It's been a few years since I've seen a therapist. I'd stopped, because it was starting to bring up stuff I felt like I couldn't handle. I still ain't sure if I can handle it, but stuff seems to be bubbling up, and trying to ignore it doesn't seem to be helping any more. So, I've decided to try contacting my healthcare provider today.
I'm really, really nervous about looking for a therapist to help me with stuff. I'm tired of hiding from my past, but I'm also scared of facing it. Anybody got any suggestions on how to do this with the least amount of issues?
Comments
Look for experience & training with trans and trauma
I would suggest looking for one who has experience with trans patients and has training in multiple techniques for treatment of trauma. I would ask them about it even before the first consultation.
One important thing is that with traumatized people, an absolute requirement is that the patient feel safe, and especially: safe with their therapist. Even so, the first task in the therapy is developing the trust that the patient is safe in therapy. My first therapist after I realized I might be trans believed in "challenging" his patients, and it took me a number of sessions before I realized that the therapy was going to go absolutely nowhere because of that.
P.S.: I'll recommend my two go-to books on trauma, which I read and reread and reread because they help me realize I'm not crazy:
Exactly!
The need to find a therapist with experience treating and understanding trauma is paramount. From my personal experience, I was only able to explore gender issues because I was already in the care of a therapist trained to address my traumatic past.
Love, Andrea Lena
it's very widespread
According to my therapist, one of the other therapists who specializes in treating trans patients says that "every trans person suffers from PTSD." (Or maybe it was "every LGBT person.")
It makes sense: (1) they suffer from western society's hatred, even if nobody knows they're trans, and (2) they don't grow up with support from family and community, the way, say, African-Americans do. And while it helps if a trans child's cis parents are supportive, those parents can't really relate from their own experience of being trans, the way African-American parents know through their own lived experience what growing up and living in the USA is like for African-Americans.
This is why being part of a community of transgender people is so vital for a trans person's sanity. And why having a "transgender culture" and knowledge of the history of trans genderness is so important. It validates that we are not just some random freak mutation or some kind of solitary alien creature marooned on the planet of the humans.
Trans and trauma
Personally, those two issues converged when I was a kid when my dad raped me after finding me posing in front of the mirror in my sister's Brownie uniform. https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/30562/invitation
But my severe example does not diminish the range of trauma any transgender person has experienced by being rejected and shamed for who they are. I recendtly re-discovered a quote that sadly suits the famililal and friendship relationships of so many of us.
"Do not be your child's first bully."
Experiences of rejection, even in the most benign of neglect, are almost irretrievably harmed without therapy. One of my ministry friends quoted an oldsaying once, "Psychology doesn't have all the answers." (inferring that the Bible does) A somewhat true statement, but irrelevant when the matter really is that Therapy usually has all the right questions; including knowing when and what not to ask.
Add to face-to-face therapy different modallities of treatment, including but not limited to EMDR and Neurobiofeedback, and the chances for a better future are exponential
Love, Andrea Lena
Finding someone ...
... who knows how to deal with trauma sounds like a good idea. Thank you, Andrea! :)
What happened to you ...
... sounds so awful, Andrea! I have vague memories of stuff happening related to me being transgender, but I don't have enough details to know for sure if anything similar happened to me. That kinda scares me a little. How did you manage to cope with knowing something like that happened to you?
Coping
For years I struggled with poor responses to the trauma I only vaguely recalled. A failed first marriage and huge issues with anger and intimimacy led me to seek professional help.I found a therapist immediately upon experiencing flashbacks, and her superb care and the huge support of my late wife helped. My therapist was unable to continue due to health issues, and she recommended looking into the Psychology Today database to find a therapist well-versed in traumatology.
I've been seen my present therapist for over ten years, and her help has guided me through. I ended up seeing her twice a month after my wife was struck and killed by a car; mostly because of the loss, but also because as the surviving spouse, I had to review EVERYTHING regarding the accident, including the police investigation, which left me with nightmares for a time. It's been over two and a half years, and I'm still processing the grief and the trauma of her horrific death.
The key that both therapists reminded me is that all the symptoms associated with PTSD are inevitable; like steam escaping from a release valve on a radiator. The mind can handle only so much, so everything is actually shuttled of to a neural pathway as the mind begins to heal. My success, exactly like that of everyone else, is to understand that the trauma however feeling present, is in my past, so that when memories arise, they are not as invasive.
TIt was told to me that as the brain 'copes' memories are not somrthing to call up or avoid, since they arise when the brain is able to handle the trauma. Here are a couple or articles that explain in general how things wotk regarding PTSD
https://victormarx.com/12-life-impacting-symptoms-complex-pt...
https://arcmonroe.org/how-do-our-brains-respond-to-trauma/?g...
I hope you find capable understanding help.
Love, Andrea Lena
I'm really glad ...
... your new therapist worked out well for you, Drea. I don't really 'member the therapists I'd had as a kid, but the one I had as an adult was really special. I know I can't expect everyone to be the same, but I'm hoping will be able to help me as much as my last one did. Thank you for the links! I really appreciate your help.
{{{warm hugs}}}
Thank you ...
... for the advice, and the book suggestions, Asche! :)
Thank you ...
... Asche and Andrea! What you're both saying makes a lot a sense. I appreciate it!
Link
As I happen to follow this crazy skilled bassist on youtube (Charles Berthoud), I watched his vid from yesterday which was sponsored by betterhelp.com. From the looks of it they're meant to help people find online therapists. Using his link gives 10% off for the first month. Better Help
No idea if it's really any good or not and whether they have therapists specializing in trans and trauma, but may be worth researching.
And if you're in the mood for some seriously talented bass:
Mad World
Hallelujah
Huh...
I hadn't even thought of looking for an online therapist. If going through my health insurance doesn't seem to be working, I may give that a try. Thank you!
If You Need To Talk
I forget whether you are in America or the UK. Fortunately, where I am things are relatively safe for us. I have gone both to the VA and privately. For me, the VA want me on drugs, but my opinion is that psych drugs just make matters worse. In my opinion early childhood abuse (CPTSD) triggered a lot, but after years of study and counsel, it seems that I always felt I was feminine inside. It is sad that our culture is so damnably binary because I believe I could have done quite well as a feminine male. My present counselor and I are talking mainly about the abuse and only on being Transgender on an as needed basis.
I've grown rather nice breasts, but know that I will never have the pelvic structure of a woman, even after SRS.
Blessings
Gwen
Taking meds ...
... makes me kinda nervous. Part of that is because the meds I take for epilepsy sometimes interacts badly with other meds. Also, just the idea of taking meds makes me feel out of control, which scares me. As far as gender stuff goes, it feels kinda complicated. How I feel tends to shift from one day to the next. Except for definitely feeling more like a girl than a boy, I ain't sure what labels work best for me.
Ah.... contraindicated....
When I was first diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, the psychiatrist prescribed Lamictal, whose side effects include tremors. Since I was already dealing with a newly dignosed tremor disorder, it came as no surprise to my pharmacist that I had a severe reaction and my trenmors intensified. As per the instructions on the pamphlet included with the drug, I called my psychiatrist....REPEATEDLY WITH NO RESPONSE. I called the phramacist and he had no success contacting the doctor. He instructed me to cease taking the medication and contact the doctor as soon as possible.
Upon my next visit I explained the situation and he started berating me for not continuing the medication; this despite my pronounced increased tremors in his presence. "Who is the doctor? You or me?" I sat in his presence nodding quietly as he berated me for the remainder of my appointment. I never returned and called mt neurologist in Manhattan, who praised me for having the good sense to listen to the pharmacist. :) On the plus side, his dog Anna was friendly.
Love, Andrea Lena
Gah!
I'm glad ya listened to the pharmacist. I'm also glad ya didn't go back to that psychiatrist. Just 'cause somebody's a doctor, don't mean they always know best. The way he blew off your symptoms, makes me think he ain't as good as he seems to think he is. On the other hand, meetin' a friendly dog like Anna always counts as a plus to me too! :)