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Greg has long fought her need to transition to the girl she is. Now, she is going to college and starting a new life as Angie. This is her story of discovery and the friendships that evolve in…

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The Loft

Copyright© 2020 Shauna J. Rousseau
All Rights Reserved.
(Cover image designed by Shauna J. Rousseau and Joyce Melton.)
(Image Source: 193656564 © Parkpoom4 - Dreamstime.com)

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Chapter Four
 

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I blink dizzily as I come up for air! My heart is beating hard and my lips are tingling sensually from the sweet and tender kiss that Kim just gave me. She looks deep into my eyes and smiles, then kisses me again—a little more passionately this time.

To say that I’m confused would be a huge understatement! I taste her lipstick and saliva commingling with mine and have a rush of conflicting feelings. To be honest, this—well, technically it was the one a few seconds ago—is my first kiss ever! Of course, from anyone other than my deceased mother, that is—and those were obviously nothing like this!

I’m still adjusting to the taste and feel of my own lipstick and hers tastes so very different—and the sensation of our lips sticking together from the tacky coating on them is a very different kind of feeling. I don’t know why that is even a thought in my head right now! A girl is kissing me! For the first time! On top of that, she’s a totally hot and utterly gorgeous girl!

What am I thinking?

Why am I thinking?

I finally just stop thinking and kiss her back—at least, the best I can even remotely imagine is worthy of her Godliness. I again realize just how much of a Deity this beautiful woman is—both in body and soul. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I give it my utmost!

Suddenly, her tongue is in my mouth! Damn! What do I do with that? It’s so hot! I mean, it’s all wet and everything—but my heart is melting! I…timidly probe my tongue into her mouth and am surprised when she sucks it in! After that, we play toungsies for a little while and then she finally breaks the kiss, to my disappointment.

I take a deep breath and gush, “Kim, I…What…? That was…! What…?” She puts a gentle finger on my mouth—that I’m certain is now as covered in smeared lipstick as hers is—to quiet me and explains, “Ange, you’re just so beautiful—both inside and out! I couldn’t help myself! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have!”

My world crashes in on me! She didn’t mean it!

I feel my face fall along with my collapsing ecstasy. She looks alarmed and exclaims, “Look, Ange! I meant every bit of the feeling I put into those kisses! You’re beautiful! So, beautiful! But I don’t want to make it awkward! I don’t want to push…”

I don’t let her finish and pull her face to mine—gently taking it between my hands like she had done to me—and kiss her passionately. My heart threatens to explode out of my body as she responds in kind by once again probing my tonsils with her tongue. I slowly break the kiss and look deep into her eyes. I say, “I have no idea where that came from Kim… I’ve…never had a girlfriend. I’ve never even…kissed a girl—or been kissed… What…?”

I let the sentence drop as confused tears stream from my eyes. Kim hugs me sweetly and lets me cry it out, then quietly explains, “Ange, I’m sorry! I really don’t want to pressure you! I had no idea that you never had… I just… I mean…”

She takes a deep breath and tries again, “OK, the truth is… I really like you! I think you’re a beautiful girl! I…I…I’ve known that I’m certainly a lesbian—and very possibly bi—since I was an early teenager. Auntie Annaliese helped me with my internal struggles and put me to work here helping out at the bakery at an early age—to help me work through my ‘issues’. What I finally came to grips with is that my ‘issues’ are really other people’s ‘issues—and not at all mine! Does that make sense?”

She smiles nervously at my silent but anxious nod and continues, “I’ve never really had a true girlfriend. Yes, I’ve messed around—including with Mel—but…nothing serious.” I gasp at that revelation, but before I can say anything, she continues, “Mel and I have been besties since we were in grade school—we met around the time Mel’s Mom threw her out. My Mom had been killed in an auto accident not too long before we met, and we sort of gravitated towards each other. Her Auntie took us both under her wing.”

My anxiety and confusion turn to instant sympathy and I grasp her hands as she goes on, “Auntie was the best! Not only did she take in Mel, but she became like a surrogate mother to me. Like I said, Mel and I messed around when we both started questioning our sexuality—when we were both fifteen...”

Her eyes lose focus as she lets her thoughts wander before she continues, “Mel is very certainly bi—she has demonstrated that on numerous occasions. She’s as comfortable with her boyfriend—the one she has now—as she was with her past girlfriends. I can’t say that guys have no appeal to me, but I certainly prefer girls over them.”

I’m fascinated by her story and anxiously wondering what she is leading up to. Does she want me as a girlfriend—or just someone to ‘mess around’ with? I mean, if kissing like that is ‘messing around’, I’m not complaining and happy to ‘mess’! But I’m still confused! I mean—I’m not even sure I am a girl yet. If that is what she’s after.

She sighs as her eyes focus back on me and continues, “What I’m trying to say, Ange, is that I really like you. I mean, don’t get the wrong idea! I don’t normally throw myself at just anyone so soon after meeting them, but I just fell for you as soon as I saw you! I know that you’re just starting your journey as a new person and as a girl. I would love to really help you on that journey. I’m not trying to pressure you into any kind of intimate relationship, but I am open to giving that a try—if you are. We could just take that part slow. I know you may want to experiment with things, too…” She shrugs and gives me an uncertain look.

At that point, things are really swirling around in my head! It’s all a mass confusion of hopes, dreams, terror, and wonder. It’s really making my nausea even worse and I almost have to make a run for it! I swallow a couple of times and take several deep breaths. Finally, I get myself under some semblance of control and look back at a visibly worried Kim. I smile wanly and explain, “Nausea… It’s…getting better now…”

I go to the kitchen area and get a piece of dry bread and take a couple of bites, then drink some water. Kim sits quietly contemplating at the table while I get my stomach settled. When I’m sure that I’m not going to lose my lunch, I lightly take both of Kim’s hands into mine across the table and say, “Kim, I would love to be in an intimate relationship with you—at whatever safe speed we can manage. I don’t know what’s going to happen on my journey, as you call it, or where it might take me—or us. But I would love nothing more than to find out. Are you sure you want to get involved with someone as messed up as me, though? I mean, I do have a lot of emotional baggage that I’m still working through—not to mention the whole TG thing that I’m still not completely sure about…”

She gently squeezes my hands and says, “We’ll just have to find some deep ravine to go dump that baggage into! I’m not perfect, Hon! Trust me! We’ll help each other. Now, let’s get that mascara that’s running down your face taken care of. I swear that waterproof mascara may be the better option for you!”

I give her a double-take, wondering if she has once again been conspiring with Mel. She winks and continues, “Then we’ll work on smearing each other’s lipstick some more. After that, we can maybe go for a stroll?”

I smile and she tenderly pulls me around the table and towards my vanity…

 

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We’re sauntering at a leisurely pace towards my soon-to-be campus and I’m trying not to break my ankles. Kim had disappeared downstairs for a few minutes after fixing my mascara and then we made out for a wonderfully long time after she came back up. Before we left on our walk, she insisted that I put on a skirt, blouse, and my heels to practice walking in.

I’m holding her hand as we walk, and she’s giving me gentle support. I do have a bag that has my new running shoes and my sketchpad in it over my shoulder—along with my new purse—just in case.

I concentrate for a bit on walking in the heels, as Kim has instructed me, and marvel at the clicking sound that I always identified with my Mother now coming from my own feet. Kim is making similar noises since she is wearing heels, too—but hers are much more confident. After a couple of blocks, I get into a rhythm and Kim starts talking more to me to take my mind off the task and to let the action sort of sink into my subconscious actions.

“So, how did you get into art,” she inquires. I get a smile on my face when I think about my passion and explain, “I don’t know that I ever got into it as much as it’s just always been a part of me. I was always good at painting things. I’m decent at sketching—not as good as I would like, which is why I’ve been practicing more—but I can paint with a vengeance! I’m also an avid photographer, but I never had the money for decent equipment.”

She gushes, “I can’t wait to see more of your work!” Then we click-clack in close synchrony for half a block without talking as I fully concentrate on maneuvering the uneven and cracked sidewalk, before I ask, “So, what are you studying? Mel never said and I haven’t had the chance to ask.”

She giggles and retorts, “Nothing as exciting as art! I’m finishing up a business math and accounting degree, then I want to get my MBA. I’ve actually been keeping the books for Mel’s bakery for a couple of years now.”

I look at her in surprise and nearly trip as my heel catches on a crack in the sidewalk. I stumble forward and she catches my arm to help steady me. I sigh as my heart stops racing and I shake my head as I wryly laugh and quip, “What are the odds of me tripping while wearing high-heeled stilettos for the first time—on an uneven sidewalk?”

She giggles and says, “Maybe we should find a bench and you can change into your running shoes. We’ll continue the practice later.” I nod and say, “There’s a nice place not far from here that I found the other day. I want to do a quick sketch there anyway—if you’re OK with that?”

We continue on for a couple of blocks and I’m really starting to feel my calves and where my toes are being crammed down into the pointy front of the shoes. No wonder women are always complaining about these things—although, I don’t really remember Mom ever complaining about them. Neither is Kim, come to think of it. I have to know…

“Kim, I can already feel my calves, and my toes are killing me! You don’t seem to be bothered in the least—and your heels are at least an inch taller than mine!” She laughs good-naturedly and responds, “Well, I’ve been wearing them for years! I bet your bra is more uncomfortable on you than mine is on me right now, too! You’ll get used to it—the trick is to get good-quality shoes and wear them. Really! Price does make a difference—as does practice. Plus, I just love heels!”

Right then is when we arrive at the spot I had been thinking about. I nod at her response at the same time that I gesture towards a bench and reply, “OK. That makes sense, I guess. This is the spot I was thinking about. The view of the campus is great, and I would love to get a sketch of you sitting on the bench with the campus in the background—after I change my shoes!”

She gives me a shocked look as I sit and take off the heels to rub my sore feet. She asks in a perplexed tone, “You want to use me as a model?” I look at her seriously and say, “Yes!” After a pregnant pause, I add, “I can’t wait to get you up in the Loft for a nude modeling session!” I wink and giggle as I take out the socks and put them on my aching feet, followed by my running shoes.

I spend a few minutes situating Kim on the bench—enjoying the exquisite comfort of the running shoes—and then pull out my sketchbook and pencil. I move around until I get the vantage point that I want and settle in. I quietly take in the scene for several minutes without lifting my pencil to let it burn into my memory. Then I quickly start roughing out the sketch.

After I get the rough outlines put down on paper, I close my eyes and let the image once again burn itself into my memory and I say, “OK! Thanks, Kim! This is great!”

She giggles and quips, “Yeah! That’s me—the super model! So, can I see it?”

I shake my head and say, “No! It’s just a rough sketch at this point. I want to take it back to the studio and do a watercolor from it. I have to get some supplies first. Before you move, let me get a back-up picture, though! Normally, I wouldn’t do that—but I don’t know when I will be able to get anywhere to buy the paints.”

I take out my phone and take a couple of quick shots. I won’t rely on them unless it’s absolutely necessary, though. I already have the finished picture floating in my head, and I know just how I want it to look.

I pack up my sketchbook and Kim surprises me with a worried look as I close it up. I start to worry myself, when she finally sighs deeply and whispers, “I have something that I have to admit to, Ange. I hope it won’t change your mind about me.”

She’s nervously sitting on the bench, with me leaning on her, and she has her arms around me. I look up into her eyes with my curiosity—and worry—clearly outlined on my face. She sighs nervously again and says, “I… well… I got hooked on vaping a while back…”

I feel a weight lift from me—if that’s her only concern! I was worried it was drugs, or something!

I shrug and smile, “Mom and Dad never smoked, or anything—at least not that I know of. I’m sure Bob has experimented… I can’t say that I wasn’t curious when kids did it at school but was always too chicken to suffer the consequences if caught. Like drinking, I don’t have anything inherently against it. I’m not sure that I’m OK with smoking, per se—but vaping doesn’t really bother me.”

She opens her purse and digs in it a second before timidly pulling out her device to show me. She says, “I keep my habit low-key—as does Mel… She actually got me started…” I nod—I guess I’m not surprised, although I didn’t know that Mel vaped either. She continues, “Auntie Annaliese did smoke. Mel picked up vaping instead… It sort of bled over to me from there… Do you mind?”

Well, that makes sense, I guess. I shake my head and she turns on the device and inhales deeply from it. She says as she exhales the white vapor, “This is why I disappeared downstairs for that short time earlier. I’m sort of ashamed of the habit—I actually only got hooked after I started college. I didn’t want to admit it to you, yet. But, one—I was really craving it, right now. And, two—you deserve to know…if we’re going to be together…”

I hug her as she inhales again deeply and say, “It doesn’t matter to me, Kim. Like I said, I was always curious about it, myself—so, how could I hold it against you?”

She just gives me a funny look, that melts into relief, then she inhales one more lung full and turns off her device before putting it quickly back in her purse. I can see the calming effect it has on her and I smile at her—but wonder about her reaction.

We get up off the bench and we slowly walk around campus, hand-in-hand, for half an hour—with me much more comfortable in my running shoes—and Kim walking in her heels as if she had running shoes on, as well.

We talk about little things, just getting to know one another better and I find myself falling for her more and more.

Before long, though, my stomach starts growling and Kim giggles. She quips, “Not hungry, are you?” I laugh, “Just a little! That salad we had for lunch wasn’t big to begin with—and with my nausea, I couldn’t even finish that. I could go for a drink, too!” I curse myself for not thinking about bringing a water bottle!

She gives me a funny look and smiles, “Well, come on then! There’s plenty of food at the Loft for us to put something together—and I just happen to know about a little secret!”

I give her an inquisitive look—my curiosity quite apparent—but she just smiles wider and pulls me back towards my apartment. On the way back, we continue talking about ourselves.

She finishes telling me a little about her Dad and suddenly changes the subject, “So, Ange—when’s your big B-day? You turn eighteen, right?”

I blush and respond, “Actually, two weeks from today. I had planned on going back to Omaha to be with Bob, but now I guess I won’t make that. I’m not sure if he will be able to come here, so I may be on my own.”

She punches me in the shoulder—hard! I yelp and she says, “You will not be alone! That’s the bonus of having a girlfriend! Plus, even if I wasn’t, when I said that you’re part of the family now, did you think I was kidding? Mel would never let you celebrate something that important on your own—and neither would I!”

She pulls me into a hug and gives me a tender kiss—oblivious to anyone that may be watching. I melt into the sidewalk and don’t care who’s watching!

Then she drops the bomb!

“So, would you mind celebrating our birthdays together? I…umm… Well, mine just so happens to be the day before yours!”

I let out a little shriek and don’t care about the looks I get as I wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her back. Then I ask, “Wait! You already knew, didn’t you? Mel told you, right? My application!”

She blushes and giggles as she bites her bottom lip and nods contritely. I giggle and reprimand her, “You little minxes! So, how old will you be—oh, girlfriend of mine?” She blushes more and answers sheepishly, “Twenty-one. I’m not too old for you, on top of my other issues, am I?”

I giggle and retort, “Oooo…! An older woman! I don’t know! My brother may object! But I’m intrigued!”

She giggles back and pulls me into another kiss and says, “OK, let’s get back to your Loft!”

 

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I start pulling the things out of the refrigerator and Kim comes up the stairs after going back down. I’m going to have to make sure she knows she doesn’t need to go down to vape. She was only gone for a few minutes, and I start to tell her, but she has her hands behind her back and an uneasy grin on her face.

She comes over and pecks me on the cheek—her hands still behind her back. She says, “You said you wanted a drink…” I nod, wondering what she’s up to—I already had a huge glass of water. She continues, “Auntie Annaliese was brought up in the German way—through and through. She sort of raised Mel and me to honor those ways, too. Technically, we are both still too young for this…”

She unveils a bottle of red wine as she brings her hands around from behind her. She says, “Mel and I keep a stash hidden away downstairs. Of course, it’s easier now that Mel actually is twenty-one and can legally buy it.”

I give her a questioning look and she explains, “We don’t have to, if you don’t want. In Germany, it’s totally legal for anyone to drink wine or beer at sixteen… Mel and I have been… I mean, we’re not drunks, or anything! But we do occasionally enjoy a glass, or two, after a long day on our feet.”

I shrug and reply, “I’m not against it, Kim—anymore than your vaping. Mom and Dad would drink on occasion—and Bob is now twenty-one and drinks when he is out with his friends, too. I can’t say that I haven’t wondered, but never really enough to try and sneak anything.”

She smiles and says, “It’s up to you, Hon. I’m OK with just iced tea, too.”

I look at the bottle in her hand and ask, “You’re sure Mel won’t mind?” She giggles and gives me a kiss before saying, “I’m sure.”

I start making us some sandwiches and she opens the bottle of wine to ‘let it breathe’. She helps me finish the food and pours two glasses of the deep red liquid—one only about a quarter as full as the other. She hands the one with the smaller amount to me with a grin and says, “It’s an acquired taste—you can certainly have more, if you want.”

She clinks my glass and looks deep into my eyes as she says, “To a beautiful girl and to a beautiful friendship!”

I smile back at her and timidly put the glass to my lips. I take the smallest of sips and grimace. It tastes like moldy dirt! She actually laughs and says, “I told you it’s an acquired taste! I would have started with a sweet white, but we only had Cabernet and a Cotes-Du-Rhone downstairs. This is the Cotes-Du-Rhone—my favorite, by the way.”

I look at the lipstick imprint on my glass and shake my head, then retort, “Well, if you’re into moldy dirt, this is the thing! Umm…how long exactly before this will taste…good?”

She giggles and says, “Baby steps, Hon. Baby steps! I’m not trying to make you into a wino! Let’s eat, though—I’m hungry, too!”

I take small sips of the wine as we eat, and it does get less…distasteful with each one. I’m not ready to have a full glass yet, by any means, though! Kim smiles and corks up the bottle for later after finishing off her one glass.

After we clean up the kitchen, Kim looks at the clock and says, “I know you have to get to bed, soon, Hon!” I groan as I realize that three in the morning is rapidly approaching. She smiles and says, “But, if you want, we can cuddle for a few minutes before I leave?”

I smile and look into her eyes as I nod. She pulls me to the couch and then into a cuddle. We settle in with me leaning on her, my legs up underneath me, and her arm around me.

I look at her seriously and say, “Look, Kim. I told you earlier that I’m not mad, or disappointed, that you vape—or drink, for that matter. It’s part of college life and growing up that we try things. Now, if you tell me that you do drugs—including weed—we will have to have a discussion!”

I smile at her sticking her tongue out at me and shaking her head to emphasize that I won’t have to worry about that. I continue, “Now, there is absolutely no need for you to go downstairs to vape! Really!”

She sighs and asks in an unsure tone, “Are you sure, Hon? I mean I know that Auntie used to smoke up here, so it must be OK from that perspective, but…”

I shake my head emphatically and she finally nods. She reaches into her purse and takes out her device and turns it on. She then puts it to her mouth and sucks deeply on it. She gives me another embarrassed grin and lets the vapor slowly escape her lungs. She laments, “I never intended to get hooked, but it just feels so good!”

She inhales deeply from the device again, and I pull her head down into a deep kiss before she can exhale.

This time her kiss has the added flavor of the red wine mixed in with it as I suck in the minty vapor she exhales in surprise…

I feel a dizzying tingly sensation as the vapor hits my lungs and Kim pulls away from my kiss. She exclaims in alarm, “Ange! Be careful! You don’t know what this can do! It’s really strong stuff!”

The tingling takes over my body and feels wonderful. Between the slight bit of wine that I had, which already loosened me up, and the euphoria of the kiss—this is just the icing on the cake of all-out ecstasy.

I smile as I shake my head and let the second-hand vapor out of my lungs. I say, “I was curious, Kim. I know it was stupid, but you’re right! It does feel good!”

I’m disappointed as she turns off the device and says, “I know! That’s why you have to be careful! It’s so easy to get addicted. Now, give me a goodnight kiss—I need to let you get some sleep!”

Thirty minutes of kissing later, I walk her out the external entrance to the studio—the one that also serves as the fire escape and doesn’t require going through the bakery and messing with the alarm.

She gives me one final kiss and walks away with one last look over her shoulder. I sadly go back in and take a shower—carefully keeping my hair dry—after removing my makeup and disinfecting my earrings.

I finally crawl into bed about eight and fall asleep in my luxurious bed with the feeling of that ‘vapor-enhanced’ kiss caressing my mind and sweetly calling to me for more such kisses…

 

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I slap at my phone and groan at its insistence that I get up. Even though I’m literally right above the bakery and have a ‘zero commute’, I had set it for two-thirty, since I know I have to spend time doing my makeup.

Thankfully, I get it right on the first try—or I’m just still so asleep that I don’t see the mistakes! When I’m done with that chore, I put on the skirt and blouse over my panties and bra, then my socks and new ‘waitressing’ shoes.

Shortly before three, I stumble down the stairs to the bakery below and see Mel on her way out the back door. She waves at me says, “Good morning! Grab some coffee and come out back with me!”

I pour myself some of the ‘private’ stuff and slip out the back door—only to be hit with the oppressive early-morning heat. I wonder why Mel wants to meet out here, when I see her contentedly sipping on a hot sup of coffee and vaping.

At least I now know why she and Kim would disappear for short periods on Tuesday—never at the same time, though. She gives me a semi-embarrassed grin and raises her cup of coffee in salute. She blows out her vapor and says, “I’m sure you noticed Kim or me coming out here on occasion on Tuesday. It also explains those times that one or the other of us would disappear while shopping yesterday, too… I know not everyone agrees with this…choice.”

I smile and say, “Well, Kim already beat you to telling me. We… ummm… Well, we may have also borrowed a bottle of wine last night?”

She laughs and says, “Oh, really? Kim really is going to corrupt you! I don’t care about the wine, in the least! That’s what it’s there for—and you’re over sixteen. That’s old enough in my book. Was it your first?”

I nod and giggle, “Like Kim said, it’s an acquired taste! Her kisses were much better!”

She almost drops her coffee and nearly spills the steaming liquid onto herself. She chokes out, “Really, now? I see! Well, good for you! Both of you!” I blush and say, “I still don’t know how it happened. Suddenly, she was kissing me—every bit as much of a first for me as the bit of wine I drank—and I was kissing her back. We’re going to see where it goes… But I like where it has taken us, so far!”

She pulls in another lung full of vapor and nods in understanding. She blows out her mist as she says, “Kim is a good person, Ange. She’s as insecure about some things as you are—please be careful with her. Believe it or not, she’s very fragile—as I know you are. I honestly think you will be good for each other.”

She looks at me eying her device and asks, “I guess I didn’t ask—or give you permission… Do you smoke or vape? I’m not a fan of the smell that smoke causes out here, but we can live with it. If you need a break to do so, we’ll certainly work that in!”

I shake my head and say, “Well, I sort of snuck a try last night when Kim was vaping…” I giggle and say, “I stole her breath with a kiss—and along with that a lung full of vapor! I’m not sure what was better, the kiss—or the feeling from the vapor. The tingly feeling was certainly very nice, but it was all mixed in with the euphoria of the kiss!”

She smiles knowingly and giggles. Then she says, “Well, we do need to get to work! But do you want an independent test, first? Independent of the kiss, I mean? No kisses from me! I have a boyfriend!” She adds with a giggle, “And it seems you have a girlfriend!”

She offers her device to me with a wink.

I hesitate and then take it. I am still curious… And that feeling was really nice!

She says, “To get the best results, inhale deeply, hold it for a count of around ten seconds, and slowly let it out your nose. But do understand that this is on you! It is highly addictive—and it seems that you’re already getting attached. I’ve known people to actually get addicted after their first try! I don’t want this to be on me—I already know that Kim blames me for her addiction.”

I close my eyes and wonder if it’s worth it—I know I will eventually give in to the temptation with Kim and her both doing it around me, so I may as well get it over with. Besides, it will make it less awkward with Kim—in the end, anyway.

I follow her ‘instructions’ and pull in a deep lung full of the vapor and immediately feel that dizzying, tingly feeling from the kiss—only much stronger since this isn’t second-hand.

I also know that this won’t be my last as I slowly let it out my nose.

Mel sees the look in my eye and says, “I have a spare that you can have. We just pool our resources for cartridges—and wine.” She giggles.

I pull in another lung full and hand it back to her. She follows suit and we both exhale before going in to start the actual workday.

Of course, I do catch shit from Kim later on when she finds out. But it’s much too late to do anything about it by then. It’s clear that I’m hooked—the same as they are. At least I’m catching on in the bakery and it’s fairly easy for one of use to sneak out for a short break even when the crowds hit, since there are now three of us.

She still lets me know that we will be talking about it later—after work…in the Loft—while kissing!