Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 16

*Before…

“Yes and if you can do without your mom and I for a while tomorrow we’re going to drive down and pick her up so we can actually meet her parents instead of talking to them on the phone and online.”
I can’t help it but I end up hugging him and he hugs me back.
And there it is the sniffles. (Sniffle.) “You guys are awesome, you sure it’s okay?”
He gives me a bit of a tighter squeeze that sort of sets off what the Doc just said about all of the stuff that they must have gone through with me and everything. It really, really means a whole hell of a lot that he and that she cares so much.
That he’s hugging me like hugging me is special.
……me…special.
Y’know it’s one of those visceral feelings more than anything else but it feels like feeling like I’m special was something that was pretty far removed from my life before this.

*And Now…

I squeeze him back as hard as I dare. “Thanks Daddy that’s so awesome.”

He shrugs in the hug. “Well honestly kiddo it’d be good for you and it’d be good for us and your friend Kaitlyn too.”

Oooh…I know this…somehow I know this and I don’t think it’s because I’m like putting together the clues from here and this conversation Kaitlyn is Nova’s IRL name.

“Good for her too?”

“Well the little bit I talked to her dad it kind of sounds like you girls are kind of living insulated kinds of lives.”

“Yeah really there seems to be a lot of us online and stuff but really there’s not or in the real world either, getting to hang out is sort of really like rare unless you live in a major city that has like all the support and stuff that we need in the community.”

He looks at me after we stop hugging. “Pretty much my take only a whole lot less on the ball than that.”

I blush and grin. “I…I guess that I’m into it because it’s like my life right?”

“It’s a good plan kiddo; it’s always good to keep on top of things.”

And yeah I’m blushing again because it’s praise…its dad saying that stuff to me.

It feels better than good really.

We leave the office there and we head down and just sort of hang out at the lobby some and there’s a sort of an atrium there with the big windows and potted plants and a couple of benches and the like right next to the gift shop and the canteen and we just sort of just go there for going there like a bit of a walk because I really don’t want to go back to my room right away unless I have to.

It’s not even really a big thing it’s just one of those things that you kind of just do?

And even that’s kind of nice looking at the flowers and the plaques on the wall and there’s a lot of stuff that’s like historical with the names of soldiers that fought in WW1 and WW2 and people that did some I guess pretty cool stuff too it’s just sort of nice.

Then Mom and I end up in the gift shop and it’s kind of nice it’s run by The Ladies Auxiliary and the Rotary Clubs and they sell like knickknacks and a few sundries and things but they also sell like charity stuff like breast cancer tee’s and Rick Hanson stuff and some craft made clothes and even things like jewelry and other kinds of things and Mom and I are actually shopping and looking and trying on the ladies hats that they have here and things in this thrift rack that they have and honestly it looks like donated stuff but also things that senior ladies had brought in.

Mom’s not into some of those but I adore some of the things and there’s some 40-70 era vintage things there that’d likely get snatched up really fast and I give mom this pleading look and she nods.

Whoo-hoo!

I get two really nice cut satin blouses that are a little big for me but will do that drape down just long enough and I can do the belt thing over it for that look, I get three sundresses that have these prints I don’t think are even thought of being made anymore and a couple of cute cuts ranging from an old fellows trilby hat for that whole Stevie Nicks look and there was even this ladies bowler looking flapper hat that was just all sorts of quirky and cute.

And I sort of have ideas for the other stuff and it’s actually pretty darned cool doing this with Mom and seeing the looks she gives me. I think they’re good looks in that they seem to be between pleased and enjoying herself kinds of smiles to pleasantly surprised about the stuff we’re doing and the stuff that I’m saying.

It also turns out that I know a good deal about clothes too and that’s somehow not purged out of my memory. I don’t get how that works since there’s like no memories of me dressing and any of that coming to the surface but it’s like I just sort of know clothes and colors and fits…not like in a big sort of professional way but just…just maybe like any other girl?

And the ladies at the gift shop were pretty awesome because I know that I might not really pass yet even with how I’m dressed and stuff but they call me young lady and refer to me when talking to Mom as your daughter.

It’s all pretty much a total making up for the stress of the tests and seeing the psychologist today.

We get my booty and take it up to my room and Dad takes off to do some stuff and to get us some take out for supper after talking to the kitchen people and I’m still not really allowed solids or anything really like hard to digest but they’ll let him get me stuff like soup and things that are not too hard on my system given the in coma liquid diet I’ve been on for too long.

But I guess they’re cool with that because well it’s food and a meal that they don’t have to do up for me and I guess that saves money. (Shrugs.)

But while Dad’s out Mom and I are going through the other things that we have in the other bags and we shampoo and condition my hair and play around with some make-up.

Mom’s actually really decent with a comb and brush and scissors and I end up with a fixed up cut that’s short. It’s kind of like one of those cute little butch haircuts that looks good when it’s combed down and at the same time looks a little rockin when she puts in some product and gives me that chopped spiked look that you see everywhere with like the college girls.

“Wow…okay this looks great.”

Mom smiles. “I actually used to do this for a job back in college.”

“You went to school for this?”

“Nope, just sort of fell into it when I was doing it to save money with friends in the dorms and then the share house I was in and after a while word got around and a salon that was short a couple of people during a bad flu season gave me a ring up and asked if I was interested. I spent my whole last two years in school with a chair.”

“A chair?”

“Some places rent their chairs where the customers get cut in and others will have you use a chair for a share of the money per customer.”

“So what’d you do?”

“I just cut hair for minimum wage and tips as I was filling in but it wasn’t really a bad job if you could handle the bad stuff.”

“Bad stuff?”

“Smokers they have in in their clothes and then when you wash their hair it…and then there’s dirty hair some people just are like hygiene challenged and then there’s like some of the seniors that aren’t too bad but they tend to get a lot of dye jobs and perms and there’s all the chemicals from those.”

“Okay Eeew…” I mean it too the whole thought of the smoker thing just kind of kicks in this bad ick sort of feeling in me. “I hate smoking.”

Mom nods. “Good, it’s a bad habit and it took me five tries and forty pounds to quit.”

“You smoked?”

“Before you were born, kind of fell into it along with other stuff back home growing up.”

“Huh?”

“A lot of kids that were like us growing up in the whole not the best of places kinda went for drinking and partying early even those of us that were trying really hard to get out from that.”

I nod. “Peer pressure right?”

She looks at me and she nods. “You kinda get caught up in that even when you don’t want to sometimes.”

I play with my hair looking at it some. “No friends is lonely mom, you do a lot of stuff just to fit in I guess sometimes.”

“Speaking from experience honey?”

“Maybe…maybe Shawn’s friends were just kind of that…friends he had because he had to be Shawn and was lonely….because Shawn wasn’t real.”

She looks like she’s taking that all in and thinking about it. I mean it was kind of strange even for me to talk about Shawn like he was a different person, like he wasn’t a person and if it was odd to say I can’t actually imagine how that might be to like hear.

“Can I ask what brought this on?”

“It’s been there a long time Mom it’s just feelings and…”

“And?”

“Well no one’s showed, no school friends and no one from the families of the boys that were in the car with me.”

Mom gives me this sort of sad look. “Oh Sarah…that’s complicated there’s a lot that went on with their parents and Tommy’s folks were split up before this happened and his father didn’t even show up for the funeral the ass…and his mother moved away, Billy’s parents are avoiding us still ever since the funerals and they still avoid your father and I in town…I mean it’s something that’s just so hard to deal with and seeing us I imagine reminds them of what they lost and then Zack’s folks moved…Zack was driving and they bought him the car and there was a lot of blame going around after everything with them giving him a car with that much power and speed and all.”

Oh…

“Well…poop, I never thought of that kind of stuff happening.”

I’m sort of looking though at the utility issues dresser desk thing and… “What about the kids from school?”

“They left things they left a lot of stuff but flowers and stuff die off and there were things that were just sort of better off home and out of the way.”

“Oh…were there like any things that were like close and like…uhm personal kind of things?”

“Not that I seen or could tell sweetie, and no one’s been by in like the girlfriend or boyfriend way.”

“Mom!”

She blinks at me. “What?”

“I…okay I don’t know…I mean I was going to say that I’m not gay but I don’t know what exactly gay really sort of entails with or like for me now.”

She hugs me and chuckles. “That’s fine Sarah y’know you don’t have to figure this stuff out overnight.”

Sigh… (Sigh)… “I know and this helped, I mean really helped Mom I had those questions banging around in my head all day.”

“You’re welcome honey it’s kind of my job as a parent.”

“What being my therapist?”

“Actually yeah in a way, I couldn’t talk to my folks really. I couldn’t take their stuff half the time and they always though that I thought that I felt like I was better than them.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I knew getting to college and getting the heck out of there was like the only chance I had of not becoming like every other girl that grew up home and didn’t get out…it’d been crappy job after job and then finding or trying to find a guy that wasn’t like totally an ass or worthless and then likely popping out a family just because everyone else did and to get the baby-bonus.”

I look at her. “Really it was that bad?”

She nods and has that looking back expression. “Home had a lot of problems, there wasn’t a lot of good paying jobs there and a lot of the other stuff was seasonal…and there was a definite thing…like where you lived and what your last name was and stuff was a big deal there. So if you really weren’t like part of white collared life there you were destined to be dirty blue collar there and that’s the way it was…unless you got an education and got out of there.”

“But they said you were being like snobby?”

“A lot of us that knew we got out were labeled with that. There’s this whole messed up thing that if you were leaving you were some kind of traitor or a snob or putting on airs.”

“Okay that’s shi…that sounds really bad I think I’d have exploded there.”

“Definitely especially the way things are with you now. I told you what happened right with my friend that died, well she wasn’t the only one and heck only really recently was anything gay or lesbian given any slack and it’s still really not it’s just that political correctness has finally kind of made its way to Cape Breton.”

“Okay I don’t really want to go there and I get why you don’t either they sound like a whole friggin bunch of poopcandles.”

Mom… (Snerks)

Okay cool I made my Mom snerk…that’s kind of brilliant.

We hug some more or rather I give her a hug because that little trip down her memory lane looked really bumpy to me and I feel her loosen up and actually unwind from the tension and everything.

Like Fenn has said on a few threads. ‘Sometimes home is where you escape from.’

I can really see that y’know.

And Dad’s got great timing as he shows up with food and with a suitcase for me so I can put my things in and it’ll look neater and stuff and he brought me my laptop too which makes me really happy because my tablet is great but I kind of am jonesing for a real computer and stuff and he and Mom set all of that stuff up like on my sort of window/shelf space and then he’s taking out food.

Okay it’s soup…again but it’s sooo good. It’s chicken noodle with those big egg noodles that you can get at the grocery store and there’s bits of chicken that are like small but flattened out bits and then there’s like little bits of broccoli and celery and shavings of carrot but it’s mostly soup broth and noodles.

It’s still really, really good and then there’s the whole entire thing that makes me actually sit in bed and do the waaay too typical arms up girly squee thing and that’s…Dad got me a hot fudge sundae from Dairy Queen.

We eat and watch Stardust on my laptop since apparently it was in the DVD drive as if that wasn’t like telling and even the parents raised an eyebrow at that and made me blush and soon after that they have to head home with their actual RL stuff going on and everything like work and Dad has a long drive to go and get Nova…Uhm Kaitlyn tomorrow and me…well I start going through my laptop trying to figure out just exactly what Shawn was like and where Sarah was hiding in all of the stuff here.

It’s thanks to password saves on my Firefox that I get into Shawn’s Facebook and E-mails.

Oh…that was a mistake.