I don't know how other people adapt to today's reality, but for me, belonging to something or someone makes things easier. Over the years, since my Divorce and being abandoned I've tried a number of things, most of which seemed to work for a while. Some have been frustrated with me because of my penchant for getting involved in belief systems, and generally a Trans person can not satisfy them, or I could not. Both Christianity and Islam did not work out, though it seems that a branch of Judaism does. Today on Facebook, I saw an ad for Eternity Collars and wanted one, but it is the dogma within the community that a Subbie can not put their own Collar on. My experience with an expertly done BDSM spanking rocked my world. It is frustrating that I can't achieve the same thing by spanking myself. It appears to be all about someone wanting you enough to control you gently.