Claudia, no it can’t be true, I mean I know she wasn’t well in the summer, we did that Weihnachts thing for her*. To be honest I hadn’t really even thought about her in more than an abstract way since her return to Bad whatever it is. But now, now the girl responsible for me having blue hair, for dressing as the Angel Gabrielle, is not long for this world.
“Thanks for telling us, um Angie, we’ll er catch up with them later.”
“Take care, girls.”
“Gab, slow down!”
Hmm? I eased off my pedalling, freewheeling until Pia caught up to me.
“Um sorry.”
“We don’t know the whole story,” she pointed out.
“They’ve gone to the Schwarzwald, she had a turn.”
“It’s happened before, Gab.”
“You saw her in the summer,” I mentioned.
I don’t think we’ve really talked about her condition, like most teens it’s in the category of something that happens to others. It’s not like it was with Mum even, or when Ally was shot, I was closer to them, to what was happening. This is more, more remote and I’m not quite sure what my feelings are, loss yes, sheesh we don’t even know if she’s passed and I’m talking as though she is.
We continued our journey to the Tanzklub in almost silence, each of us lost to their own thoughts. Certainly my earlier happy mood was broken.
The cheer team is months away from even thinking of competition stuff so after warming up we got into practicing some of the basics. Despite the news about Claudia it was good fun, we’ve only lost one of last weeks recruits and everyone seems very enthusiastic.
“What’s up, Gab?” Margot enquired as I collected my stuff.
“Nothing really.”
“You can’t fool me, young lady, is it something with the club?”
“No, no nothing like that.”
“Well?”
“We just found out earlier, on the way here, that someone we know is like very ill.”
“I take it ‘we’ is Pia?”
“Uh huh,” I agreed.
“That explains the long faces when I got here, so I take it things don’t look good?”
“Claud’s got MS, the family’s gone to the clinic to be with her.”
“They’ve got all sorts of drugs these days.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, but they don’t help now do they, “I don’t know what to feel Mar, I can’t do anything to help, I can’t go and see her even, I feel pretty useless.”
“The Weihnachts party was your idea,” Pia stated.
I hadn’t even noticed her joining us.
“Fat lot of help that was.”
“Gab, it was something very positive, we raised a bucket load for the MS charity.”
“Hasn’t helped Claudia though has it?”
“She had a great time, she got to do stuff she wouldn’t’ve done otherwise.”
That of course was the whole purpose wasn’t it, not the money but giving her a good memory, something positive to remember.
“Come on you two, put your bikes in the utility room, I don’t want either of you riding in this state, I’m driving you home,” Margot instructed.
For a change I didn’t have argument in me.
“Come on, kiddo, we have to be there for ten thirty,” Mum called up to my eyrie.
Yup, today it’s decision time for me, well in reality it’s more about discussing a timetable. I might still want to be Drew; male of the species but that was always a lie wasn’t it? The reason I made such a good looking girl in all those dress up sessions was that I was a girl, am a girl, a girl with weird plumbing; but a girl nevertheless.
So today we get to talk about removing what I had always thought of as my male stuff, what made me Drew Bond. The choice between fully working Gaby and imitation male Drew was, in the end, less traumatic than I had thought. Gaby has a life and friends; Drew is just a name on bits of paper – and in my head.
Of course, if you’ve been following things you’ll know that things are running a bit behind. Dr Fischer agreed the delay when I got the Worlds selection but now, now we can’t delay any further. Shortly after Japan I get to be a fully functioning female, I am so not looking forward to that!
The meeting with Dr Fischer at the hospital in Köln was much shorter than I’d been expecting, Mum and Dad did most of the talking and it seems my Drew bits get a further reprieve of two weeks due to surgery schedules. But the date is set, November 14th, five weeks time. They needed to do the vampire bit to make sure that I’m up to surgery but by twelve o’clock we were sat watching the shipping on the Rhein.
“You okay, kiddo?” Dad asked.
“Well it’s not what I wanted,” I noted.
“We know, we, your Dad and me should’ve pushed the doctors in Worksop when this whole thing started.”
“It wouldn’t have made much difference, I’d still not be male would I?”
“I guess not, kiddo, I guess not,” Dad sighed pulling me into him so my head was resting on his chest, hmm comfy.
“How’d it go yesterday, Gab?” Con enquired as I sipped my coffee.
“I’ve got a date to get things sorted, November fourteen.”
“What they doing?” Brid queried.
Con’s the only one fully up to speed and I’m not about to change things now, “Not sure exactly, they used loads of fancy names but I should be fixed afterwards.” Yeah fixed as a girl.
“Well that’s good, yeah?” Steff opined.
“Yeah, regular periods here I come.”
My attempt at levity raised a chuckle or two but I really wasn’t feeling it.
“Take it no one’s heard from Nena?”
“To be fair, if she’s left her phone at home she probably doesn’t have anyone’s number,” Steff proposed.
No news is good news I guess, I’m sure Nena will call but I can’t help thinking that call will be the one none of us want.
“Well done, Fraulein Bond,” Herr Boltt mentioned as he dropped Monday’s test back on my desk.
With everything else that’s been going on it wasn’t something I’d given much thought to since finishing it. Thirty questions, fifty marks available and I got forty-five, how did I manage that?
“So you all have your sheets, some disappointing results, Constance.”
“Yes sir,” Con agreed.
“Some of you clearly did not read the chapter on bio diversity, only one of you got question thirty correct.”
I checked my paper, last one, yay, twas me!
“Well done, Gabrielle,” he will insist on using full names, like no one calls me that except him.
“Um, thank you, sir,” I allowed as my face changed colour.
“For all of you scoring under thirty five there will be another test next Monday so I suggest you actually do the reading this time?”
“Yes, sir.” The chorus rang out.
Comparing notes afterwards it seems I got the highest mark – well joint highest, Willy Lehmann got the same. Poor old Con scored worst, just eighteen out of fifty, she’s not usually that bad, not Einstein but not Dumbo either.
“What are you doing Saturday?” Dad enquired as I stuffed my sweaty bike kit in the washer.
“Saturday? I thought Kassel was Sunday.”
“Sometimes, Gaby,” he sighed, “ Saturday, Amanda’s coming? Are you coming to the airport?”
“I’m supposed to be working, I said I would.”
“That’s okay, I just wanted to know beforehand. Can you make the bed up? Your mother’s left the linen on top of the ottoman.”
“I guess, when’s she get back?”
“Saturday, I’ll collect her and Maria at the same time as Amanda.”
“’Kay.” Yeah Mum and Maria flew to Vienna today, some promo thing for Apollinaris.
To be truthful, I’d forgotten Mand was coming Saturday, that sounds wrong, I hadn’t forgotten rather I’ve had other things on my mind. It’s gonna be strange having her here, when Bern stayed it was different, we’ve been friends for like ever – I’ve only known Mand since the summer. Yup, the goal posts are gonna be different.
The guest room looks pretty sterile at the moment, no junk, no piles of washing, no boxes of assorted ‘stuff’. It still smells a bit of fresh paint and the only decoration is a framed vintage Campagnolo poster that Dad got off t’internet. How long it’ll stay this tidy I couldn’t say – if I moved in it would be like Steptoe’s yard in a day!
The biggest job in the bed making is felling the timber, just kidding; it’s getting the duvet in the cover properly. There are probably easier ways but being a bit vertically challenged I find myself inside the cover then fighting my way out, doubles are like bed linen Armageddon for me! I wonder how much stuff she’ll bring? I never thought, is she bringing a bike?
“Bed done,” I announced taking my favourite spot at one end of the couch.
“Thanks, kiddo, you want to go out to eat?” Dad offered.
Well it will get me out of cooking, how comes it’s always my turn anyhow?
“Sure,” I agreed.
“I need to finish this paperwork first so you’ve got half an hour.”
That sounded like a hint, a strong hint that my current scruffy t-shirt and cargo shorts would not be acceptable.
“Yes, Dad,” I allowed before climbing back off the sofa, and I was just getting comfy too.
I know it seems a bit of a cliché but one look in the wardrobe confirmed it, I don’t have anything to wear. Let’s put that in context, I refuse to go out wearing my school stuff and there is just no way I’m putting on some fancy frock! Which leaves not a lot, my ‘wedding’ suit, two skirts, one dress and a couple of jumpers.
Not quite nothing but I’m gonna have to buy some decent trousers and stuff – I am not gonna wear dresses and skirts any more than I can help. Hmm, maybe I can scam some dosh to go shopping? This evening though my options are slim, looks like it’s a skirt and jumper that means at least making a little effort with my hair and makeup.
“You ready, kiddo?” Dad hollered up the stairs.
“Just coming.”
To be fair he didn’t say anything when I arrived, he didn’t need to, the look on his face was enough, I passed muster but there was something else in that look too, something I couldn’t put my finger on.
* See book 9
Maddy Bell © 21.11.2014
