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Well, I managed to make my mother cry last night. She had gone to bed, but woke up at about 130 when she realized I was still up. She got very upset, and told me I was sabotaging my life, that I didn't care about her or my daughter. It has really set my mood back.
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She needs to stop...
She needs to just stop trying to force you to be something you're not. No matter what she thinks, she's only making things worse. I'm sure she thinks she's helping, but she's only going to do more damage by telling you things like "You're sabotaging your life".
I don't care WHO a person is, they have no right to make blanket ignorant declarations like that without giving the other person a chance to defend themselves, forcing you to fit her worldview.
There's an old saying that the very rich and the very ignorant share one thing in common. Rather than adjusting their view to fit the facts, they adjust the facts to fit their view.
Hang in there, sweetie. I'm absolutely not saying your Mom is a bad person here. I'm just saying that she needs to stop putting you down. That's a terrible thing to do, especially for a mother, no matter her logic.
*hugs*
No matter how you feel about her ...
... her opinion is just that – an opinion. It's not a prophecy or a piece of historical fact. You know she disagrees with the choices you are making, but you still internalize the things she says as if they have great weight, when in reality they are based more on her prejudices and worldview than they are on actual fact.
Remember, the reason she cries about your decisions is because you aren't living your life the way she wants you to live it. She doesn't understand that your life is YOUR life, not hers, and your opinions and decisions are the ones that matter.
Please don't let her play puppeteer with your soul by tying you up with strings of guilt.
*soft hug*
Randa
Understanding how others feel when you come out
There is always some level where we all approach life from the perspective 'it's all about me.' This is really important to understand when you come out or start to transition.
You have known how you have felt for a very long time. Whilst you may not be comfortable, you are familiar with the issue(s) and have had (usually a lot of) time to think about it.
So conversations and declarations like you experienced are really par for the course. People don't like change and are outright hostile when it is something that they don't understand or feel wrong about.
So, first, you have to weather the storm. If you are honest with yourself, you didn't expect them to hold a parade in your honor when you told them. You need to give them time to process what you told them and to come to terms as best they can with the results.
When we transition, we have to get used to new things, different things. But we have had the luxury of thinking about it for a long time and doing some planning. For those around us this is all brand new. They are being taken along this journey with no real warning that tough times were ahead.
You need to be patient and quietly strong. If you are too defensive or admit to their arguments, you are telling them they're right.
This is the part where if you believe in yourself, others will believe in you, too. And, yeah, it doesn't always work, but you have to start there.
So, keep the baby, faith... err... whatever...
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
Janet
Mistress of the Guild of Evil [Strawberry] Blonde Proofreaders
To be or not to be... ask Schrodinger's cat.
She's really off, in that judgement in my opinion.
You're not ruining your daughter's life. In fact you may be preventing said daughter from taking a terrible life path. If your daughter sees you as sticking to a path that makes you miserable she may follow that.
It's a lot easier for a kid to follow their parents example then they realize and VERY difficult to pull themselves out of that rut.