Chapter 10 (Revised)   Simon Jones is Eve Jones. But she didn't know.

 
 
Previously:
 
Some good news from the surgeon but still questions for Eve/Simon. Who sent the hate email and how did they know Eve was at the hospital?
 
 
Now the story continues.

 
 
Eve Chapter 10
 

I woke tired with a dream filling my mind, but couldn't work it out, and then couldn't remember it at all. Now partially awake I made my way to the loo then downstairs where I filled the coffee pot. Mum followed about ten minutes later, rubbing her eyes. I wondered if she'd been up all night but poured a coffee and waited for her to tell me. It was obvious to her I was grumpy, very grumpy.

I was gripping the mug of coffee with both hands, protecting it. She reached over and gently held both of my hands and then looked at me.

"I'm sorry" was all she said.

"What for mum?"

"Eve, I dragged you into this mess. I'm the one to blame, but I didn't know how to fix it. It's all gone mad. I didn't sleep last night because of worry and I don't think you did either."

I walked round the table, knelt down and let her sob on my shoulder, usually of late it was the other way round.

"Mum, things may work out how they were deemed to be, we just don't know yet. Whether it's because of fate or a someone's grand plan does it really matter? The reason is irrelevant."

"Eve, that is very profound. I'm very proud of you, as my daughter or as my son."

"Mum, if you want, I'll be your daughter."

I don't know which of us was the more surprised by my statement. Both of us were pretty stunned. Once again I'd opened my mouth and said things I had no prior intention of saying, but I did not now regret anything I had said, not that I understood.

"Eve, I love you. Regardless. But you don't have to do this for me. I'm the one who put you in a dress. I'm the one who didn't stop the hospital saying you were a girl in a boy's body. I could have done that easily."

"Mum, I have forgiven you for everything. I accept who I am and I am accepting what I am. I am becoming more comfortable as a female in order to avoid having everyone point at me. But it is as a female I have found love. So do I throw that away? I'm seeing Dr Fox in ninety minutes, how about we just try and get ready in time?"

We forgot about the issues we needed to air and, after breakfast, both dashed through the shower. I put the lavender dress back on, as well as the jacket and lightly applied some make-up, just as camoflage of course.

Mum came in and said it was time to improve my image. I didn't know what she meant, how could it be improved?

"Come into my room."

She sat me at her dressing table and held my hands. While I'd been in hospital my nails, which normally were very short, had grown to a mid length and were nicely rounded. Mum used some cleaner first then applied some clear varnish to both hands then went back to apply some light lavender polish, to match the dress. I asked about my nails.

"While you were in hospital I asked if there was a beautician who could keep your nails tidy. She charged ten quid and it was well worth it. I just had her put clear varnish on your nails, that strengthened them. I wasn't sure about using colour there, in case you cxhipped them. I also rubbed moisturising cream into your hands to keep them soft, that must have helped your nails too."

"While I was there, did someone give me a shave?"

"No, why?"

"Because I haven't had to shave once since I came out of hospital."

"I see, but it's only been five days. Also there's only a little hair on your legs but a wax at some point wouldn't go amiss."

I thought this was one of her wind-ups so let it pass. While my nails were drying, mum took my feet and applied some purple varnish to my toes. She selected a pair of open toe sandals for me.

By nine forty we were finally out of the door, bags on shoulders, and headed for the hospital again. Mum was parked some distance away from the psychiatry unit but we found it easily. Mum checked us in and we sat in a small waiting area. A water cooler provided refreshment, I found my mouth to be very dry.

"Come in. Please take a seat."

I swept my dress aside as I sat. I must have seen mum or someone else do it, so I'd know what to do.

"Eve, firstly I must say you look wonderful today. If there's anything you want to say to me in confidence then we can ask your mother to step out for a moment at any time. Do you understand?"

"Yes Dr Fox, but I want mum to be here for me."

"OK, how has your week been?"

"I've been incorrectly outed at school, someone there thinks I've been pretending to be a boy for the last five years."

Mum pulled the two emails from her bag and gave it to Dr Fox.

"That is the second email. Our solicitor also has the first. It obviously upset Eve," said mum.

Mum went on to repeat what the tutor and the girls had said, as well as the phone call.

"I can understand why that is distressing but it will help to talk about it. Eve, what else has happened this week?"

"I fell in love."

"Oh. Please tell."

"She is Claire, my friend. We are, were, at school together. When I was Simon we were close friends. As Eve, we are lovers."

"How do you consider the relationship?"

"If you mean is it lesbian then yes."

"Did this come as a surprise to you?"

"It was unexpected as we had known each other for so long. She had only known Simon until last Saturday. Now she knows Eve as well."

"OK, how do you feel about being Eve?"

"I'm comfortable, after all Eve is just a name. Just as Simon is."

"Yes, but how about your gender?"

"Umm. As I said to you last week, before I came into hospital I was having dreams but I felt nothing more. I was a boy called Simon and I had never been anything else. I didn't know until that fateful afternoon that I was legally named Eve and it was only circumstances that had caused me to find and don some of mum's shorts and a top. We'd just arrived back from holiday and I hadn't any clean summer clothing.." I explained. She'd probably been told all this before.

"I had arrived at the hospital unconcious so I obviously couldn't explain for myself. The hospital had my full name, someone obviously gave it to them. The assumption was made that I was transgendered. Mum did nothing to change that view. That's where this started."

"So, you'd never dressed as a female before?"

"No, if you ignore borrowing mum's t-shirts sometimes. She borrows my stuff."

"So when was the first time you went out as Eve?"

"Monday."

"Monday?"

"Yes, isn't is obvious?"

"No it isn't. You look and act as a young woman. Why Monday?"

Mum and I explained the infection and Dr Kumar's instruction. I said it was Annie's idea to get the wig to cover my head but mum's idea to shave it. I talked about how comfortable I felt and how I was treated as a young lady, not a scrawny nerdy kid.

And how I loved Claire.

And how someone was trying to bully me.

I broke down.

After what seemed a long time, mum dried my eyes. Dr Fox asked if I wanted to carry on. I said I could but I needed some water and a few more minutes. I calmed down but was still upset, but I tried not to show it.

She asked mum for my dream diary. Mum handed it over and asked if I had forgotten to write in last night's dream.

I wanted to say that I couldn't remember it but found myself instead recounting a story of walking into school holding Claire's hand and finding all the students looking at me. Then they all started shouting 'dyke', but it wasn't aimed at me. They were taunting Claire.

How did I remember that? They must have done something.

"Dr Fox, I'm not stupid. I came here not being able to remember one bit of last night's dream and yet I seem to have perfect recall. What have you done?"

"I just used some simple suggestion. Your mother authorised it if it was necessary."

I felt violated.

I stood and kicked my chair away.

"I can't believe you could do this. You messed with my mind. You had NO RIGHT!"

I fled from that room before they could move and headed out of the building as fast as I could in a frock and sandals. I reached a grassed, wooded area with seating a short way from the main entrance and sat, still angry, and sobbed uncontrollably.

I was found there a few minutes later and helped back into the psychiatry unit.

"Mrs Jones, she's coming around. Eve, can you squeeze my fingers. That's good. We're going to try to raise you up, ok? Mrs Jones, could you step out for a minute."

I opened my eyes and saw two nurses. As I focused I saw Dr Fox at the end of the bed. The nurses brought the head of the bed up so I could see more. Dr Fox spoke first.

"Eve, what day is it?"

"Unless I've lost any days it's Thursday. The 18th I think."

"OK Eve, that's correct. Just one more thing, how do you feel?"

"I need a leak. Now."

"Yes Eve. We'll help you to the toilet, you may be a little weak. You're in a private room, the toilet is to your left, can you see it?"

I could and was helped off the bed and across the short distance to the loo. Suitably relieved I went to return to the bed but was directed to a chair instead.

They helped me and I sat down. I was helped to drink some water, I don't think they trusted me to hold a cup.

"Eve, we had to give you a mild sedative so you might feel a little light headed. How are you now?""

"Hmmm. Violated."

"That's understandable."

I looked away.

"Eve, look at me, I'm not some alien creature."

"That's just as well, you look nothing like a Cardassian."

That got one laugh from a nurse, everyone else had a blank face. Dr Fox spoke again.

"Now, tell me what is bothering you. Your mum's not here right now, I asked her to get a coffee, so please don't worry about saying anything she wouldn't like to hear."

It all poured out. I had been violated, yes, but now they knew that I wanted to be a girl. I just hadn't understood my own dreams but now I did. They knew before I did. That hurt me.

"Eve, we were worried. Yes we knew but it was bottled up inside you. You have taken an important step. Sit here and I'll fetch your mum."

Dr Fox spoke to a nurse who then left the room. I just stared at the wall. They knew before I did. Before I did. My deepest secret was out but I hadn't known what it was. How could I know?

I was sobbing gently when mum came into the room with Dr Fox. Mum tried to rush towards me but Dr Fox held her back and whispered something.

"Eve, I'm proud of you but I'm also sorry. I pushed you. I pushed you too quickly."

Mum started sobbing herself as she finished speaking. She came towards me and got onto her knees. She wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear. I couldn't hear what it was but I was safe.

I was safe. I think.