Is Late Better than Never?
by Lily Rasputin

Chapter Four

“Honestly, Madeline. Could you possibly think about someone other than yourself for once?

The woman at the end of the connection, the one listed in the phone’s contacts as “Mother”, possessed an annoyingly superior tone of voice which made me instantly sympathetic for the former Maddie’s having to have dealt with it for her entire life.

A sympathy, I supposed, that I should now feel for myself.

“First, you insist on being … out.” She said it like she’d just tasted something unpleasant. “Now, you’ve hired yourself out as a maid for a family of strangers.” She sighed in what might well be the most melodramatic method possible. “I swear, you are no longer the girl I raised.”

Well, she definitely had that part right.

Lying on the bed in my apartment, I stared up at the ceiling as the woman droned on and on about what a disappointment I was to her and Maddie’s father. It had only taken less than five minutes before I realized Maddie had to have been a saint to not simply cut the woman out of her life permanently. Either that, or she’d been so browbeaten over the course of her life she couldn’t escape.

As the one-sided conversation continued, I thought about my own family and the problems I’d seen in just my quick visit earlier.

After Kelly’s disclosure of the reason for rift between her and our daughter, she suggested that I go back home and get my things just as I’d offered. She promised to have a detailed schedule of the kids’ activities, her parental preferences, and a list of important numbers prepared for me by the time I returned.

I attempted to get more definitive details on Sheila’s behavior but was waved off by Kelly.

“It’s not important,” she said, giving me a tight, sad smile. “To be honest, I don’t completely disagree with her.” The way her arms came up to cross over her abdomen told me that further discussion of the topic wasn’t going to happen.

Not right then, at least.

I nodded, telling her that it shouldn’t take longer than an hour, two at the most, before I returned.

“You know, I could pick up something for dinner on my way back,” I suggested, giving her a smile. “Then you wouldn’t have to worry about cooking anything.”

“I just hired you, Maddie. I don’t expect you to jump right into being…” Then she trailed off, shaking her head as her mouth curled down into a frown.

The aura of sadness rolling off her almost made me want to walk over and wrap her in my arms like I used to do. When I would press her face against my chest as I hugged her and told her that everything would be okay. Even when I knew it wouldn’t.

Especially when I knew it wouldn’t.

“It’s totally no problem at all,” I said with a smile that took a bit of effort to maintain. “I’ll pick up a couple of pizzas as a sort of celebration. On our new partnership. How does that sound?”

Kelly opened her mouth in what was likely the start of a protest, then threw up her hands in acquiescence as she smiled and nodded.

“Actually, that sounds like a great idea. Thanks, Maddie.”

I waved goodbye to Devon, informing him that I would be back in a couple of hours with some pizza. He let out another enthusiastic cheer that nearly burst my eardrums and waved back in reply. I cut my eyes up at the ceiling, but figured Sheila probably couldn’t care less that I was leaving.

I was halfway down the path to my car when I heard Kelly’s voice calling my name. Well, calling Maddie’s name.

Turning around, I saw her hurrying down the walk with my purse clutched in her hand. She held it out to me with a little grin. “You forgot this. Might need it to get back home.”

I felt my face ignite as I took the handbag from her, scolding myself for making such a stupid, completely male mistake.

“Thanks,” I said, slipping the strap over one shoulder. “Not used to carrying this thing yet.” When I realized I’d actually said that aloud, my cheeks grew even hotter. “I mean, I just got it. It’s new.”

Very new, actually.

Kelly laughed, obviously misunderstanding my faux pas. “Yeah, I’m the same way every time I get a new bag.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, happy to let the mistake slide. “Anyway, I’ll be back soon.”

I had no more than arrived back at my apartment, a feat which had required use of the BMW’s navigation system’s history, when my phone started to ring. Glancing at the caller’s information, I saw that it was Maddie’s mother. I let it go to voicemail while I went inside to search for a suitcase.

Less than two minutes later, it rang again. Again, I chose not to answer it. Until I knew more about the relationship between us, I thought it best to ignore her for now. All I had managed to glean from the texts I’d read was that Maddie couldn’t seem to do anything right, and her mother apparently had no faults.

At least, none that she seemed willing to admit to.

Five minutes later, as I began putting various articles of clothing into a black and teal suitcase I found in the closet, I received notification of a new text message. When I saw it was from “Mother”, I sighed and opened it.

“I know you are home, Madeline. Your car is in the parking lot, and your phone is inside the building. Either answer the phone, or I’m coming there myself.”

Wow. Talk about some massively overbearing apron strings. Was Maddie’s mom low-key stalking her daughter?

I certainly didn’t want her coming over here. It would be a lot harder bluffing my way through a conversation with her in person than over the phone. I picked up the stack of shorts I’d just finished neatly folding and put them in the suitcase, then flopped down next to it to call my “mother”.

She answered on the second ring. “Well, it certainly took you long enough. Were you ignoring my calls?” I didn’t think it was humanly possible to sound so put out about something. Did she talk that way to everyone? Or just Maddie?

“No. I was not ignoring your calls. I’m in the middle of doing something and figured I would call you back when I was done.” I tried to channel some of Maddie’s attitude I’d inferred from the text messages I’d read. While it seemed that her mother always got her way, eventually, Maddie never appeared to make it easy for her.

“Busy? Busy doing what?”

“Packing.”

“Packing?” her shrill voice went up another notch. “To go where?”

I sighed as loudly as I could on purpose., hoping it annoyed her. “I got the nanny job so I’m packing some stuff to take with me.”

There was a pause. “Madeline,” she said my name like it was an unwanted chore. “You know how I feel about you and this … job. But do you really need to actually move in with them when you have a perfectly good apartment? After all, it’s not like it’s all that far away.”

“It will be easier to do my job if I’m there than it will be having to drive back and forth all the time.”

Not to mention that being there for my kids only on a part-time basis is not what I signed up for. Or what Namira signed me up for.

She let out a sigh that sounded as if someone had punched her in the gut.

“Honestly, Madeline. I think you’re doing all of this just to punish me. Though I cannot for the life of me understand what I’ve done to deserve it.”

I actually stared at the phone in shocked silence. How in the hell did Maddie survive growing up with this woman? This five-minute conversation already had me ready to burn whatever bridges would be required to make it end.

My gaze drifted over to the nightstand where the empty pill bottles had been quietly stashed away from casual view. It would not surprise me in the least to know that this mother/daughter dynamic partially contributed to the poor girl’s decline into despair.

“Mother,” I said with a slightly clenched jaw to keep from screaming. “This has absolutely nothing to do with you. I’m doing it because I want to do it. Plus, I think it will be good for me. Maybe help get me out of the funk I’ve been in lately.”

Another sigh. “I fail to see how chasing around after a pair of precocious brats will help with your so-called depression, Madeline.” She gave another melodramatic sigh. “I give it a week. Two, at most. Before you will see that I was right. Trust me, darling, being a parent is not for someone who’s weak.”

My fingers curled tightly around the phone, squeezing. Had I still been a man with a man’s grip, I probably would have cracked the casing. I don’t know if Maddie had felt any hatred toward her mother, but I was already on the fast track to despising her. Did she actually think her child “weak”?

What kind of mother says that to her daughter?

I really wanted to tell her that she could fuck right off and enjoy her life without my presence in it. The problem with that idea is that I needed to fully understand enough about the previous Maddie in order to forge ahead as a new and different Maddie.

The last thing I wanted was for a “concerned parent” to get me locked in a psych ward for observation.

“Well,” I said with a calm I did not feel. “I suppose we will find out, won’t we, Mother? Regardless, I need to go. I was in the middle of packing and would like to finish. I told Kelly I would be back there in time for dinner.”

“Dinner?” The surprise in her voice caught me off guard. “It’s Tuesday, Madeline.”

I started to ask what the big deal was about Tuesday when I remembered the way Beth had reacted when I said we could hang out this evening. She’d seemed confused as to why I wasn’t going to dinner with my family.

“I’m sorry,” I said, not feeling the slightest morsel of regret. “I completely forgot.”

“You know your father is going to be disappointed you cancelled.”

“I …” Saying that I didn’t care how disappointed either of them was didn’t seem like a good idea. “Tell him that I’m sorry. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

From there, the call went into a gossip session about people I didn’t know and didn’t care about. Eventually, after wrangling from me a promise that I would meet her for brunch “at the club” tomorrow, Maddie’s mother finally allowed me to end our call.

“Now, I just need to find out what club she was talking about.” I said as I dropped the phone on the bed next to the half-stuffed bag. Greensboro had two country clubs and three private dining clubs that I knew of. I only hoped the GPS history would save my butt once again.

I resumed packing the suitcase, as well as a large duffle I’d found on the top shelf inside the closet. I hoped it would be enough clothing to get me through at least a week or so. My days of the masculine simplicity of jeans, shorts, T-shirts, and boxers had gone the way of the dodo. Now, it was jeans, shorts, T-shirts, skirts, leggings, summer dresses, blouses, bras, and panties.

Not to mention the other accessories, like the jewelry I found in a neatly organized silk pouch. While I’m not an appraiser, none of the items I pulled out to examine looked like they came from Target. Given the apparent social status of Maddie’s family, I couldn’t say I was surprised.

I zipped up both bags, actually having to lay on the suitcase to get it closed, then headed into the bathroom.

Much like with the toothbrush, which I still hoped had been the correct one, I didn’t have the slightest clue which of the products lining the edge of the tub belonged to Maddie. I didn’t want to guess only to have Beth call me later to ask why I had stolen her favorite conditioner. Or made off with her expensive body lotion.

In the end, I decided to take nothing and just stop on my way home to buy new stuff to use. Besides, I thought with a smile, it would be nice to go into Sephora and get the usual ‘Poor Clueless Man’ stare from the staff.

However pleasant that thought was, the reality of my new form’s limitations hit me the moment I pulled the overloaded suitcase off the bed, nearly dislocating my shoulder. As a guy, I’d not been the biggest or strongest man around, but my arms were now devoid of even that small amount of muscle. Bending down, I grabbed the handle and angled the bag back up onto its wheels.

“Well, Mikey, you always did want to be a member of the weaker sex,” I said to myself with a little laugh. “Hope you don’t also suddenly lose the ability to kill spiders.” I knew the use of those old tropes might sound self-defeatist, but I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

Even if my new wardrobe had consisted entirely of fluffy pink attire, I don’t think I would be sad. I might not appreciate the manner in which Namira had fulfilled my wish, I did have to agree that being a female was far better experience.

Just as I rolled the bag into the living room, wondering how I was going to get it down the steps without killing myself, the front door unlocked and swung open. Beth, followed by a rather beefy-looking guy with a surfer haircut, walked into the apartment. She stopped and stared at me, at the suitcase, then back at me again.

“Uh, going on a trip?” she asked, stepping aside to let Mr. Tall, Dark, and Muscular room to come in and close the door.

“I got the nanny job,” I said, shrugging one shoulder. “I’m supposed to start this evening.”

The confused expression on the blonde’s face shifted into a mask of disappointment. “I thought we were going to have a girl’s night. You know, and talk shit about your stupid ex.”

Crap! I’d forgotten about that. I consoled myself by remembering that I’d been super confused about what was going on, the whole ‘new life, new me’, thing.

“Raincheck?” I said, putting a note of hopefulness in my voice. “How about Saturday night?”

Beth nodded, but the guy shook his head and looked down at her. “Babe, Saturday is when we’re going to my Nan’s for dinner.”

“Friday?” Beth countered, then shrugged as she looked back at me. “It’s a two-hour drive to Jake’s Nan’s. By the time we got back, the evening would mostly be over.”

I nodded, turning my attention from the blonde to her boyfriend.
So, this was the Jake that had kept Beth preoccupied while her roommate took a permanent nap? While the strapping muscles visible under the thin material of his tank top and rugged jawline peppered with stubble didn’t get my own motor running, I did have to admit that he was a rather attractive specimen.

“Friday,” I agreed, looking back at Beth. “In the meantime, do you think you can get Captain Hunk to help me get this monstrosity down the stairs? I’d rather not end up with a hernia.”

Jake grinned and nodded his head as he glanced over at Beth and winked.

“Captain Hunk? I like that.” His grin swung back my way, his bright blue eyes full of youthful confidence. He seemed to be the kind of guy who could turn on the right amount of charm to win his way into the pants of just about any girl he wanted. A belief which seemed supported by the fact that he took immediately one of hands before I could react and lightly kissed the back of it.

“I’d be honored to service you, fair Madeline.”

The petite blonde rolled her eyes and snorted. Beth didn’t seem the least bit jealous about the apparent flirting between her boyfriend and her roommate.

“Knock it off, Casanova,” she said shaking her head. “All your sweet talk isn’t going to get you anywhere and you know it. You don’t have the right equipment, bozo.”

I almost pointed out that he had a tongue and fingers, then decided that might be a bit too bold. I didn’t want to potentially alienate one of the few people I knew by name because of overly flirtatious comment.

So, I agreed with Beth instead.

“Give me a call when you grow a pair of boobs and a vag. Then I’ll swoon.”

Jake grinned and released my hand to grab the handle of the suitcase. He reached out with the other and tapped the strap of the duffle resting on my shoulder. “Give me this one, too.”

When I relinquished the second bag, Beth walked over and stood next to me.

“It’s going to be weird not having you here at night. I mean, it’ll be different than when I’m over at Jake’s or you’re at Becki’s.” She gave me a slightly sad smile. “I’m going to miss you.”

Jake let out a little laugh. “Come on, Beth. Maddie’s just moving. It’s not like she’s dying.”

No. She already did that.

I promised Beth we would hang out Friday evening, and that I wasn’t permanently moving out of our apartment. Even though I knew that I would eventually, provided things went well in my new family role. In the meantime, the interactions would help provide a bit more insight into the life which I’d been thrust.

My phone began ringing just as I maneuvered into the almost nonexistent parking lot next to Ludo’s. The tiny restaurant was almost unnoticeable, sandwiched right in the middle of an ancient shopping center, between a Dollar Store and an out-of-business balloon shop that had moved past its glory days back in the late 90s.

I’d discovered the little pizzeria by accident while looking for a last-minute Valentine’s Day gift for Kelly. We’d only been dating a month, but I wanted to get her something to show that I was already falling for her. The balloon shop had been stripped bare by my fellow procrastinators, but I managed to find a card that I thought was cute and flirty.

The front had an image of a guy standing on a path that went off in multiple directions. There was a crumpled map in his hands and a bunch of bright red question marks over his head. On the inside, the man had ditched the map and was walking arm in arm with a blonde woman down one of the many paths. The text inside read, “I used to wonder where I was going. Now, I don’t care as long as it’s with you.”

The sort of thing I might have wanted to receive once upon a time.

When I emerged with my purchase, the allure of the delicious aromas from next door had pulled on my stomach as easily as Kelly had my heart. That evening, I arrived at her apartment with the card, a box of chocolates purchased at Walgreens, and a large Ludo’s pizza. I often credited Louie’s culinary talents with helping me win my wife’s love.

I shut off the engine and pulled out my phone. The unanswered call had been from Becki and there was an a new voicemail waiting to be heard. Reluctantly, I opened the app and pressed play.

“Hey, Maddie. I went by your place, but Beth said you weren’t there. She wouldn’t tell me where you were and pretty much acted like a total bitch. Call me back when you get the chance. Maybe we could grab a coffee or something at The Bean House. I think that band you like is playing tonight. Love you.”

Sighing, I deleted the message and climbed out of the car, mentally kicking myself for not simply telling the girl to go away earlier instead of letting her into the apartment. I’d let curiosity override common sense, leading to Becki thinking there was a chance for her and Maddie to get back together.

I went into Ludo’s and placed an order for one large pepperoni and a medium barbecue chicken and pineapple. If anything could get Sheila out of a foul mood, it was her favorite pizza. As I waited for the order to be ready, I scrolled through Maddie’s phone, reading text messages I’d skipped earlier and checking her social media connections.

Apparently, my new mother’s name was Meredith, and she had quite the internet presence. The more I discovered, the more I began to feel like simply cutting her out of my life was going to be a difficult task. Difficult, but hopefully not impossible.

Suddenly, the sensation of being watched sent the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end.

Glancing up from my phone, I spotted Louie’s oldest son, Georgie, leaning on the counter looking at me. When our eyes met, the corner of his mouth ticked up into an amused smirk. I thought for a moment that I must have something on my face, but when I saw his dark brown eyes dip down to examine my body, I realized that he was staring because I was now a cute female.

I waited until his gaze came back up and his smile widened before I rolled my eyes as obviously as I could, snorted, and went back to looking at the screen in my hands. Even still, I could feel the heat rise in my face at the blatant way he’d indicated his attraction to the new me.

It wasn’t like I reciprocated the interest, but the fact that he found me desirable made me feel … pretty. Like I’d always wanted to feel.

“Order’s ready,” Louie said after a few more minutes.

I put the phone back into my purse, pulled out my wallet, and walked over to the counter. As he tapped on the register’s screen, he glanced at the two boxes next to him and then back to me.

“Barbecue chicken and pineapple? Interesting combination there.”

I pulled out Maddie’s debit card and handed it to him, hoping that I wouldn’t be required to enter a PIN. “Oh? Not a popular selection?”

He shook his head as he swiped my card.

“The only other I know of was a family that used to order it all the time. At least two or three times a month.” He handed my card back to me and frowned. “Shame what happened to the dad. He was a good guy. Always tipped well and never complained about anything.” He made the sign of the cross over his chest, then handed me my receipt.

It felt like I’d popped a tennis ball into my mouth and attempted to swallow it whole. My vision burred with potential tears, and I nodded, turning my face down in pretense of needing to put the receipt and wallet back into my purse.

I don’t know how many evenings I’d chatted with Louie as my order baked in the large stone oven at the back of the restaurant. Conversations about the weather, our kids, the economy. Over fifteen years of steady contact had turned us into friends without me even realizing it.

Now, six months after dying, he still seemed saddened by the loss.

Finally getting the lump in my throat to partially dislodge, I looked back up at him and smiled. “The Johnstons, right?’ I asked. When he nodded with a surprised look, I smiled. “This is actually for them. I’m their new nanny.”

He blinked a few times as a grin formed on his face. He glanced over at Georgie, who seemed just as surprised, though I got the feeling it wasn’t exactly for the same reason.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Wonders never cease, eh?” Louie shook his head and began typing on the register again. “I’m refunding your money. You tell Kelly this meal is on me. You promise to take good care of those kids, okay? They’re good kids.”

I shook my head. “You don’t have to do that, Lou,” I said.”

His eyebrows shot up in curiosity for a moment when I called him by name, but the moment passed without comment, and he waved his hand dismissively.

“No argument. This is my way of showing a little appreciation to one of my most loyal customers.” He gave me a broad smile. “Be sure to tell them that Louie is thinking of them, okay?”

“I will,” I promised.

I put the pizzas on the passenger seat of the BMW and slid back behind the wheel. It felt like my whole body was buzzing and my hands trembled as if I were having a massive sugar drop. I knew that the camaraderie between me and Louie had been more than just a simple matter of business transactions, I just didn’t realize how much more. He’d actually cared about me and my family.

After about five minutes or so, I felt composed enough to drive without causing an accident. I pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward home, the tantalizing aroma of fresh baked pizza filling my nose and the pleasure of reconnecting with an old friend filling my heart.