Hello and help wanted

Hi there my name is Dan (hi, Dan!) and I wanted to share a few comments about my story 'down the rabbit hole' as well as a few personal points. The initial premise came to me about two years ago with a dream that ended in me falling through a portal into a park. I didn't see any further in that dream because I woke up right afterward.

The idea for the story has been rattling around in my brain since then, being reiterated upon and expanded in more detail. The real impetus for publishing the story (and signing up here) was a dream I had about two weeks ago which involved a Grim Reaper. I don't remember much about that except for the fact that she was female and she said the words "I'll be having fun with you." to me. Then I woke up, like I had just had a out of body experience.
My personal belief is that those that are G/B/L/T are the modern-day lepers, samaratins, and sinners from the time of Christ. Personally, I try to live a phrase I used from the bible in part 1 'down the rabbit hole'. Personally, I don't have the income to even consider SRS and even if I did, I want all or nothing. So therefore, I wait and pray, I won't kill myself because I was raised a Roman Catholic but it seems like every day a part of me cries out. I also don't believe anyone on this site has done anything wrong in the eyes of God-we all just have different crosses to bear.

Now onto the help wanted part of the blog. I really need someone to look at my story (I'll send them however they want them sent) to correct mistakes I have made. I asked in the forums and got no reply or PM. My ideal editor would be able to know what I am talking about (read part two and tell me if you can understand what I described regarding the first fight if I used half the words to do it) and know what I am referring to in some anime shows (I'll warn when I am referring to a anime when I send the document) (see the second fight scene in part two or the entire forest scene in part 1 too and see if you understand it.) in short, I would really like an editor that knows what I am trying to say and can add in the expelnation behind it
I have got some interestering thoughts about what to do in the story and shared one of them in a preview of something that is not even written yet. My only problem is although I get a lot of kudos (63 total for all the parts posted so far), I have gotten few comments and no PM's regarding the story. I don't know if I should take the lack of PM's as a good or bad thing. Anyway, I'll hold off on posting part five for a few days. I would have tried to link the stories in sequence but I couldn't figure out how to do that

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