The Wounded World
A Story of Mantra
Originally written 2006
Posted Dec. 21, 2020 
Revised Dec. 22, 2020
.
.
.
.
.

WHAT ARE LITTLE GIRLS MADE OF?

"Every house a den, every man bound;
The shadows are filled with specters,
And the windows wove over with curses of iron..." 

William Blake
.

As soon as we got back to Penny's digs, I stretched out on the couch. Such a day!

Pinnacle had crossed into the kitchen and now reappeared with coffee cups on a tray. She offered me one, "From what you’re saying, Lu, you're carrying quite a load of trouble. What do you need fixed first?"

I sat up and took a cup. “If I'm ever going to get back to my real home, I'll first need to recover my Mantra powers."

She set the tray aside and occupied the easy chair across from me. "Okay. But you’ve been vague about how you lost them in the first place."

I shrugged. "I wasn't the one who lost them. I’m from another universe, remember? All I know is what Evie told me. Lauren probably knows something, too, and I’ll need to talk to her before we go off on a wrong track. Right now, my working theory is that Mantra got hurt fighting Gus."

"What kind of an attack did Gus make?"

"Search me. Evie used the word 'zapped.' The boy probably let loose some sort of magical blast. That was the first thing I learned to do. On my first night in Eden Blake's body, I incinerated a street creep who came at me. When I saw him as a danger, it triggered itself automatically, like a self-defense mechanism.”

Penny took a sip of coffee and nodded, satisfied with its flavor. “That strongly suggests that your emotions and your abilities are tied together.”

“I guess so. They get stronger when I'm made furious. Where do ultra powers arise from anyway?”

"Nobody knows for sure. We've talked about some of this before. Remember how I said that the most compelling theory is that ultra powers come out of the so-called 'junk DNA' that everyone possesses. I've already mentioned now it makes up about ninety-eight point eight percent of the whole of a person’s DNA.”

I cocked my eye. "I was wondering about t hat. How does DNA fit in with the sky blast that hit that San Francisco trolley? Aladdin’s research says that most of the fifty-nine people inside the vehicle developed ultra powers afterwards. I know that the source of that surge originated on the Moon, sent out by an A.I. brain from outer space."

Pinnacle nodded. "That’s a very well studied case. Ironically, one of the people on that same trolley ride was my old boss – my old slave master -- J.D. Hunt.”

“A billionaire riding on a public trolley?”

“That's J.D. for you. He likes to go slumming incognito, like the kings of old. I never saw him use any ultra power, though. Still, when he was near me, I could sometimes sense an odd energy emanation from him. Maybe ultra abilities will eventually be manifesting in him. Or maybe they already have and he’s keeping it secret. After all, only a handful of the people on that trolley have so far stood up and gone public with their ultra powers.”

"Does everyone have the potential to become an ultra? If so, what, exactly, is an ultra?"

“Nothing on that score’s been proven. Most of what’s said, even by scientists, is crap that shouldn’t be listened to. It’s like that grandstanding that Carl Sagan used to do about his belief in life on other planets. It was all a lot of double talk just to make headlines and sell books."

"Well, I happen to know that there is life on other planets."

"Sure, but Sagan would always step up and try to deny the real proof, so that nobody could pin him down on anything. Fortunately, there’s still a few real scientists left out there. The most active theory is that an ultra is a person who can tap into unsuspected, genetically-enabled capabilities. From what you’ve told me before, Eden Blake must have been born into a bloodline of already-activated ultras. But, just as that streetcar incident shows, ultra potentials are carried dormant in most people until activated. Certain phenomena, both natural and artificial, can stimulate them. I'm wondering if the ancient gods weren't actually...."

"Ultras?"

She gave me a “not quite” look. "I can see Hercules as some sort of B.C. Hardcase, but god-like beings seem to be on a whole different level. But it is possible that gods started out like everyone else, except that their DNA potential was somehow activated to nearly 100%. It’s logical, isn’t it? If we took an ultra and kept adding to him more and more powers and abilities, he’d progressively become more and more godlike.”

"I've met a few gods in my day, so I know that they’re more than just mythology. The Godwheel, especially, used to be crawling with them.”

“The Godwheel is that super-sized artificial solar system in deep space that you’ve talked about before?”

I nodded. “The toughest so-called god I’ve ever run into was Loki. He could do almost anything! I'm still not sure why a nut-case like that let Primeval and me get away with our lives.”

“Any ideas?”

“Maybe it was because we'd shown off enough power to amuse him, but not enough to be a threat.”

"Okay, but let’s get back to the jump-start idea. If something can turn on ultra powers, couldn’t something else turn them off?"

“I can’t say. You’re the scientist.”

“I think a study like that would take years and I’m sure that you don’t want to wait that long.”

“You’ve got that right! I’d like to get my condition cleared up with just an office call.”

“Well, that’s a tall order. But I have an alternate idea.”

“Since when?”

“Since we were driving back from your mother’s room.”

“That’s fast work. What’s the idea?”

“Lauren is a witch who's extremely similar to Mantra, isn't she?"

"Yes, as far as I know."

"Well, studying her physical and genetic makeup might allow me to map out the genome for a healthy witch. Where your makeup differs from hers, that could point to the source of your problem. I hope she hero-worships you enough to put up with what could turn into a long series of tests."

I shrugged. "I think she might. She's quite a fan."

"That would be a break. But what about Strike -- ah, Warstrike, as you call him? You said today that you helped him when his precognitive abilities started to fail."

“I tried transferring a little healing energy into him. It worked like a charm. Afterwards, he got back into form.”

She regarded me with narrowed eyes. “Could his problem have been psychosomatic?”

“I don't know. Maybe.”

“Is it possible that Mantra could be suffering from psychosomatic symptoms herself?”

“The other one? How can I know that? Speaking for myself, I think I've got my head on pretty straight."

Pinnacle stroked her chin. "I’m not saying that your problem is merely psychological. A physical abnormality can come out of a mental problem. Like, have you heard of hysterical paralysis? The shock of what happened to Mantra on Friday might have traumatized her. Think of it like this. The mind is sort of like software and the body is hardware. The software can activate a switch that affects the operation of the hardware."

"Hell! Where does that leave us?"

"If the problem started with the other Mantra being traumatized, your powers might eventually reset on their own. But that may take some time. After all, you haven't been in that body for very long.”

"Are you saying that Mantra may have lost her powers because something clicked in her mind telling her that they were doing her more harm than good?”

"I didn't say that, but it’s possible. The hysterically blind don't set out wanting to be sightless. But if their subconscious sees a problem, it may act on the physical senses in strange ways."

"So, are you saying that we should wait and see what happens? That’s not very far from saying, “take two aspirins and call back in six months.'”

Penny's sighed. "If your problem fixes itself, we're home free. But it could be that you need a fresh jump-start. The Entity is no more, but people are getting ultra powers from the Theta Virus. What if Theta is not a natural disease? What if its infecting microbes are really artificial nanites constructed to create ultras? Those who have worked on it have been very secretive about what they found.”

“Yes, like that Aladdin project that Warstrike and I smashed. They were using hired mercenaries as guinea pigs to form an army of ultras to help the Deep State take over the United States.”

“You got it! For now, though, I we should look at another fix that I've been thinking about."

“Yeah? What?”

“You said that you restored Strike's power by squirting a little energy into him. What if we persuaded someone – someone like Lauren – to give you the same treatment?"

"It won't work."

"Why would you suppose that?"

"It's too simple. Too fast. Too painless. I never get a break.”

"Tsk, tsk. You're just loaded with negativity, Lu. Please remember that thoughts will act like things. The best vitamin shot in the world is a positive attitude. But I'm only throwing out ideas right now. We'll know more about what’s ailing you once we've recorded your molecular profile."

"I hope you won’t just end up telling me that I’m crazy. I get plenty of that from Mother."

“The poor lady. Life hasn’t been fair to her, has it? She doesn't know yet that she has a complete stranger for a daughter. But on the subject of mothers, do you remember your real mother after fifteen-hundred years?”

“How could I forget? She was a Polish tribal princess. When the Huns moved in, she was sent West for safety. In Gaul she learned about Christianity and converted. I was named after one of the Gospel writers.”

Penny smiled. "You’ve been living like an ultra for centuries, without really having been one until lately. After you became an ultra, how did you feel about it? What are the drawbacks to being a super-witch?"

“Are you figuring to write a book?”

“A case study maybe. We certainly can't rule out that there's a psychological component to your condition.”

I shook my head. "I have the same problems that most ultras do. I have to juggle a private life with a secret one. The tension is bone-crushing. I have to neglect important responsibilities and cut corners on things, things that I’d prefer to deal with straight up. One of the worst things is having to lie to people that I care about. Living a false life is damned lonely. Being a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma is no fun.”

“Don’t I know it! But, even so, you seem to have a few devoted friends. Evie loves you, for one.”

“She's too little and too innocent to give me what I need – a confidant. Warstrike – pardon me – Strike knows a lot about the real me, too, but his idea of handling a problem, especially one of mine, is to make a joke of it."

“I've been wondering. Does Evie know that her mother used to be a man?”

I winced. “I'm not sure. I told her who I really was on the day that Eden died, but for some reason she's been acting like she can’t remember what I said.”

"I see. Is there anything else that you'd like to get off your chest? No double entendre intended."

I shook my head. "I always feel under pressure. Being an ultra seems to attract enemies and danger. And I’m not just being paranoid. A lot of ultras have lost loved ones from sudden attacks. I lost Eden that way. Warstrike lost his family. Hardcase's Squad was wiped out by a mechanical assassin called NM-E.”

"That's good.”

“Good?”

“It’s good that you’ve stopped clowning around with my questions. You're baring your soul. The more I know about your inner workings, the easier it will be to construct a cure."

“So you think there’s a cure?”

“I don’t know that for a fact, but we have more than one option. For now anyway, just try to share as much pain as can bear.”

I nodded resignedly. "If you want to hear about pain, I've got plenty. I'm haunted by a fear that my secret life is going to get the kids harmed. And my life is so dangerous. I know how much it would hurt them if they suddenly lost me. I watched Evie suffering after her mother died. It made her angry against the whole world;for a while she even acted like she hated me. Luckily, I behave, sound, and look like her mother, so much so that I think she stops her hurting by telling herself that she really hasn't lost her mom. But loving me has a downside, too. She almost saw me die last Friday."

"From the sound of things, maybe part of you actually would like to stop being an ultra.”

“But it wasn't me who lost power. It was the other Mantra.”

“Yes, but the two of you may have been so much alike on the mental plain that you would both have the same mental configuration.”

“Isn't that a piece of luck?”

“And we can’t forget certain other issues, especially the ones that come from the elephant in the room.”

“What elephant?”

“I’m not sure that I’ve ever met anyone who has taken the kind of psychic body-blows that you’ve been taking. Like, you’ve had plenty of life experience as a man, then suddenly you have to live as a woman. You had to take responsibility for a family without any family experience. And you had to make the big transition look seamless -- even to the point of denying that your original life even happened. That’s a load that could destroy the mental health of most normal people.”

“Well, then it’s a good thing that I’ve never had so much as a waving acquaintance with normality.”

“I get it how stressed you are, Lu. You’re living three lives, not just two. You have a fragmented personality and each fragment has its own needs. Which one of those lives could you most easily give up?"

I thought about that. "I can't let go of Lukasz," I said at last. "He’s not old news; he's actually my core. I'd be a basket case if I lost my basic identity. Lukasz is what makes me different from Eden. When she tried to be Mantra, she couldn't pull it off. To be Mantra, a person has to be an instinctual fighter. Eden wasn’t a fighter and so she lost a battle when she could have won it. But going against the odds to win makes up the whole bedrock of Lukasz’s psychology."

"And Eden?"

"Me trying to be Eden is like existing as a fish out of water. But living this life depends on me bringing it off. For one thing, everything I have was passed on to me from her. I didn’t have to build a new life because I could step into hers. On top of that, becoming Eden has given me a completely different view of the world. I suddenly had a home, a family, and friends of a kind that I’ve never had before. I thought I had BFFs with the knights of Archimage, but when the chips were down, they turned out to be only some guys who happened to be in the same foxhole with me. When I watched the last of them die, it didn't hit me. I just shrugged and walked away. It was then that I found out that I was emotionally dead on the inside, something that I didn't realize until that moment.

“It started me thinking and I figured out that Lukasz’s thought processes were a mess. Looking at the world through his eyes for so long was actually keeping me from really connecting with it. He had gotten too hard over the centuries. I came to realize that I'd lost something, somewhere back in time. But making the effort to see things through Eden's eyes has shown me a new perspective. I mean that things that had always seemed important before suddenly became unimportant; what had always seemed unimportant, like family life, has given me a whole new foundation. To Lukasz, blood vengeance was a great motivator; but by standing in Eden’s shoes I’m finding out how much a child's hug can mean. I’m also realizing that that there's a world of difference in being a protector instead of a simple hitman.”

"And Mantra?"

I scowled. "Mantra is important, too. This is a rotten world. Every day is a battle. It’s not just the out and out criminals that make all the problems. It’s the system. Governments, far from helping, keep everything in chaos. Whenever the world pushes too hard on Eden, or on the people that she cares about, Mantra can charge in and start kicking ass. In a funny way, she actually has more to do with Lukasz than she does with Eden, I think. Eden was courageous in some ways, but as fragile as porcelain in others. Being an ultra is different. There’s an exhilaration in letting the world know that Mantra's on the scene to make things good. She has what it takes to stand up to anything. The hard part is that if you keep helping people, they start looking up to you. Because they think of you as more than human, an ultra has to act in ways to keep them from being let down." I looked at Penny, surprised that I was opening up so much. "Are you getting anything?"

"I think so. But before we can start rebuilding you, we need to inspect your foundations. What I most need to know is what, exactly, happened last Friday, in every detail.”

"I don't have every detail. I wasn't there. Whenever Evie tries to remember those events, they terrify her. Remember those trembling hands of hers?" Then, suddenly, I got an idea. "Say, Penny, you were able to turn off Evie's grief before. Could you possibly do the same thing again, long enough for us to question her about what she saw on Friday?"

Pinnacle’s brows knitted. "Possibly. Just be warned that there's always a risk in putting pressure on children's minds. They're so...breakable."

I squared my shoulders. “Here we are, talking about how my life. You’re hurting too. How are you gong to deal with it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, how are you going to reconcile yourself abut that – that certain matter that you’ve told me about?”

She smiled, grimly perhaps. “Talking to you has been good therapy. When you look at me the same way you used to, talk to me the same way you used to, when you give me a problem to solve -- something that's so huge that it takes my mind off of myself -- I feel human again.”

Just then the phone rang.

#

"Hi, Eden, what's up?" Lauren asked.

"Laurie, I've been chomping at the bit to talk to you. This is going to sound nutzo, but I've somehow lost my memory – of the recent stuff, I mean. I’m hoping that you can help me fill in the missing gaps.”

“Wow! What do you need to remember?”

The first thing I need to know is...is whether you've found out something -- important -- about me."

"Do you mean me the fact that you're...” Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “You're the greatest hero ever? Or are you afraid that I've figured out those sneaky hints that Necromantra was dropping about you?"

I chilled. "Did you say Necromantra? You met her?"

"Yeah, I did. And she was one bitch of a witch, too! But honestly, Eden, how can you forget fighting with her? She tried to kill the both of us!"

Necromantra was alive! This was one of the worst things that I’d heard in months. Of all the enemies I’ve had, she was most dangerous. I was able to hide even from Boneyard in my Eden Blake identity, but Necromantra knew exactly who I was and where to find me. If she came after me again, it would be like a tabby cat squared off against a god!

"Eden? Are you still there?"

"I'm sorry.

"What else do you need to know?"

"A thousand things! I've spent the whole day trying to find out about what happened Friday evening."

"I get you, lady. How did this happen? When we last met on Monday, you seemed fine, except that you'd lost your magic."

"Well, my memory loss only hit me this morning. Here’s what I heard this morning. Evie said that you fought with a robot at the mall, the one on Sherman Way."

"You were there yourself. Have you blanked out on that, too?"

“It’s all white space for me.”

“Well, maybe you're lucky. There’s things I wish I could forget. Those first two days after getting ultra powers have been giving me nightmares. Do you remember what the robot’s name was? It was called NM-E.” 

NM-E? That was the "big robot" that Evie had mentioned? Aye-yi-yi! It was big, all right – and bad to the nth degree! Aladdin had a file on the thing and believed that it had been created by some super genius for the expressed purpose of killing off ultras."Fighting that thing isn't for kids," I said, aghast. "What happened?"

"I won, naturally, or else we wouldn't be talking, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. It’s not easy to wrap my mind around this."

Unbelievable! An inexperienced ultra kid had beaten NM-E! How? I wouldn't have wanted to take on that killing machine without a dozen other ultras backing me up. Either Lauren was incredibly powerful, or else she was incredibly lucky. I hoped that surviving a fight with NM-E hadn’t made her too cocky. One reckless move in her next ultra battle could put an end to both her luck and her life.

"Eden, can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

"Why is it that ever since these powers switched on, I've become a marked woman.”

“In what way?”

“I mean, even when I’m acting like myself, the weirdest things keep coming at me. Gus, the Coven, Necromantra, all on the same night. And then NM-E blindsides me on Sunday. It's crazy. And it hasn't stopped yet. Last night I ran into an ultra-powered thief. What's going to be hitting on me next and will I survive it?"

"I know the feeling," I commiserated. "I was just talking about the same phenomenon. If you want my advice, get out of the ultra business.”

"That doesn’t click, Eden. What good will hiding do? It isn’t like I’ve been walking around with a 'Hi, I'm an ultra. Attack me,' sign on my back.”

"I'm sorry, Lauren. I don't know why these things happen. I'd be glad to become Mantra again, along with all the problems, so you could go back to your old life.”

“Now wait a minute! I never liked that life. Nobody respected me. I could never understand why I wasn’t able to make really solid friends. People called me a nerd and wouldn’t take me seriously. I felt invisible. I like the idea of being an ultra; it’s just that I don't want live every day like a clay pipe inside a shooting gallery.”

“I'll give you all the advice I can, Lauren, once this craziness settles down. But for now, can you tell me, step by step, what's been going on – to me especially – since Thursday?"

"As far as I know, nothing much happened on Thursday," the teen replied. "On Friday, I called you up about getting paid for my last babysitting job. You told me to come right over.”

“Did I sound normal?”

“Yeah! But by the time I got to your house, all hell had broken loose. I found out that Gus’d attacked you, shrunk you down to the size of a figurine, and put you inside a cracker box.”

“Shrunk me?”

How had he done that? I'd been Mantra for two years and had no idea how to pull of such a trick. How had Gus learned to do the impossible in about two minutes?

“When did your powers kick in?” I asked. “Did anything strange happen to you?”

“Plenty of strange things happened, but not until Gus let me into your house.”

“Did he look – unusual?” I asked.

“He looked even scarier than usual! He was glowing green, and levitating!”

“Lauren, do you remember what happened to his...appearance... last spring?

“Of course! Have you forgotten that, too?”

“Yes, I have.”

“But it happened long before last Thursday!”

“It's too complex to explain right now. Did Gus attack you?”

“Not at first. He was acting kind of shy and smiley, until he made a little-boy type pass at me. When I reminded him about the differences in our ages, he went berserk!

Lauren then related an amazing story, about her captivity, about finding magical armor, and realizing that her body had suddenly become a living battery of preternatural power. I couldn’t understand what had made her flame on as an ultra, unless being touched by Gus's magical aura could have given her a jump-start.

“Does it make any sense?” the girl asked.

“I’ll have to think about it. When you came back into the house, what happened next?”

“I knew I had to fight back. All I could think of was imitating what I've seen you do, I tried to hit him with a magical shot. I wasn’t sure that it would come just because I wanted it to, but it did! It was a real sizzler, but he shook it right off, as if he’d only been doused by a water sprinkler. That's when you shouted something to him from that cracker box. What you said made him so angry that he killed you.”

Killed me?

TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 7