I just want to say that I'm encouraged and discouraged both by recent discussions of unpubbing stories, kudos, criticism and the like.

I've demoted two blogs concerned with those subjects off the front page, not because they were unimportant but because I felt that they were both beginning to attract comments that some people could feel were unfriendly.

In general, people are trying to say things they think are encouraging or helpful but I've been doing this for fifteen years and I have a sense of when something is being said that can too easily be misinterpreted. So....

I ask that everyone abide with my judgement here, you don't have to agree with how or why I do it but please try to understand that my motive is to protect the mission of BigCloset which is to provide "A friendly place to read, write and discuss Transgender Fiction". Even discussion is secondary to reading and writing and the social and community stuff has to be tertiary.

I also want to remind people of Rule Three here: "It's not about you."

Like the other two rules this is a Swiss Army knife of a principle.

When I remove a comment or demote a blog, whether you were the poster or not: "It's not about you." It's about the website.

When someone else makes a comment or posts a blog you object to: "It's not about you." It's mostly about them, they are doing it for their own reasons and those probably only obliquely concern you. Even if someone directly addresses you or something you've said or done, it's still really mostly about them. You are your own person and your validity is not determined by the opinions of others. Not even by mine.

I'm please that people care about other people here and I'm encouraged that for the most part, even in disagreement, everyone is being fairly civil and polite.

Rule Two comes in here also: "Give everyone the benefit of the doubt." You can't know what someone else is thinking or what their motives are; heck, they may not know themselves. And if you give the benefit of the doubt then it is out there floating around ready for you when you accidentally offend someone. We all do it, we all need it.

People who know me personally, like Piper, Cat, Katie and Sephrena, know that I have a mercuric temper and a real mean streak. I don't display that much here and it takes a lot of effort on my part. And a lot of forgiveness from my close friends. Fortunately, I have the virtues that are the flip side of my failings; I don't stay mad long, I don't hold a grudge, I frequently apologize first and I ask for and give forgiveness quickly. Don't worry much about offending me, I have a thick skin and I do get over it when it happens.

We bumble around, we bump against each other, we step on toes. We're all human and for the most part, we all have good intentions most of the time but that just means that we are all going to screw it up now and then.

And Rule One is: "Keep it friendly." It's worth it.

And you know that I always mean it when I say:

Hugs to all,
Erin