowing that I didn’t think I’d have a lot of luck figuring out the other. Since it was easier to just not think about it rather than stir up the mud in my river of dreams, it had worked out that despite being in my late twenties, I was still a virgin, and frankly still had no idea what I might or might not be interested in.

That being said, there was one thought that kept returning to my mind that night as I washed my hair…Sarah. It didn’t click with me until later, but I seemed to have finally started to figure out where my interests lay.

By the time I got out of the shower and dried off, Jen had long since gone to bed and I could easily make out the faint sounds of her snoring waft out of her bedroom. I pulled on my nightie, pulled back my hair, and lay down on the couch, covering up with a blanket. Mere moments later, my snores were harmonizing with those of my sister.

I was sitting very close to Sarah at a table in the bar. There was a calm sense of peace that seemed to envelope us, blocking out the rest of the world. We were looking into each other’s eyes silently when a loud noise interrupted the moment from the other side of the club.

Dave and Mike, the front man from my old band, were making a fuss. Dave shouted, “Hey Jack, finally found a girl…besides yourself?”

Mike decided to add his own barb. “I figured you were a fag, but never considered the possibility that you were a lesbian!”

I made the mistake of taking my eyes away from Sarah for a moment, and was instantly assaulted by all the noises that had been previously blocked from my ears. In addition to the heckling from my former bandmates, there were a couple of drunks sitting close to us shouting, “Hey, why don’t the both of ya come on over and try it with a man?”

First I started to cry, then when Sarah looked into my eyes and saw my tears, she also began crying, until the sounds of our sobbing had drowned out the noises from the bar once again…

I woke up shaking my head to clear the foggy images that were fading from my memory as I began achieving a greater level of wakefulness. I got up and went to the bathroom, tended to some personal business, then returned to the living room and sat down on the sofa for a few minutes.

Suddenly, I felt the urge to pick up a guitar, and as I did so an idea for a new song began forming in the back of my mind. I strummed a few chords, trying to find the right feel, then once I found the perfect groove…a soulful waltz like tempo…the words just started flowing…

All I’m asking is a moment
And then I’ll let you go
And if you’ll give me that one moment
I’ll tell you something I think you should know

I could hear the entire band in my mind as I was scribbling down the words as quickly as I could, so as not to forget them.

Then if you don’t believe me
You know I’ll understand
But I’ve got these things just runnin’ through my brain
And if you’ll take my hand…

As I continued, the words came flowing out almost too fast for me to write them down.

I can show you all I’ve got to give
And all my hopes and dreams
We’ve each got our own lives to live
But sometimes I go to extremes

With each passing bar, I fell in love with this song just a little bit more.

And I hope that you’ll believe me
When I say I don’t want you to go
‘Cause It’s too strong, and it won’t let me be
And I wanted you to know

There was a rise in intensity, and while when I first started I had been trying to keep things quiet so as not to interfere with Jen’s sleep, by the time I reached the next section, all thoughts of keeping a lid on the volume were long since gone.

I can’t fight it any longer
I just had to let it show
‘Cause it’s growin’ so much stronger
That I might break down
Fall down on my knees
I just might lose control…

With a return to the first section musically came the realization of where this might have come from. I wasn’t certain how comfortable I was with that knowledge, but…

I’m not asking for a lifetime
I couldn’t ask that of you
But if you gave me a lifetime
I’d be thrilled to spend it with you

And then it was time to complete the thought.

And so tomorrow, when the morning
Comes shining through
Then you can look into my eyes and see
That what I say is true

As the final chord faded, I heard a shuffling come from the hallway. Looking up, I saw Jen standing there listening. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

She looked at me for a moment, then said, “Not at all. Good song. How long have you been working on that one?”

I looked at the clock, and replied, “About half an hour, from the looks of it.”

“Wow, I’m impressed. Pity it’s not really suitable for the band.”

“True.”

She came over to sit beside me, and looking me in the eye asked, “So, who’s this about?”

“What do you mean? Does it have to be about someone?”

She started giggling just a bit, then said, “Well, I don’t suppose it HAS to be, but I’m betting it is. Who is it?”

I hummed and hawed for a minute or two, trying to wriggle my way out of this question when she asked, “It’s not that asshole, Dave?”

A smile escaped from my lips as I said, “No, it’s not Dave.”

“Well then, who is it? Is it someone I know?”

I started blushing uncontrollably. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if my face had turned the color of a stop sign.

She said, “It is!” At this point, I didn’t have to say anything, as it seemed my body was intent on betraying my secret. After what felt like about three years, but was in reality only around thirty seconds, Jen asked, “Boy, or girl?”

I looked at her for a moment before replying, “Aren’t you the nosy one, little sister?”

“You better believe it sister mine. So?”

I looked her in the eyes for a moment, then made a decision. “It’s sort of weird to go through a year and a half of hormone treatments and start living full time as a woman only to find out you like girls. Well, a girl.”

“So, why are you so afraid to tell me it’s Sarah?”

I’m sure I blushed again, but tried to cover it up by saying, “What makes you think it’s her?”

“You mean besides the thirteen shades of red adorning your cheeks when I said her name? I take it you haven’t talked to her about this yet.”

“I really have no clue how to go about it. This is all new territory for me.”

“Well, I’m a little surprised, I have to admit. I had you pegged for going after some fireman myself.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

She patted my knee and got up from the sofa, “Ah, well, at least you have good taste.”

“Sis!!!”

She started to walk back toward her bedroom, and as she was doing so she said, “Well she is good looking! Not really my thing, but…” She stopped just before going back into her room, “Put that guitar away and try to get some sleep, would ya? There’ll be plenty of time to talk to your dream girl tomorrow. Imagine, my sister, the lesbian,” she started giggling at her own joke as she went in the room and closed the door behind her.

I set aside my guitar and did try to go back to sleep, but for some reason the Sandman just wasn’t cooperating. After a while, I did finally manage to achieve a state more or less like sleep, but let’s just say it wasn’t exactly restful.

I must have eventually managed to fall asleep, as the next thing I knew, Jen and Shelly were once again waking me up. It seemed Shelly wanted to inflict a little more pain on my face, and was getting anxious since I wasn’t awake yet.

“Come on, Sleeping Beauty. Time to rise and shine,” she said as she poked my shoulder, not unlike prodding a possibly dead animal to see if it were in fact dead.

Still laying there with my eyes squeezed tightly closed, I muttered, “What time is it?”

Jen made her presence known by answering, “Just after noon, and if we can be up, so can you.”

I rubbed some sleep out of my eyes and asked, “We’re not practicing today, are we?”

As she was starting toward the table where she already had her toy set up, Shelly said, “No, but we could still get a little work in on your beard. Who knows, maybe after this all that’ll be left will be cleaning up the strays that didn’t die the first time?”

I had to admit that I liked that idea, although I felt pretty certain that she was being overly optimistic both about her skills as an electrologist, and the thickness of the hair follicles I had left. Prying myself up off the sofa, I followed her over to the table, trailed by Jen. “Funny, you say that same thing every morning, and from the looks of things we’re no closer to being done than we were before. We all know that the truth is this could take a very long time. Although, I must admit that I will be so glad when this is all over with.”

As we took our seats, Shelly said, “I understand. We’ve been doing a lot more hairs on you than I ever had done, and I know it’s not the most pleasant experience in the world. But the truth is, even after only a few days, it’s easy to tell the difference. Let’s just keep at it, and eventually, it’ll be all done.”

That obviously struck me as a much more realistic appraisal than her previous statement, and I couldn’t help but sense my mood soften as a result, even though she had already started with the zapping.

I zoned out for a while, and although I was aware of my sister and tormentor carrying on a conversation while my treatment was being inflicted, I wasn’t aware of the contents of that discussion until I happened to catch Shelly saying something about Sarah. I interjected, “Come again?”

“Oh, so you are still in there somewhere,” Jen teased.

“Yes, sorry, just sort of spaced out for a bit. It makes it easier to ignore the pain.”

Shelly then said, “What I was saying is that Sarah’s a sweet girl. Whoever winds up with her will be very lucky indeed.” I could see the twinkle in her eye, which told me Jen had obviously told her something about last night, and this was her way of subtly teasing me about it.

Trying to play along, I said, “You are right about that.” I felt my mind drifting away again, so I didn’t catch what the girls were saying after that. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

I found myself trying to figure out what I was going to say to Sarah, assuming I ever got around to actually doing it. I envisioned any number of different ways it could go, ranging from innocuous to downright disastrous, and had just about convinced myself that I should just forget the whole thing when Shelly brought me back to reality by saying, “Okay, done for today. If we tried to do much more the redness and swelling wouldn’t go down by tonight, so…”

My head now firmly back in place, I said, “Thanks, Shell. Now, what’s for lunch?”

This prompted a round of giggles from everyone followed by my beloved sister telling me, “Go get a quick shower, and I’ll see what I can come up with.” This sent Jen rummaging though the fridge in search of something to eat.

She was still looking around, trying to make up her mind, when after a few more minutes of digging, she finally said, “Anyone just want sandwiches?”

Shelly replied first by saying, “Sure, that sounds fine.”

“I don’t suppose there’s any corned beef?” Jen knew I love corned beef sandwiches, and usually tried to keep some on hand when I’m in town.

“Well of course. I know how to take care of my sister,” she commented as she pulled things out of the fridge so we could build our own lunches.

Lunch eaten, we were all putting dishes and things away when Sarah let herself in the front door. Shelly looked up at her from where she was bent over the dishwasher and said, “Rather presumptuous of you.”

Sarah commented, “Well, if you’d rather…”

Shelly cut her off by saying in a really awful Mexican accent, “Keyboards? We don’ need no stinkin’ keyboards.”

I looked over at Sarah and in a burst of courage said, “Hi,” then looked away.

“Hi,” she replied, as she too suddenly took an immense interest in the tops of her shoes.

Jen quietly grabbed Shelly’s arm and dragged her out of the kitchen, back into her bedroom saying, “Why don’t you come help me with the flyers for next week’s gigs?”

As they left, I asked Sarah, “Can I get you anything?”

“No, I’m fine.” She walked on into the living room, with me following closely, and took a seat on the sofa. I then proceeded to sit next to her while I nervously tried to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. Apparently she was suffering from a similar malady, as we sat there looking at each other shyly for a couple of minutes.

I did finally break the silence, in the process chickening out on what I really wanted to say, when I told her, “You know, I’m really enjoying playing with you all. It’s been a long time since I’ve enjoying playing this much. Thanks for letting me.”

She looked taken aback, and said, “Hey, I don’t remember us ever sounding so good. We should be thanking you.”

The silence settled over us again, as neither one of us seemed certain what they wanted to say next. That silence was broken by the sounds of Shelly coming out of Jen’s room, but as soon as she saw we were still sitting there quietly, she turned around and went back in and closed the door behind her.

Sarah looked at me for a moment, then asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong.” I became quiet again for a moment before finally starting, “This is kind of strange.”

“What?”

“Well, I like you, Sarah. Not just as a friend.”

“Oh,” she commented. “Wow.”

“Yeah, wow indeed. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to figure me out, that I never really thought about who I might be attracted to.” I took a deep breath, then continued, “This is really the first time I can ever remember feeling any sort of…of attraction for someone. I have to say, I’d really like to get to know you a lot better, if you’d be receptive to the idea.” I couldn’t believe I’d actually told her that.

She looked me in the eyes and said, “I like you too. But, this could get awfully complicated, ya know? It’s like, I know that physically you’re still a guy, but you look like a girl. And, I’ve never been interested in girls.”

“Oh.”

I thought my heart would stop beating. Just as despair was about to wrap it’s claws around my soul and wring the life out of me, she surprised me by leaning in close and lightly kissing me on the lips. With that, my heart started to pound and my spirits soared.

Maybe I was being a little quick in my reaction, but I was ready to find out just exactly where things stood. I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers, starting gently, then building in intensity until she broke the kiss and sat back in her seat.

I looked at her for a moment before speaking, “Well?” I am a girl of few words, it seems, as I couldn’t think of a single other thing to say at this moment. My eyes began to water, as I awaited her next words.

Notes:

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