Lately I've been asking myself: what sort of stories about being trans might the younger generations of trans folks write? And where might they be telling them?
A lot of the stories here portray the lives of trans people as being pretty grim, that they have to deal with rejection and violence. There are a few where they have supportive families and friends, but my totally unquantified impression is that they're less common.
But I know quite a few trans people in real life, most of them at least 20 years younger than me (I'm in my 60's), and it seems like they are mostly accepted and don't have a whole lot more problems than cis people their age. (NB that's already a lot of problems.) And there's a wide variety of identities and presentations, pronouns, etc. And if anything, among teens and twenty-somethings, being some flavor of trans seems to be about as remarkable as having green hair. I transitioned 2016-2017, including at my workplace, and while it was a hassle, I didn't have any particularly negative experiences.
I'm wondering if this is a generational difference. My impression is that many of the authors here are, like me, older, and to the extent I've run into trans people my age, especially those who transitioned before 2010 or so, they seem to have had much rougher experiences than me. FWIW, I know a (trans) professor at a local college, and she says that her students' attitudes towards trans people and issues are different from what she had been expecting.
So I got to thinking: if the younger trans people, like the ones I know, were posting stories here, what would they look like?
And then I asked myself -- if they were writing stories, would they post them here? It seems like people my kids' age are mostly interacting on Discord or Instagram (FaceBook is for old fogeys!) or, the case of my trans daughter, through MMORPGs. She is in a number of on-line groups for trans people her age or groups that have a lot of trans people, and I've heard her talk about reading stories there. So maybe there are all sorts of trans stories by and for the younger generations -- just not here.
Comments
I transitioned in 1986
at age 33 and for the most part, didn't have too many problems, I did it openly in work but with the support of top management and was a nine-day wonder. It was the same at home, I live in the same English county/market town, which was about 15,000 pop in those days and mostly didn't have any problems. Once or twice I had comments from teenage boys, usually both rude and ignorant, but apart from that, I have been very lucky.
During that time I've seen probably half a dozen who I read easily but they seemed to be surviving, so perhaps they thought they were more fortunate than I was, I don't know. I've also had no problems with doctors or other medical staff, possibly because I was a health professional myself, and had worked as such for many years.
I think a lot of the problem is presentation and attitude, if you look tidy and boring and are polite and courteous to others they tend to respond in kind. I have lived in stealth for most of my adult life and only the most perceptive read me, so I consider myself very lucky. The youngsters who transition young can take blockers and once they get on hormones can develop very female shaped bodies so are even luckier than my generation and good luck to them.
Much of it depends upon where you happen to have been born and whether you have a liberal or conservative culture and I suspect race also plays a part as does poverty. Society is improving in Europe and the UK, although there is a move to the right, which is not so good but in places like Russia and the Middle East transgender kids and adults would be at definite risk. So I count my blessings and wish others well, too.
Remember too, that fiction requires things to happen, so real situations may be exaggerated in stories for dramatic effect. I know I sometimes do this in my stories and also use my vivid imagination to make up ones I don't know have ever happened.
Angharad
Class of 1991
I transitioned in the UK in 1991, aged 36. Recent years have been far easier than the early years. I’ve never actually been physically assaulted, although there was quite a lot of verbal abuse and threats in my early years. The closest was after being in the live audience of a 1992 BBC current affairs program where some of my heroes were guests – Caroline Cossey, Stephen Whittle, Letitia Winter (Faye Presto) and others. After a brilliant evening with them following the program a friend and I were ambushed by some ex soldiers who were also on the show and had to run – we felt – for our lives.
I’ve had unpleasant run-ins with a couple of doctors, most recently (about 5 years ago) with the new consultant at my local breast clinic. He was so nasty I’ve never been back. He’s the only real nasty in the last 15 years or more.
I have my own business and I have definitely lost work because I am T. That has been used against my by a competitor only a few years ago – do business with me, not the tranny freak – which didn’t work out well for him as he said it to one of my closest friends in the industry…
Family conflict yes. My father, ex-army, remained disappointed and embarrassed by me right up to his death last year. On the surface he had accepted me after 5 years rejection, but the truth became more obvious after he died and I had to contact his friends and relatives on that side of the family who believed we were estranged for the last 30 years and had no idea why. There’s nothing like having to “out” yourself repeatedly a few hours after the death of a parent. Most of those were fine, which also makes the point that it’s easier these days.
The point of this, I suppose, is that conflict is a key component of most good stories, and there is less of that in the lives of those transitioning more recently so many of their stories would be more tame. “I transitioned, everyone accepted me. I fell in love and married and lived happily ever after” is a bit limited for a plot.
I don’t mean to sound like one of the Four Yorkshiremen (Monty Python sketch, really showing my age now), and of course recent transitioners will still have rejections and other problems, but generally less frequently and less severely, and this is a good thing and makes our generations work to get the original gender recognition act into law worth the trouble. All parties supported this except for the bishops in the House of Lords, which I will not forgive the church for. (The British Government’s upper house has seats reserved for 26 Bishops, which I consider an anachronism).
It's personal
Transition is a very personal thing and thus is very unique for each of us. I transitioned in 2008 at the age of 35 and found few if any difficulties in doing so or since... and I come from a lower-income rural conservative background. If anything, I'm treated better as a woman than I ever was as a phony man... likely because my attitude is better.
Before transition I was a miserable phony... and people could tell, even if they didn't know why. After transition I was happier, more outgoing, and honest... and people could tell, even if they didn't know I was ever male.
Attitude is everything when it comes to social interaction. Nobody likes a Debbie downer. Pre-transition TGs are, for the most part, sullen and depressed... and nobody likes to hang around that. Post-transition TGs with support have good experiences on balance, and better results in their social life as a result... whereas those who have negative experiences after transition continue to be depressed and sullen and thus have continued bad experiences, leading to poor post-transition lives. It's why support is so important following transition.
My own experience was colored by the fact that I was supported in transition by my wife. (she pushed a little, actually!) The rest of my extended family on the other hand were not supportive, which led to some negative experiences, but on the whole my transition was successful due to her efforts and those of our children. Eventually my family came around because they did love and miss me... and learned that their attitude was only hurting themselves... that I was perfectly happy in my new life.
Those who transition now have advantages we could never dream of in our time... but they also have additional pressures. A teen that transitions now will have the full support of the medical community, their peers, their schools, and more often than not, their parents... unless they decide not to see it through. Current estimates are that 3x as many youths identify as TG as compared to the number of adults who do so. Stories of teens who wanted to reverse their transition, or attempted to, are full of people pushing them to "not give up" and to "see it through", even if they don't want to... especially from the medical community who see it as their job to fully support the transition no matter what the patient says. Teachers will lecture them that they're not setting a good example to other TG students by reversing their transition... their peers will ridicule them for being a "quitter"... and even supportive parents may punish them for "putting us through all this" only to give up on it.
So the end result is that while young TGs have it easier, young questioning TGs have it harder in many ways. As to what kind of fiction they would write, young TGs might not even see their transition as even noteworthy enough to write about. Good fiction requires conflict. Perhaps the next generation of trans fiction will be from those who were pushed into transition when they were never in fact TG... a situation that we who grew up in the last century would have a hard time relating to but is getting increasingly more common. (March 12th, 2021 was the first "Detransition Awareness Day") Still, it will be interesting to find out!
Hugs,
Roberta
I read the link you posted
I read the link you posted
https://poptopic.com.au/lifestyle/fashion/16-year-old-boy-sh...
The mother could come straight out of a forced fem story. She wanted to change him in to a trans child for the attention and hate for his father. I hope it doesn't come back to haunt him.
One thing I would like to ask the older trans ladies is, does age make it easier. You often hear older women claim they are "invisible". if you are walking down a street you wouldn't give a second glance at an older woman. Where as a woman wearing a short skirt and a heels would get more attention.
I very rarely go out dressed, but when I do I look "average" minimal makeup flat shoes etc. So I don't stand out. I wonder if age adds to the "stealth" aspect.
Leeanna
Not much doubt about that
At least in my experience. I'm 66 now, and I think that the reduced attention is as much about that as it is about changing attitudes. Fewer people look or care one way or the other. I'd certainly rather be ignored than looked at too closely. I can't say that getting older is generally a lot of fun, but every cloud...
Alison
Age
It's now almost 14 years since my transition and I'm knocking on my 5th decade soon, so I don't know if I qualify or not. ::giggle:: However, I can give my own experience.
In the first 2 years after the testosterone stopped poisoning my body, I looked like I lost a decade of age... turning back my biological clock so that I looked like I was in my late 20s instead of my late 30s. As a result, I still got a lot of attention even up to a few years ago. One night a few weeks before lock-down we went out to an 80s themed nightclub and I got hit on about 15 times by guys in their 20s. (ick, but showing I still got attention for a lady in her mid 40s) It probably had more to do with my attitude and style than my apparent age, though.
I don't dress to be 'invisible'... I dress to be comfortable. To me though, comfortable is a gorgeous dress, heels, nylons, makeup, jewelry, and a knockout hairdo... even if I'm just going to the grocery store. I spent 35 years being 'invisible' and I don't intend to ever be so again. I don't care if I get 'clocked', so it hardly ever happens. (that's mostly attitude... if you act like you're afraid of getting noticed, you'll get scrutinized) That's true 'stealth'... being so confident in your natural femininity that you can walk into Wally World wearing a silk shirtwaist dress, heels, and pearls with no fear of getting 'outed'... which starts with not caring if you are.
I've been told by some on this site who've seen my picture that "You couldn't look trans if you put on coveralls and painted a mustache on your lip." I don't know if that's true or not... I have severe body image issues that will never go away so I'm a bad judge... but I know that in the last few years I've started showing my age. I still don't dress to look 'average', but I don't turn as many heads as I used to. It doesn't make any difference though. I hardly ever got 'clocked' before and I still don't... and I don't think that has much if anything to do with my looks or age. It starts and ends with me.
That all having been said, I was never a "ruggedly handsome" man when I was pretending to be one... I was a 125 pound (57 kilos... 9 stone... etc.) 5'11" (1.8 meter... 17.3 hands... or whatever) wimp with scrawny arms who looked more like my mother than my father. Perhaps that made my experience unique... but then you can say that about all of us... and not just TG folk. Born women spend most of their lives worrying if they're too tall... too short... if their nose is too masculine... if their breasts are too small... or too big... if their hair looks good in this color or if they should just let it go grey like it wants to... if they should just pluck the mustache off their lip or make an appointment for a facial wax... wondering if they should bother shaving their legs this week or just let it go another few days... etc.
So in retrospect, wondering if you 'blend in' is the most naturally feminine activity in the world... which just goes to show that we really are women at heart... we spend so much time worrying if we look good enough... or too good!
Hugs,
Roberta
Being Authentic
I transitioned in my 50s (2004). I had been conservative Christian and they freaked out. Lately I have concluded that was a mistake that was triggered by arrogant Psychological people. The drugs actually made my problems worse. Here, the Veterans Administration seems to assume that I need more drugs. Just yesterday I got a call from someone there, and it was difficult to stop them insisting that I needed more drugs. On the other hand, my present life as Post Op woman is quite agreeable, though many know. Generally people are nice and I am thankful. I use Estradial Patches and Trazodone to sleep and that is all.
Looking at some old medical records, a case could be made that I am Intersex.
Gwen
Can't seem to write a story that contains rejection
I write TG stories and I have trouble writing the negative parts of stories. If you look over my story list, not one of them depict a character that deals with real negative responses. Most of the drama in my stories comes from within. A lot of my characters imagine a negative response and experience the angst that goes with it, but in the end, they are universally accepted.
As a matter-of-fact, I have trilogy that never made it to the third book because I couldn't write the story of a rejecting parent. "Jamie Finds Acceptance" was the first. Jamie, a closet cross-dresser, gets involved with a neighborhood family two girls and a single mom. At Halloween, he gets coerced into going as a girl. The lever they used was the story of their cousin Milt who did that. The mention of Milt spurred my muse to write his/her story "Millie's Release". In that story, Milton's family accepts him and another girl from school and her mother (a single mom) gently persuade him to continue. They are accepting because the brother, Harry, who is a cross-dresser is taken from them but his father who used the fact that the mom allow Harry to cross-dress to win custody in the divorce. Harry makes a cameo near the end of the story, It was my intention to write that story, but I couldn't find an inspiration for the character of the rejecting father. When Millie's story was originally posted on my now defunct web site, I promised Harry's story. It never gelled.
I think this is because I used my father as a model for both Jamie and Millie's father.
While my transition will probably never be complete, I find that all the fears I had growing up, first about my father and later society in general were imagined. If you read my paper, "Silence is Golden" an autobiography, you'll see that though my father was confronted with my cross-dressing three times, not once did he have a negative response. I was 27 when my wife of 5 years caught me at it. While she wasn't fully accepting, she wasn't negative. (see the account in "Silence is Golden")
In the early 80s, when I decided that I was going to just be upfront about it when I was shopping for clothes. I went out in drab to buy women's clothes for myself and asked if I could try on and found that no one cared if I was male and happily let me try on and they made the sale. Again no negative responses.
In the late 90's I decided that my doctor needed to deal with me as me and started going to doctor appointments en femme. Again, no negative responses.
While I was doing all this, I was hearing horror stories from my trans sisters about family rejection, and all sorts of other negative things in their lives. Yet I found none of that. I put that off to the fact that I live in Oregon, at the time, Portland and it's a pretty liberal town. So I'm convinced that where you live makes a big difference.
The other difference is your personal confidence in yourself and your comfort level in being who you are. The last area for me to conqueror was the bathroom issue. When I gained enough confidence to be fully me, I found I could go into women's public restrooms and be accepted there.
So as the younger trans generation comes of age, they will not be dealing with the specter of society's rejection and will have gentler stories. I see their stories revolving around the first trans person to do something that would otherwise be mundane if a cis person did it.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann