Chapter 16

It took three months to produce that movie and so much happened in that time. I visited the psychologist four times in total. The first time that Sunday morning and then we moved the appointment to a Saturday afternoon. I have nothing against the psychologist, her name was Ann and she was a lovely lady. She tried to get me to relax by small talk which I was happy to engage in, but if any question related to my past I refused to talk.

After two sessions of getting nowhere, she spoke to Triss and Pierce. They asked me why I wouldn't discuss my past. I told them that I was happy and thinking about what had happened to me would make me sad, so I refused to do it. They told me I would feel better for it. I asked them to talk about the worst thing that had happened to them.

Initially, I thought they would reject my challenge, but Triss surprised me and she talked about a horrific experience where she was out with some girlfriends when she was seventeen and some boys forced them to... Then Triss realised that she was talking to an eight-year-old girl, and wasn't sure how to finish the tale. I ended the conversation by asking how she felt right then. It was obvious that she was upset. I told her, I didn't want to feel like that. I gave her a hug and stroked her hair, which made her laugh and cry at the same time.

They still wanted me to open up, but there was less pressure exerted and after another two sessions where the psychologist admitted that she had got nowhere, we cancelled the sessions. Ann implied that at some point in the future I would need to deal with my past and she would be available when I felt comfortable and ready.

It wasn't that I knew I was fine. What my parents did damaged me emotionally and I knew that. Being a prisoner for three years and kept in a type of isolation probably made me worse, but there was no way I could discuss my real past with Ann, so I had to keep quiet.

I pretended to be Charlie all the time and I decided that Charlie was a generally happy girl who liked to give lots of hugs and affection. Triss did ask me when I gave her a cuddle on the sofa for no apparent reason, whether it was real or play-acting. I admitted that I was acting the way I thought Charlie would act with her mother. I was doing the same with Bee and Pierce. She smiled sadly and just asked me to tell her if it wasn't an act any more.

Sunday became a family day. We would all go to church and then do something together. The first Sunday, after the psychologist appointment, we went shopping. When Pierce met us for lunch, I ran up to him, called him Daddy and jumped into his surprised arms. Despite his surprise, he caught me, gave me a kiss on my forehead and smiled down at me.

Of course, I was pretending to be Charlie, but the funny thing about that was that over time, I didn't have to pretend anymore. Pierce and Triss weren't acting and their responses were full of love and acceptance. Since I had first become Rose I had been careful to think 'how would an eight-year-old girl react?' and try and act that way. Then my internal question was 'how would Charlie behave?' and use that to colour my responses. When I realised that I didn't ask myself any questions, I just did what I wanted to, I knew I wasn't pretending anymore. I worked that out at Thanksgiving and whispered in Triss' ear that I loved her and I wasn't pretending. She hugged me very tightly and cried a little. She told me she loved me too. They applied for adoption and I officially became their daughter before Christmas.

I was a good girl because I liked being a good girl and the feeling it gave me, especially, when they told me that I was a good girl. That meant there were very few arguments. I didn't want for anything and was grateful for anything that came my way. This made for a pretty harmonious family. There was a slight altercation when Pierce raised his voice to me on set, telling me 'angrier!' and I burst into tears. I retired to my dressing room and Pierce came in to chat. I told him that I wanted to be a good girl and I was trying to do what he asked, so why did he shout at me?

He apologised and decided to work with me in a gentler way. He told me that I was a good girl and I had done well, it was just that he thought Charlie would have been angrier in that scene. From then on he was careful how he directed me.

On Sundays we didn't talk about the film or discuss any business at all, we concentrated on having fun and enjoying ourselves. We went to parks, zoos, theme parks, water parks and museums. Embarrassingly enough, I was restricted from a lot of rides and slides due to my height and age. There were still plenty of things for me to do, so I didn't let it get to me.

Bee didn't join us for any of these outings. It wasn't that she wasn't invited, but in the car journey after my first psychologist appointment, I wanted to know why Bee hadn't had an appointment as well. She admitted that she had made one, but had cancelled it when we moved into the Slater's house. She didn't want the Assistant Producer or the Director to know she was seeing someone or for what reason. I asked how she was going to manage to have 'Rebecca time' and she sadly said it wasn't going to happen. She wasn't sure how she was going to cope, so we worked out a plan. On Sundays, she was going to have alone time. That would give her the opportunity to see the psychologist and have some Rebecca time. She was sad thinking that she wouldn't be able to share her real self with someone who had accepted her for who she was. I knew that it wouldn't be long before she realised that her body was different and really as much female as male. Hopefully, then Rebecca could be introduced to the world.

To make sure that happened, I introduced meditation to my yoga routine. This gave me at least one opportunity a day when I could focus on Bee and Triss. They both said they felt better for doing it.

After two weeks of working to finish as many scenes as possible, there was a big meeting. I wasn't there for most meetings, so I only heard about it after the fact. It was decided that hiring someone else who may not work out anyway was expensive, convincing Lucia to come back after her month away would result in a less believable Charlie, so I got the job. I would be paid a share of the profit. They were not sure that there would be a profit at that point since the film was over time and over budget and I was an unknown actress. The Slaters were not lacking for money and I would never have had access to it anyway, so it didn't matter to me. As soon as a judge gave me a new identity and Pierce and Triss legal guardianship, I also signed with an agent. I had nothing to do with it, Triss organised it all and even signed for me.

Once the trial period was over and we all knew that I was going to star in the film, Triss sat me down and we talked about my education. Since I was going to be working on-site, as well as travelling to a couple of other locations for further shooting, sending me to a local school or even a boarding school wasn't practical at that time. I had a choice between online courses and a tutor. Well, I didn't exactly have a choice. Triss had that choice and had chosen for me to have a tutor since she didn't know when I had last attended school and I wasn't telling her.

My tutor gave me tests in lots of different subjects and then set me up with an online program. She visited once a week to go over everything but was also available through skype for any questions I might have. Access to the internet was wonderful. I could look up almost anything and I was full of questions.

My English language was very advanced for my age, but everything else was average. I had last been to school when I was nine and the English school system was very different, so I wasn't surprised or upset. The only other language I admitted to knowing was Spanish. I missed my piano and wanted to learn another instrument, but I struggled with having enough time to work on the movie and do all my homework.

Life settled into a nice routine until just after Thanksgiving. Bee was my personal assistant and minder so I saw her all the time, however, at the beginning of December, Bee had her first period. I had access now to answer some of my most burning questions, so I knew why that young girl whose hymen I had recreated was bloody for a week. I made sure that there were enough holes through Bees skin so that the blood had somewhere to go. I wondered why I didn't have a period yet, but that was explained by Triss.