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I've sorta been ... obsessing ... about seeing a therapist in a few days. There were just lots of stuff ... I don't know the name of the stuff ... but it was filling me up to overflowing. And then, I became disconnected from the stuff, but it sorta ... kept going without me. And that stuff somehow turned into the song below. I'm still feeling disconnected, and I'm not sure if I can make sense of the song, but I sorta just needed to say what's in this song, because ... I'm not sure. It just feels like something that really needs to say. Umm ... if it doesn't make sense, then you're not alone. I'm having trouble making sense of it too. Anyways ... here it is.
=-=-=
I'm dancing in the rain
I might have gone insane
From all the searing pain
That's boiling in my brain
I'm dancing in the wind
With all the sins I've sinned
My screaming soul is pinned
Insanity has grinned
I'm dancing in the fire
Because I am a liar
The nightmares I acquire
Keeps madness burning higher
I'm dancing in this song
Which feels so very wrong
I won't be dancing long
Because there is no song
Comments
Reminds Me
... of this:
I'm singin' in the rain,
just singin' in the rain.
What a glorious feeling I'm
having again.
I'm laughing at clouds so
far up above.
The sun's in my heart,
and I'm waiting for love.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
I think I recognize that song.
IIRC, it's from a pretty famous movie. I sorta had a scene from that movie in my head when I started getting the words for my song. But the scene started changing into something ... weird. I think my brain might have shorted out. Or maybe not. Can brains short out?
Neurons & Synapses
I understand that neurons and synapses can conduct electricity, and they definitely conduct neurotransmitters. There could be literal shorts. There could also be literal miswiring or misconnections. It can drive people crazy.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
Huh...
...that kinda makes sense. Is there any way of fixing a brain that's shorting out? I'm guessing going in there with a soldering iron may not work too good. :)
Early 20th-Century Idiocies
I suspect that going in with a soldering iron is a form of lobotomy. Imagine taking a CPU on a chip, and scraping a section off, to fix its malfunctioning. Maybe melt a little conductor onto the integrated circuitry.
Then there's electroshock therapy, which I imagine as subjecting a chip to a few dozen or hundred volts, to do whatever it's supposed to do. Shock therapy was probably a form of torture therapy.
More recently, there are dopamine re-uptake inhibitors and selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, which increase the amount of neurotransmitters available. The science behind these is much better than the others.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)
beautiful and painful
thank you for being brave enough to share this
Thank you ...
... for reading this. Knowing someone is willing to listen, even when I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, means an awful lot to me. Thank you! :)
Sung to This Tune
Just recently, I found myself mentally singing your words to this tune -- the opening theme at least:
'Go to Go' sung by ADAM
Oh. CAUTION.
-- Daphne Xu (a page of contents)