---

Greg has long fought her need to transition to the girl she is. Now, she is going to college and starting a new life as Angie. This is her story of discovery and the friendships that evolve in…

---

 

The Loft

Copyright© 2020 Shauna J. Rousseau

All Rights Reserved.

(Cover image designed by Shauna J. Rousseau and Joyce Melton.)

(Image Source: 193656564 © Parkpoom4 - Dreamstime.com)

---

 

Chapter Seven

 

---

“So, you fainted. That’s certainly understandable, Hon,” Vicky announces.

We’re under the gazebo on her roof and she’s smoking while I vape. She had made it clear that this won’t be a regular part of our sessions—that I need to get my nerves under control, so that I can control the ‘need’ for the nicotine.

While she has made it clear it is a coping mechanism that I really don’t need, I have come to rely on it. She’s right, though… I need to find a better way to deal with my stress. There’s just so much of it!

I sigh as I try and focus on the session. My head still hurts from where I hit the table when I passed out. It took ‘just’ ten stitches, but the doctor promised there would be no scar! At least nothing readily visible.

Vicky takes me back to Monday and my head starts hurting even more.

When I came to, Detective Alice Moreau was in the bakery, as well as the EMTs treating me. I wound up going to the hospital to get my stitches, then to the precinct to give my statement.

It seems that Detective Alice is no stranger to “Auntie’s”.

I refocus on Vicky and sigh, “Yeah. It was intense. Alice seems to think that Dr. Jones called us all into his office to expose us to some nefarious group—like some ‘militia’. So that they could…mark us…”

She nods and blows out her smoke as she says, “That’s certainly terrifying! How are you coping? In this circumstance, I can’t really blame you for vaping! Like I said earlier, we’re still going to work on your overall need, though.”

I sigh and blow out my vapor as I say, “Yeah… But only if I can do it together with Kim—and maybe Mel. Otherwise, it won’t stick… Anyway, April is now looking into what’s going on at the college with Dr. Jones. But I’m still terrified! This group is certainly not controlled by Jonesy, and no one knows what they may be up to!”

I take in another deep breath of vapor and blow it out as I feel the semi-calming sensation. It’s no longer what it once was. What’s worse—this is the last cartridge that I brought with me and it’s now empty. I forgot to grab another one.

I add, “Mel is semi-used to this and April is no stranger to it. I guess Auntie attracted the filth long before she died. I’m still a chicken, but I’m starting to understand… The problem is, I’m still a chicken!”

She stabs out her cigarette as she blows out her smoke. Finally, she responds, “Ange, I don’t think you’re a chicken. Not looking for trouble is not the definition of ‘chicken’. Now, avoiding trouble at all costs, might be. And, even then, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It all depends on the circumstances.”

I sigh—and she lights another cigarette. This is the first time I’ve known her to smoke more than one cigarette. She notices that my cartridge is empty and offers me a cigarette.

I hesitate but take it and she lights it for me. It’s at a whole other level than the vapor. I cough and she smiles. I think she did that on purpose! I’m not sure this is for me.

I finally say as I choke on the smoke, “I don’t know what to say, Vicky. I don’t want to get hurt for a stupid reason. To me, it’s stupid to get hurt for being me! I’m not hurting anyone—so, why can’t they just leave me alone and let me be me? What did Renee do to anyone?”

I take another drag and choke again—finally stabbing out the half-smoked cigarette.

I shudder as I continue, “Why did she get beat up to within an inch of her life? Why would our president support the scum that does crap like beat up innocent people?”

She sighs and inhales deeply on her cigarette before putting it out, herself. It’s clear she doesn’t have an answer to that one either…

~ ~ ~

I watch the news in disbelief!

A ‘militia’ is advancing on the capitol and the governor is barricaded in the capitol building. The National Guard is being called in, but the armed conflict is spilling out into the streets.

I look out the window of the Loft and see a large group of individuals coming this way with torches lit on fire. It sounds like a war zone outside. Scarier than that—there are white-hooded pockets of people in the crowd!

I hear a noise downstairs and take my heart in my hand as I rush downstairs to see what’s going on. I nearly faint when I run into Mel trying to shore up the bakery. I yell at her, “You scared the shit out of me, Mel! This whole thing scares the shit out of me!”

I take a deep breath to calm myself and ask shakily, “What can I do?”

Mel shakes her head and says, “I don’t know, Hon! This is bad—and we’re going to be a target. Unfortunately, I’ve made you a target! I’m so sorry!”

I shake my head and say, “Well, we’ll worry about that later. What do we do? We don’t have anything to board up the store.”

She says, “I know… I talked to April and she’s going to try and see if they can send someone this way, but it’s a long shot.”

I’m about to respond when Kim comes rushing in and hugs me. She exclaims, “Oh, Love! I was so worried—I mean, I still am!”

Right at that moment, the store’s front wall of windows shatters into a million shards of glass and we all scream loudly! Luckily, none of us is hurt.

Mel shepherds us all into the back of the bakery and locks the door between us. She places a call on her cell phone and shouts into it, “We’re under attack and are barricaded in the back—or upstairs in the apartment if that fails. Help us!”

She shakes her head as there is loud beating on the door, and we all hurry up to the Loft as it’s clear the door to the bakery won’t hold! There’s nowhere else to go. Out on the streets would be suicide. Hopefully, the Loft won’t be, too!

We carefully watch out the windows in the Loft—from behind the heavy curtains—and it’s clear that it’s bad out there. The sound from below is not any better!

The news that we can catch on our phones makes it clear that the president is not condemning what’s going on. He blames it on corrupt liberals that have polarized voters and driven them to violence.

It makes no sense. It’s scary as Hell!

I smell smoke from downstairs as the noise is deafening. It’s chaos down there! There is pounding on the door downstairs—and the one on the outside.

They’re trying to break in!

I clammer onto Kim as hard as I can. And then, all three of us hug.

It’s clear it’s about to be our end.

Then the noise becomes deafening—and it quickly becomes completely quiet.

It’s so quiet it’s eerie.

~ ~ ~

We all look at the devastating damage done to the bakery. The store after it was burned and the bakery itself is a disaster zone from wanton destruction. Thankfully, the fire was contained to just the store and a very small part of the bakery.

There are spray-painted ‘messages’ everywhere in the building warning about what will happen to ‘faggots’ and ‘perverts’ and those that support them.

We’re lucky to be alive!

The National Guard came in, just in time and is shutting down the idiots out there in the streets. There have already been hundreds of arrests, but there is no misconception that all of the militia has been shut down—it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

The president is still not condemning the actions, once again claiming there are ‘good people on both sides’. He’s actually blaming the governor for sending in the National Guard—saying that escalated the violence.

Unfortunately, there have also already been dozens of deaths. That, of course, will just invite a federal response—that the president can orchestrate.

Alice comes in and hugs Mel, then Kim and me. I get the impression that there used to be more than just friendship between Alice and Mel. Maybe there even still is?

Anyway, the intact part of the bakery becomes a makeshift joint headquarters for the police and National Guard. The police precinct has been completely destroyed and Mel offered up the bakery since it’s in such a central location—and not far from the actual precinct.

It’s frightening that this is happening, but it’s also comforting to have protection onsite—even if it couldn’t prevent the police precinct from being destroyed.

Mel has us focus just on cleaning up what we can and surveying what will still function. Then we go to work making coffee and baking what we can for our guardians now working out of the bakery. It would go to waste anyway, since there is no way the bakery will be back up and running anytime soon.

I can’t help but focus on the painted messages on the wall—I know that they are targeted at me. Sure, the bakery has a history—but I’m the only actual TG person here. And they know it!

It doesn’t matter that Mel started it all—I’m the reason that the bakery is in ruins!

Well, OK… I’m a reason it was targeted.

The looting and burning in the city is out of control—but the messages in here are for me.

There’s no telling when the bakery will be back up and running. At least the Guard has already boarded it up—we would have never gotten that done!

~ ~ ~

I open my eyes and rub them. They’re full of sand from lack of sleep. The only positive is that when I can finally sort of focus, it’s on Kim in the bed with me. Mel is on the couch. I carefully twist around to look at my phone and see that we’ve only been asleep for an hour. We had all just crashed from exhaustion, but there’s no way I can get back to sleep.

Both Kim and Mel are stirring wildly in what little sleep they’re getting.

I look out the window and the sun is just starting to come up, and there is a lot of smoke visible on the horizon—giving the dawn a spooky aura.

I carefully disengage myself from Kim’s embrace and quietly get up.

I quickly put on some clothes and go down the steps to the ruined bakery. The National Guard has left the building, but there is still a contingency of police in the building—including April.

I make a fresh pot of coffee in the one commercial maker that we could salvage. It’s strong and I need it—I assume they do, too.

I pour a cup for myself and go outside to the atrium to vape. Alice comes out behind me and sighs. Her eyes are as red as I’m sure mine are. She’s cradling a cup of steaming coffee.

She takes a careful sip and says, “I’m sorry, Angie. I apologize for our city. You deserve better than this!”

I take a deep breath and shake my head. I take a sip of my own coffee after blowing across the top to clear out the steam. Finally, I respond, “If it were just your city—which is mine now, too, by the way—then I would almost feel better. This is a national issue, April. And it scares me to death!”

She nods and sips some more. After a pregnant silence, she says, “I know. Still. I’ve known Mel since before Auntie passed. As you’ve probably surmised, Mel and I once were more than just friends. And we are still more than just sisterly friends—it’s complicated. Anyway…”

I nod and she goes on, “The bakery has long been a lightning rod for LGBTQ opponents and neither Mel nor her Auntie shied away from that. So, don’t blame yourself for this—I know you are.”

I sigh and slowly nod, “Yeah. I was pissed at Mel for dragging me into her fight. But when all of this happened, I couldn’t help but blame myself for focusing the whole thing on the bakery.”

She shakes her head and says, “You haven’t seen outside, yet. I know the ‘messages’ are seemingly targeted towards you, but this goes way beyond just you!”

I nod and ask, “How bad is it?”

She shakes her head and says, “They almost got the governor this time… I’m pretty sure your Dr. Jones is heavily involved. I just wish you knew who else he may have implicated as TG. I’m honestly worried for them.”

~ ~ ~

Kim, Mel, and I are carefully wandering the streets in shock. It looks like a bomb has gone off in downtown Chicago. It seems that it was not just Chicago, though. Several Midwestern States were targeted by ‘militias’.

Thankfully, Omaha—and Nebraska as a whole—was spared, so Bob is safe.

The president is just tweeting crap about how the police are not doing their jobs to reign in the looters, but the ‘militia’ are just out to protect people and exercising their rights. And his threats to send in active military to ‘help’ the National Guard are increasing.

I just shake my head. When did we join the list of authoritarian countries, like Russia and China?

We make it to the campus, and it’s largely untouched. It seems that April is right—someone must have some sort of connections to protect it. But Pandora’s box has now been opened. It remains to be seen whether those protections will be enough now.

The city has a nine o’clock curfew, although that hasn’t really been effective in other conflicts the president has egged on…

We walk back to the bakery and make sandwiches from what we can safely salvage. The commercial freezers and refrigerators were not damaged, and luckily power was never lost—it’s just a miracle that the vandals didn’t actually open them up and destroy their content.

We hand the sandwiches out to the police onsite and then congregate back up in the Loft.

Mel sighs and says, “I’ll have to see what the insurance says about all of this, Ange. But it’s likely that you may have to move out temporarily while they fix the place—and I have no idea how long we’ll be down. I won’t be able to pay either of you.”

I hug Kim and say, “Kim—well her father—has offered to let me move in with her until this is over. So, it will be close quarters, but it will be OK in terms of a place to stay. We’ll figure out what to do while we get the bakery back up and running. Don’t worry!”

Mel nods and says, “Yeah. If only I had the space next door. Now would be the opportune time to fix both!”

Then she adds with a grump, “Not that this is really an opportune time for anything!”

~ ~ ~

The weekend has gone by in a blur. It’s Sunday afternoon, and things have settled in the city—mostly. The National Guard has quelled the “militia’s” activities, for now—but there is a charged feeling to the air. You can just feel the tension—not only in Chicago, but across the country.

It doesn’t feel like it’s over. The election is still months away and there is no telling what will happen then. Before or after for that matter!

The Rainbow community is mustering its troops to start peaceful protests across the country. It remains to be seen if they can remain peaceful in the face of the promised opposition by several ‘militias’.

We spend most of Sunday deep cleaning the bakery as best we can. Mel has put in an insurance claim, but with all of the damage done in the city there is no guarantee of how soon an adjuster will get here. The first estimates for the city as a whole are in the hundreds of millions.

The lawyer and executor of Auntie’s estate will stop by tomorrow to discuss options with Mel.

Kim and I are going to hole up in the Loft until the insurance throws us out—assuming they do. Other than some smell from the smoke, there really isn’t any damage to the apartment.

We have the windows and doors open and fans blowing to help air it out.

Thankfully, the zoned water sprinklers only went off in the store and a very small part of the bakery, where the actual fire was or everything in the Loft would have been a total loss!

Kim and I give Mel a hug around nine o’clock as she leaves and then I give Kim an exhausted kiss. I gripe, “I still can’t believe all of this!”

She hugs me and says, “I know, Love. But you do have to get it out of your head that this is somehow your fault.”

I shake my head and say, “Yeah, but April did mention that businesses and properties that were hit hardest seemed to have a pattern to them. Her theory is that it’s tied to the militia’s agenda. Which would make sense. I seem to be on their target list. That note confirms that.”

Kim adds, “Maybe so, but the bakery would have been anyway based on its history—and Mel’s. I’m afraid that you’ve been cast onto the front lines of this war with society now, whether you want it or not. Unless you bury your head in the sand or pull back into your shell, you’re now a part of this.”

I sigh and grump, “Why can’t people just mind their own business?! What did I—what did we—do to hurt anyone?”

She shakes her head and pulls me into a deep kiss, before answering, “We didn’t do a thing, Sweetie. Not a thing!”

~ ~ ~

I look around nervously. I feel like I’m being watched. I know it just has to be paranoia, but I can’t shake the feeling.

Classes are going to start in two weeks and I’m back on campus just getting the lay of the land since there’s nothing to do at the bakery. Mel is there now, meeting with the people from Auntie’s estate.

I walk around the campus and can’t help marvel at the fact that it’s largely untouched. I mean, you would think that a liberal arts college would be on an anti-liberal group’s list of targets.

I spin in terror as someone touches my shoulder from behind and nearly faint. It’s the young black girl that was coming out of Dr. Jones’s office when I arrived for his inquisition. I take a deep breath to settle my nerves and calm my heartbeat down to something even remotely close to normal.

She smiles awkwardly and apologizes, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you! I should have known—we’re all on edge, right now!”

I take another deep breath and say, “I saw you the other day—coming out of Dr. Jones’s office, right?”

She nods and says, “Yes, sorry. I’m Lucille Strong. Lucy to my friends. I know we’re not friends, yet—but I hope maybe we can be. I think we may have some things in common?”

I hedge my bets as I say, “Hi! I’m Angelique Jennings—Angie to my friends. Things in common?”

She wanly smiles and says, “When Dr. Jones called me into his office before you, he addressed me as Mr. Strong…”

I nod. I had surmised as much and reply, “OK. Yes, I’m transitioning, but I’m not openly transitioning. I take it you are?”

She sighs and says, “Not at all! But then I received this…note…”

I gasp, “A warning that someone knows who and what you are?”

She bites her lip and timidly nods.

I ask, “Did you let the police know? Please tell me you did!”

She shakes her head ‘no’ and I take a leap of faith as I gently ask, “Do you have a few minutes to walk back to my apartment? You really should report this to the police. I can call my contact and see if she’ll meet us there?”

She pauses and thinks about it. Finally, she says, “I really don’t want to get involved in anything! I just want to live my life, you know?”

I ruefully smile and reply with a nod, “Sister, you’re preaching to the choir! I was just saying the same thing to my girlfriend last night. Unfortunately, she’s right, though—we’re involved now. Whether we like it or not! No matter how you look at it, though, we can’t let the bastards cow us into submissive fear.”

I take a breath to slow my rage, then continue, “I’m not saying we need to start crusading, but we are going to have to make a stand. I’m afraid, at this point, it’s up to us to look out for us. Do you know any of the others that Jonesy called into his office?”

She looks shocked, then busts out laughing, “Jonesy? Oh, girl! You have no idea who you’re going up against—or what he can do! But I’ll give it you, you have chops! And yes… I know a few of the others of us that are now seemingly in the ‘underground opposition’—I feel like a chapter in Schindler’s List!”

I genuinely laugh at that, “You have no idea! I’m the biggest chicken in the universe! Chicken Little was a superhero compared to me!”

She gives me a searching look, then sighs with a nod, “OK. Give your contact a call. Assuming they even have time to talk in all of this mess!”

I nod and lead her in the direction of the bakery as I try April’s personal number—she had given it to me for emergencies. She answers on the first ring and I explain the situation. She promises to meet us at the Loft within the hour.

I smile at Lucy and say, “OK, April, my contact, will meet us at my apartment. I get that you have trust issues. Believe me, I get it! So do I! But April is OK.”

She doesn’t seem too convinced until I start to lead her up the outside stairs to the Loft and she suddenly stops dead in her tracks. She exclaims, “You live above Auntie’s bakery?”

I stop and look at her. Finally, I shrug and say, “Yes. Is that a problem?”

She gives me an incredulous, almost reverent look and states, “No. No problem at all! She’s just such a legend. If you live here, then I implicitly trust you, Angie. And so would anyone else in our ‘opposition’. If Mel trusts you…then there is no question!”

I sigh. I appreciate the trust—but I don’t deserve it!

I say, “Trust in Mel—she’s battle-hardened. Me? I’m a as new to this as you or anyone else dipping their toes into the waters. But let’s see what we can do to help our cause—even if just at the Foundation. I don’t think I’m up to taking on the president or his cronies just yet! You?”

She just shakes her head and giggles.

~ ~ ~

I get Lucy settled in the Loft when Mel taps on the internal door and comes in. She exclaims. “Oh! I’m sorry, Ange! I didn’t realize you had company!”

I smile and say, “Mel, meet Lucy. Lucy—Mel.” I look at Mel and add, “She’s like me. TG and happy to keep that under the radar—she also was targeted by Jonesy and received a note similar to mine. April is on her way over.”

Mel shakes Lucy’s hand and says, “Welcome to the fold, Hon. I’m sorry that you’re experiencing the same crap from these fecal balls as Ange. April is good people, though. You can trust her.”

Lucy kind of fawns over Mel and gushes, “I can’t believe I’m actually in Auntie Annaliese’s inner sanctum! This is so awesome! I’m just terribly sorry that they ransacked the bakery. You are going to rebuild? Right?”

Mel smiles and says, “Well, actually—that’s exactly what I came up here to tell Ange. I just finished up a meeting with Auntie’s lawyers and executor. I never had any idea what Auntie was actually worth. I mean, I will take over her foundation, but…”

She pauses and refocuses, “Anyway, she owned the space next door! She bought it years ago to be able to control whatever business might come in. We had talked about maybe expanding at some point, but she was happy with the smaller space…”

She giggles, “Anyway, there’s a clause in the will that it will become mine early for expansion if I can make the business case—and show the appropriate commitment. It would have become mine at thirty anyway, but now all of the work that I’ve been doing to save up for it—and my business plan—has paid off! Ange! We’re going to expand! I can start that part while waiting on the insurance company to evaluate this side.”

I jump up and give her a huge hug. Lucy is confused but smiles at our enthusiasm.

We all jump in surprise, though, when there is a loud knock on the outside door.

I get up and open the door—only to run into a hug from April!

I smile and sigh as I say, “Come on in April! I’m afraid we’re all still very much on edge!” I bring her in and introduce her to Lucy as I make some coffee.

Lucy sighs as we sit at the table while the coffee brews, and she explains the situation to April. It’s very much the same situation as mine—only Lucy got her note stuck into her purse when she wasn’t looking at the grocery store.

April finishes taking down Lucy’s information and statements then the two of them leave together just as Kim comes up the stairs. She had gone home to check on her Dad.

After we hug and passionately kiss, Mel brings us more up to speed on the details of her meeting with the lawyers.

It seems I won’t have to move out for now—unless the insurance company insists on it, which doesn’t seem likely. Of course, construction may make it impossible to live here, too—but we’ll just wait and see.

Mel has already contacted a contractor to move forward with the build-out of the site next door—there’s no need to wait on the insurance for that part.

If only my nerves were as easily fixed as the building!