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For those who've been following my story, Ian & Brice/Bryce, I'm still working on the next chapter, but things are going a bit slowly. a big part of that is because I can feel how Ian will want to be held, as well as how afraid he is of doing anything like that would trigger another flashback. I'm trying to find a a way for Mae (who followed Ian after he ran out of the dining room in chapter 4) to offer comfort and support to Ian, while working avoiding causing more distress for him.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to handle that situation, please let me know. While I might not be able to use a suggestion exactly as presented, it might help me find a way of moving forward with this chapter. If you don't have any suggestions, but want to make a comment, about this story, or anything else, I'm up for that too! :)
Comments
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In the "physical contact that isn't being held" category, I'm perpetually surprised "sitting back against back" isn't more common
You're quite pointedly not looking at them, and can't hold them without them giving you their hands too hold, but still there with them for them to interact with on their terms
Oh!
I like that idea! I'm not sure if I'll use it in the scene I'm currently working on, but it does feel like something Ian might be able to handle. Thanks for the suggestion! :)
Other 'comforting ways' ...
Our Primary comfort mode is touch ...which Ian cannot accept just now ...
Singing/dancing is another. All human cultures do it. In the Navajo culture (USA Southwest Region) illnesses, physical and/or spiritual, are very often treated by singing a person back into Harmony, back into the Beauty Way.
In Africa (1) when someone falls ill or has done a wrong, the traditional doctor will ask "How long since you last Danced? Sang?" and everyone will spend perhaps days Singing the person back into health, back into 'rightness'.
Getting Ian into a sing-along, asking him what he wants to hear ... having all the females and presenting-as females closest, the males further away. Some of them will have musical instruments.
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Then Food. Humans getting together always have food, during (most things) or immediately after (races, weddings, funerals). The USA English word pot-luck comes from the Northwest Peoples' 'pot-latch' (a really big, often Chief-sponsored party).
Ask Ian what he likes to eat. Suggest 'comfort foods'. USA: Mac-n-cheese (2), fast food, grilled cheese & tomato soup, franks and beans, S'Mores. Find out what Ian would like, serve it.
Some who can't get/can't accept human touch may get comfort from Teddy Bears/plushies. (A good friend made me one ... and sometimes ...). That might be arranged.
Someone in home lends or gives Ian some item of significance, saying "I want you to keep this on a shelf in your room, to watch over you, to remind you that I care, even if I might not be around at the moment."
(I'm poorly informed, but) the Home might have a therapist who can do Art Therapy. "Can you draw something and show me? Do you want to tell me about it?"
"Ian, I know you're having a hard time. Is it OK if I just sit here with you for a while? We could talk, or listen to music, or I can do my homework ..."
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(1) So sorry, no additional details.
(2) I'm vegan; many/all foods can be made animal free. Thanks!
Oooo...
These are great ideas! Since Ian was about to have lunch before he'd ran off, joining his foster family again to have a meal feels like something that would work for the next chapter. I really like the other ideas too! I'm not sure how many of them will eventually go into this story, but I can see how they'd work for Ian. Thanks so much for your suggestions! :)
Two more thoughts about Ian ...
He may be more comfortable having his back to a wall, so he can't be as easily surprised. I have a combat veteran friend, and he much preferred having a wall behind him. Took him years to mostly get over that.
Ian may prefer places with two 'doorways', giving him less fear of being trapped.
Ian definitely...
...doesn't handle surprises too well, even well intentioned ones, like when Brice hugged him in the first chapter of my story. Being anxious about someone coming up from behind him definitely fits in with what happened with him in the past. I'm not so sure about him feeling a need for more than one exit, but it does feel like something to think about. Thanks again for your suggestions! :)