When I hear a heart-felt plea or read a poem or listen carefully at a sad lament I often feel helpless. Still, as much as I care, I can in no way take the place of siblings, parents, children, or spouses. Nothing I can say or do will remove the hurt if you’ve been rejected by a family member or friend. No words can assuage the pain of a cruel taunt by a brother or sister. No pithy statement can take away the feelings of underserved guilt over just trying to be yourself.
Here where many of us ‘live,’ creative energy is expended every day in homage to dear ones or in whimsy over an ‘all-girl’ sleepover or about a boy who finally finds his voice as a power girl or mutant heroine. But there are also those who here speak of desperate hopelessness and loneliness because they feel friendless; telling them that they have family here might be doubly painful and even cruel; drawing attention once again to what they have lost or never had.
And while I know what I believe, I cannot speak on anyone’s behalf as if they had no voice, nor can I give advice to those of us as if they were the amateurs and I was the expert if I never walked through the same maze they negotiate nor traveled nearly as far down the path we share.
I cannot protect you. As much as I am inclined to see you without pain, I can’t do anything to keep you from being hurt. And in a way, I shouldn’t. I have no right to dictate or control your life and that includes the bad things that may beset you! And as I can well attest; the hard parts of life also bring about the change perhaps that defines us. I would not be here today but for the bad that accompanied the good in my life.
And as much as I or any here might come to know you, you know yourself better than anyone ever could or ever will. As one who feels helpless at times, I still know my place. If I can, and if others may as well, I know at least I can come along side you and hold your hand just as many have held mine. When I say you’re in my heart and in my prayers, I hope it will never become a mere saying, but a way to express just how important you are to me; perhaps leaving you with hope and leaving me with the knowledge that I am not helpless at all.
Comments
As you know, I have recently been there
As you know, I have recently been there.
If you have written this with me, at least partially in mind, then let me thank you.
You can not ever really know me, but kind words are like a balm on the heart that aches.
When family is abusive and turns away, when friends are lacking, even a passing friendly glance from a stranger is like cool
water in a parched desert.
Support groups are thus essential
I found my early support through such as those. I still participate as a way to be able to let my hair down as well as pay it forward as I have received help that way in the past. Online support is great but having a flesh and blood person to talk to is infinitely better. Nothing beats meeting in person who are like one who does not pass well, as an example, and learn coping skills and possible solutions.
Sadly a lot of us feed from the support group trough and move on without paying it forward after they have had surgery. A post-op in a lot of support groups are thus a relatively rare commodity at times and in a way I do not blame them but luckily there are those few who still come back to help out.
Above all, understand that this is likely a VERY tough path. Remember the movie 'Twelve O' Clock High'? General Savage's 'pep talk' to his men is to consider yourself dead already, once they undertake their missions as it will make it easier. Similarly, consider that you likely will lose family and friends as a given and consider it a bonus if you don't, once you take on the mission of transitioning.
You MUST have patience as you work through each problem on that path else it will overwhelm you. Some of us have been very fortunate and have tons of support outside of the TS community. I venture to say that that is probably not a majority.
Kim
*Huge Hugs* You my dear are a dear sweet woman.
And you are more than able to and you have helped people here with the words you write and the PM's and the support you give us.
Thank you Jersey Girl.
Just Thank You so much.
Bailey Summers
Andrea, amongst the things you may be
or may not be, the one thing you are NOT, is helpless. You have shared your talent, your heart, and your soul with so many through your stories, your comments and your PMs, and lifted many a failing, hurting spirit. You have been unceasingly there for any and all who might falter in life's winding and sometimes threatening path and have offered words of support and caring.
That might not seem like a lot to you, but it's meant more than anyone could ever say to those who desperately needed what those words brought to them. You have brought a light to those lost and stumbling in darkness and showed them that someone does, in fact, care. That might seem a small thing to you, but to someone who was hurting or had lost hope, you showed them that there IS a way out and a heart that cares.
God Bless you and yours, for all you've done, for all you do, and for who and what you are. A tender, caring, compassionate and wonderful person. Someone told me that courage is not being fearless, but does what must be done in spite of the fear, because it needs to be done. There was a song sung by Alabama entitled "Angels among us." I'm including a link to it for you to listen to and see yourself in those wonderful words.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB7mDvfLhrg Listen to the message in the song honey. It could have been written with you specifically in mind, I believe.
hugs and love always,
Catherine Linda Michel
As a T-woman, I do have a Y chromosome... it's just in cursive, pink script.
I often feel the same way.
I often feel the same way. And because I have no experience of real-world transitioning I'm even less able to offer help and support.
But something we can all do is listen. Even a simple acknowledgement such as 'I hope it works out for you' can have an effect. You already do this, Drea, as do many others. It's people like me who need to click on 'add comment' a bit more often, even when we've no advice to offer.
I often feel helpless too
I do what I can to help anyone who needs it, but I know there are limits to what good I can do ....