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My nephew is in 7th grade at a school in a deeply conservative, rural area of Upstate NY that voted for Trump in both elections by a giant margin.
He's not trans, just very a very kind, sensitive young man. People in conservative America hate boys like that and want them to "man up". He's being bullied and shunned, even by his step-brother (because he doesn't want to be an outcast too). My sister's working on getting his stepbrother to stick up for him like he used to do in elementary school. He's a good kid, so I think he'll start sticking up for his stepbrother again, he just has to get past that peer pressure barrier all kids go through at that age.
I'm worried about my nephew though. He's being called a girl and it's really messing with his self-image. I went through the same thing at his age, but I was a girl, both in my mind, heart, and soul and - unbeknownst to me at the time in my body too since I later found out I was intersex. It was a compliment to me to be called a girl, so it didn't bother me at all and secretly made happy when I heard that as it confirmed my self-image, but I can't imagine what that would be like for a boy that is a total boy.
After the bullying turned physical for me I changed my personality to try to fit in. I hated it because I was a girl, so trying to "man up" felt awful for me since I was going against my nature. I'm worried though that my nephew could fall into that and come out different, but without regrets because he is male and wants to grow up to be a man.
I've seen how toxic masculinity has turned so many guys into complete a-holes, especially living in conservative America. He's still loving and he knows and accepts me (albeit just the "boy who wants to be a girl" bit, he doesn't know that I'm intersex as my sister thinks that aspect is too confusing to get into before his high school sex ed classes). I'm doing everything I can to be a caring aunt for him, and I know my sister is letting him know that it's OK for boys to be kindhearted. I just hope he doesn't cave into peer pressure. And even more importantly, I hope that the bullying doesn't turn violent.
Schools here have always been known to turn a blind eye to bullying, especially when it comes to boys that the sexist teachers think need the bullying to "act like a man".
Comments
I've never understood
I've never understood the concept of someone needing an outside force to be what they should be. I married into a matriarchal family. My wife's grandmother was a force to be reckoned with. From the first time I met my wife's family I could see that she was in charge and let everyone know what their role in the family was and made sure the filled it.
That included my father-in-law her son. She lived across the street and just helped herself into the house whenever she felt like it. The two houses might just as well have been one building. My mother-in-law sided with grandma and was her second in command. My wife, though the oldest child was last in the pecking order. Her sister, younger by a year was a matriarch in training and bullied my wife, who had, at the time, a very submissive personality thanks to her whole family except her dad telling her what to do.
I didn't meet them until my wife and I were engaged. When we set the date for the wedding, we announced it nearly a year in advance, my sister-in-law just couldn't stand the idea of her sister getting married first. So she convinced her current boyfriend that they too should get married. So we ended up having a double wedding.
The boyfriend was a little on the submissive side and my sister-in-law tended to take advantage of that. When their marriage was having some problems, they held a family meeting sans the couple in question, to see what they could do about it. Basically it was grandma and mom directing the rest of us how to get them to behave. (Read bully the husband into shaping up.) When I (ever the rebel) voice my objection saying that it was wrong to enforce their will on him, my mother-in-law said, "Don't you think he needs it?" I emphatically stated that, "No man needs to be walked on like that."
I told my wife that the meeting was a farce and that we were leaving. You should have seen the look on grandma's face when we walked out. No one had ever walked out on her before.
I don't know why people seem to think that other people need to be managed. Just who do they think they are to impose their standards on other people?
BTW that wasn't the last time I defied grandma.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann