To: [email protected]
From: Kat432578@ gmail.com
Re: Where are you, girl!
Marisa. Where ARE you! I rechecked the news, looking for anything. The newspaper printed a correction, saying it was a Marisol Gomez that was killed, NOT Marisa Gomez. They apologized for the mistake. Fuck them. I had to be sedated. Please please please please Skype me!!!! Are you mad at me?? I’m sorry for whatever I did. I would never ever do anything to hurt you or make you mad. I don’t have enough friends to do that.
I tore a couple of stitches when I threw my little fit, so they had to work on me a little, but I’m ok now. I tried to pull the catheter out, but fortunately a nurse was close by and was able to stop me from doing something stupid. I spent way too much dough on my new girl to screw everything up like that.
I’m just going to assume you are having some kind of trouble with your computer until I know different, so I’ll just keep writing if that’s ok. I feel a lot better since I know you weren’t killed. If you don’t believe me, try having the only friend you’ve ever known die. If you are screwing with me, stop it! If you are reading this and not talking to me, you are a true bitch. I’m sorry, you’re not.
I just feel like I’m running on the edge of a cliff at full speed, and one misstep will cause me to fall to the bottom of the pit. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I just feel like I’m constantly on the edge. My stomach is bothering me now, and the doctor prescribed me some medicine to make it feel better. The food here is okay I guess if you like crap! ïŠ Not really.
I just got an email from daddy. He said don’t bother coming back. I don’t know why it bothers me it’s not like it’s a surprise. Maybe someday he will love me. I wonder if mom misses me. I guess I have no one to blame but myself. Could I just be selfish? Would I want me as a daughter?
I have cried more tears since my happy day than all of the days previous. I have got to get better and get out of this clinic. I haven’t been able to exercise, and I can feel myself getting fat. I need to stop eating so much. If I get fat, then who will want me? People will say, “She’d be pretty if she wasn’t so fat” I’m feeling better physically every day. I have started dilating now. It hurts, girl. The doctor says I’ll get used to it, but spending hours a day with that thing shoved up inside me is agony. I’m glad I had the laser treatments down there to get rid of the hair. I don’t need another thing to take care of in that area.
Girl, you would have such a big laugh at my situation now. Flat on my back (well propped up now), and I look like I have a diaper on. It’s a long way from the cute lace bikinis I like ïŠ!! I look sooo stupid.
I finally couldn’t stand it anymore, and started putting on some makeup. Maybe that will help my mood. My hair looks like total crap, and it’s not going to get any better. When I get a little more mobile, I’ll hire someone to come and do my hair. You can only stand having your hair in a ponytail so long.
Doctor Who says I need to get up and walk for a little bit. I’ll try, but there is no way I’m going to make it very far, the way my poor little girl feels. I think I’ll call the nurse as soon as I’m done here to try it. The quicker I get up the quicker I can get the heck out of here.
Would you do me a favor and pick up what little stuff I have left at daddy’s house? I have a few pictures of some of the vacations we took when I was a little girl (boy?). My life wasn’t a total train wreck then, and daddy wasn’t such a jerk.
Can you tell me how someone could treat their own child like this? I can’t do it now. I feel like I’m an orphan now. I get sooo angry thinking about it. I’m only 18! I’m just a little girl inside and I still feel like I need someone to take care of me. Can you understand that? You’d think that after all I’ve been through, I’d be the most jaded person on earth.
I guess in some ways I am. I can read men like a book. I know what they are thinking before they do. I know more ways to please a man than most real girls, but I’m afraid to go into a tattoo parlor. I still blush when a guy I like looks at me. I melt watching some silly chick flick. Ha! Some world wise person I am. I am so lame sometimes. It just looks like I’m going to have to learn it on my own.
Please find a way to write back, Marisa. I need you right now. I hate to sound needy, but please?
XOXO
Katrina
Comments
Post Surgery Anxiety
Major surgery frequently has serious mental effects that may last quite a while. I've been there, and I know many of the readers have, too. This is not the time for all of these anxiety feeding events. I hope her friend is on the way, and someone should just tell her father to take a long walk off a short pier. She should block his emails for a while.
I think she needs some good drugs.
Portia
Portia
block for a while
I didn't know you could do that. I thought once it's blocked it's blocked always. Maybe she needs to do that.
powerful
very powerful stuff.
Dorothycolleen
Katrina: Sometimes Life Sucks!
Hopefully, she is not alone.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Being a parent...
...I know of course that this is a story, but there are an awful lot of girls and boys out here in the same place as Katrina. I can't read things like this without being dramatically affected, but I do anyway because it's essential for my own healing to face these things.
I just got an email from daddy. He said don’t bother coming back. I don’t know why it bothers me it’s not like it’s a surprise. Maybe someday he will love me. I wonder if mom misses me. I guess I have no one to blame but myself. Could I just be selfish? Would I want me as a daughter?
We have one terrific son when we should have five children. That's just a fact; we're entirely joyful over our son and grateful. But to think that parents throw away their own children for the sake of being right? It's horrible. Like I said the other day, I'd adopt this girl in a heartbeat, as I expect many other of us here would as well. Terrifically told but terrifying to know. Thank you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Two Approaches
Her father needs to have a meeting with Cathy. Cathy (Angharad) said it so well in today's episode. If only people could see what is going on with their children in an informed manner. Why does everyone have to get so angry about a gender variant child. It just doesn't make sense.
I know I shouldn't say 'everyone'.
Portia
Portia
I couldn't agree more.
My heart broke when I heard about that poor girl that was beaten in some McDonald's. People were laughing about it.
Parents are so locked in to gender and what is normal that they destroy their kids.
.
Why are people so cruel?
Peace!
Cindilee
Peace!
Cindilee
Marisa ?
I hope she hears something from her soon, she sounds like she really needs her friend.
a gripping story.
She's hanging on to her sanity by a thread and it's fraying
She said she wondered if her mom missed her. But in the very first part we learned mom was dead at least two years. Just wondering WHAT IF mom was alive how she would react or if mom in Heaven misses her? Or is she starting to blur reality and fantasy. She nearly lost control when she thought her friend had died. The doctors and nurse had to restrain her and fix a few stitches she popped in her struggles. She must be very stressed out.
And why did Dad even bother to send the email, unless she was sending him updates. Well if he wants no contact with the only living reminder of his wife he's stupider than he sounds and that's saying something when it comes to ex-Marines, the dumb jar-heads.
DON'T SHOOT ME !
--GRIN --
Why hasn't she contacted the other few solid friends she has or don't they have Internet? To rely on only one is asking for trouble.
Very realistic story. I am uncertain as to where it is going.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Excellent story
I don't think that Marisa feel's as strong a friendship with Katrina as Katrina does with her.
Teen Angst Squared Or Cubed
This poor kid is all alone in a foreign land and desparately needs a big hug,
Joanne