Just a general observation. It seems to me that blogs lately have mostly been leaning toward negative. It also seems like many comments are chippy and launched rather than offered. Someone commented on a story I wrote over a decade ago, telling me it's "sick". That's not "friendly". That's not constructive. In retrospect the story (Dick on Jane) was sick. I write it in anger after some idiot told me my stories were too hard to understand. So I write one even a moron could appreciate. It was sick in that it didn't give suicide proper care and handling. Doesn't mean someone should tell me in a comment that it's sick. Maybe a PM to blow off steam.
What I'm talking about is attitude.
Life is a bitch. Add the problems of being TG to an already rough situation and the world sucks.
Or . . . life is a wonderful challenge. Each day brings new and exciting puzzles for us to solve. Being TG adds a special seasoning to this wonderful entree we're served each day.
It's up to you.
When you write a woe-is-me blog, is it your intent to simply onload? if so, don't you feel a duty to balance that negative blog with something positive and uplifting. It seems like most people think they can dump and dump and dump.
One of my best friends on this site has what could easily be called the shitiest life imaginable, yet she has managed to keep a wonderful sense of humor about her and often shares it.
How about it? The next time you whine, which is okay because we all have to sometime, write something positive.
Okay?
Jill
Comments
i guess i have been guilty
of "whining" on occasion. I would like to think i balance it with hopeful stuff as well.
Write, think about it, rewrite, think some more & only then send
I have mentioned this before several times but it bears repeating.
Posting online is a very crippled form of communication.
In real life/face to face conversation we have body language, facial expression, tone of voice, soft and loud and host of other clues to aid us in understanding. Research, I can't remember where, suggests 80 or even 90 percent of communication is non verbal..
So take a flawed form of communication that is text only, add in the ability to create and send it off far too easily and with no way to take it back once sent and boy/girl do you have a recipe for disaster.
PLEASE think at least twice before reflexively replying to a story or a blog. Take some time to cool down if a story or comment riles you and NEVER comment while intoxicated or otherwise not thinking clearly.
I'm not saying you can't be critical, can't say this or that didn't work for you but do it respectfully and explain WHY it didn't work for you. Don't say "It sucked "or "this was unfair to some group or place" or "I hate you for this story". Explain why you have problems with a story or comment, why it rattled your cage and explain why it did. Writers, most of them here anyways, appreciate feedback . That way you get it off your chest and they get valuable feedback. Maybe the writer doesn't realize they are confusing the reader or whatever. They won't know unless you tell them and they won't consider your advice/criticism if you are rude or insulting.
If it is something you fear might offend do it as a PM. In any case explain clearly you are not attacking them, just critiquing the story, wanting to understand it and explaining why it didn't work for you.
There are a lot of fragile souls here, don't trample them.
My two cents worth.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Very well stated
I know what you mean. I could go on and on with my problems too, but I like to keep personal things to myself. I read almost all the blogs here, but some I just don't bother with because I know they're going to be a downer and I feel bad enough about my things and read them to find a sliver of hope sometime. I'm happy when one of our own says they were mistaken for a woman, or that they've had a wonderful day. I did just that several months ago but I don't think I got any comments, but it didn't matter, because it was a wonderful day. I could bitch about my health, congestive heart failure, or being behind on some of my payments, ot the Forty-Niners losing another poorly fought game. Instead I would rather think about the opening of crab season on the west coast in three weeks, or the Giants finally making it to the World Series again with a bunch of no names, it's raining again, but we need it and I hope the rain is good for my tomato plants. They were very late ripening this year, but I don't mind because at least I got a few very good ones so far. Somethings might suck, but all in all lifes wonderful, Arecee
Positive?
I try to be. I try to inject humour, but sometimnes it is just too much. I had a rush of story writing over the last few days, but bang, I have an tended sixteen hour shift, I ride home past a wave of 'real' girls coming out of the theatre with their partners/husbands/whatever, the PTSD is being a comsummate bastard today, with a whole pack of Black Dogs camped around me, and in a fortnight it will be the 21st anniversary of what wrecked me. The car drivers tonight seemed to be manipulating other body parts rather than their vehicles, and I have to be up at 0530 for another shift tomorrow.
Angela, I try my best, and I try never to throw out a nasty comment, but tonight, just for tonight, I really have had enough. Not you, just life.
For my part :-)
For my part, I've been in kind of a transient state emotionally, recently. I don't know what, if anything, is going to happen with my perspective therapist (It's not looking great. She hasn't contacted me again about an actual appointment), so I've actually been actively holding off on posting new blogs.
A lot of it, for me, is exactly as you say - unloading. But I've said all I really can say. To say more would be to repeat what I've said before, and, in a way, I take great comfort in that fact, in knowing that I've consciously laid it all out, put my demons in the open for communal review, so to speak.
I want to quote one specific part of your blog though:
I want to quote this because this is EXACTLY where I want to be. I'm tired of feeling downtrodden and disgusted with myself. This is the mindset I want to adapt, and, in truth, I owe this community for helping me get this far. That's just me though. :-)
I realize that everyone is different, with different hurts and hurdles, but I'm tired of hurting. I thought I needed a therapist for that, but I'm starting to think what she said the first time was right, that what I need, what we all need, is support.
That's why I've spoken on this same topic before, about this being a friendly place. It's because the world's a fucked up place with fucked up people. We don't need to turn inward on each other and make things worse. :-)
Anyway, I'll stop rambling, get down off my soapbox, and get back to what I love doing. Even if stories could write themselves, I'd fight them for the opportunity ;-)
With respect,
~Zoe
You are very right!
I need to stay on topic more. I sometimes go on and on...I should just stick with a useful comment if I have one. If not, I'll just do the kudos.
Wren
Comments
Have I ever had one from you I didn't want or appreciate?
Those who condemn...
...will have to guess the rest of the paraphrasis. Why pour kerosene on the coals?
More positive comments and blogs are certainly desirable, but not, ultimately, for their own sake. A false face on suffering is still a false face, and prevents that suffering from being seen when, perhaps, it most desperately needs to be. Better a thousand such posts than one person feeling just sufficiently unwelcome that they turn away, don't reach out, and die, by their hand or that of another, because they were denied that one moment of support.
If one desires more positivity, then it is incumbent, not on the one of whom such an attitude is desired, but upon the one desiring it to inculcate it—somehow, some way—in those from whom they desire it.
Ask not why those around don't smile at you more, ask if you can tell them a funny joke, or show them a picture of a cute cat doing something silly…
In the fwiw, I'm sorry to hear that there have been people who've been so negative—in "public", no less—about your very skillful, interesting writing. I've enjoyed what stories of yours I've read, if it helps at all. ^^;
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"