Chapter 6

There followed a long, foggy time of grief, self condemnation, more rage, cycling back forth down into a bottomless well of despair. He knew he could have prevented the death of his young friend, and even though he knew Charlie was going to recover, it did not matter to him. All that mattered was the blood of another innocent on his hands, this time because of his own determination to never harm another. His mind spun in circles, unable to focus on anything other than his own culpability in this latest tragedy.

He began to carry a gun again, everywhere he went. He didn’t even sleep without a gun ready to his hand, training himself to wake at the slightest disturbance, ready to kill in defense of his loved ones. He tried desperately to comfort Tess’s mother and wound up sobbing in her arms a broken shell of a person. It was all he could do to force himself to eat, work held no interest, nothing mattered except that he had failed.

Eventually, time began to form a scab over the gaping wound that was his psyche, and life resumed, minus some of its former joy, but it did continue. He still had Charlie, his love, but that was all. That was almost enough.

There came a day when he stood over his father’s casket in Arlington Cemetery, watching as the earth consumed his mortal remains, and found that he was unable to feel anything for the man he had worshipped as a child. The crash of the salute did not stir him, Silver Taps did not bring a tear, it was simply a duty he had sworn to lo these many years ago, knowing that his mother would never get over her religion enough to give him the honor he deserved.

There was nothing left. He still had love, but everything else just bounced off him like the rattling of sleet off a windowpane, there, but impotent in its onslaught. Work was something to be done, no joy in a problem solved, nothing. It didn’t seem like there would ever be anything again. He felt as though his very soul had been stripped from him.

He didn’t even think he had room to feel hatred, but this was to be proven wrong when chance brought him a piece of information. He had been keeping tabs on his assailants of so long ago as they languished in prison, and one of their fellow inmates had heard the lot of them conspiring to send several new parolees to, as they put it “Finish the job those idiots started.”

Suddenly, with that piece of information, it all clicked. He knew now who had been responsible for Tess’s death and the close call Charlie had to suffer through. He could feel something now, and that something was a cold and implacable rage, not just a desire for vengeance but a deep visceral need.

There was only one problem. How to reach men who were in prison? He deeply wanted to kill them with his bare hands, to tell them why they were dying, but that wasn’t realistic. An idea began to form, a way that he could make them feel his hate before killing them. A few of his contacts over the years had been in law enforcement, and a favor or two was owed. He called in all his markers there, and his plan was in motion

So it was that Sean found himself prone on a hill overlooking the prison farm, a little over a half mile away. He had taken great care to select and camouflage his position, and as he snugged the stock on his father’s sniper rifle to his cheek, focused on the image in his scope, he sent a thought of thanks to his father for early training.

There they were, the three men who were his prey today. As he verified his targets, focusing on their faces, he had to surpress a little snarl. Waiting until the timing was right was perhaps the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and he practically jittered with his impatience. He saw the three working near each other, and as they got a little further away from the other prisoners, he could tell they were talking about something.

It was time. The day was perfectly still, not even a hint of a breeze, everything just right as he exhaled, stroked the trigger. He barely felt the recoil and was already working the bolt, bringing the focus back to the next target, and the next. Three men lay on the ground, screaming. He had not gone for kill shots, not yet. He had some time, and he was going to make them suffer. The other prisoners were hugging the ground, trying to find cover while the guards were equally frantic.

He knew the three men could see each other, were calling to each other for help. The first target was trying to get help, and he savored the naked fear he saw on the man’s face as he dragged his useless legs behind him. A slight shift in the point of aim, and the man collapsed as another .380 round nearly severed one arm.

Renewed screaming and scrabbling from the other two drew his attention for a moment, but he returned his focus to the first. There was more to be done. He watched for a moment, trying to pick another shot that would not be immediately lethal. He knew his first shot had severed the man’s spine and made mincemeat out of his intestines, so he was dead anyway, but he wanted to watch him suffer. He was disappointed as the man stopped moving and lay there, eyes staring vacantly into nothing.

With a small sigh of regret, he focused on his next victim. This time he had a perfect angle and his shot crashed into the jaw, just below the point of the chin. The impact of the heavy round ripped most of the man’s lower jaw away in a spray of blood, bone and teeth. The remaining man was frantically dragging himself along the ground, not even noticing that he was leaving a trial of his own guts behind him.

Sean glanced down at his watch. Time to go. He could have sat and watched the show all day, but he had no intention of going to prison. He began to hum a little tune to himself as he administered head shots to each of the three, making certain of his kills before he policed up the spent cartridges and made his way back over the top of the hill and down to his waiting car.

Somehow, it just hadn’t been very satisfying. Sean knew his vengeance was complete, but it didn’t fill the void in his heart. Oh, maybe he felt a little lighter, knowing that the threat was gone, but two minutes of torturing the men who had made his life a hell on earth just wasn’t enough. Maybe nothing ever would be.

Chapter 7

Sean’s world slowly went back to some sort of normalcy. The years passed and he gradually learned to enjoy life again, some of the faded color returning. He made a point of mentoring young people, finding that it helped him to help them. He never let himself get emotionally close to them, however, that was more than he could bear.

Then, something cracked the shield he had built around his heart. It started as a simple email from his sister. He read, hardly daring to believe.

“Hey Bro, just wanted to let you know you just may have the chance to become whole again and achieve the dreams I know you hold dearest to your heart. A company called Care Givers(I’m sure you’ve heard of it) has developed a process to rewrite a person’s genetic code, turning them both female and young. The hitch is, you have to go into space for at least five years after that. I know that’s not a hitch for you, since the only thing you ever really wanted to do other than go to space was be a woman.”

“Anyway, this whole thing is fairly hush-hush, I only know about it through some friends here in Florida who are connected with the space program. I know you’ll have a lot of questions, but they will have to wait until you can come visit me. Bring Charlie with you, the kids want to see you both. Love ya Bro.”

Sean wept. Great ragged sobs as all of the emotions he had held within for longer than he could remember, since childhood, came pouring out, overwhelming him. He was barely aware of gentle hands stroking his hair, trying to soothe him. There was so much pent up he just couldn’t stop anymore. He finally fell asleep, still crying, cradled in the arms of his lover.

He awoke the next morning, feverish in his excitement. Charlie was getting on in age, and though medical science had made great strides, even now in early 2032 there was only so much that could be done, especially for someone who had as many health problems as Charlie had over the years. This was a chance for them to be together for a long time, much longer than either of them had ever thought possible, and to be young, healthy and whole again was a dream come true.

They talked it over, trying to find the downside. As usual, Charlie came up with it.

“What if we’re not attracted to each other sexually when you become a woman? You know I never have been into women that way, and neither have you.”

Sean thought about that for awhile, brooding over his slowly cooling coffee. “Well, I think we know our love isn’t just about sex. I mean, I haven’t been able to have sex of any kind for almost 15 years now, and I still love you. I don’t see that changing.”

“Yeah, good point.” Charlie sipped slowly. “Well, let’s look into it then. When do you want to go?”

“How about now? It’s not like there’s anything holding us here. I’ll call Sarah and we’ll leave as soon as we can get a bag packed.”

Less than half an hour later, they were pulling onto the freeway, bound for Florida.