We all grow up hearing the same thing as kids, "Hard work pays off." What if it doesn't?

That's something I've learned as I've dragged my sorry ass through life. I've always worked hard, I've broken my back for every job I've had (over 20 in 8 years), put 110% into everything I do but still nothing. I've never once seen the fruit of all my labor and I'm constantly asking myself why I continue. I mean seriously constant disappointment from literally everything and it's rarely your fault. You put the work in, have a thousand back up plans, the whole shebang, but when your moment comes it bites the dust. Even if you do everything right you still manage to get fucked in the ass.

This has been my entire life and I'm tired of it. I've tried everything, dealing with it, fighting against it, even trying to take what I want but it all ends in failure. Since childhood I only ever had one true goal, not to struggle financially like my parents. I saw my dad job hopping and being lazy at home while my mom broke her back for a grocery store she hated. They never had enough money for everything and saying I grew up rough is an understatement. I swore I would never end up in dead end hell but I have.

For the longest time I've just took whatever job I could get to struggle by. That's never worked, so I thought about a solid career I wanted. For me there's only two real possibilities, chef or author. So far chef has been little more than fighting a losing war. Despite my skills there always ends up being some bullshit. It leaves me wondering what did I do to deserve this?

For example my last job I was a manager at a fast food place and I was forced out. Even though I was the hardest worker out of literally everyone I was still pretty much abandoned when I became unhappy there. Obviously I was always pissed at the lazy workers and the rude customers and all that shit but one took the cake. A mentally unstable coworker who had been with the company for 20 years choked me in the stockroom. Another employee that this one was bullying was having a hard time mentally and didn't do what I told her to. Since I wasn't in the mood to argue with someone fighting a meltdown I just went to restock the damn sauces myself. I mean putting sauce packets in a bin won't strain anyone. Well the one who'd been there forever followed me and choked me in the stockroom. She put her hand around my throat and pushed me backwards causing me to fall into some boxes. Then she decided to correct me despite being demoted herself and then left like nothing happened. My general manager refused to do anything about it. She "tried" to keep our schedules different but she still made us work together and the one who got me was still violent with me. Despite that the general manager just tried to ignore it so I called the district manager. The district manager said she had no idea it happened and wanted me to go back to that place to talk. When I refused she wanted me to go an hour out of my way to do that shit. I ignored her ass after that and reported it to corporate whose now investigating everything.

Why did I deserve that? What did I do wrong? Why was I the one forced to leave for my own safety? Even now I'm fighting with another restaurant to start the fucking job. Three mothafuckin weeks and I still haven't started and they refuse to do anything to compensate me because I'm not "clocked in", that's because of all their miscommunications. I reported them too because they made me miss an entire pay period with their bullshit. That's a whole check I won't get because I couldn't start. Hell when I walked in the job I got wasn't the one I was told I'd be interviewed for. I went from saute to a piece of shit dishwasher. I did my time doing that and I really wanted to be in the kitchen again I fuckin hate doing dishes. That's something that gets me, how did I get from saute to dishwasher when all I said was hello?

Unfortunately over the years I've come to assume it's because I'm trans. God knows this curse has cost me plenty already, so why not another job? There have been so many times I needed to know if I was experiencing discrimination or not. I'm just so tired of being treated like I'm worthless I don't know what to do. I mean fuck that old cunt that choked me called me by my old fuckin name. She did it to humiliate me and no one said shit. She was constantly doing transphobic and homophobic shit but I felt so powerless. What can I do? I've been kicked around my whole life and no matter how much I fight back, I'm wrong. Sometimes I wish I could get something out of all this shit. It sucks when you see people getting crazy life changing settlements for discrimination when they barely had a case. I've thought about doing for so long but everyone tells me no, that it'll cost more than it's worth.

I feel hopeless.