... I'm scheduled to be meeting with a therapist.
I'm not sure if I'm ready. I feel like I'm wading into a lake, and years of memories are being stirred up as I walk. The water is too murky to see my own feet, and I'm not certain how deep the lake is, or how far I can go before I slip into the deep end. Right now, just the thought of letting a complete stranger look into those waters, and see whatever might float to the surface, is a bit ... terrifying. I really hope I'm in better shape tomorrow.
Comments
Discus that with the therapist.
I think that you should discus that with the therapist. After all therapy will only work if you trust your therapist.
Anne Margarete
Sounds like good advice.
Thank you! :)
Your own Thoughts
If she or he is worth their salt, they do not tell you what you should or need to do or think. They pull out the thoughts, the emotions, the secrets inside you and help your arrange everything in order so you can understand your life and make a choice what you want to do from this point forward. Everything will be your choice.
Hugs Heather, may you find the life you want to live.
Barb
Life is meant to be lived, not worn until it's worn out.
Sometimes our biggest fear is finding the truth about ourselves
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
*hugging back*
Thank you, Barb. I needed your words, as well as your hug. It really means a lot to me.
No faster than you feel you can handle
Actually, I think the first thing a therapist should do is to help calm your fear that you might uncover things you aren't strong enough to handle and reassure you (not just in words) that you will never need to go any farther than you feel safe going. A good therapist will let the patient, esp. the patient's unconscious, control the pace and direction.
According to Judith Herman (Trauma and Recovery), it is vital for a traumatized person to feel like they are in control of what happens to them, since "the core experiences of psychological trauma are disempowerment ...."
However screwed up we may feel, there is always a part of us that somehow knows what we can handle and what we need to do. It's important to be able to trust the therapist, but even more important to be able to trust ourselves.
(ETA)
Also, a good therapist will not presume that you will trust them. Violation of trust is a huge component of trauma, so while they must give you every reason to trust them, they must wait as long as it takes for you to feel safe trusting them.
Trust ...
... can be a tricky thing for me. Sometimes, I just get ... like an instinctive feeling that I can trust somebody. Other times, even though all the signs indicate someone can be trusted, I'll still find it difficult to open up to someone. Hopefully, I'll be able to develop the kinda trust needed to work with my therapist.
you got this, hon
we're all cheering for you!
Thank you!
That really means a lot to me! :D
I'm very glad for you!
I'm a strong believer in the efficacy of therapy; both as a client and as a former clinician.
During my stint at Bible school, I was taken to task by some of my more 'conservative' classmates in a sea of fundamentalism/charismatic theology. It was almost incomprehensible that I wanted to be a counselor - christian with a diminishing small c - which led me to do graduate work in psychology instead of ministry.
Even allowing for 'another' viewpoint, they were aghast that I aspired to be a therapist - a dream cut short by health issues that kept me from gaining licensure. However, in my program for my Masters, I had a classmate who was a pastor in Virginia Beach, and even though he was in the program, he STILL clung tightly to the Bible as the final word regarding mental health issues.
"Psychology doesn't have (all) the answers," he said. Before I could respond, Leilani, a Hawaiian born tweny-four-ish gal in class said without looking up, "Maybe, but it has ALL the right questions!"
Love, Andrea Lena
Thank you, Drea!
Even though I'm really jittery right now, I know therapists have helped me both as a kid and an adult, and I just need to but through the scared part to get to where I'm working on stuff again. I'm so sorry to hear about how others reacted to your interest in psychology. People who can help others minds and hearts heal are just as important as those who help bodies to heal. I had at one time considered being a minister, but I didn't really feel confident enough in my ability to answer the questions I suspected would be asked to follow through on that.
The Tears Of Healing
I've spent lots and lots of time with a Therapist. I let them put me on Drugs for years and for me that was a mistake. If you feel like crying in the Therapists office, do it. I had spectacular failures in my life...
Big difference
Psychiatrists are NOT primarily therapists, but rather medical doctors who can and often prescribe medications. Psychologists and licensed therapist cannot prescribe medication, since their degrees are in psychology/therapy only.
Most of the complaints I've seen here (not that I've seen them all, of course) are for psychiatry. While there is a smaller component of therapy, psychiatry's tendency is to treat trauma and other serious issues with medication with VERY LITTLE talk therapy or other modalities such as EMDR and neurobiofeedback, etc. Hospitals and such primarily staff only with psychiatrists.
.
Love, Andrea Lena
Different Methods
From my experience, I think that the VA overmedicates. I came to them deeply traumatized from early childhood trauma and the failure of my 38 year marriage. I think that I cried for 2 years after my unwanted Divorce. I flip flop on this but I often think that my gender change was a mistake. Still, I was always very feminine (never gay) and roundly criticized for it. I don't have the final answer on gender change. The VA wanted to keep me on drugs, but I sometimes think that perhaps the drugs caused the gender change. I've stopped counselling with them and now have a civilian LCSW. One of our agreements is: no drugs. I'm feeling better the longer I am off them.
You've got me curious.
What's EMDR? I've heard of a few things therapists do, but not that.
EMDR
EMDR = Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
It's a particular desensitization technique which involves stimulating alternate sides of the person, e.g., beeps alternating between the left and the right ear. There's also alternately stimulating vision on the left and right, but I have not ever experienced it, so I'm a little vague on how that is done.
Basically, the therapist asks the patient to think of a particular traumatic situation or experience and then does the left-right thing, and then asks the patient to say how painful that memory is now. After doing this multiple times, the memory will hopefully be less painful.
A couple of caveats:
1. Sometimes the experience is simply too traumatic, and the EMDR triggers the patient too much. That happened to me, and I was mentally not there for a couple of minutes. We switched to something called "sensory-motor" therapy.
2. The actual EMDR treatments usually need to be part of an ongoing therapy relationship, and should only be done with someone who has training in it.
3. It doesn't work for everyone. Hence the need for the therapist to have been trained in other techniques.
Ah!
I'll def be careful 'bout makin' sure if my therapist suggests doin' that, I'm ready for it, and that they know what they're doin'.
I'm not so sure ...
... I'd like to rely on medication. I just sorta avoid any meds, whenever I can.
Drugs do have a place
The drugs do not cure anything, and in the long run can make things worse.
They are useful as a temporary measure to dampen the arousal (that's the technical term for the overwhelming emotions) when the PTSD is making other forms of therapy impossible.
Personally, I've used anti-depressants when I realized I was becoming non-functional; they don't make the depression go away, they just make it easier to ignore it. I don't like them, because I hate feeling emotionally numb.
After thinking about ...
... what you said, I can see where meds can help. They still make me nervous. I'm already taking meds for epilepsy, which interacts negatively with some other drugs. While I'd consider taking more meds if it really felt like I needed it, I'd like to avoid taking anything else, if at all possible.
Support
The comment count alone shows something important. You are well loved here and you are making a good choice. We all support you.
Crescenda
aka
Your friend
Crash
Thank you!
That means so much to me. Even though I'm still nervous, I'm not quite as scared as I was yesterday.
-hugs!-
Hugs from me as well! :) Good luck!!
*hugging back*
Thanks so much! :)
-HuGs n Such-
On top of everyone elses advice I offer -HuGgLeS- and the knowledge that I'm here if you need me.
-Piper
Thank you, Piper!
*hugging back*
I'm back!
While I did speak to a therapist yesterday, we'd done a placement interview, so I'm not sure what the therapist I'll be meeting will be like. If she's as nice as the woman I met, then I think I'll be in good hands. Even though we didn't go into a lot of depth during the interview, there were some kinda rough moments. Knowing I had friends who supported me, and were backing me up, definitely helped. Thank you everyone!