Over the last week or so, i have been struggling in various degrees with bouts of anger. It feels like when i havent wanted to curl up and cry i have wanted to shout or even hit something. A friend of mine has suggested that this might mean things are coming to a head inside me, and i will have to make a choice of letting Dorothy out, or losing it. And since the barriers to doing the former remain, I feel like i have been backed into a corner with no way out. The only place i feel human is online where i can just be me without those costs. Real life sucks.
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We usually make our own corners
We tell ourselves, "if this doesn't happen then I'm going to do X!" Take some deep, slow breaths, talk to friends who care about you--or just keep talking here--and you may find that you weren't in a corner after all. Life can be messy and it will sometimes suck, but the most important thing we can bring to it is our attitude. Having been in AA for over 8 years, I can tell a world of difference from my previous thought patterns. What would have looked monumentally horrible in the past is often handled with calm, a few days of prayers and "this, too, shall pass." Things DO get better. One mustn't fall prey to faulty perceptions. An extreme example of that might be, "If I am not magically turned into Angelina Jolie by tomorrow, I'm going on a rampage!" In AA we tell a similarly ridiculous story of a fellow who insists on jaywalking across busy roads, forever being hit by moving vehicles in increasingly violent encounters. We see a very stupid fellow, then look at our own behavior with alcohol and laugh at ourselves. Sometimes being able to laugh at ourselves (gently, and with love) is truly the best medicine.
Please take care, dear.
SuZie
SuZie
Hi Dorothy
I said I'd come calling again so here I am.
Have you ever discussed introducing. Dorothy to any of your friends or even your partner?
I promise you that if Dorothy cannot get out you'll find that corner a ghastly trap. Not necessarily a fatal trap but a very painful one.
If your partner really cares, she'll find some way to meet you part way; even if it's very small part it's a beginning.
Some time, someplace, somehow, some way Dorothy is going to want to come out. Does anybody know except for your online friends.
Lots of people find that talking to their doctor is the first step and from most of the life-stories on the internet I must confess that in spite of my own experiences,that often seems top be the way to go for most people.
This advice by me to speak to a doctor runs utterly contrary to my own life experiences but that only demonstrates how one has to compromise one's own feelings when offering advice to others. This is not driven by 'political correctness' but by the perceived wisdom of many others who have walked and continue to walk our roads.
If you want to chat some more, PC Me.
Love and hugs and hang on in there.
Beverly.
Growing old disgracefully.
Oh yes, it does!
But it sucks with all of us, and we are here for you! I give you much hugs, dear, and I wish I could be there to really give them to you! Many of us are here, praying for you!
Love!
Wren