A girl deals with the loss of her transgendered sister.

Author's note: This is a fictionalized account of real events in my life. I have not shared this before.

I just had a very bad day. I was leaving my last class of the day, another battle with Trigonometry that I was rapidly losing. Of all my freshman level classes, trig was the worst, and it had put me in a foul mood. I just wanted to go to my dorm room, make a cup of hot cocoa and veg for the rest of the evening.

I was walking to the common area of the university, on my way to the Subway on campus to get something to take to my room. Looking to my right, I saw a group of the people I hated
most of all on campus, a group of misogynist wrestlers with a hard on for Asian girls like myself. I had no idea what their names Biting my lip, I walked forward, preparing myself for the taunts to come.

I was actually Korean-American, adopted by a Korean-American family here in the States. My adoptive father was Korean, my adoptive mother was American. I had two brothers, John, the oldest, and Jason, who, at twenty, was two years older than me. My parents couldn't have anymore babies, so they decided to adopt me as a baby, a child of an American serviceman and a Korean prostitute. I had no future in Korea, and was eternally grateful that Mom and Dad had chosen me to adopt.

One of the boys stepped in front of me as I walked by. "Hey, baby!" sneered one of the boys. "You so horrrny? You love me long time?"

"Very funny, jackass" I replied. "Don't you have some little boy to molest?"

"Oooohh! Matt! I don't think she likes you, buddy" grinned one of the group of boys with "Matt".

"Matt" looked back toward me. "Listen, bitch. My old man lost his job to people like you. The least you could do is give me a little of that fine ass to make up for it"

"No, 'Matt', the least I could do is turn your sorry ass into the campus police for harrassment. Now leave me alone, or that's just what I'll do"

A large hispanic male with them muttered "puta" then said "leave the bitch alone, Matt, she's probably a lesbo anyway"

As I was walking away from the group, one of the group spit at me. It didn't hit me, but the message was delivered. I hated how dirty those boys made me feel.

I was attractive, I guess.I was 18, 5'6", 115 lbs, with a runner's build. I had long, straight brown hair that came to the middle of my back. I didn't have a lot on top, but it definitely made my morning runs easier.

I had the reputation of a girl who didn't have time for dating or boys at all. My daddy was paying for me to get an education, and he wouldn't pay for me to spend my time dating when I should be studying. It was the same way with my brothers. They didn't get any slack either, but it was a little worse for me as the only girl in the family.

John, 26,was my oldest brother. An engineer for Boeing in Tacoma, was married to a wonderful girl from Hawaii of Polynesian descent. They had a son, a beautiful little baby named Trent.

Jason, 20, was still in school. He was my best friend growing up. I had known for several years that he was transgendered, and was well into his transition. He had begun his life trial a year and a half ago, and was encountering a lot of bullying and intimidation from some of the idiots on campus. It was a smaller school, and in the same town where we grew up. Mom and Daddy didn't like it, but he was not going to be denied. He was so unhappy as a boy, and had confided in me when I was 15. I couldn't understand at first, but I loved my brother, and did what I could to help him, from helping him with makeup and clothes, to going out with him when he would dress. He went by Jessica, and I called him Jessi. We didn't live together on campus, and we planned on moving in together after my freshman year.

Jessi had problems with the same bunch of creeps who harrassed me. I know they bothered me because I was Jessi's sister, but I didn't care. I knew the sweet person that Jessi was, and knew she would make some lucky man a wonderful wife. Jessi didn't like girls. She was 100% hetero, and loved men.

This got her into trouble more than once. She often didn't disclose on the first date that she was a tgirl. She passed very well, and once a man had a bad reaction after she told him on their third date after Jessi had gone down on him. She was beaten pretty badly, but she refused to press charges, saying it was her fault, that she should have told him sooner.

After that, the man's friends had gotten hold of her. They had invited her to a party and had given her a date rape drug. She woke up naked in a strange apartment. She didn't ever know exactly what they did to her. I begged her to press charges, but she wouldn't. She made me promise not to tell mom and daddy. I sensed that a part of her died that day. She never was the same cheery person after that.

The stress of the harassment had gotten to her. She had been betrayed a couple of times by pervs who wanted a transsexual girl to abuse. Jessi just wanted to have a relationship, and made some bad choices based on lies people told her that she was willing to believe.

Jessi began drinking and taking too many pills. Her therapist was trying to get her to come out of her shell, to report the abuses she had suffered. She wouldn't do it, saying it wouldn't do any good, that she couldn't even remember who was at the party. I think she just wanted to forget it.

I got my sandwich, and left the shop. The weather had gotten cloudy in the time I had been in there, and it looked as if a thunderstorm was kicking up.

Walking rapidly to beat the storm, I looked down an alley way and heard a muffled scream. Whirling to my left, I saw four men holding a woman and hitting her mercilessly. I dropped everything and ran down the alley, screaming for them to stop. Where was everyone? Where was someone to help her?

As I got there, I saw that it was the same people who had harrassed me earlier. They were holding the woman by both arms and were covering her mouth.

"Stop it!" I screamed. "Leave her alone!"

They just looked at me and laughed and continued hitting her. I ran to them and tried to get between them and the woman, but I was too small, to make much of a difference. I hit the one striking the woman in the back as hard as I could with both hands, but he wouldn't stop.

Sobbing, I was screaming for help, but no one came. Where was everyone? Finally, one of the men turned to me and pushed me to the pavement. He looked at me with hate filled eyes. "You're next, bitch".

Terror gripped me as I backed up, crab walking back to a wall. Suddenly, the four men looked to the end of the alley and began to back up. A woman was at the end of the alley.

"Get out of here!" She commanded.

The leader of the gang looked at me and hissed "We'll be back for you later, bitch"

I got up and ran to the woman, who was laying face down on the ground. "Miss, are you ok?" She moaned as I rolled her over. Her face was a mess. She had lost several teeth, her nose appeared to be broken and her eyes were swelling shut. Then I recognized her. Jessi! oh my God! "JESSI! Help! Someone! My sister's hurt!" I was sobbing uncontrollably. "It's ok, honey, it's Cindi. I'm here" I held her and cried. "Where is everyone" I screamed.

"It's...ok...Cindi. I'm fine"

"No you're not, Jessi. You're hurt! HELP ME!" I screamed.

"I'm...leaving...Cindi. I-I can't take the abuse anymore. I never wanted this. I just wanted to be happy. It shouldn't be like this"

"It'll be ok, Jessi. I saw the people who did this. They'll pay this time"

I felt a hand touch me on the shoulder. I looked up, and the woman I saw at the end of the alley was looking down on me. She was beautiful, with dark hair and the most stunning blue eyes I had ever seen. She smiled. "Jessi is coming with me, Cindi"

"What do you mean? We have to get her to a hospital"

"Why?" she smiled again, a smile that I could get lost in. A smile that said everything would be all right. "Jessie is just fine"

I looked down, and Jessi's face was whole again. She looked more wonderful than I had ever seen her before. Her face shone with happiness. "What? I-I don't understand. What's going on?"

"Kristen is coming to take me home" said Jessi as she got up from the ground.

"Who? What is going on here, Jessi?"

"Cindi, I'm Kristen, and Jessie is coming with me to where she can be who she is, without fear or prejudice. She's going home"

"NO! It'll be alright, Jessi! Stay with me! We'll get through this, together! Please, sis, don't leave me!" I sobbed. I was on my knees, holding on to Jessi's dress.

"It's ok, Cindi. Really, it is. I am so much happier now. You don't understand! We'll be together again. This isn't forever, sis"

Looking down on me with a mixture of sorrow and understanding, Kristen said quietly "Jessi hasn't told you why she's leaving. You see, after she was drugged, the people who did it brought in some drug addicts to have sex with her. They were HIV positive, and infected her. She didn't want to live with the disease."

I looked at Jessi "Is this true?"

"I'm afraid so, Sis. I could never be whole again"

"Oh my god, Jessi. I'm so sorry"

"It's ok, Cindi. That's why I'm leaving"

"We have to go now, Jessi" said Kristen quietly.

I hugged my sister one more time. "Goodbye, Jessi"

"Not goodbye, sis, see ya later"

Kristen led Jessi to the end of the alley. She turned around one more time and smiled "Live the best life you can for me, sis. Don't mourn for me. I love you"

"I love you too, Jessi" I whispered, barely able to speak.

Kristen and Jessi simply faded away.

I woke in my dorm room. My eyes were wet with tears. Just a dream? It was so real. I had to call Jessi. She had to be all right. I called her cell phone. No answer. I called her rommmate. She picked up on the third ring.

"Marina!" Where is Jessi? I need to talk to her!"

"She-she's not here, Cindi"

"Where is she?" I was frantic.

"I-I really can't say, Cindi"

Just then, there was a knock at my door. I hung up the phone. I opened the door, and my parents were there. My father was deadly serious, my mother was crying.

"Cindi" my father started.

"No...no, please...no. Not Jessi. Daddy..." Tears were streaming down my face.

My father looked down "I'm afraid that Jessi passed away last night. It looks like suicide"

I collapsed on the floor. My parents held me. We all cried.

My sister was buried in a beautiful blue dress. The service was attended by a few friends of the family and some transgendered friends of Jessi who mourned with us at the loss of a beautiful lady. We celebrated her life as she would have wanted us to. My parents learned that Jessi wasn't some sort of freak, and her friends were wonderful throughout the geiving process. As for me? I would never be the same again.

I couldn't understand why people had to be so mean. The dream I had came true. Jessi was HIV positive. Those evil people had killed her just as if they had pulled a trigger. And nothing would ever happen to them. Not in this world. I would have to let that go, as much as I wanted to pursue them.

I left school that fall, never to return. Confused and hurting, I went to another college, hundreds of miles away. I needed a lot of therapy to deal with my anger. The dream I had helped me to deal with the death of my sister. Maybe she was in a better place. What was beyond this life? I didn't know. One thing I did know. I would meet her again...