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Do we all have this huge crisis before coming out? My first coming out was met with such violence and hostility that I literally forgot all about it to save my own life. The second time the issues raised its head was in my mid 30's, but being the fundamentalist Evangelical fool I was, I failed to address it until I was literally forced to do it in my early 50's, and the effect in my life was as devastating as a nuclear war.
So, how do we address this thing? Do many of us drink heavily to ease the pain? I would like to think that there are personal stories out there where coming out proceeded relatively painlessly?
Comments
Coming Out
I think that term is still a huge thing for many people, but I truly believe that it is much less dangerous today. There will always be those who are not willing to accept a person based on any particular grounds that you want to choose. I don't think that it will ever be treated casually by society in general, but I do think that it is more widely accepted in my country (U.S.) today than it has ever been.
Of course, having said that, I am still withholding it from my parents. I don't try to hide my sexuality, nor do I push it in anyone else's face.
It is a personal thing that every person who feels that they are "outside the norm" has to deal with. At least there are hotlines and other resources and groups to help us.
Be kind to those who are unkind, tolerant toward those who treat you with intolerance, loving to those who withhold their love, and always smile through the pains of life.
Times have changed (and mostly for the better)
Back in the day when I was a spotty faced teenager I was sent to see a shrink (see my stories 'In the Psychiatrist's Chair') and even told him that I wanted to live as a woman. This was immediately dismissed 'You will grow out of it'.
I didn't and it sucks but on the otherhand, I could never have passed as a woman.
In many places these days, it is a lot easier. There are services for the Transgendered. One TS is even using crowdfunding to pay for her operation. That would not have been possible even 20 years ago let alone 40.
Sadly, in other places it has become and awful lot harder. As religious bigotry (in many religions) has intensified. Where before it was acceptable to be of 'the third sex', now it is just asking to be killed.
I think the term is Polarisation
One factor that could affect young people's abilty to come out is the Internet. The Bullying and everything else heaped on those who don't confirm to the norm can mean a lot more than angst, even suicide. That is tragic and should not happen.
I'd advise anyone under 40 to come off social media at least 6 months before they come out. Then they won't see the shit/crap/lies/etc that those who don't know any better spout forth.
Support from people close to you is essential though. I can't even begin to imagine the issues you have to face doing it alone.
I think you are right in many of your assertions. Perhaps coming out in another place might have been different? Who knows. We don't have the luxury of time-travel to go back and try again.
Samantha
Testosterone use in Juveniles
I have searched for and not found much evidence of giving young boys testosterone to jump start their development. I know one author here, who is now deceased that told me they gave her testosterone for being undersized, and later she was over 6'. Actually, now that I think of it, I knew two, both now deceased. I never did ask if they had pills or injections and can not find much about it. It was a practice of the 50's I suppose.
I was very little, in the bottom 3rd percentile, and around 10 or 11 was given pills that made me suddenly shoot up to a whole 5'7"! Mom only said they were "vitamins" and would not tell me more. I think I took them daily for like a year or less. Doctors now tell me that children born like me, (Parts of both sets of ginae) are left alone until it is seen how they develop.
I quite literally
hit the point I was going to kill myself. I don't mean maybe. I really did not want to live anymore if I had to do so as a man.
But I have kids and my family has a history of suicide. I couldn't do that to them, again. So I chose to live. Even then it was touch and go, I almost didn't make it.
Sometimes you have to be willing to loose everything before you can make choices. People have called me brave, which is bull corn. I was desperate.
Nowdays I wonder if I need to get a passport and ask for refuge status from Canada.
Desperation as a common factor
Yes, becoming desperate, often not knowing why, seems to be the most common factor. Being a Christian Fundi, admitting I wanted to be a girl was tantamount to voluntarily consigning oneself to hell. I wonder how many of us simply die, being unable to face that. I was told over 20 years before I finally came out.
We can only hope that level of ignorance is gone, though as one person said, it will still get you killed in some places in the world.
RE: Crisis before coming out?
I didn't come out fully until I was 29. I had moved from Utah to Washington with no relatives around me and felt secure enough to finally start seeing someone about starting my transition. If I'd stayed in Utah with my family around me I may have reached a point of crisis since my family is devout LDS. They didn't take it too well when I told them. I have had a few times after coming out (and moving back to Utah) in which I was very depressed and felt like doing something foolish, but with the help of friends I was able to get past it.
I was not terrified.
I had been online for about 8 months when this tranny chaser (nice guy but *shudder*) asked me what was holding me back.
I told him honestly... MONEY. I needed ID changes, clothes for work, new glasses, and proper shoes.
He asked how much. I picked a number slightly more than I thought I'd need and HE SENT IT TO ME. I being canadian of course said the amount I needed in CA$. He sent me in US$. I had about 25% more than I dreamed I'd need.
I started by changing my name legally and updating my IDs (still Sex: M) but new name.
I then got some new glasses, new clothes and did my "Grand Reveal". I told my boss on last day of work before christmas holiday..."I'm transsexual and I will be coming to work in my new ID and clothes." He said very non-plussed... "Do I need to do anything?" We talked and I showed him my legal name changed documents.
My friends whom I expected to be the most violently opposed (they were bush workers and more than a little sexist and racist) were the most welcoming "We thought something was up." Apparently a few years before they had snuck into my closed door bedroom to wake me up when they discovered I'd been sleeping in my beautifully delicious pink satin nightgown. They snuck back out and never mentioned it and in retrospect it was a non-issue between us.
They were waiting for me to confess that I was gay. My 'Coming out' was basically just for me cuz apparently I was the only one who thought I was hiding anything. Go figger.
Dayna.