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Imagine your over-served roommate, Teddy, announcing to that braying jackass in the bar, “You need a good slap.”
Now slur those words and add in five salient facts: 1.) Your roommate is built like a fireplug, 2.) he boxed Golden Gloves too many years, 3.) his face is right out of Guys and Dolls, 4.) his childhood would have shocked Dickens, and 5.) recently when his girlfriend had the gall to break up with him, he painted her car – with a broom and gallon of red enamel.
Teddy had a firm hand on the tiller when it came to fairness and saw himself as judge, jury, and executioner. It was time for someone to get their personal matters in order.
This morning, I checked my list of stories and noted that my latest story, The Princess Passer, is receiving a surprisingly small number of hits.
After starting to order in supplies for a huge pity-party, I remembered my roommate’s words from nearly fifty years ago.
Jill, “You need a gooood schlap!”
Wake up! Do you remember the number of times you tried to write non-TG books? Do you recall how hard you worked on them? Do you remember how extremely difficult it was to find readers? What was the largest number of readers you attracted for any of your non-TG books? Fifty? Seventy-five? Maybe one hundred?
You’re upset because you’re only getting about 1,200 hits? You’re unhappy because only about ten percent of those left a kudo? You’re sad because The Princess Passer only generated about ten comments?
Whiner!
A little perspective is in order.
Jill
Comments
Don't fret Angela
sometimes people don't realise what bits of brilliance is right there in front of them.
This is not a new phenomenom. Over the centuries works of art have been ridiculed and even destroyed because they were misunderstood.
I have written a long story (80k words) that isn't TG but has a part for one of my TG characters. I'm not sure how it will be received here but that didn't stop me from having great fun writing it.
Samantha
Wonder if mean
I wonder if you are referring to "Vivienne" that you are currently posting on your site. If so, I am enjoying it.
Wearing big author pants
No author can please everybody. I don’t read your stuff either for example but that is not relevant to whether you should write or not. In a way it is worse imho to have people read and don’t kudo or comment so as long as fans of your work continue to do so, there is not too much to complain about.
You do a lot supporting the site and that is worthy of praise in itself.
Did Jill just step out of the plane while still in the air?
Jill, take a deep breath, come visit. I just got back to the house. Been out since seven this morning. Blew a hydraulic line, not the most common connections on the hoses. Finally after scavenging lines, hoses, couplers off two other pieces of equipment I managed to bandaid a fix, loaded ten tons of hay.
Now what you need is to work off some of those frustrations and I have just the cure for that. Bring your beautiful body down here and let's start working off those emotional lightening strikes. I'll let you work on the eighteen foot mower if loading hay isn't your thing. Still not interested? How about hooking up all the wires, fuel lines, and ECM on the diesel lawn mower? I put the new engine in already. My GF has been building a gyrocopter if that's your thing?
Bring your party dress. We'll go out to the Red Dog Salon and sell Oklahoma ocean front property as we let it all hang out on Sat. night.
Hugs hon
always
Barb
Life is a gift. Treasure it until it's time to return it.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Red Dog Salon
Now, that has to be a non-metrosexual salon!
And a place to hang out too!
Oklahoma must be a different place to have salons like that. Usually I can’t stand the smells of hair dyes and permanents and stuff at salons.
salon also
Salons are meeting places were drink and entertainment along socializing and business are done.
Have a good day and enjoy life.
I am aware
However, modern social halls are unlikely to use that term in that way anymore, especially in the US, so my point still stands.
Sure, there used to be salon cars on trains and social salons but like I just said, such usage is no longer close to commonplace. Besides, a quick web search for Oklahoma shows no such place or it is just very stealthy ^_^
Should it be
I wonder if a letter got forgotten and it should be saloon not salon.
Missing letter
Yes, a quick web search will show you the Red Dog Saloon in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Barb and I have had a laugh in private PMs about other misspellings.
Oh, I have no doubt saloon was a derivative of salon, btw.
Isn't that in Eerie, Arizona?
While I've knocked back some shots of tequila and even dropped some change in the slots at the Red Dog Saloon just over the hill from me in Virginia City; the Red Dog SALON sounds like something out of Christopher Leeson and Ellie Dauber's Eerie, Arizona stories. Where all those former cowboys and gunslingers go when they want to get gussied up.
~veronica
"Government will only recognize 2 genders, male + female,
as assigned at birth-" (In his own words:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1lugbpMKDU
Barb, no wonder you have a hose problem
since you are too big for your breeches. I didn't know that you're a Hoosier.
Sorry, I couldn't resist playing around with obscure references in the lovely, intriguing, complex and absolutely illogical English language. Yes, I know that this description applies to most languages, so what?
Bru
PS
Why do you need an Electronic countermeasure suite on your lawn mower?
That's something I'd have but you?
Did you suss out about the ASM I was going to send to you in appreciation of the Oklahoma ocean front property deal?
PPS
Jill, you sure hold yourself to high standards. Most people would be satisfied with a >10% conversion rate.
Oh come on bru...
We need to be nice to Barb, you know with her farm being right under the flight path of all those UFOs coming and going out of Groom Lake. And those Aliens piloting them must have some weird sense of humor as they have stopped on multiple occasions and turned damn near every farm animal Barb has into strange hybrid creatures. Just last week she was telling me how all her dairy cows got turned into a herd of Bull-ox. Why it was only a few months ago all her goats got turned into Nerfs. You can't imagine how much ribbing she took about owning a herd of Nerfs!
But not to worry, I'll be checking on her next week when I arrive to help her saddle break the winged unicorn she found the UFOs left in her pasture Saturday morning. I'll be bringing a couple quart jars filled with grandpa's "corn squeezin's" to medicate Barb with :)
EDIT: I don't want to make Barb's place sound bad, because it is actually pretty damn awesome place! She invited me over to go jackalope hunting with her back this last January and not only did I bag a jackalope it was a 10 pointer! Where else in the world can you go jackalope hunting?
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
Didn't you mean
"Hose-ier"?
Red Dogs
I thought you were on OK?
Isn't the Red Dog Saloon in Lawrence, Kansas?
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Gyro.
Definitely.
I think I missed English meanings
Going back to look up the definition of "friend" and I'm positive the meaning is all wrong. Let me think, Miss Country Music is a friend? Not sure I can mark her name in that box. Okay, Miss MI6 is a friend? Let's not get carried away marking these boxes.
Did Kimmie trip over the unabridged dictionary on the way in to the Salon? Are her and Laika so wet behind the ears and straight laced they want to have a duel at high noon rather than tipping up a few in whatever name it has over the door? I've met their kind. They drive for an hour to take the kids to the playground. As soon as on of the kids gets down on their knees they yank the poor kid up, drag him home, toss him in the tube..., tub and his clothes in the washer. The kid wasn't perfect after he got a little grass stain or dirt on his pants. They both go through other people's houses straightening up pictures on the walls.
hugs ladies
always
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Belive it or not!
I truly didn't believe it myself. Even after seeing the herd of Nerfs I figured Barb must work for on of those Hollywood special effects places and done those goats up that way to prank me! Although after telling her I would believe this when pig's fly, she pointed over at several winged pigs in a vee formation coming over the trees and swooped down to splash land in a muddy area by the pond in one corner of the pasture.
I will say I never did see one of these UFOs Barb kept telling me were the cause of all the mutant farm animals. And she denied having any ancestors with the last name of Moreau that lived on a private island and happened to be a Doctor. And the two big steel doors that led under the house she told me only led to a small root cellar, not a laboratory.
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
Barb's Lab
Is under the Grain Silo which doubles up as an ICBM launcher. :) :)
She used the lab to brew up new rocket fuels from all that excess 'High Fuctose Corn Syrup' (evil stuff that is IMHO not fit got human consumption) when not loading hay and straw.
A truly multi faceted lady is our Barb.
Now I must go and give my Walnut Bread a kneading. Fresh Carrot and Corriander soup and newly baked bread for supper tonight.
Samantha.
Your Blue Velvet gown you wore to the queen's party last year
You can be forgiven for your snide remarks about my talents. I've been invited to President Trumps re election ball. Not that I give two cents about him Trump but Melina Trump is a very nice, beautiful lady. Loan me the dress and your uncouth remarks will be forgotten. And by the way despite all those wicked rumors, I do return some of the dresses I borrowed.
hugs doll
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Some of the Dresses
BL doesn't lie. She borrowed my blue velvet gown ( Bobby Vinton edition ) and returned some of it.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I did that didn't I
Wusn't my fault the semi ran of the Interstate and tore down a good three hundred yards of fencing. Livestock are always curious when something new is going on. Twenty nine head of Charolais scattered across the east and west lanes of the Interstate when I received the call. I'd love to see how you cope while wearing an evening gown, herding cows back into the pasture and getting the barb wire strung back up so they aren't out on the highway again.
By the way, your dress received a lot of compliments. None of them people traveling up and down the Interstate had ever seen anyone wearing an evening gown and herding cows. As for the rips, tears, and missing cloth, you ever try and string barbwire? Even wearing leather it will eat a person up. The only good barbwire is still on the spool or fastened on the fence. Any other kind wants to attack whoever or whatever gets close to it.
Besides the dress has the right look for your next Halloween party. You ought to thank me for doing you a favor! The resurrected dead isn't an over used Halloween look.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
BarbieLee???
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXy7qYAKrfc
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Appropriate ad
When following the link the ad coming up first was rather appropriate for this thread:
An on-line psychiatrist
As long as we are pointing the finger
Bru hasn't explained why she thought the "shrink ad" at the end of the video was so appropriate. It is because all the Black Magic the girls have been playing around with is starting to mess with their own minds something terrible.
Oh don't give me that innocent look Jill. You're as bad as the others.
You too Nuuan.
I thought three Elvira's out partying last weekend was a little too much for the normals to handle. You girls have to push it to the edge don't you! Coming along behind and casting a forget spell on the whole dang club wasn't what I had planned for the night.
Mindy, you ladies remember her, my familiar said any more and she was going to report you to the Witches Covenant for not being discrete. You do remember the definition for the word don't you? It took us too long to get normals to believe the Salem Witches weren't real. Don't mess up again.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rXhXLsNJL8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tY8B0uQpwZs
I warned all of you my silence could be bought but noooo, you thought blackmail would work! You exposed me and I return the favor. Now either play nice or else...,
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Wait just a cotton picking minute!
I know you can't remember it now, but the Elvira costumes were your idea. You talked me and Bru into wearing them along with the one you wore. Jill was dressed as Sarah Jessica Parker from Hocus Pocus.
And the forget spell was mostly your idea too! You might have remembered all this if you had listened to me and worn lower heels like I begged you to do. Heels that high and drinking do not mix well, and I was right! Those 5 inch heels was the reason you stumbled in front of Jill and get caught in the forget spell just as she finished casting it :)
Just ask Jill and Bru, they'll tell you the same thing!
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
fingers
Barb I can teach you a nice little spell to give them paws instead of hands or just turn them into some critter of some sort it dose not even have to be real if you can visualize it you get that out come.
Have a good day and enjoy life.
Let's see if they behave
Obviously Nuuan still wants to finger point. We might have to give her a double dose of..., If I was wearing five inch heels one of those girls bewitched me.
mountaindrake, hon, normally I don't like spell casting with others. Some really interesting things tend to happen when spells get tangled up in one another before they are finished. You remember the faun? Yep that was a couple spells getting mixed up. The centaur? Yes, again mixed up spells.
hugs hon
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
no problem
Not a problem I grew up with spells flying all over the place plus I have wizard and sorcerer training beyond the master level to ad to the standard witch training as well as combat training We will have lots of fun with them.
Have a good day and enjoy life.
Biggest problem with spell casting
in my opinion, is the fettling. Spell furnaces is a pain in the *** to carry around as well.
And don't mess with me. I've got several masters AND I do have wombat training.
Under the Grain Silo?
She told me that was just the still where she was making 90 proof "Hand Sanitizer" Since she was also very concerned with someone accidentally ingesting any of it, she made it perfectly safe (and tasty) to drink, all in the name of safety of course. Barb also felt the best way to sanitize the body of any nasty viruses was with liberal doses taken orally.
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
flying pigs
I hope she put them in an aviary to keep the pigs contained the thought of feral flying pigs is scary feral pigs are bad enough but flying ones a aircraft strike by one would turn a 787 inside out. Now what are the odds of getting a nerf the bragging rights on a nerf crown roast wold be spectacular.
Have a good day and enjoy life.
This thread is developing into the Story of O (Histoire d'O)
Which reminds me:
Barb, Samantha, Jill and Nuuan, you are all invited to a party at Le château d'Ô (not to be confused with a château d'eau). A pleasant little folie where I've partied before. Blue dress de rigueur.
Ms X
(Less than perfect articulation has led Barb to believe there's a connection with MI6)
Oh Goodie
Search Results
Web results
Château d'Ô in Normandy, France is one of those places I have heard you do some of your best work. Who are your latest patsies on this trip? For some reason I have that gut feeling you're setting me up to take the fall for your next adventure. I'm guessing you're dabbling in medical supplies instead of lead this time? Which government, nation, you plan on short sheeting? What kind of underhanded back door keys to what un named government ops you digging into now?
I think I'm going to have to tap into some new sources for a few gowns. All my "friends" seem to suddenly not have any they are loaning me. Can't understand it?
Hugs doll, see you there if I can find a dress.
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Interesting thread, but
I have concluded from this thread that 'tout le monde ici' are a bit slap happy today.
So, I suggest you watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8XeDvKqI4E and enjoy.
AuP
P.S. Who is the baby in the blue dress?
Woohooo!
break out yer fancy square dancing duds and put some spit shine on those brogan shoes Barb, we done got ourselves an invite to to a fancy french party!
We'll 'borrow' one of John Deere's planes they got out here at the airport, I'm sure with as many of 'em that they got, they won't miss one for a few days, long as we put it back where we found it.
EDIT: Now where did I put that book, "how to fly airplanes for dummies"
We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.
Airplane? Pilot? No Problems
Nuuan, you understand it has to have enough range to cross that big pond don't you? Private planes don't refuel in the air. Bring your book on How To Fly for dummies but I got this one covered. Almost..., might be a little rusty, and I never flew jets. Small insignificant details. Don't tell the FAA I crashed two birds, totaled them puppies, so I'm caught up in my quota for crash landings. Don't need to do any more to fill out my pilot's flight records log.
Let me know when you found the bird for us to steal..., borrow and I'll meet you at the airport. Around one or two is when most air traffic controllers aren't paying attention to anything besides their coffee cup. If we make it..., when we make it to France
Barb
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Well, at least I've got the dummies part down pat
As for flying, thats another matter. I'm more skilled in getting aircraft down (and not safely). I spent several years doing that. Come to think about what I did later: Beware when I'm below you!
IF by some horrible mistake you make it all the way, the party is in Le château d'Ô in Montpellier not Normandie. However, while I bask in the sun in southern France I imagine you will turn up in Vermont.