Placebo 4 by Lacey Mitchell

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"It's pretty hopeless," Carmody said. "We're never going to raise enough money for me to go to camp with you."

"You always give up too easy," Nelson said. "We've got $800 from your mom, I'm sure your dad can probably come up with that much so we're more than halfway there." They'd worked on their homework for a couple of hours and took a break to try brainstorming.

"So that's like almost $2000 we have to raise? In less than two weeks? There's probably some kind of deadline to meet, too, so it's probably less than two weeks."

"It's only $1500, or $1495," Nelson corrected. "And I think your Dad had to put up a deposit to begin with, and they won't give all of that back, so maybe we can count part of that, too." Nelson looked thoughtful. "I wonder if I could talk my parents into chipping in?"

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Maggie approached Horace in the den. "Carmody's parents aren't going to be sending him to camp this year. I overheard the boys talking outside."

"What?" Horace looked up from the computer, startled. He'd been searching the web for interesting side trips for their vacation and ended up reading about the formations in Monument Valley. "Oh, that's too bad. Nelson's going to be almost as upset as Carmody, I bet."

"Mmm," said Maggie.

"Uh-oh, now what?" said Horace.

"Well, you know that those two have been friends since forever. Nelson's going to be heartbroken if Carmody can't go."

"So," Horace looked at her more closely. "Are you suggesting that we should pay Carmody's way, too. That's a lot of money for someone else's kid, sugar."

"Well," she said. "Maybe we could help?"

"Nelson's camp ticket was $4495. And we had planned to give him $200 in spending money. I don't think we could...."

"Well, we won't have to go that far, I'm sure."

"Funny," said Horace. "I'm not."

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"It's just not fair," complained Carmody.

"Sure," said Nelson, rolling his eyes. "That's a lot of help."

"Dad runs off to be with Miss Hygiene, Mom decides it's time to go through The Change, whatever that is, my brothers go off to college, Millicent needs braces and I get stepped on. Everybody's getting something they want except me."

"Millicent probably doesn't want braces, she remembers you looking like Radiator Man. And I don't think your mom wanted the Change, exactly."

"Don't fool yourself," said Carmody. "It means she can't have more kids and she claimed that was good enough, 'after raising five'."

"She's only got four kids."

"I think she was counting Dad just then."

"We ought to call your father and find out how much he can kick in. If he knows how important this is to you..." Nelson began.

"Oh, don't let Clunkerbell find out that! She'll make sure he doesn't pay a dime. Anything to make life difficult for us, you know."

"Hmm," Nelson said. He had very little experience with adult malice, being mostly concerned with the sort of junior-grade bullies who picked on skinny kids. His own knowledge confirmed that not all adults loved all kids but Carmody's pessimism stretched his credulity. Then again, a businessman leaving his wife and family for a dental hygienist seemed unlikely and Mr. Brad Michaels had indeed done that the year before. "We still ought to call him and find out."

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Horace had the same idea. "Well, if you're not going to talk to Debbie," Carmody's mother, "how are we going to find out anything without talking to Brad?"

"I don't know," admitted Maggie. "It would just be too embarrassing to talk to either one of them. Debbie feels so bad when she gets in a financial bind, the rest of her family is well-off, you know – and I'm just not prepared to pretend to be friendly with Brad after the divorce."

"It's not going to embarrass me," said Horace, picking up the phone.

Maggie fretted while Horace dialed. "I meant embarrassing to them."

"Tough, let's see if Brad is in," said her husband. "Hey, Brad. How's the golf swing?"

Maggie moved toward the hallway, reluctant to listen to half of an embarrassing conversation and even more reluctant to miss anything. She ended up dithering in the doorway, like a malfunctioning bird in a cheap cuckoo clock.

"Yeah, uh-huh," said Horace. "No, I haven't been lately. Yeah, the greens fees on the good courses keep going up, huh? You play City or go out to one of the club courses?" Horace winked at Maggie.

She saw what he was doing and admired her husband for his wit and brass; she would never have thought of tempting Brad into bragging about an expensive hobby and if she had, she doubted she could have done it.

"Huh, yeah, huh, yeah," Horace said several times. "Does Clarissa play? Oh, yeah?"

Now Maggie grinned at Horace and gave him a thumbs-up. He smiled back but turned slightly away to keep his amusement from showing up in his voice.

"Get her a set of ladies' clubs? Yeah? No, Maggie won't do anything that involves walking and carrying anything unless it's in a mall." Horace flashed a grin at Maggie and she gave him a mock scowl.

"Wow, $400 for a set of beginner clubs, huh? Not bad. Got them on the internet? Yeah. So how much are green fees at the Scooter Club? Hmm. $30 weekdays. Oh, but you got her an associate membership for how much was that? $2000? Oh, uh-huh?" Horace gave Maggie the okay sign.

He continued. "Then I guess Carmody must have misunderstood something? Huh? Yeah, no. Carmody told Nelson, this almost broke Nelson's heart, you know what buds the boys are, huh? Yeah, no? Not true? So, he's going. That's definite, huh? Well good, Nelson will be so relieved."

Horace beamed and winked at Maggie who clasped her hands above her head in a victory salute.

"Uh-huh. Yeah, well, I'll have to get out there one weekend with you, maybe drag Maggie along to keep Clarissa company, huh? Or, well, maybe I should bring my girlfriend?"

His eyes twinkled as he grinned at his wife.

"Yeah, no, you met her, you've known her a long time. Huh? Oh, yeah, I've been seeing Debbie on the sly now since, well, when did you get divorced?" Horace suddenly pulled the phone away from his ear. He turned to Maggie, grinning. "He hung up."

They both laughed. "You rat," she said. "You lured him in, tricked him and then insulted him."

"I sure did, and didn't he deserve it?" said Horace. "But his pride won't let him back out of it because he knows I'll tell and that people will believe me instead of him. It's just like getting a contractor to put in a bid that's below the price he wanted to offer."

"Uh-huh," said Maggie. "For a man with a truthful reputation, you sure hung a lulu on him there at the end."

Horace arched a brow at her. "Now did I?"

She laughed again, coming over to press up against him. "Yes, you did, you rat. You think I don't know where and when you could have ever got together with Debbie? I don't leave you enough time to fool around."

"Hmm," he said.

"Hmm," she said, wriggling a little. "You foxed him good and he knew it."

He smiled down at her, picking up her arms to hang them around his neck. "To keep a reputation as a truthteller, lie only to a liar and only when he knows you're lying and doesn't dare tell anyone."

"Hmm," she said.

"Hmm," he said, wriggling just a little.

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Nelson put the phone extension in the kitchen down. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop but had picked up right while his father was dialing, just as the phone started ringing. He'd started to hang up when he heard Horace say, "Let's see if Brad is in," and realized that his father was calling Carmody's father.

After that he had to listen in, hardly daring to breathe. Carmody, standing near the back door, had started to say something several times but Nelson had shushed him with gestures. Now that the phone had been hung up, there would be no stopping the questions.

An excited, "Who was talking to who?" was only the start. Carmody looked as if he might burst with curiosity.

Nelson told his friend everything, leaving out only Horace's remarks about Debbie at the end. Carmody had no sense of humor about his mom, Nelson knew, and would likely misinterpret what was probably only Horace's desire to twist the barb after setting the hook into poor Brad Michaels.

By the end of the recitation, neither boy could stop grinning. "So, you're going to camp," Nelson finished. He got a pop out of the fridge, handed one to his friend and twisted his own open.

"Oh, wow, we won't have to try to rent Elmer out for breeding fees," said Carmody. Elmer was the Michaels family goldfish.

Nelson had been about to take a swig and carefully lowered the bottle. "You realize that four seconds later you would have been wearing orange soda?"

Carmody nodded, grinning. "Who says I never learn anything from you?"

They solemnly touched pop bottles, snickered and took large drinks. "Those pills you got from the doctor working yet?"

Nelson glared at him. "When did I tell you about the pills?"

"You didn't. Your mom told my mom and Millie listened in and told me."

"Nobody can keep a secret around here, everyone is an eavesdropper," complained Nelson which struck Carmody as funny.

"So, you gained any weight yet?"

"Well, not in just one day. They're not magic. But look, I'm drinking pop instead of water, how often do I do that? And I'm actually thinking it may be time for lunch soon."

"I'll drink to that," said Carmody, holding his bottle out for another clink.

They took more normal-sized sips this time, the thirst from battling ants and wasp already abated.

"You know," said Nelson. "If worse had come to worser, your uncle Roger would have put up the camp fees for you."

Carmody shook his head. "We're not supposed to ask him for money. It's like a big rule. He's generous but we don't want to take advantage of him."

"I never agreed to such a rule," said Nelson. "You think he'd want his favorite nephew moping around the house all summer, driving his sister crazy saying, 'There's nothing to do'."

"Whose sister? Millie?"

"I meant your mom, Uncle Roger's sister."

"There's that," agreed Carmody. "I just couldn't ask him."

"What are friends for?"

Maggie came into the kitchen just then, planning on starting to make lunch. "Well, you boys look like...." She paused. They didn't actually look all mopey like they had outside after the hilarity of the squarepants incident had worn off. "You feel like hearing some good news?" she asked.

Both boys nodded. "Sure," Carmody chirped.

"Horace called Brad and it was all a misunderstanding. You are going to go to camp," she said.

"Wow, cool," said Carmody.

"Told you it would work out," said Nelson. "When's lunch?"

That clinched it for Maggie, she knew they had listened in on the extension. Rather than admit that she knew and have to think of an appropriate punishment, she scowled at them. "Lunch is soon enough, and don't you two have some homework to do?"