Sara Marsden had finally managed to escape a loveless and abusive marriage to Harry. Gathering her resolve and looking for a new start, she had taken her son James to find a refuge in Langton Hayfield, a small Sussex town discretely crouching within a lark's flight of the English south coast. They had arrived at their new home as the summer was ending. The weather was very beautiful as the autumn progressed. The countryside seemed kissed by dreamy light mists, sometimes white, sometimes tinted with hints of gold from the waning sun that had left behind the drowsy bee-humming summer.

The divorce had not been without acrimony but Sara came away with a settlement that allowed her to buy a small ivy walled cottage on the outskirts of Langton Hayfield. With a little encouragement from her younger sister Susan, she took a risk and became the proud if somewhat nervous owner of 'The Secret Garden', a florist shop peeking seductively, beneath the fall of russet leaves, round the corner of the High Street. The shop came with an elderly, but still serviceable Citroen Berlingo van. Intended for deliveries, it was a sign written with the shop's name in bold gold lettering. The small van also solved Sara's transport problem giving her a sense of freedom and independence that she had not really known since she had married.

James was Sara's joy. He was an attractive boy, some might say pretty but James was quite unaware of the fact. When Sara was pregnant with him, she had hoped with all her might for a girl but the tiny filaments of disappointment, when a scan revealed the baby's true sex disappeared the instant her child was placed in her arms. She fell in love with the infant, his smile, his scent, his being. As James grew it became clear that he was blessed with a happy caring nature which made him liked by all who knew him.

James seemed quite unaware of his natural demeanor which rested as a trace of graceful femininity on his slender shoulders. Straight or gay were not words in his lexicon. James thought of himself as just a kid… nothing to see here. This attitude allowed him to negotiate his early life with good humour and ease. He was thirteen when his mother brought him to Langton Hayfield. Naturally clever with a broad artistic streak, he helped his mother with her shop. He did this because she needed his help and also to earn a little pocket money. His artistic talent was exploited in arranging attractive seasonal 'fruit and flower' gift baskets. Wrapped in cellophane and decorated with silk ribbons they proved to be both profitable and constantly in high demand.

James was enrolled in the Westcott Rundell School. The Edwardian red brick school stood impressively on a rise of land that overlooked the town. Blessed with lush green playing fields and accessed along a winding tree-lined avenue, the school seemed to hover as a phantom of a different, long forgotten age. It belonged to a diminishing number of institutions that remained stubbornly single sex. A Boys' school that seemed to be floundering to keep its head above the water in a century where it no longer had a place. The curriculum was by necessity modern, long gone were the dreary Latin and Greek lessons though some of the aging masters regretted the changes and seemed still mired more in concern for the injustices of the Siege of Troy than the pressing problems of climate change and political unrest.

Not so Miss Dawson, she was in tune with the modern world.

The school's only women teacher. Miss Dawson's forthright character was tempered by a softly spoken sweet nature and an alarmingly pretty face which allowed her to navigate her way around the male teacher's egos. The words 'little finger and winding' may spring to mind. The boys universally adored her for her kindness and empathy, some of the senior boys adored her for altogether different reasons. While the male teachers tended to keep order by wielding a bullying manner with sharply raised voices, Miss Dawson could quieten an unruly classroom with nothing more than a softly lifted hand.

This new and assertively female teacher represented the first glimmer of the approaching modern age that was inevitably levering its way into the cracks of Westcott Rundell's facade. A teacher of English and Drama, Miss Dawson, Natalie to her friends, was a young woman still in her early thirties. Tall and pretty, the way she walked might have made one think of a ballerina. Miss Dawson had arrived at the school only a few months before James; both were newcomers, both were still finding their feet. The young woman had burning ambition and saw a future for the school as co-educational. A place of compassion and learning filled with as many girls as boys. More women teachers and ultimately, if the gods willed it, maybe herself as headmistress.

Natalie had noted James' arrival at Westcott Rundell School with interest. She had followed his initiation into the school marking him as a kindred spirit. An unusual boy who seemed untouched by the societal pressures to conform to any particular role, a boy who could stride effortlessly across the gender divide.

If asked, Miss Dawson would claim to be a feminist, but a soft feminist, working by stealth and kindness to bring equality to her sisters… and her brothers. She was not a woman who would be inclined to chain herself to railings for her cause. On arriving at the school and taking possession of the drama department she quickly launched herself into the spotlight by producing the annual school play. The school play was a Westcott Rundell Christmas tradition, a tradition which wrought trepidation on parents and scholars alike.

The chosen play, back when Mr Preston was unhappily the 'drama chap', had traditionally been lifted from Shakepeare's repertoire, one of the better known plays was usually selected so as not to tax the audience or the players too much. Miss Dawson had other ideas.

Her play was to be 'Robin Hood'. It was a play that she had penned herself while still a student and although the characters were familiar enough, Natalie had strayed far from the 'Hollywood' version of the story by weaving it full of mystical Arthurian legend. The play's main character was not Robin but driven by her 'soft feminism' it was, of course, Maid Marian. Miss Dawson's Marian was a mix of the traditional maid with aspects of Merlin, Guinivere and the Lady of the Lake. In Miss Dawson's play, Robin was presented as an embodiment of King Arthur making him the rightful king of the Realm which he ultimately achieved by usurping the evil Prince John. This was achieved under the controlling guidance of Lady Marian who naturally became Queen at the climax of her play.

Confronted by only boys to draw her cast from, she needed someone to play the lead role… James Marsden seemed an obvious choice. He had fallen, on his serendipitous arrival at Westcott Rundell, into her lap like a gift from the gods. A little too young to be ideal he nevertheless was very pretty for a boy and appeared to be lacking in the toxic masculinity that seemed all too prevalent in boy's schools. In many school environments such a boy might have been subject to bullying but James was such a happy, intelligent and kind person that the thought of bullying him for any minor shortcomings he might possess, had seemed happily unthinkable.

Westcott Rundell School had long ago abandoned its former position as a boarding school. All the pupils were now day-boys. James commuted the fifteen minutes to school by bicycle. It was a machine that he had inherited from his mother. Equipped with a wicker basket strapped to the handlebars, ideal for his school bag, and a full three speeds, the ancient machine, without a crossbar to accommodate skirts, was clearly a girls' bike. James was unconcerned by this. In fact he completely failed to notice the smiles of amusement cast his way by the possessors of 21 speed mountain bikes which they saw as the preferred option. James called his bike Pegasus and stabled her in the school's bike sheds to patiently wait for his return. Given her head Pegasus could absolutely lift skywards and fly down the hill towards home but was harder to coax into anything more energetic than a slow canter on the way up. James put this failing down to over generous feeding.

Once selected, James embraced the opportunity to play Miss Dawson's Maid Marian. From an early age he had been attracted by the fanciful idea of one day becoming an actor. Presented with a copy of the script James immersed himself in the story and studiously learned his lines. As was his nature, he helped the other cast members whenever they struggled with the dialogue or in following the subtlety of the narrative. Despite his tender years, he made himself an indispensable aid to Miss Dawson's production.

In the final week of term, when Christmas frosts whitened the school grounds and crackled the naked branches of the Aspens, the play was finally presented in front of an audience of boys with their family and friends. James' mother and her sister Susan, who had come down from London, were in attendance but James' father, despite a promise, was a no show. Most boys might have been saddened by their father's absence from a significant moment in their life but Harry Marsden was not a man to easily like and on the whole James preferred not to be troubled by his father's presence.

In any event 'Robin Hood' was a roaring success. Never before had a Westcott Rundell production received such applause. James, as Marian the play's main character, received a standing ovation. This was a previously unknown occurrence. Usually polite and restrained clapping was the best that could be hoped for from the long suffering audience.

Natalie was uncharacteristically moved to tears by the reception of her play. From then on James had become the natural choice for all the leading 'ladies' who were to grace the school play. After Maid Marian, James played Alice in an amusing production of 'Alice in Wonderland' and excelled himself with a sadly beautiful rendering of Olivia in a return to Shakespeare with a Natalie Dawson production of Hamlet.

All of Miss Dawson's productions were a success. The success of Hamlet led the headmaster Mr Spellman to press Natalie into tackling another Shakespearean classic. Romeo and Juliet? he proposed.

"That young man of yours… Marsden is it… currently doing his 'O' levels would make a marvellous Juliet, don't you think?" Mr Spellman suggested.

"I do indeed Headmaster." Natalie agreed.

James had reached the age of sixteen, taller now but otherwise the passing years seemed to have slipped over him with little more than a feather's touch. He was studying Romeo and Juliet for his external exams and to play the part of Juliet was something that had haunted his dreams.

"I'd love the chance to play Juliet, Miss Dawson." He said when Miss Dawson offered the part to him… She knew he would.

Natalie made a strict point of not having favourites in her class. All her pupils were worthy of her best teaching efforts… but James was just a special case. She held his gaze with her soft eyes and, with a breach of etiquette, kissed his cheek.

"You're 16 now James… Except for in class, why not call me Natalie... After all, we girls should stick together in this male territory."

Her words might have been shocking for any other boy. But they were so insightfully accurate that they touched James' heart. He let his fingers brush Natalie's arm before turning away to hide the tears which had suddenly welled in his eyes. But Miss Dawson was observant. She saw, she knew.

 

James was excited when he flew Pegasus home that afternoon. Already the winter evening was falling into darkness; the air had a rawness as it blew curling with frost from the misty valley. An occasional feather of snow came floating out of the darkness to settle on his cheek. At home James indulged in a hastily prepared peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk before he rode his mount across Langton Hayfield to his mother's Shop.

The Secret Garden was looking festive. The shop window shone a golden welcome across the glistening footpath. There was a display of colourful Christmas Wreaths decoratively placed near the shop's entrance, hopeful of enticing customers to enter the shop. With his cheeks still rosy from the crisp air, James made room for a customer as she struggled with her packages and a potted poinsettia. Once inside, he found himself embraced by the warmth and the floral scents that were ever present even in the winter months.. The shop was now empty apart from his mother who was busily filling a phone order by preparing a bouquet of Iris and Christmas roses nestled in a spray of emerald ferns. She looked up with a smile when her son burst in.

"Mum, I've been given the part of Juliet in the school play. He bounced on his toes like an excited ballerina.

"That's wonderful darling… This is Romeo and Juliet?"

"Well of course…"

"You say 'of course Darling, but who knows what your lovely Miss Dawson might dream up."

"No, no this is totally the original.. as wos wrote by Mr Shakespeare 'isself.."

Sara laughed.

"In any case you'll make a lovely Juliet… So would you like tea, I've just made some in the back room?"

"No, that's fine. I grabbed some milk back at home… About the play, there's a small problem." James looked slightly hesitant.

"Go on…"

"Well I'm going to need a costume. Miss Dawson has been rummaging through the Drama department's props room and the only thing suitable for Juliet is too small for me… it's also rather threadbare."

"So is there a solution to this tragic dilemma?" Sara put down her scissors and took a sip from her mug of steaming tea. "I imagine it might involve money."

"Well yes… the Drama department has a small budget but last year's Hamlet production rather drained the coffers."

"I suppose the outfit you wore as Ophelia is not suitable?"

"It might have been with some slight modifications, but the dress has been used so often and for so long that it is starting to resemble a rag… Miss Dawson wondered… well… if our parents could help."

"I see." Sara's lips were raised in a soft smile as she anticipated the pleasure she might get from shopping for something outrageously pretty for her son.

"It's not just me… a lot of the cast are going to need kitting out. Several of the mothers are gifted with their sewing machines and can rustle up a doublet and hose in an afternoon… "

"I don't even have a sewing machine Darling, to be honest I wouldn't know one end of one from the other. James, you know my gifts, modest as they might be, revolve around my green fingers."

"I know…"

James looked downcast as if the wind had been taken from his buoyant sails.

"Fear not, 'The Secret Garden' has been doing quite well just lately… So… 'Lest faith turn to despair my sweet Juliet'… I think I can put my hands on a few spare Ducats."

James laughed.

"You are the best Mum in the world."

"Oh I know that… So when would you like to go shopping?"

"As soon as possible would be good… The Dress rehearsal is approaching fast "

"On wing-ed feet?"

"Exactly."

"OK leave it with me… now, to earn your keep, would you like to put together some more Christmas wreaths, they're being snapped up like hot cakes on a frosty day. There's red berried holly and greenery in the back and you can weave in some of those nice Christmas roses."

"OK, OK slave driver… I knew this was going to cost me."

The evening seemed profoundly still and quiet as if the Christmas spirit had already settled over Langton Hayfield like a fall of snow. In the warmth of the shop, the chill winter air was banished as Mother and son shared a hug.

"I'm so proud of you Darling." Sara said.

That evening, while toasting her toes in front of an open fire, Sara searched online for costumiers. Finding a 'Juliet Dress' was no problem at all but the prices were outrageous. The few who offered to hire outfits tended to cater more for fancy dress parties and even hiring a suitable costume was an expensive proposition. Sara turned her attention to the 'economy' department stores and found that a full length gown of, a hopefully suitable design, would be a more affordable option. Once used, unless James could find a reason to keep it, the dress could be donated to the school's drama department so as well as rescuing James and Miss Dawson from their shared dilemma, it would be doing a good turn for the school that had been so welcoming, so good, to her son.

The next morning over a steaming breakfast of porridge and thickly buttered toast, Sara announced that they would go shopping the following Saturday, just two days away. Sara had already called the Jovially plump Mrs Jenkins who had happily agreed to 'mind the shop' for the morning. Mrs Jenkins was semi-retired but was happy to 'fill in' among the high street shops when a trustworthy and experienced person was needed.

James sought out Natalie at the morning break and told her the news about the dress. Although they still had to find something appropriate, James had supreme confidence in his mother.

"That's fantastic James, will you give your Mum my deepest thanks… There's one other thing. I finally managed to find the long blond stage wig that Juliet needs… It was crammed into a box of bric-a-brac under a pile of wooden swords and spears at the back of the cupboard. It's undamaged but it could do with a good wash. I'd do it myself but I'm so swamped at the moment…"

"I'll take it home and see what can be done…"

"I knew you would James… what would I do without you?... your Mum knows you'll be late home tonight with the rehearsal?"

"Yes, she's going to bring the van and pick me up."

Back at home after the rehearsal, which went smoothly under Miss Dawson's direction, James feasted on cottage pie and baby carrots with his mother's take on apple strudel ladled with whipped cream to follow. Before tackling his crushing stack of homework, James produced the mousy coloured wig. He pulled it on and twirled for his mother who burst into laughter.

"Miss Weston says it needs a wash." He said.

"Well she got that right… I've got some nice scented shampoo and conditioner… let's see what we can do with it."

After washing and conditioning the wig, it was revealed in its former glory clean and fresh, the colour happily approaching a version of blond again. Once dried, Sara fitted it over James' rather tousled mass of brown hair. She stood back. The hair fell down in soft waves almost to James' waist. As he turned, the delicate strands of polyester hair lifted prettily with the shifting currents of air.

"It looks like a different wig," Sara said "You will make such a pretty Juliet."
She stood next to her son, he had grown recently but she was still the measurably taller of the two. Lifting her fingers to his face, she stroked his cheek. It was soft to her touch, at sixteen there was still no evidence that he needed to shave. Her mind drifted back to when he was curled in her womb, when she had prayed for a girl. She wondered if that deep longing could somehow have affected his development… He seemed happy and she knew now that there was nothing… absolutely nothing about James that she would change.

On Saturday morning they took the shop's van up to Horsham and found the most promising store. Sara led James to the Women's Department and caught the eye of a young assistant who came over with a smile that seemed entirely genuine.

"Hello, my name's Cleo, can I help you?" She said.

"I hope so… My son James is in the school play… they're putting on Romeo and Juliet. It's a boy's school… James is playing Juliet."

"Ah… no girls in sight."

"Exactly, we need a dress."

"OK a costume for James?"

"Well yes, do you have anything like this?...." Sara showed the young woman a photo on her phone. It was taken from a professionally produced stage play with a prettily dressed Juliet front and centre. The actress was wearing a long off white gown of an Elizabethan style that hung in long graceful folds.

"We can't exactly copy that but you might be in luck, we had stock last year of Regency style gowns that might be ideal; just give me a moment to see if we have any left… "

Cleo left them and Sara wandered across to the underwear section.

"To get the dress to hang properly, you'll probably need a padded bra and we may as well get you some nice feminine panties, maybe some panty hose and sandals."

Sara was holding a bra up against James when the assistant returned. There were two gowns swinging from hangers in her arms.

"We are in luck… I think these are in a size that will fit your son… The good news is that it's old stock and the price has been reduced to clear."

Cleo mentioned the price which was less than Sara had been expecting, Sara nodded non committedly but with an inner sigh of relief.

"I can see that we agree that James will need a bra to give him a more feminine shape… I was going to suggest one of our padded training bras."

"That sounds ideal… maybe some… pantries as well."

"No problem at all." Cleo said as she held out the dresses for inspection. The gowns differed only in colour. One was crushed plum, the other virgin white. As the assistant had told her customers, they were of a design reminiscent of a Regency style gown, softened with something of a 'country maid' look. They had a square neck and the dress flared from just below the breast line. The sleeves were full length and made of a sheer net fabric with solid fabric cuffs that extended down across the hands.

"As you can see the dresses are prettily feminine without being too showy. In my opinion they would be ideal for Juliet… Would James like to try one for size?"

"They took the white dress to the changing rooms along with a suitable white bra which filled out the dress nicely. Cleo had a practised eye and had picked a size 8 which was a perfect fit. James stepped out of the changing room and Cleo smoothed the garment and stood back.

"It's absolutely perfect James." She said. "You will make such an adorable Juliet."

"I agree." Sara said. "I guess you've made a sale."

They left the shop with all that was needed: the dress, bra, panties, pantyhose and a pair of pretty sandals. Sara was relieved that her purchases were well within her budget and James was relieved that the ordeal was over. Though in truth, once he had become comfortable with Cleo, he had found trying on the dress to be an unexpectedly exciting experience.

 

Miss Dawson seemed to come into her own when she had her director's hat on. Always cheerful, she seemed to glow with an extra radiance when she had been given the strands of a play to pull together. The rehearsals had progressed to her satisfaction and the majority of the cast, some of whom were initially conscripted as rather reluctant actors, were soon filled with a contagious enthusiasm for the play.

Miss Dawson held her actors in the palm of her hand as she moved through the play. She would explain Shakespeare's words and massage the performances while keeping everything light hearted; making it fun.

"OK let's move on and polish Act 1 scene 5… I hope you are all familiar with your lines by now. So this is a pivotal scene where Romeo and Juliet first kiss which sets up the entire focus of the tragedy.

So the scene starts with the Capulet household getting ready for the ball. From across the room, Romeo sees Juliet and, thinking her attractive… and who wouldn't, he asks a serving-man who she is. The serving-man does not know. Romeo is transfixed and he declares that he realises that he has never been in love until this moment. Moving through the crowd, Tybalt recognizes Romeo as the son of Lord Montague, an enemy. You must remember that Italy at this time was ruled by warring States. So our friend Tybalt sends for his rapier. Tybalt is reprimanded by Capulet as Romeo is well regarded in Verona, and he will not have the young man harmed at his feast."

Miss Dawson turned her attention to Calder Bridges who had been conscripted to play Romeo after the original player had suffered an accident. Calder was in his final year at the school. His prowess in athletics and rugby had been contributing factors in his ascension to the position of head boy. It had also led to him being admired by most of the boys for whom victory on the rugby field held more kudos than any academic success. Calder also showed maturity and natural authority in his dealings with the younger boys which made him admired among staff and students alike.

"So Calder… Romeo approaches Juliet and touches her hand. As I've mentioned before, this is a dialogue laced with religious metaphors that presents Juliet as a sort of saint figure and Romeo as a pilgrim who wishes to erase his sin. You need to remember that this was all written at a time when there was a different understanding of religious matters. So Romeo tries to convince Juliet to kiss him, since, he says, it is only through her kiss that his sins might be absolved.

So, Juliet, lucky girl, agrees to remain still as Romeo kisses her. I think we can say that Juliet enjoys the kiss as she claims that if the first kiss has taken his sin then the sin must now reside in her lips, and so… surprise, surprise they have to kiss again for her to be absolved… Yes, yes I know it makes no sense, but it might have to people who lived the best part of half a millennium ago.

Now, you come in, Ethan as the nurse to tell Juliet that her mother wants to speak with her. In the exchange of words Romeo discovers that Juliet is… OMG a hated Capulet.

We see that Juliet is just as struck with the mysterious man that she has just kissed as he is with her… I think we might say it's a case of 'love at first sight'. Juliet says to herself that if he is already married, she feels she will die. So her intentions regarding Romeo are already clear. She asks the nurse who this handsome man is. The Nurse returns with the news that the man’s name is Romeo, and shock horror, that he is a hated Montague.

So James you must show how distraught you are to find that you are in love with Calder who is an enemy".

A voice from the wings called out:

"She's in love with Romeo Miss not Calder."

"Ah yes… as you say Michael, must have been a' Freudian slip' on my part."

As the last gathering before the all important dress rehearsal drew to its conclusion. Miss Dawsom gathered the cast around her on the school stage. She told them to sit cross legged while she rounded off the evening's rehearsal with a few words.

"I just want to say that I'm very pleased by the efforts you have made in bringing this production to life. I think it will be the school's best received play yet… At least that's my confident expectation. Today has gone well, there seem to be only one or two rough edges remaining, which should be easily fixed. I must especially congratulate Calder Bridges who gallantly stepped into the role of Romeo when Peter Bateman suffered his motorcycle accident. Incidentally for those who don't know, Peter is out of hospital now and is expected to suffer no long term ill effects from his little confrontation with the telegraph pole. Apparently it was a frosty night, making the road slippery when the errant pole apparently rushed out into the path of Peter's motorcycle without warning."

There was laughter which Mis Dawson quietened with a raised hand.

"So Peter is fine, or will be in the fullness of time. Sadly the same happy outcome cannot be said for his machine, though I understand the demise of the Kawasaki has come as a great relief to Peter's mother."

The comment brought another rustle of amused laughter from the gathering. Which earned them a smile from their director before she addressed another issue which had been the cause of some minor rumblings in the school.

"I'd just like to finish this afternoon with a comment about boys playing female roles. I must remind everyone that we are living in the 21st century and we should be well past these sorts of concerns. So it may have come to your attention that in a boys only school such as ours, we have no alternative to using representatives of the male sex to play women's roles… if , that is, we choose to present plays with women in them. However perhaps I should point out that in Shakespere's day, women were not allowed to perform on stage or be involved in theater in any other way. Male children and teenagers, known as "boy players", performed all the female roles in English Renaissance and Medieval playing companies. So all pretty young women such as Juliet would have always been played by a boy. In this light our school is doing nothing but following a proud ancient tradition."

She noticed Simon Jenkins, a boy who had been given the minor role of Prince Escalus sniggering with his companion, she caught the jist of his muffled words.

"And no Simon this does not mean that they were gay… I hope we don't have a closet homophobe in our presence."

This caused an outbreak of laughter and a deep crimson blush to rise in Simon's cheeks.

"Now those of you who sadly have no costumes and are having to make arrangements with your parents to provide them… I wish to offer an extra thank you. And please pass this appreciation on to your parents. Please make sure that you are ready for the dress rehearsal which is to be held next Thursday. Mr Spellman, in his ineffable wisdom has consented for the cast to be excused lessons for next Thursday afternoon so that we can perfect our performance. It is important that you are word perfect by then and yes I'm looking at you again 'Prince Escalus'."

There was another reddening of cheeks.

As the gathering dispersed Natalie took James to one side.
"I've spoken to your mother and it seems you have your costume ready… so that is a great relief for me. Juliet is the focus of my production and It would have been heartbreaking to see her dressed in rags. I'm sure you'll look lovely. In fact I can't wait to see you dressed as Juliet. Look James, you know that in my production, while trying to keep true to the original, I have centred the spotlight on you… or I should say on Juliet. I have always seen her as the key to the play's integrity. I hope that losing Peter hasn't been a problem for you. I know that you worked hard to develop a rapport with him."

"Well I'm not sure how successful I was with Peter, somehow he didn't seem to inhabit the role of Romeo all that well. The truth is, Calder and I seem to work together really well. We have an intuitive understanding of what we are trying to express. Peter was rather wooden. I hope he recovers quickly but, from the play's perspective, I think Calder will bring more to the part… a sort of strength to Romeo."

"He's more… shall we say… masculine."

"He is, the contrast between us sort of makes me feel more… more like Juliet."

"I know what you mean… There's certainly a natural chemistry between you two, something that was not so apparent with Peter."

"Well yes… Calder has his strong masculine presence, but he expresses it in a protective way. Not like some men."

James thought of his hateful father who was a million miles away from Calder's protective masculinity.

"It's just who Calder is… You know, captain of the first XV, a great athlete and all that but he's also one of the kindest prefects, always ready to help out the younger kids with a kind word."

"I can't argue with that and I think, from a girl's perspective, we can agree that he's shockingly handsome too."

"You might say that, I couldn't possibly comment…" James smiled softly with a trace of shyness colouring the milkiness of his cheeks.

 

The day of the dress rehearsal broke into a stunningly fine winter day. A cloudless blue sky hung over James as he cycled to school but the clear air was bitter cold leaving his breath steaming and his gloved fingers frozen round the handlebars.

The morning passed in a blur for James, he was caught completely in the anticipation of the dress rehearsal. At lunch he could hardly eat but finally the time to don Juliet's persona came. Taking the dress that his mother had lovingly bought for him and the stage wig that she had brought back to life, he changed out of his school uniform and simply became Juliet.

Miss Dawson, Natalie, was already on the stage when James appeared. He was one of the first to arrive. Natalie was sitting on a tall stool with the annotated pages of the script on her knee as she thumbed through, looking for some detail she might have missed. She turned her head as the corner of her eye caught James' arrival on stage. She gasped involuntarily at his appearance. For a moment she could not speak and then clearing her throat she said:

"James… that amazing dress, the wig, it's all just so perfect… You have simply become Juliet."

James' cheeks flushed pink but he managed to hold onto most of his 'cool'. He gave a little twirl and the dress flared out, the hair lifted and hung suspended in the air as he spun. He finished with a little curtsey which made Natalie laugh.

Soon the rest of the cast were gathered on the stage. James looked round for Calder but could not see him anywhere. A sharp twinge of panic ran through his body. Without Calder, the play would be a disaster. As Natalie stood and pulled her stool to one side, the sound of running footsteps could be heard and Calder burst onto the stage, out of breath…

"Sorry, Sorry, I had trouble with the fastening of the jacket."

"That's OK Calder, make sure you get it sorted for tomorrow evening. I seem to remember that the button goes through the hole."

There was laughter, Calder smiled and nodded, his eyes searched the room looking for James.

But it was not James who smiled back at him: It was Juliet who stood in her dress, her perfect white teeth shining through her disarming smile. A smile that was now more than ever affectionate and attractive and beautiful.

Natalie saw the eye contact that her star-crossed lovers had made. The chemistry between them was palpable. She knew, from that moment, that the play would be a success. Her production now seemed to have developed its own momentum… It had become gloriously unstoppable.

Simon Jenkins, the boy who was clearly not a 'closet homophobe' was standing behind Calder. He finally caught sight of James in the dress. Under his breath he muttered:

"If you pulled his pants down you'd probably find that he's a girl after all… no boy can be that pretty."

Calder overheard the words and turned to the boy. In a whisper he said:

"Keep your opinions to yourself Jenkins. It's time you grew up. Say anything else about James and you'll have me to answer to… Got that?"

"Sorry yes… I didn't mean anything by it."

Natalie clapped her hands together to focus the cast's attention.

"OK boys and girls… by now, you all know what to do. Let's take it from the top. Act 1 scene 1.

The play progressed smoothly, Natalie calling out the occasional note of approval or a suggestion intended to raise the tension or give space for the audience to respond to a moment of humour.

"James… when you catch sight of Romeo for the first time… Oh it's no good… I simply can't keep calling you James when you're dressed like that. I'll call you Juliette… with the French spelling, accent on the 'ette' to differentiate you from Shakespeare's Juliet… As I was saying Juliette when you first see Romeo, I want you to express your astonishment at how handsome he is, how he has instantly captured your heart."

Juliette nodded.

The nicknames that boys give to their fellow students and their classmates are often bizarre, the stuff of legend. Following Miss Dawson's impulsive renaming of James. The new name seemed to become driven by its own momentum and spread like wildfire across the school.

As the play progressed Juliette seemed to become lost in her role, she started to melt into Calder's protective masculinity, seeing Calder and Romeo as becoming the same person. Natalie noticed the developing interaction between her two principal players and had to comment:

"That's perfect; the chemistry between you two is wonderful to behold. It's exactly what I want to see… give me more."

Calder and Juliette seemed to need no encouragement; they were acting on their instincts, Shakespeare's words had given them wings and they were flying high.

When the first kiss came, Natalie held her breath as the two lovers embraced. The cast seemed stunned by the sparks that flew from the kiss. But Natalie knew that Calder and Juliette were holding back.

"Good, good, that was so good Juliette, but I want more, I want to see the absolute desperation in your shared love. It needs to send the audience a hint of the tragic finale of the play… Try again, make the kiss otherworldly… convince your audience."

They kissed again even more deeply this time. Juliette opened up completely to Calder's embrace. She was left breathless, her heart pounding when they broke for air.

Perfect, perfect that was absolutely perfect. Repeat that on the night and the audience will simply melt.

The play continued to its all too familiar tragic end. Natalie was moved to wipe her eyes as the final scene came to an end.

"Well I'm impressed… emotionally shattered but impressed. Everyone did a marvelous job tonight. If we can do it again tomorrow in front of an audience then we will make history.

I must thank Calder for his excellent and powerful performance and Julliete for her outstanding ability to seemingly inhabit Juliet's soul… Well done… Now go home, all of you, and rest… No partying, you need at least a solid eight hours of sleep.

Juliette changed out of her dress but try as she might, she could not quite become James again. Something inside, something seen by Natalie, had changed. Being called Juliette was just Natalie's acknowledgement of a truth that even Juliette herself had only glimpsed before.

The dress rehearsal was over. All that remained was the one and only performance. It was due to start at six in the evening and the audience were asked to assemble by five thirty to be seated.

Juliette's aunt Susan had made the journey down from London to see the play. Younger than her sister by three years Susan had done well and was employed as a Human Resources Manager for a cosmetics company. Still happily single, she juggled with a number of boyfriends selecting which one she would honour with her favours in sympathy with her particular mood.

With her sister Sara at her side she drove her company Audi from the cottage along the hedge lined lanes to the school and stopped for a moment at the entrance. Beyond the gates the expanse of grass shone white with frost, still and sparkling. The yellow lights of the school shimmered against the falling darkness. Above the trees a spray of stars, sparkling with diamond flashes of ice blue made them feel a sense of expectation as if something in the world was about to change forever.

In the school hall chairs had been lined up in rows facing the stage. Behind the curtain the cast were waiting gripped by a nervous tension which Natalie did her best to ease by dispensing words of soft encouragement and smiles.

From across the stage, she blew a kiss to Juliette and mouthed the words 'knock them dead.' Despite her nerves, Juliette smiled her best smile. Calder found her in the wings and gave her a hug. No words were really needed and none were exchanged.

And so as the audience hushed, the play began with the prologue:

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life…

The play ran smoothly with nothing to detract from the audience's engrossed pleasure.The first kiss, as Natalie had hoped, elicited gasps from the audience.
Calder's strong masculinity seemed to overwhelm Juliette as she parted her lips for him. She melted into his arms and pulled him into her. Guided by Natalie's direction, they both appeared lost in the moment and seemed to forget that the intimacy was being watched by the entire school.

Natalie whispered to herself 'good girl, good girl' with appreciation of the emotion that Juliette was gifting to the audience. The kiss had excelled even the one from the dress rehearsal.

The final scene reduced Natalie, and much of the audience into a tearful mess.
There was a moment of absolute silence as the curtain fell. The silence seemed to hang suspended on a delicate thread and then the thread broke with the audience erupting into an enthusiastic ovation. As the cast assembled to take a bow the audience rose to its feet and began to cheer.

Finally the director Miss Dawson took her own bow to the continued ecstatic appreciation of the audience. Several of the women, including Susan, could be seen dabbing their eyes with emotion. Sara was left sobbing; she could not believe how beautifully and tragically her precious child had played the part of Juliet.

When the emotion had settled and the audience was drifting away into the starry night. Aunt Susan congratulated Juliette on her performance.

"That was just wonderful, Darling… you were absolutely the star of the play… and your Romeo is so frighteningly handsome."

"Thank you Aunt Susan, but he's not actually 'my' Romeo."

"Oh really… you don't think so my darling girl!"

Susan drove slowly back to the cottage. They watched the headlights dance along the glistening road and cast flickering splashes of colour on the frostbitten row of hedges.

Back at the cottage they stepped out into the cold night and looked up at the stars that were still hanging like tiny diamonds in the blackness. The warmth of the cottage welcomed them as they stepped inside. Sara put another log on the smouldering fire and raked it into blazing flames.

"That was such a wonderful evening." She said. "So emotional."

"It absolutely was." Susan agreed as she produced a bottle of red wine from her overnight bag. "After that touching experience I think we could all do with a drink."

Sara raised her eyebrows as her sister produced three glasses.

"Oh come on sister, I was drinking gin and tonics by the time I was fifteen."

Sara laughed and relented.

Juliette had changed over the past days, whether it was the accumulating emotion of the play or the closeness she had felt for Calder was uncertain, but the name Juliette now seemed to fit her far better than the name James.

"Mum… Natalie, that's Miss Dawson and a lot of the boys have started calling me Juliette…"

"Oh… is that meant as some sort of a sexist put-down?"

"No no, quite the opposite. Everyone seems to like me. My lack of… 'boyishness' is just accepted. In fact, I rather like being known as Juliette. Do you think you could call me Juliette too?

Sara looked a little taken aback at first. But Susan took the confirmation of what she had always known, in her stride.

"Well, young lady," Susan said, "it's high time that you started to acknowledge who you really are. Of course we'll call you Juliette." She turned to her sister. You always wanted a daughter, Sara. From the time you got pregnant. It seems that's exactly what you've always had but never quite noticed."

"Oh, I think I noticed, " Sara said. "I was just not sure how to deal with it."

She smiled at her daughter, the smile, in the few fleeting seconds that it lasted, carried all the acceptance and understanding that she had been unable to express over the years of Juliette's life. Juliette understood, she shyly returned the smile. For her it had been a day to mark in her calendar, the day when many, many of her dreams had been fulfilled.

Juliette took a sip of her wine, she felt it warming as it ran down her throat. The soft paleness of her cheek was tinted rose by the reflections of firelight that shone through the wine-glass she was holding.

 

The clear starry heavens had vanished when Saturday dawned with a winter sky. A slate grey canopy of storm clouds hung, rising from the horizon like a vast mountainside.

Susan had her long drive back to London and decided to set off early to avoid the approaching weather. She breakfasted on coffee, two cups to sustain her, kissed her sister goodbye and then took Juliette's hand.

"Walk out to the car with me." She said. "Now that I have a niece, I'll think of something nice for your Christmas present."

"There's no need."

"Oh I think so… don't spoil my pleasure… Listen Darling, Be gentle with your mother, she's going to take some time to come to terms with suddenly having a daughter."

"I know and I will, but I'm still the same person… nothing has really changed."

"I guess not.. OK Juliette, I'd better get going before the rain breaks. I'll see you soon and well done again on your stunning performance as Juliet."

They hugged and then Susan drove off into the darkening morning.

Back in the warmth of the cottage, Juliette found her mother clearing away the breakfast things.

"You OK Mum?"

"You know I hardly slept last night. I was thinking about you, your lovely performance and then… what followed. When I was pregnant with you, I longed for a daughter, but when you came… I was so happy. When you told me that you wanted to be known as Juliette, and all the implications that flow on from that… I was a little stunned, maybe confronted by the idea. I had got used to having a son, but you always seemed to be as much a girl as you were a boy and now that I've had some time to think through this… It seems that I rather like the idea of having a daughter. In a way Darling, my dreams have come true.

There were large welling tears in both their eyes as they hugged.

There was still a full week of term left before the school broke for the Christmas holidays. With the weekend behind them, as Juliette rode her bike up to Westcot Rundel, there was a feeling of anticlimax hanging over her. During the past month she had been consumed by the play, learning her part… becoming Juliet in ways that she had only imagined in her dreams… Now that was all history.

She saw Calder in the school grounds. He looked up and smiled at her across the crowd of mulling faces. Somehow the magic, the intensity of the kiss now seemed to belong to a dream. It had been a kiss between Romeo and Juliet; just parts that they were playing. There was no reality to it, she knew that now.

Juliette had never really confronted her gender identity before. Despite happily answering to the female name 'Juliette' there was never really a thought of being gay… or straight. She was just an individual who happened to have a boy's name and maybe something of a girl's personality.

Juliette's attraction to Calder, with his overwhelming protective masculinity, had never really been troubling to her self identity; it was just how she felt about him, a part of who she was. But now that her feminine persona was starting to assert itself. She started to wonder how others really saw her… How she saw herself and more importantly how Calder saw her.

The day passed and the next and the next without Calder even speaking to her. He had not, as she hoped he might, sought her out and… made her fantasies into a reality. With the end of term in sight Juliette was beginning to feel that Calder had regretted all that had passed between them.

Juliette was in the lunch room when Calder finally approached her. Her heart sank as she could guess what he was about to say. It was almost better not to know, to be left with at least a glimmer of hope.

Juliette was seated alone and Calder pulled out a chair and sat across the table from her. Juliette could feel the distance that he had placed between them. She saw an unusual shyness in Calder, an embarrassment as he struggled to say what he wanted to.

Juliette looked into Calder's eyes. She wanted to take his hand but found that she couldn't.

"Go on Calder; say what you need to say… Do you regret the passion of our stage kiss, do you want to make it clear that it was not real for you, that we should keep our distance from now on?"

Calder seemed shocked by Juliette's words.

"No, no… Is that how you feel?"

Juliette shook her head as tears welled in her eyes. She trembled as Calder spoke.

"I can't explain what it was that happened between us, but I don't regret a second of it."

His few words gave Juliette courage and she leaned across the table and finally took his hands. Calder smiled.

"The thing is, I was wondering if you would like to go to a dance with me. It's at my sister's school and I need a partner… "

"Isn't there a girl you could take?"

"There is, she's very special to me, so special that she's holding my hands at this very minute. I'd like you to go as Juliette… you know as a girl."

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

Juliette's frankness made Calder blush…

"I like you a lot, I see you as a girl… we all do… Would it be so bad if I wanted you as my girlfriend?

Juliette's insides suddenly melted. A shiver of excitement that had been building up pressure waiting for a release since she and Calder had kissed, suddenly raced across her body. With an effort of will, she managed to compose herself and spoke carefully as she tried to keep her emotions under control.

"I think being your girlfriend would be very nice… I should really discuss this with my Mum."

"Of course you should. I understand the upheaval that you and your mum must be going through."

Calder's protective and caring words held a maturity that was all Juliette hoped for.

"You're very sweet Calder… but of course you are; that's why I love you.."

She had intended to say 'like you' but when the word 'love' slipped out, Juliette found that she could not regret it.

"Will you give me your answer tomorrow, " Calder said, "the party's almost here."

"Tomorrow without fail… This bud of love, by summer’s ripening breath,
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet."

Calder smiled, he felt his heart might burst.

After school, Juliette splashed her bike along the wet roads and went straight to her mother's shop. Sara was busy with a customer so Juliette slipped into the back room. There was freshly made tea, so she helped herself to a cup and was sipping the hot sweet liquid when her mother came into the room.

"Hello sweetheart, how was your day?"

"Good, very good actually…"

"Oh."

"Calder has asked me to go to a dance at his sister's school."

"OK… and how do you feel about that?"

"I'm excited… but we thought we should ask you before I said yes."

"And if I say no?"

"But you won't say no will you."

Sara laughed. "No." she said.

"No as in yes?"

"Darling, I'm happy for you to go to a party with Calder."

"He wants me to go as a girl."

"Of course he does."

"And… I have nothing to wear."

"Well we'll have to see what we can do about that… It might be fun to finally unleash my pretty daughter onto the world. When is this party?"

"Just three days away."

"OK we'd better get our scates on then… How about some on-line shopping tonight? I'll make an appointment with my hairdresser to see if she can fit you in for an emergency evening appointment and transform this mop."

She ruffled her fingers through Juliette's tousled hair.

"It's not that bad Mum."

"It might pass as OK for a scruffy boy but not for my pretty daughter. I've often thought it would look nice a shade or two lighter with a nice feminine cut. I'll see what Louise can do."

"OK that sounds great Mum… Is this going to cost a lot."

"Think of it as your Christmas present… it won't be any more expensive than the power tools I was going to buy you."

"You were going to get me power tools!"

"No of course not Darling; can't you take a joke?" Sara laughed.

That evening Sara's credit card ran hot. She and her daughter found a nice, just above the knee skirt in pale grey and a pretty soft pink top, some underwear, and a lovely long women's coat. They selected a pair of pretty shoes with a modest heel and an inexpensive bag.

"I'll do your makeup before you go out darling, we might need to experiment a little… I think we should keep it understated until you learn the sort of look you want."

"OK… I want to look… pretty Mum."

"Of course you do… don't worry about that. Your nails are short, which is fine for a teenage girl. We'll shape them a little and give them a coat of my pink varnish… Darling you are going to look so gorgeous. When you're all dolled up, we'll take some photos and mail them to Susan… Your first date. She'll love to see how you look."

Louise transformed Juliette's hair into a lovely feminine style. As Sara had requested, she lightened the colour and added subtle highlights. The next day at school Juliette was a little self conscious of her pretty new hair style. There were a lot of sideways glances but because it was now well known that she was now Calder's girlfriend no one was willing to make any derisive remarks.

That evening Calder arrived at the cottage driving his father's Land Rover. Katy waited in the car clutching her plate of buffet food while Calder collected Juliette. It was the first time that Katy and Juliette had met. Katy at fifteen was looking quite grown up in a party dress with a warm shawl across her shoulders. She had assumed an alluring look with dark eye makeup. Her date was a boy from her school and they had agreed to meet there.

Katy had been at the Romeo and Juliet performance and had seen Juliette from a distance but they had never met. Calder told her about Juliette's 'situation' and she was happily unfazed by the information. The young woman was however amazed when she discovered how beautiful and naturally feminine Juliette appeared. They seemed to become instant friends from the moment they met.

The party went as well as any school party might hope to, most seemed to have enough fun for the party to be considered a success. Juliette and Calder managed to manipulate events so that they danced exclusively with each other. Even though it was obvious that Juliette, this unknown, and thus exotic girl, seemed to attract considerable interest among the boys of Katy's school.

Occasionally the couple would disappear into an alcove for a few stolen moments and exchange a kiss. Emerging flustered and breathless as another dance began.

There was a plentiful supply of soft drinks and a modest buffet which the school's pupils were asked to contribute to. Juliette had some lemonade and one of the mini vol au vents that Katy had brought. Things wound down well before midnight, before the carriages had any chance of turning into pumpkins.

Katy had fallen out with her boyfriend over some trivial comment he had made about her dress. She had wandered off and found a coven of wannabe Goths who had smuggled in some vodka. When Calder found her she was slightly bleary eyed resting in a corner under a sweep of christmas decorations.

Juliette pulled Katy to her feet and wrapped her arm round her like a big sister. They made their way out into the quadrangle. Katy coughed catching the night air and then she giggled, holding on to Juliette as their breath rose as white clouds across the lights of the school. They could hear Calder calling to them as they meandered down to where he was waiting with the Land Rover.

Back at the cottage, Juliette got out of the car and walked round to the driver's side. She leaned through the window and kissed Calder one more time.

"I had a lovely time," She said. "Thank you so much for taking me."

"I'll call you… I need to get Katy to bed before Mum discovers she's wasted."

"She's lucky to have you for a big brother."

"I'm lucky to have her for a sister… and you for a girlfriend."

Before Juliette could reply, the Land Rover had already moved away. She watched as the car disappeared into the shadows of the narrow lanes. The night fell silent, she looked up and saw that the stars were out again with the Moon peeking out from behind a silvered cloud. She felt that she should make a wish on the brightest star, but then her wishes had already come true.

 

The Christmas school holidays had finally begun, two weeks of freedom from lessons. It was an opportunity for Juliette to dress as a girl all the time… An opportunity she relished. She was dressed in a tightish skirt with sheer pantyhose. She had on her padded bra and a white blouse covered by a warm plum coloured cashmere sweater.

Susan was coming down to spend Christmas and Boxing day at Langton Hayfield. She arrived late in the afternoon on Christmas eve just as the darkness was starting to settle over the cottage. There had been some feathers of snow earlier but not enough to settle, but a deep frost had discovered the county and held it in a white grip.

Susan got out of her car laden with packages as Juliette appeared by the open door.

"There's more on the back seat Darling, if you'd like to give a hand… Love the hair by the way."

Juliette smiled, she loved her new hair too. She filled her arms with the remaining parcels and leaned her hips against the car door to shut it. A fern pattern of frost was forming on the window glass; lit by the yellow of the porch light it gave the windows an almost festive look. The sky above the roof was showing the first stars sparkling between the dark branches of the old Sycamore that owned the corner of the garden.

"God, it's so beautiful here. Just look at it all Juliette and it's so peaceful after London."

"I suppose it is… you just get used to it, seeing the pretty cottage every day."

Juliette drew her aunt into the warmth. The open fire and Christmas tree that was weighed down with twinkling coloured lights and silvery baubles, made a cosy feel of welcome for Susan after her long drive.

Mum's just closing up the shop, she should be back shortly. So would you like tea… or maybe sherry, Mum's got a bottle stashed away somewhere.

"Oh, well sherry sounds nice; if you'll join me."

"What would Mum say if she found me guzzling her sherry?"

"You're within a whisker of being an adult Darling."

"A year and a half long whisker until I'm eighteen."

"Really as long as that? You look older, one forgets… In any case a drop of sherry at Christmas will do you no harm… I'll cover for you… tell her I twisted your arm until you squealed in submission.

Juliette chuckled at her aunt's silliness. She found the sherry and poured two glasses, one brimmed full, one a little less so.

"You're looking lovely Juliette… being a girl absolutely suits you… one might say you were born to it."

"Thank you for the compliment. It might have saved a lot of anguish if I had been."

"Was there anguish Darling? I always remember you as a happy child."

"No, I suppose no real anguish… I seemed to get along quite well as a boy with a girl's personality, I guess it's only recently that my gender has started to become an issue for me."

"Since your darling Romeo burst onto the scene?"

"Maybe a little before then but Calder has done absolutely nothing to dispel my desire to be a girl."

"I imagine not… he's quite a catch. So have you actually caught him yet?"

"Aunt Susan, what a question… I'm still only sixteen, far too young to be thinking of 'catching a man'… actually I think we may have sort of caught each other… just a little."

Susan smiled as she sipped her sherry, savouring the sweetness and the evocative flavour of captured Spanish sunshine.

Juliette looked at her aunt, she was an attractive woman, confident and elegant. She was quite unlike her mother in many ways as if they had sprung into the world as different facets of the same gem. Each facet with its own charm but refracting the light that fell on them from a different slice of the spectrum.

Juliette knew that she had chosen well when she picked her mother, she could have asked the fates for none better but she saw her aunt Susan's innate poise as something of a role model for her own developing femininity.

"I love your heels Aunt Suzan, how do you even walk in them?"

"Well, it's really not difficult, just takes a little practice… would you like to try them?"

"Oh yes, may I?"

Sussan slipped her shoes off. They were classic black stilettos with heels of medium height.

"I think we take much the same size; they should fit you."

Susan laughed remembering back to her childhood:

"Sara and I used to clump around the house in our mother's shoes when we were little, they were definitely not a good fit."

"I did the same… it must be a family tradition."

Juliette slipped her right foot into the shoe. It seemed to caress her as if she was born to wear shoes like these. The left foot followed into the other shoe and Juliette stood. There was barely a wobble as she walked across the room and turned swiftly with her arms raised slightly from her waist for balance.

"You're a natural." Susan said.

"I love them, they make me feel…"

"Sexy?"

"Well, yes… I suppose so. Actually I was going to say elegant."

Juliette sat with her slender, shapely legs crossed in a very feminine way. Her feet poised in her aunt's shoes, her skirt tight across the curve of her thighs.

"My god Juliette… There's definitely a future for you as a femme fatale.

The next morning, with the turkey prepared. It was time to open presents.

Sara got perfume and chocolates and from her sister a lovely silver necklace with an amethyst pendant that caught the light with an almost sapphire blue sparkle.

Susan got a silk scarf, a pair of fine leather gloves and a box of her favourite crystallised fruits.

It was Juliette who scored the biggest haul. Both her mother and her aunt wanted to celebrate Juliette's entry into womanhood. They showered her with clothes and Jewelry. Susan being in the cosmetics trade also produced an expensive gift box of makeup. There was of course also chocolate. A great deal of chocolate.

Strangely there were no power tools in sight.

Juliette sat cross legged on the floor surrounded by a mound of festive wrapping paper, totally overcome with emotion.

"I'm so lucky to have you two… thank you so, so much. Not just for the gifts but for your loving understanding of me. I'm sorry to be putting you through all these changes Mum."

"Don't be silly darling, I get nothing but joy from you."

There was a rather tearful communal hug, all three held tight in a joyous Christmas embrace.

That afternoon Calder came for a very brief visit. He called to give Juliette a delicate silver bracelet and she gave him a pair of soft leather gloves. They were both delighted with their gifts. Calder fastened the silver bracelet round Juliette's wrist and brushed her cheek with his warm lips before departing. He and Katy were going with their parents to visit an elderly aunt who lived alone. The visit was not something he could or would choose to avoid.

"That boy is so lovely, I could eat him… Susan said. "So show me your bracelet."

Juliette held out her arm.

"It's lovely, so delicate and pretty."

Over the two weeks of the holiday, Juliette presented as a girl all the time. Most of her girl clothes were gifts and not really for everyday wear. Quite a few of her things, like her puffer jacket and trainers were sufficiently 'unisex' for her to wear as a girl but there were gaps so Sara took Juliette shopping once more and bought her jeans and tights and tops that she could wear around the home and when she ventured out.

Finally Calder decided that he had to take Juliette home to meet his parents Tom and Alice. Calder's parents owned a small dairy farm blessed by the name of Briarwood Farm which Calder's great grandfather had bestowed on the property.

With the effects of climate change and the encroachment of factory farming, the small Bridges farm was becoming less and less profitable. The future of the farm was uncertain but Calder was optimistic and hoped to study agriculture at college after leaving school in the coming summer. He had ideas on how Briarwood Farm could be turned back into profitability again and hoped one day when his father retired, to be its owner.

Tom and Alice Bridges welcomed Juliette. They had been well primed by Katy who described her as the sister she had always wanted. Knowing her history, they were not quite sure what to expect but their first meeting quickly dispelled any fears about her. All they saw was a lovely young woman with a kind and generous spirit.

After sharing tea and cake, Calder took Juliette on a tour of the farm. With a pink and grey woollen pom pom hat pulled warmly over her ears, matching gloves and her puffer jacket, Julitte linked arms with Calder as they marched up to see the view from the wooded hilltop before the winter darkness stole it away.

The sun was already dipping against the horizon, lighting the dark clouds with its orange flame of sunset that left the frosty meadowland with a shimmering afterglow. As they watched, the sky darkened to a lichen green and the shadows stretched long and thin before finally dissolving. It was a moment etched in Juliette's heart. A sharp appreciation of the day's death, it was exhilarating and yet inexplicably sad.

As they stood leaning against each other the air hung pure and stark. For some reason there were tears in Juliette's eyes as the first stars sparked above the dying sunset.

 

Over the school holiday, once the festivities were over, Juliette worked part time in her mother's shop. She would use her creativity to assemble her gift baskets and occasionally serve in the shop. Dressed as a girl, the customers who cared about such things, assumed that Juliette was Sara's daughter. The fact that her mother tended to introduce her as such was something of a give-away but even so, Juliette's acceptance as a girl by strangers was a thrilling experience for her.

Sara was aware that Juliette had school assignments to finish and also wanted her to have some free time to herself so she was only encouraged to work in the shop on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. This suited Juliette who wanted to help her mother who had been so kind and supportive of her but she also wanted to spend time with Calder. Calder worked on the farm but was also given time for himself and spent much of it with Juliette. They saw movies together, took lingering lunches in one of the High Street cafés or went on rambling walks. Often they would walk across the Briarwood Farm fields up to the wooded tops with their swaying ancient oaks. They might take the well worn track or follow the edge of the brook with its bright dancing water as it tumbled down towards the River Floss. At the woods the couple would linger, absorbed by the view and each other's quiet presence until the pale twilight turned the winter air brittle with frost and the fires of home called them.

It was the middle of the school holidays. Being a Sunday, the shop was shut. So both women were home. Juliette had spent some of the morning experimenting with the makeup that Susan had given her. After trying a few things she was finally starting to feel more confident in her ability and was modestly happy with the look she had achieved. Looking back at her from the mirror was a young woman who's makeup was pretty with a subtle trace of sexy flirtation.

It was Juliette's responsibility to take care of the laundry. It was a job she had volunteered for since they had moved into the cottage. Julietted loved the smell of freshly washed laundry and engaged herself with folding a pile of laundry while she hummed the melody from a Coldplay song that had been running through her head all morning. Suddenly without any warning, the door burst open and a dark figure stood in the doorway.

Juliette jumped at the sudden intrusion and stepped back. As the man approached, she saw who it was and a shiver of nausea ran through her.

The man studied Juliette. It was clear that he did not recognise her, but liked what he saw: an attractive flirty girl.

"You must be James' girlfriend… about time he started sowing his wild oats."

The man approached her closer, ran his fingers across Juliette's cheeks. He pulled her close to his chest and Juliette could smell the sour breath of alcohol and tobacco. It was clear that he had been drinking but worse he wanted to steal a kiss from the attractive young woman who looked up at him with fear in her eyes. The look of fear seemed to arouse Harry more and he pulled the reluctant participant closer to him.

Juliette pulled back disgusted but he had taken hold of her arms and his grip was iron firm.

"Come on girly, just a peck."

"No, no Dad it's me James."

"What." He screamed as he realised his mistake. He pushed Juliette away and sent her sprawling on the floor.

Sara rushed in from the sitting room to see what all the noise was about. She froze as she saw her ex husband.

"Harry… for god's sake what have you done?"

Juliette was still on the floor, she had pulled herself into the corner with her knees pulled up protectively in front of her. Tears were streaming from her eyes,

Sara ran to her, held her in her arms. Turning her head she screamed at her ex husband.

"Just get out of here, you monster."

"You call me a monster… I came here to see my son for Christmas… and this is what I find. You're the monster for turning my boy into a freak."

Harry lunged across the room and grabbed Sara by her hair. With an angry snarl, he pushed her against the wall and slapped her with the back of his hand. Now trembling in shock Sara gasped, her knees seemed to give way and she collapsed to the floor, blood trickling from her cut lip.

Juliette had her phone and was already calling the police. Harry saw what she was doing and crossed the room to where she was cowering. Juliette lifted her eyes to him and saw the face of evil on her father, the look of an enraged predator.

"You… you little queer harlot, give me that phone."

He wrenched the phone from Juliette's fingers and threw it across the room where it smashed against the wall. But it was too late, the call for help had already been sent. Undeterred, Harry grabbed Juliette, pulling her up from the floor. He was in a rage now and Sara recognised the look she had known and came to fear as their marriage fell apart.

She had real fear for her child's life and with a mother's strength she pulled herself to her feet and lashed out at him, beating his chest with her fists. She was no match for Harry but her pounding fists did make him release his grip on her daughter as he turned to defend himself. Harry tried to grab Sara but she slipped back from his flailing arms and in the split second that was available to her, she took Juliette's arm and ran for the door and out into the garden.

Harry staggered after them, he had found a long knife from the kitchen drawer. Quite what he intended to do with the knife was uncertain. Now frightened for their lives Sara and Juliette ran out onto the lane. They could already hear the police siren wailing in the distance. Harry heard it too. He dropped the knife and ran for his car, he was brave enough when confronting defenceless women but the police were a different matter and he gave up the chase turning instead for an escape.

His car started on the second churn and he stamped his foot on the accelerator with the considered delicacy of a three year old's tantrum. The icy road offered less grip than he expected and the tyres slithered on the black ice. Finally gaining speed, he pressed on but the car started fishtailing up the lane until it slewed sideways and ran into the path of the first of the two police cars that had been dispatched to the incident.

Harry was arrested and denied bail. His struggle with the arresting officer, in no way helped his case when it finally came to trial. It was by no means his first offence and the judge rewarded his behaviour with three months in prison. He also received a lifetime restraining order preventing him from having contact with Sara or Juliette ever again.

As a parting comment Harry mumbled that 'Nothing would entice him to get within ten miles of that depraved household again.'

Unfortunately the comment was delivered within earshot of the judge and earned him an extra seven days in custody for contempt of court. Justice had been served but the damage to Juliette's confidence would take a while to heal.

As Julitte tried to put the violent incident behind her, there was another worry that had been hanging over her. It had been hovering on the edge of her thoughts, like a black cloud, for a long time. Something that she found difficult to talk about. It concerned her approaching puberty.

Juliette was already sixteen and apart from the recent appearance of a little shadow of pubic hair, more obvious changes had not yet taken hold. Juliette was fully aware that she was a late developer but she also knew that the changes were inevitable… unless something could be done. Most of the boys in her year were already deep into their puberty. But the idea of the masculising changes that seemed unavoidable, horrified her.

She finally plucked up the courage to talk to her mother about her concerns. Sara felt rather out of her depth in addressing the issue but arranged an appointment with their family doctor to seek advice and discuss her daughter's options.

The doctor was understanding and treated Juliette with kindness. She took blood tests and it was discovered that Juliette did have lower than normal testosterone levels. After assessing that Juliette was generally in good health she was referred to a gender therapy specialist. After lengthy discussions, it was decided by all that Juliette should present as a girl for some more months and if she still felt the same, then a gender transition was an appropriate response for her. She was given puberty blockers to hold off the feared changes.

With the excitement of Christmas and New Year behind them, the new school term was not far away and Juliette was confronted with how she might now present at school. The prospect of having to turn her appearance back to that of a boy, now seemed impossible. Especially after what the gender specialist had said.

Over the holiday she had totally absorbed herself into being a girl. The new all female Juliette had fitted her so well, so naturally that she found the prospect of having to pretend to be a boy again was a deeply troubling prospect… Juliette loved her school but it was a boys only school.

All the changes that she had recently embraced now seemed so ingrained that anything else felt alien to her being. She thought of her hair, the lovely feminine cut. She longed to let it grow longer and become even more feminine, not have it shorn back into a parody of a school boy's cut. The school uniform, which James had felt comfortable wearing, now seemed an unwanted return to the boy that she had now left behind.

Before the new school term started Juliette made a call to someone whom she hoped might be able to help her. At least she could give her good advice. She called Miss Dawson. Natalie had always been very supportive of Juliette and her gender issue. Over the phone, she told Juliette that she was happy to give her some time.

"I could see you today… Why not come for lunch?"

 

Desperate for any help, Juliette eagerly agreed to meeting her favourite teacher. The offer of lunch was a nice extra touch as it implied a level of friendship that was rare in a pupil, teacher relationship.

Natalie had made soup which she served to her guest with thick crusty bread warm from the oven. While they ate, smothering their bread with thick golden butter, they made some polite small talk before Natalie finally asked Juliette what was troubling her.

"It's to do with my gender issue…"

"I thought it might be that… What specifically. You seem to have coped with it for a long time… at least since I've known you."

"I never had to confront… my puberty before."

"Ah, that old thing… You know that things can be done. In fact I wondered if steps had already been taken… forgive me but you do seem to be a late developer."

"Well yes… I have very recently seen a gender specialist and it seems that I do have a lower male hormone level than average but it's still in the 'normal range' for a boy… whatever that means. l was aware that I was lagging behind in my development."

"I assume that didn't worry you too much."

"No, quite the opposite. I hoped that I would never become a man. Since my mother and I saw the gender specialist, I have been taking puberty blockers. The plan is that I should live as a girl for some time and then if they think it's OK for me, I will start my transition."

"This is what you want?"

"Yes… more than anything. My problem is that, according to my therapist, I need to present myself as a girl all the time so that I am absolutely certain that it's what I want."

"And you can't go to an all boys school dressed as a girl."

"Well yes that's it exactly. Presenting as a girl, as I have all the holiday, just feels natural for me now… pretending to be a boy again is what worries me."

"I completely understand, Juliette. S0 you are coming up to your 'O' levels soon and changing schools seems to me to be an unproductive upheaval."

"Yes and I love Westcott Rundell' I'm happy and settled there."

"Well, let's see. One option would be that you could just grin and bear it. Pretend to be a boy until the end of the summer term… After that if you wish to do 'A' levels, it might be a reasonable option for you to attend a Sixth form College where no one would know you and you could enrol as a woman."

Juliette winced at the option.

"That would be half a year unable to live as the girl I am."

"OK…it's not what you want to hear, I get it. So, option two, we could get you transferred to another school that takes girls. As I've already said, changing schools so close to your exams may not exactly help your results… So that leaves one other possibility."

"Yes… so tell me."

"OK… this is something that's just occurred to me and it may not be possible but… as you are so happy at Westcott Rundell, maybe… just maybe, I could convince the headmaster to allow you to attend Westcott Rundell as a girl."

"Really, I would so prefer that… Would it be possible?"

Natalie stood from the table and walked slowly to the window. She looked out at the soft rain that was falling on her little patch of garden and then turned back to her young lunch guest.

"Juliette, I'm going to tell you something in the strictest confidence… I ask you to tell no one about this until it is announced later in the year… but next school year after the summer, the intake in our school will be coeducational. We will be admitting as many girls as boys."

"That's wonderful… is this down to you?"

"Oh I can't take much credit, the school needs to move with the times. I have been making a nuisance of myself agitating for the changes since I arrived… In other related news to keep under your hat… I have been selected, as the only woman teacher in the school so far, to replace Mr Gribbins as deputy head when he retires at the end of the year."

"Wow I'm so pleased for you… So, with this in mind, maybe I could be the trial girl at the school… Sort of testing the waters."

Natalie laughed.

"I give you points for trying… If I had my way then I'd say yes in a heartbeat. It's just not my decision to make."

"No I understand that but will you talk to the Head for me, ask him if I could attend here as a girl. You could plead my case and point out that changing schools so close to the exams would seem quite drastic for me."

"Very well Juliette. I agree with your position and I'll certainly do my best for you. We'll need to address things like toilets and changing rooms, but I'll suggest you have access to the staff facilities as a stop gap. If you're still at the school next year that problem will have been addressed when more facilities will have been built. You may find yourself 'sidelined' from gym class and so on… I don't imagine that will worry you too much."

"No, I can live with that… I've never been an enthusiastic participant on the sports field."

"No, I've noticed. Look, I'll get back to you as soon as I have any news… Just consider though, as the only girl and especially the only transgender girl, you might want to prepare yourself for some silly and possibly hurtful remarks from the 'less evolved' boys."

"I think that would be far more preferable to me than pretending to be a boy… especially as my transition starts to change my appearance."

"I applaud your courage Juliette. If I were in your shoes I hope I would have the courage to make the same decision… "

She smiled warmly at Juliette.

"By the way Juliette I'm certain that you will make a lovely girl when those wonderful hormones start to do their duty."

Mr Spellman had a soft spot for Juliette, especially after her performances in the school plays. With only a minor good natured debate with Natalie, he agreed to Juliette attending school as a girl.

On the first day of the new term, a transformed Juliette appeared in her school blazer worn over a white blouse instead of a boy's shirt. She wore a grey skirt, and ankle socks with girl's school shoes. Not glamorous but Juliette was so much happier. She had not seen Calder since her father had attacked her and she found him before classes started and told him about her ordeal and then the glorious, and rather obvious, news that she had been allowed to attend the school as a girl.

"I'm so sorry about your father… I wish I could have been there to keep you safe. But it's great that you can start your transition without any pretence. Most of us know that you have always been a girl stuck in the wrong body."

Calder hesitated for a moment and when he spoke the happiness had left his eyes.

"I need to talk with you Juliette about something important… I'll wait for you by the school gates this afternoon after the last period."

"Couldn't you just tell me what it is now?"

"Just trust me Juliette… We'll talk after school."

Calder's demeanor had troubled Juliette but she had her first day at school as a girl to contend with and was already absorbed by her own problems.

Embarrassing as it was for Juliette, the Headmaster's morning address at assembly highlighted Juliette's new status. She blushed deeply as Mr Spellman issued an admonition for the boys to treat Juliette's new appearance with kindness.

As the day progressed, it became apparent that most of the boys would treat her much as they had before. Happy with this outcome, she was even able to ignore the occasional anticipated sniggers which haunted her first few school days as a girl. The sniggers soon faded after the novelty wore off. Especially as it became apparent that the much admired Calder Bridges had made her his special friend.

Juliette's happiness at finally being able to stand tall and proud on the brink of womanhood was clouded however… Calder's ominous words from earlier that morning still haunted her day. There was a nervousness for her as the bell rang to announce the end of the day. She gathered her things and wheeled her bike down towards the gates.

Calder was waiting for her as he had promised. Most of the boys had already raced away leaving Calder and Juliette among the stragglers. Calder took her bike and wheeled it for her down towards the road. He seemed downhearted as if the rays of the sun would never fall across his face again. They looked up as a flight of dark winged crows lifted noisily from the naked branches of an aspen tree as they passed under its wintery shadow.

The air had a frosty rawness as it rolled down from the misty playing fields. As she spoke Juliette's breath showed white.

"So what is it, Calder? I can see something's wrong."

Calder looked into her eyes. The scent of her hair held something aromatic and completely feminine. He thought she looked mature and already womanly as if the recent events had driven out the last of her adolescence, as if she could now finally embrace who she really was. Calder had never wanted her more than in that moment. The moment that he had to tell her that they could have no future.

 

"There's no easy way to say this, but my parents gave me some horrific news yesterday…"

"Oh no, tell me about it sweetheart, surely it can't be so bad."

"You know, I told you that the farm was struggling to be profitable, what with the increase in factory farming putting price pressures on our milk production and the effects of climate change. Dad has been looking into various options… He thought of growing grapes for the new wine industry that's starting to flourish in the area… but he has no experience in that. I was thinking of switching to do horticulture at college to learn about viticulture… but it seems the problem is more urgent than I thought. Dad hasn't told me the full story but I know the bank has been on his back to reduce the farm's debt level. So… he's been approached by an agent for a big property development company who wants to buy the land."

"To build houses, you mean?"

"Yes, a whole estate of them… It will clear the debts and leave Dad with a bunch of cash to start something new."

"OK, I see the sense in it but it's such a shame that the lovely farmland is going to be lost to a housing development."

"You are so right but that's only the half of it… You know my mother comes from New Zealand… well she has a brother there who owns a small winery. After hearing about the sale of the farm, Uncle Logan has offered Dad a partnership in his business… So it was announced just yesterday that we will be going to the other side of the world."

"Oh no… Do you really have to go with them, couldn't you stay here, finish your studies and then find work in Sussex… This is where you belong, Calder… here with me."

"I've already argued my case with Dad… The fact is I have no money of my own. I couldn't realistically support myself and study. In any case Katy and Mum and Dad are my family and I don't think I could bear being apart from them."

"But you could bear being apart from me?"

"No… no. Juliette, I've thought and thought about this and can't find a solution. I can't bear either option."

"When is all this going to happen?"

"Dad thinks not until the end of summer. It will take a while for council approval to come through. Then the stock and machinery will need to be sold; it may not be all settled until August. It means that I will be able to finish my 'A' levels before I'm transported to the colonies for unspecified crimes. Dad says he will pay my course fees if I enrol for Agricultural College in New Zealand. We've looked into it and it would be very expensive."

"Oh Calder… I'm so sorry. Sorry for you and sorry for me. I always thought we would be together… forever, like some fairy tale… happy ever after."

"I did too."

"OK, let's be optimistic. We still have half a year together, who knows what can happen in that time… Maybe we'll discover a long lost fairy godmother who will take all our problems away. Calder, I love you so much, please have faith that we can endure this separation if it happens and one day we'll find a way to be back together."

Her words to Calder were confident but when she told the news to her mother, the tears that filled her eyes came from a broken heart. Sara held her daughter tight. If it had been within her power to take her daughter's pain away, she would have paid any price.

Winter turned to spring and then summer. The weeks had flown by as Juliette made the most of her time with Calder. Always hovering over them was understanding that soon they would have to part. Juliette had finished her exams… she felt confident of respectable grades and had decided to stay on at Westcott Rundell and take 'A' levels with the goal of undertaking teacher training. Calder had lost his motivation. He took his exams with the hope that he would scrape through, but it no longer seemed important to him.

After the school year ended, Calder and Juliette became inseparable. They would walk the fields of Briarwood Farm, while it was still a farm and climb the hill. They stood up by the woods one evening holding hands. Juliette had started her transition now and already she was turning into a softly curved woman. Calder ached to make love to her but she was still so young and he wanted a permanent relationship with her not just a tawdry moment of passion. He gazed across the rolling fields:

"This beautiful little farm should have been mine one day but it's been sold for a pipe dream. Something I want no part of."

"I'm sure your Dad thinks it's all for the best."

"I know… to be fair he doesn't have a lot of options… It's all come like a nightmare to me."

Juliette took Calders hand and kissed him. They sat on the ground, still warm from the waning sun and looked over at the long unmown grass. With the stock gone the farm had been left to briefly return to nature... until the bulldozers were summoned like ravaging monsters from a horror film.

As the sun sank lower in the sky, their eyes fell across the view with its great waves of tall grass caught rippling in the wind like a green ocean reaching for the horizon. The first star began to brighten in the darkening sky. Above them was the song of thrushes, it should have been beautiful but Julliette's eyes were filled with tears as she spoke softly expressing her hopes for the future.

"If we believe in love Calder, then we must believe that someday, somehow we will be together again. Let's make a silent wish on that bright star, that one day we can be back here, or somewhere like it, together again."

It was just two weeks later when Juliette, held by her mother, watched from the airport as the Bridges family flew high into the sky and disappeared into the clouds. As she sobbed into her mother's embrace, she still believed in love and wishes on stars; she simply had to.

They were separated now and lived by emails: mostly brief scraps of news, selfies and written flirtations that could have no physical expression.

Love you still. The winery is in worse shape than expected. It's in as much debt as Briarwood Farm had been. Dad's money is being swallowed up… I suspect Uncle Logan has conned Dad out of his money.

So sorry to hear that… But does it mean you might be coming home? Please say so. Miss you so much Calder. I dream of your kiss. 'A' levels are going OK. It seems strange having other girls at the school.

No chance of coming home… not yet. Enrolled at College today… It's way too expensive for us really. Everything seems strange here, the seasons are all wrong. Miss your smile and the touch of your fingers.

Come home and live with me and Mum… I'll look after you darling.

That's a more tempting offer than I can say. How I wish it was possible… I've started College… Still don't feel at home here. I just want to hold you and feel the beat of your heart and smell your hair.

I want to hold you too, Calder My transition is going well… you would not recognise me. I have long hair now and actual curves… yours for the asking. I'm sending you a photo of me in my new dress. Aunt Susan says to send you kisses… so I do.

Don't tempt me with your beautiful photos, I can't take it. Your photo looks lovely. I've finished the first year at Agriculture College now but there's no money left for fees for me to continue… What a waste. Love you forever… actually you can try and tempt me if you like. You will be in my dreams tonight.

My body is yours Calder… I'm waiting.
But seriously sweetheart, what will you do now that you can't complete your course? Please don't fall into despair. One day we'll hold each other again.

I found a job in a nursery that grows garden plants for retail. Pay is terrible… Wish you were here..

Sorry for how things have turned out for you. Finished my first year of 'A' levels. Still dream of you every night.

Remember that bright star… keep wishing. Katy has become tearful, she's very homesick. Almost as much as me.

Of course I remember the star… How could I forget? Mum's shop is doing quite well, I help her when I have time. Send a kiss for me to the Moon and I will catch its bounce and hold it next to my fluttering heart.

Two years into my transportation and The winery was put into receivership today. Looks like Mum and Dad have lost everything. Mum is so angry at her brother. She and Dad are distraught at losing their money.

"How I wish you had never left Langton Hayfield my dearest darling. Feeling a bit nervous about having some 'minor' surgery next week. It's called an Orchiectomy… look it up if you must. Wish me well.

Hope the surgery goes well… love you, love you love you. Uncle Logan has disappeared. No one knows where he's gone , no one cares. Got a promotion at work and a pay rise. I'm saving as much as I can.

Well done for the promotion. Surgery went well, not too much pain. I'm closer to being a woman now.

You were always a woman; but you already know that. Dad's found work as a farm manager. He and Mum and Katy live in a farm cottage. He's back to milking cows… lots of them. They seem happier to be away from the winery.

My school days are finally over… Another summer gone without you sweetheart… I've got a place at Portsmouth. Start my undergrad teacher training course next week after the summer holiday.

Do as well as I know you can… you deserve far better than I can give you..

I only want you Calder… stop being negative.

I can't offer you a future Juliette… Maybe someone else can.

Is this some sort of rejection of me?

Calder my dearest darling… talk to me please.

Please Calder, don't close yourself off from me. Remember how it used to be… It's not so long ago that we were Romeo and Juliet… We really can find our way back to that happy place. I need you in my life.

At this point the emails and text messages stopped. It seemed that the long distance romance had finally run its course.

Now a beautiful young woman of almost twenty years. Juliette was starting her second year at Portsmouth. She found that a self imposed solitude was starting to suit her new identity. Juliette still remembered her dear Calder, of what might have been. Her tears are never far away, salty like the ocean that separates them, stinging at the corner of her eyes as the ache of her memories threaten to stop her heart.

At university, not really wanting friends, needing to keep her head down, she was approached by a nice boy named Oliver who asked her if she'd like to go to the movies with him… Sara was pleased that Juliette had finally moved on from the childhood romance that had ultimately withered like the fallen petals of an autumn rose.

 

As the months rolled on, another Christmas came and went. Juliette played her part, pretending jolliness, bringing Oliver to dinner. But Juliette remembered the last Christmas she had shared with Calder. It seemed so long ago, yet only yesterday.

But her inbox from New Zealand had been empty for months now. Nothing from Calder but silence. As the new semester began Oliver's hovering presence was starting to annoy Juliette as he constantly haunted her with his fawning attention. She could see that he wanted sex, but the idea felt repellant to her. There was no feeling of closeness, no compulsion to intimacy, nothing like the feelings she had for Calder.

Sara had grown the customer base of 'The Secret Garden' by offering potted house plants as well as her bouquets. The business grew until it was able to support a full time assistant. Sara had found Amanda who was a persistently cheerful young woman. Attractive, without quite being pretty, she served in the shop with smiling attention to the customer's needs. Sara spent her time balancing the books and ordering stock. But most happily working with the plants that she loved. Her happy hours were spent in flower care, arranging, floral design, and propagating her African violets and potted ferns and poinsettias. She was still happy to be involved with the deliveries, which got her out of the shop from time to time. Sara felt that she could happily leave her shop customers to Amanda's care.

One early Spring day while Sara was elbow deep in potting mix, Amanda came from the shop and found her employer in the recently erected greenhouse.

"There's a man come looking for you Miss… in the shop."

"Oh OK Amanda…I do wish you would call me Sara…"

"Yes Miss, sorry Miss."

Sara raised her eyebrows in exasperation and hurried across the paving of the small courtyard and into the shop.

She was quite shocked to see a familiar handsome face.

"Calder… is that you?" She marched up to him and kissed his cheek.

"Hello Mrs Marsden."

"You're back from New Zealand… is it a holiday? or…"

"I'm back for good. I was rather hoping to find Juliette."

"Well, she's back at Portsmouth… you know she's training to be a teacher."

"Yes I was hoping she'd still be on Easter break… I can't pretend that I don't still think of her."

"Well you only just missed her, she started back on the 15th." Calder sighed and his smile slipped. "Look Calder… I need to tell you that Juliette has moved on. She's found someone new… A nice boy… Oliver. He's devoted to her. She was very upset for a while when you stopped replying to her emails… It would have been nice if you'd let her down gently."

"You're right I treated her terribly. Things didn't work out for me in New Zealand… It's no excuse but I got into a sort of downward spiral and ended up in something of a depression where everything just felt futile."

"I'm sorry to hear that… Look, come into the back room and have a cup of coffee; I think I've got some chocolate hobnobs stashed away."

"I don't want to interrupt your work."

"You won't be, I'm due a coffee break around this time."

"Well that would be nice then."

Sara took him into the back room, turned on the kettle and found her biscuit tin. They sat sipping the steaming coffee and munching on the hobnobs.

"So are you staying in Langton Hayfield?"

"I've taken a room at the Merriweather Pub… My plans are a bit uncertain."

"You're a nice young man Calder, I always thought so. You were very kind to Juliette when she was in the throes of her gender dysphoria. I'll never forget that play you did at christmas time… Even though I was very familiar with the story, it had me in tears when you and Juliette were left dead on the stage."

"It was a special time for us both."

"Like I said, Calder Juliette has moved on. You should do the same. You're a handsome young man, any girl would jump at the chance of a romance with you… Now I really should get back to my baby monstera deliciosas."

"Ah the Swiss Cheese plant."

"You know your plants Calder."

"I had some exposure to the industry in New Zealand."

"Not looking for a job are you?"

Calder smiled.

"Maybe, but I think your Secret Garden might hold too many painful memories for me…
I've been saving hard and have enough to finish my education now that I'm back home. After that things are uncertain… Look, thankyou for your time Mrs Marsden. Tell Juliette that I was asking after her and give her my best wishes for her and Oliver."

"I will Calder and take care of yourself."

Shortly after Calder had left the shop Sara took a call from her daughter who had misplaced a text book and wondered if she had left it in the cottage.

"Would it be something about Fiction or Rhetoric; something like that?"

"Yes, Wayne C. Booth, The Rhetoric of Fiction."

"No nothing like that…" Sara laughed.

"Oh Mum…"

"OK… it was slipped down the side of the armchair… Do you need it?"

"I do rather."

"I could courrier it up to you."

"Would you? That would be fantastic."

"Consider it done. Now dearest daughter, you'll never guess who I've just had in the shop…"

"No… how could I… Maybe the Easter Bunny."

"Oh he was in last week… No it was Calder… Calder Bridges." Sara was expecting a gasp of surprise, not the stunned silence that followed. "Juliette… are you still there."

"Yes… Calder, how was he?"

"Still handsome but he looks a bit haggard. I don't think New Zealand suited him."

"Did he say anything… anything about me?"

"It's clear the poor boy is still love struck… I'm sure he's still carrying a torch for you."

"Did he say that?"

"Not in so many words, but you only had to look at him to know. It's his own fault… Anyway, I told him about you and Oliver and that he should start to look for someone else after all this time."

"What did you tell him about me and Oliver?"

"Just that you'd found each other and Oliver is besotted with you."

"But Calder told me to move on… It felt like he'd rejected me."

"I remember how upset you were at the time. Calder told you to move on and eventually that's just what you did. You have Oliver now."

"Mum, Oliver and I are just friends… Even that is wearing thin. I've not even told him that I'm a trans woman."

"Oh… I…"

"Mum I need to go… love you."

Juliette ended the call, she suddenly found herself on an urgent mission. She skipped her afternoon class and raced from the Campus. She took a taxi to the station and caught the 11:00 am to Horsham. From there she took a bus to the depot in Langton Hayfield. From there she took a taxi to the Merriweather pub.

It was five in the evening when Juliette made her breathless appearance at the pub. She spoke to the landlord.

"Do you have someone by the name of Calder, Calder Bridges, staying here."

"We did Miss but he booked out at lunchtime."

"Oh Shit… Sorry…I don't suppose he left a forwarding address or said where he was going?"

"Not exactly that… He did say that he might wander up to the old Briarwood Farm… for one last look. I think he used to live there when he was a lad. It's a shame that the place was left for so long… Must have been left to go to seed for two years or more before the developers started on the groundwork for the new buildings."

Calder had found himself up on the hill overlooking where the farmhouse used to stand. The bulldozers had leveled the old buildings that had held so many fond memories for him. He sat with the Oak Wood to his back as the evening drew down. The woods were not part of the farm and were, at least for the moment, spared the ravenous jaws of the land clearing machinery. Down the slope the machinery had fallen silent for the evening. A pale mist of wood smoke and dust was still rising from where they had been in action.

The spring air was turning cold as the sun drifted down into the west. But the air was filled with the sound of song thrushes as they tended their first brood of blue eggs warm in their cup-shaped nests. The sky was coloured with silvery layers of pearl and dusky pink, like the sun shining through a seashell. Calder remembered being here with Juliette. The promises they had made, the stars they had wished upon… but that was then.

Now his dreams seemed to have fallen to dust, escaped through his careless fingers. He wondered how it all could have happened. How could he possibly have lost her?

As the thrushes sang, Calder called out her name:

" Juliette… Juliette"

The sound of her name faded to nothing, drifting away on the wind unanswered.

As the sun leaned low against the western hills, he looked up again, his watery eyes following a flight of wood pigeons down to the road. In the distance he saw a figure and then as he stood with his arms wide she started running to him.

They met on the grassy slope where the brook washed across the dark outcrop of rocks making a miniature waterfall. Juliette has been transformed since he had last seen her. She had become a woman, soft and curved with delicate but beautifully feminine breasts. But she was still Juliette, his Juliette. His heart swelled as she leapt breathlessly into his arms.

"My darling… Mum says you're still carrying a torch for me… is it true?"

"I love you as much as ever but I have nothing to offer you."

"You have everything to offer me… Oh Calder I have missed you so, so much."

On the hillside kissed by lengthening shadows, Juliette took Calder's hand in her cool slender fingers. She lay down with him caressed by the spring grass. Her voice was a whisper almost lost to the wind as her lips brushed against Calder's ear.

"You are still my Romeo."

Juliette raised her full lips to her man. He was the only man she had ever loved and when Calder kissed her, she felt that same electric shock race through her when he had first kissed her as her Romeo, she his Juliet.

The future for the lovers hung in the mists of uncertainty but it would be a future filled with love.

For never was a story of less woe
Than this of Juliette and her Romeo.