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These last couple of weeks my gender identity has been all over the place. One moment I am completely convinced I am male and any TG feeling is just a flight of fancy (or perhaps reading too much BC), the next moment I am absolutely certain that if I would awake a woman the next day it would be 45 years too late.
I could sure use some helpful pointers to help me figure out what it is that I am.
I am too scared to tell anyone, but also afraid that some day me being TG (or not as the case may be) will spill out in the open. I have been thinking about telling my wife, but I am convinced I need to better understand where/what I am first.
Sorry about putting this out there but I needed to share with someone else.
[ I am Dutch and live in the Netherlands so any local pointers would help tremendously. ]
Comments
Here is a link.
The people on this forum should be able to help you: forum.lauras-playground.com
Don't let the name fool you. It is a support forum for transgender and intersex people.
Thanks
I will check the site and the forums.
Anne Margarete
Good luck.
Good luck.
You are not alone...
While I live in the US, and I don't know the laws or social climate of the Netherlands, know that you are NOT alone with this issue. I'm having a similar issue. My estrogen levels are up (56) into the low range for a female and my testosterone levels are in the low range for a male. I have gynecomastia (3 years) and for 2 weeks every month I feel much more feminine. Two years ago I started having dreams that I was completely female (never had them before). I found a counselor who specialized in transgender issues. She has been very helpful in getting me to understand and deal with my issues. I do cross dress, but not publicly.
I suggest you find a counselor who is tg knowledgeable and friendly to help you understand what you are going through and perhaps talk to your doctor to try and find out if there is a medical reason such as hormonal imbalance, etc. I find that knowing why something is happening has really helped me to deal with what I am going through. Finding some kind of support group (others who are dealing and coping with similar issues) is a definite help. You should be able to find resources on the internet. I suggest you make sure to delete your history from the browser as well as the temporary folder as well, so your spouse doesn't accidentally find it. That information is better coming from you. I hope this helps.
In any case, I'm sure we will help you the best we can. Hang in there and don't give up and don't do anything drastic.
Hugs,
Erin G <3
I figure I go talk to our GP
i figure I should go talk to our GP (that medical professional that already know all your medical details... In Dutch "Huisarts") and request a referral to a gender specialist.
Now I just have to build up to courage to go talk to him.
Anne Margarete
I would suggest talking to a therapist.....
For various reasons, primarily having to do with my time in the service and things that happened during that period, I have been seeing a therapist off and on for years.
Add in the fact that I have had gender issues for nearly five decades, have gone through phases of cross dressing with the usual purges on a fairly regular basis, had the expected marital issues due to it, bouts of depression and self-loathing, and all of the other problems and questions inherent in pretending to be someone I am not - I had ample reason for therapy.
Over time, I concluded (as did others close to me) that I am not who I should have been - that although physically male, psychologically and emotionally I am female. I spent the better part of my life denying this and pretending to be someone I was not. I created a facade to cover the real me. That facade was crumbling. It had cracked enough while I was in the service to let a few people see the real me; I should have listened to them but instead I went home and rebuilt my facade.
Several years ago things came to a head and when I realized that the depression had gotten so bad that I was harboring serious thoughts of suicide........ well, it occurred to me that I could either admit to myself who I really am, or I could die. It was a simple binary set - live or die.
When this epiphany occurred, I called my therapist and left an emergency message. I hadn't spoken with her in about twelve months, and I left a message with her answering service that I needed to see her as soon as possible. When I was able to speak with her, I bared my soul to her in a way that I had not been able to before.
Her response was a simple "I know - I've been wondering when you would finally admit it to yourself."
Talk to a professional, talk to a friend, talk to someone - but get help. Only you can decide who you are - but whoever you are, you will need the help and support of others.
I hope you get to where you need to be, but remember, only you can decide where that is.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Thank you all
for the encouraging words.
What I am going to do is get an appointment with our doctor.
What I did do was setup an appointment at a specialist shop that caters to people on the "M2F spectrum".
Even if only for an hour but I will be Anne...
Anne Margarete
Happiness
I truly believe the Dalai Lama has it right when he says, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
This task becomes thorny for those with gender issues. Self discovery involves introspection. Fulfillment can quickly involve selfish decisions. It almost seems like we're doomed to be unhappy.
Yet, I believe there are many in our community who understand the natural positioning of gender. Gender is a state of being, but should never be our focal point.
Looking outside of our community we easily can see many horrible examples of focusing too much on gender. Think of the macho or the silly women who spend hours a week in salons becoming a fantasy. Both are to be pitied.
My guess would be that your wife already knows who YOU are. Matching that to a reality is tricky, but so is so much of life.
Set your own agenda. Many in this community are quick to push toward a Holy Grail forgetting that we all have much different needs and desires.
Good luck!
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
*Looks for the Like Button,
*Looks for the Like Button, then remembers she needs to install one*
LIKE
Thank you.
Words to remember....
Anne Margarete
I think you are lucky
As the medical specialists in the Netherlands have a long practise in helping those like you and me. Much of the research in Europe has been made at the Vrie Universite. Through my membership in the WPATH I have heard many scientists from VU giving lectures different side of our problems. And your ambivalence is not a rare thing. There are so many things that need to function to make it a ting that is worth to fight to reach the final descision. But I can tell from my own experience that if your way is to go through the long process, it is worth all the time and hardships that may lie in front of you. I wish you good speed and many happy days during the transition. World Professional Association for Transgender Health
Ginnie. Feel free to message me here if you like more info.
GinnieG
Not uncommon
Angela Rasch has said a lot of what I think, which in my case can be summed up as "Don't let others tell you what to do, don't let others set your agenda"
There are exceptions to this. My psych set me some very clear goals, or rather gave me deadlines to fulfil. He was blunt, but right. The important thing was that he had already made his diagnosis, and was therefore following it up. Gender is not bipolar, but a continuum. There are two peaks around male/female, but not everyone fits there and they should not be forced to.
One size does NOT fit all.
"Gender is not bipolar, but a
"Gender is not bipolar, but a continuum. There are two peaks around male/female, but not everyone fits there and they should not be forced to."
How very true. Now if only the rest of the world would "get" that...
Kris
{I leave a trail of Kudos as I browse the site. Be careful where you step!}
Follow your own truth
not the agendas of others. When I set up the help line for the Gender Trust many years ago, I spent much time asking people what they needed, which is not always the same as their desires. I also asked what the consequences would be if they followed their dream, it's not just the individual who is affected by life choices. Find someone who can help you understand your needs and evaluate the consequences.
I've spent nearly thirty years 'living the dream' it isn't all honey and roses. I wish you luck, and those who care for you and you care for.
Angharad
Yes, it is t he consequences to others
that scare me the most....
And the thing that could stop me, because my family means more to me then myself.
Anne Margarete
Be Yourself
I agree what Angela Rash said.
I accept what others said about a therapist, if you believe you need it.
Now, BE YOURSELF whatever that is. Being male, female or something else is only part of what you are. By knowing who you really are and what you truly need everything else will come naturally. You will also be calmer.
Talking to others may help. Be brave about talking
shalimar