Author's Note: It’s been a while my friends. Recently I decided to start writing again and as a challenge I chose to write a story set in the US rather than my home turf, so, if I’ve messed up a phrase or cultural reference, please forgive me and let me know my mistake as a PM. Finally, I recognize that I failed to complete the last two stories I started posting here. Please be assured that by the time you read this the full first arc of the story is complete (circa 30,000 words) and most of the second arc has completed first draft. As ever please be tolerant of my failings, and forthright with your criticism. ~Persephone
 
Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
© Persephone 2019

St Marks Episcopal church - Harbor City CA

Nine year old Carl McCarrick sat in church trying hard not to fidget. From the pulpit his grandfather, the Reverend Matthew Noakes, was once again raining down fire and brimstone on the congregation about the sins of the modern liberal world.

“As good Christian men and women I call upon you all, now, to denounce these corruptions, these perversions.”

“Amen.” Came the response, loud and uncompromising, from the body of the Church.

“Do not allow yourself to be led astray by the lies of politicians and do gooders who have turned from the path of righteousness. Who seek to entice you, to trick you, and your children, away from God’s holy light.”

Carl glanced at his family sitting beside him. Mom and Dad nodding fervently along in agreement. His brothers Jimmy and Sean trying to hide their boredom, whilst little Kathleen was oblivious to the thunder, playing with the lace on the cuffs of her Sunday dress. Carl looked away guiltily.

“‘Man shall not lie with a man as if he were a woman. Nor shall a woman lie with another, as if she were a man.’ These are the words of the holy scriptures. This is Gods law.” His grandfather railed.

Then Reverend Noakes paused to cast his eyes over his congregation. His glare resting for a moment on the McCarrick family and his grandchildren before sweeping on, looking for any sign of discomfort or rebellion within his flock.

He dropped his voice to little more than a whisper. “But worst than all these fallen sinners with their depravities and licentiousness. Sinners who willingly court eternal damnation. Are those who mutilate themselves to disguise their corruption and lie to the world.” Now he allowed his voice to steadily rise in volume.

“They would pretend to you that they were born in the wrong body. They would pretend to you that their mind and soul is female and always was. They would dress themselves in the clothes set aside for women, in direct disobedience of the scriptures. They would lie to your face that there was no other path they could take. They would tell you that God made a mistake even as they force themselves into the places set aside for our wives and daughters, our sisters and our mothers, for their own perverted purposes!” Again Reverend Noakes paused for a long moment, letting tension build as adroitly as any vaudeville showman. “So, I ask each and every one of you; do you believe that God, in his infinite wisdom, makes mistakes?”

“No!” The church roared back to him.

“Will you allow these filthy so called ‘trans-sexuals’ to corrupt our decency, our church, our community, even our very children”?

“No!” The entire church roared back once again.

All except for one small boy, sitting in shock beside his parents and siblings.

Now he had a name to describe what was wrong with him, what he had known was wrong since he could remember; and his family and the world around him had loudly branded him a foul sinner because of it.

After a while his grandfather grew tired and the sermon came to an end. A hymn was called for. But Carl had failed to hear another word of his grandfathers hate filled diatribe as he struggled desperately to hold back his tears. He couldn’t allow himself to become a foul sinner, damned for eternity. He couldn’t!

From that day on Carl strove to bury his sinful feelings as deeply as possible, suppressing them and denying them forever. He’d try to become like Sean, he told himself. Although only a year older, Sean was Carl’s idol. Sean was fearless and always willing to include his little brother in his games. That’s best Carl decided. Bury it deep. Be like Sean. Never ever EVER admit to Mom and Dad about being an evil sinner.
But in the back of his mind a little voice whispered,

‘I’m still here.’