UPS AND DOWNS
Isn't that a Racetrack in the UK?

After Bobbie's disturbing news yesterday along with Beth's request for prayer for her brother, I was reluctant to write this, since my problems are paltry compared to what they described, but what better way to gain support and encouragement than to talk to my other family here. My tremors have significantly diminished, and the broad shaking and neck and head spasms have ceased entirely, both of which my neurologist had expected. The tremors have likely plateaued, which means that while things have improved immensely, they've 'settled in' to where they'll be from hereon in; shaking will continue to be an issue with fine motor skills, and they do increase with stress, which is a component of the condition. The other shaking has nearly disappeared, owing to the discovery and continued work in healing from memories and flashbacks. The likelihood is that most if not all of the 'revelation' that was going to be discovered has happened, and any flashback is an invasive but duplicate memory or sensation; they still hurt or become repulsive, but their impact is diminishing over time.

The frustration arises with the dizziness and loss of balance and occasional fall. I was at a wine supermarket yesterday getting some Merlot for my wife. My son even noticed that when I stood up after inspecting the bottom shelf, I reeled a bit, which caught the attention of several people. I was concerned that they might refuse service because from a distance, they may have thought I was intoxicated. But after righting myself, the dizziness decreased and my gait and posture returned to normal.

When I got home, I did some more research on the internet. I may be suffering from orthostatic intolerance, which simply means it's difficult for me to stand up without getting dizzy. In some extremes, it can make it difficult just to remain standing, but in most cases it goes away quickly like I experienced yesterday. OI is a sometime sometimes symptom/component of Chronic Fatigue, and in some cases is inclusive in Post Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, or POTS. Another thing to get cope with rather than suffer from, so to speak.

The fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue have gotten me very discouraged, since I ache all over all the time; something that has gotten worse with stress. Writing here is a very effective stress reducer, even when the subject may be painful or sad. My therapist is on an extended medical leave of absence after suffering a relapse of her illness, so she's sent me referrals for help elsewhere.

Any of you who are currently or have received help from a therapist know how difficult it is to change, since you have to explain all over again what's going on and establish yet another trusting therapeutic relationship. I'm hoping the transition goes quickly.

My wife continues to struggle in high stress job as a nurse in a psychiatric facility, which exacerbates her own fibro and CF. And I haven't been able to work for a while after being unemployed for nearly six years. It remains a struggle for both of us as we deal almost daily with the effects of our conditions.

Having said all of this, and certainly seeking your continued support and encouragement, I still had a better day than some of you here. Please know that you are in my heart and my prayers always. I have grown so much and become so much more of whom I believe God intended me to be, and much of that growth can be attributed to writing here, which can in turn be attributed to the support, encouragement and comfort to this old girl. I want to thank all of you whom have given me such strength over the last year. I treasure each day as an opportunity to be grateful and for the opportunity to pass on to others the comfort I myself have received.

Much love to all of you. Andrea