I enjoyed the lamb curry I had for dinner last night, but it turned out that the "lamb" must have been long-dead mutton that had missed seeing the inside of a refrigerator. There is a saying, used contemptuously, about being savaged by a dead sheep.
Well, let me tell you that this particular sheep got its revenge in spades. Some hours after dinner, in the early hours of the morning, I propelled myself out of bed and barely made it to the bathroom, where I spent the next couple of hours unhappily throwing up in the bathtub while seated on the john. It's lucky the bathroom layout permitted this, otherwise, YECCH!
When I was exhausted, both literally and figuratively, I took some block-hole pills and cleaned my teeth and staggered back to bed. I lay there for a while, with my stomach feeling like it was being periodically squeezed in a vice and being tossed up and down in a rough sea. And then, surprisingly, I fell asleep.
I am having the strangest dream. I am cuddling a stuffed kangaroo and trying to get comfortable when the kangaroo starts talking to me.
"Well, you've really done it this time, old fella."
"What do you mean?" I saw nothing strange in talking to a kangaroo.
"I've been telling you for years to take better care of yourself."
"What are you talking about? I've never seen you before in my life."
"Oh yes you have. You just don't remember. Anyway, I can't do much for you this time. That lamb curry has finished you off, I'm afraid."
"Finished me off?" I was feeling really stupid.
"Yep.Kaput, pushing up daisies, the works."
"You mean I'm dead?"
"Doh! you finally got it. Not quite, but close to."
"Isn't there anything I can do about it?"
"Well, there is one thing I can do, but you might not like it."
"Come on, anything. I don't want to die," I whimpered.
"Anything?"
"Yes, yes, anything."
"All right, you've got it."
******************
I woke up in the morning with this pain in my tummy. I clutched Kanga to me and thought I must tell mummy about this funny dream I had. Gosh, I do hope periods aren't always this bad.
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Comments
Lamp Chops
Not bad at all! Nice punch line there at the end. Can't say too much for fear of a spoiler but quiet nice!
hugs!
grover
Mutton dressed as lamb
Short, sweet and to the point - I like it.
Once again, further commenting is rather difficult without telling future readers what to expect. Dash it all!
lambikins
I always did like lamb, Indian curries, roasts, grilled chops... never considered it dangerous though. Except maybe for the cholesterol count if you do the fatty stuff. Just wonderin...how come I've never met this Kanga character?
Nice one Joanne.
Kristina
Hmm...
So that is where I'm going wrong...
I hate lamb (or sheep) I don't like them alive and bouncy in fields, I don't like them dead and juicy on the plate. Lambs are stupid (though not quite as stupid as sheep), smelly and generally unpleasant, they wouldn't be so bad if they at least tasted nice. :D
Give me a nice cow or two any day. :)
JC (lives on a farm BTW, with sheep)
The Legendary Lost Ninja
But they DO
Taste nice, that is. Though, there's not much in the world of food that I don't revel in. I love to cook, I love to eat... I hate the fact that I have to limit myself currently to lose weight *cries*
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? Wait, no, that was God. Sorry, common mistake...
Winnie the Pooh ...
Sing the roughly 40 year old lyrics from Disney's first catoon version of Winnie the Pooh and you'll realize Kanga is Roo's mom. Think Tigger, Rabbit, Eyore,Piglet ...
John in Wauwatosa
P.S. What about all those 3 million year old curries Lister ate on Red Dwarf?
P.P.S. Tummy Trouble was also the name of the one and only Rodger Rabbit cartoon made, used as part of a double feature some time after Who Killed Rodger Rabbit?
John in Wauwatosa
I think she meant...
That if she likes lamb and curry so much herself, why didn't what happened in the story happen to her?
Re: Lister's curries... he *-did-* give birth to twins between Series 1 and Series 2, remember. Maybe there something to this story...
Re: Roger Rabbit... Actually, there have been three post-Who Framed Roger Rabbit? "Maroon Cartoons" made starring Roger Rabbit and Baby Herman. The production notes say 1947 was when each was made, until you look and see that it's part of the title and the actual make-dates for them are:
Tummy Trouble It was the first cartoon short Disney had produced in 25 years to run with a feature film, since Goofy's Freeway Trouble in 1965. I am such a geek that I knew most of the above without having to look it up. I only had to look up the change in the name of the company (The Walt Disney Company to Disney Enterprises) and the movie Trail Mix-Up was released with...
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? Wait, no, that was God. Sorry, common mistake...
Hey, You Guys
This was supposed to be a "stand alone". I'm not sure if I can take another one of those curries!
Just lamb...
... or just curry would have been fine, methinks. But lamb curry? THAT'S the culprit!
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Wasn't it Jim Henson who said, "Without faith, I am nothing," after all? Wait, no, that was God. Sorry, common mistake...
As Dot Warner would say...
All this talk of lamb chops and such reminded me of a Dot's Poetry Corner skit from one of my favorite cartoons, Animaniacs. The skit was from show 48 and the poem is called Requiem for a Lamb. It went like this:
Heather Rose Brown :)
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx