“Nanna?”
“Juliette?”
“No Nanna its Gaby,” I corrected.
“Oh hullo dear, is your father about?”
“Down in the garage I think, i’ll just shout him.”
I put the phone down and clattered downstairs and pushed the door open, “Dad? Nanna’s on the phone.”
I couldn’t see him but I got an answer, “okay, be right up.”
I dashed back upstairs and grabbed the phone, “he’s just coming.”
“Thanks love, how are you?”
“Okay I guess, busy as usual.”
“Just like your mum.”
Dad arrived at that moment preventing more awkward conversation, “ Dad’s here now, bye Nanna.”
“Bye Gabrielle.”

I passed Dad the receiver and returned to the lounge.

Nanna Sarah is Paters mum, we’ve never really seen her or Gramps that much, not really sure why – well since we’ve moved its obvious but not when they were only a few hours away in Somerset. I don’t think it was a falling out or anything but Uncle Sam and Aunt Kath are both a fair bit younger than Dad, like ten years or so, Dad left home before his siblings were even in secondary school. And whilst Gramps is just like an older version of Dad, Nanna is always putting on false airs and insists on using our full names all the time.

“I’d forgotten about next week,” Dad allowed joining us in the living room.
“What's that love?” Mum asked.
“The Bond clan trip to Germany.”
“There’s something on the kitchen calendar,” I opined.
“When do they come?” Mum asked.
“Kath’s lot arrive Saturday, Mum and Dad are coming with Sam on Sunday, they’ve hired a minibus.”
“They’re not all staying here are they?”
“Don’t be daft Gab, where we put a dozen people? they’re renting some cottages near Adenauer,” Mum told us.
“Thirteen,” Dad noted.
“Oh I forgot about Kath’s youngest,” Mum admitted.
“That’s a lot of relatives,” Manda observed.
“There’s seven kids,” Dad told her, “the oldest will be what, ten?”
“Next birthday,” Mater told us.
Mand giggled, “oo, a right nest of sprogs.”
“Yeah,” I agreed.
“I’m guessing we’re having them over at some point?” Mum enquired.
“Mum suggested Tuesday.”
“All of them here?” I gasped.
“Well its either that or book the Stube, they are coming to see us,” Dad noted.
“That means cooking,” I groaned.
“We could have a barbecue,” Mum suggested.
“I could borrow Hen’s gas one,” Dad agreed.
“Settled, I’ll order the meat tomorrow,” Mum volunteered.

“So what are they like?” Mand enquired as we sorted out the hot chocolate a bit later.
I shrugged, “dunno really, not seen any of them for ages, some of the littlies have been born since we moved out here.”
“Seven cousins, you’re lucky, I’ve just got one and he’s a right arse.”
“Not sure ‘lucky’ is the word I’d use.”
“So they alright with you being, you know, Gaby?”
“Tough if they’re not,” I told her, “Nanna was a bit off at first, I’ve not seen any of them since, you know, so I guess we’ll find out next week.”
"Should be interesting."
“Yeah,” I sighed, “bring the biccies.”

“So this is your fathers family?” Con queried.
“Yeah,” I confirmed with a sigh, “not seen any of them for years.”
“That’ll be interesting,” my BF suggested.
“No kidding, all those sprogs.”
“Seven you said?”
“Yeah, Uncle Sam’s got three boys, Aunt Kath has got all girls.”
“Weird.”
“I couldn’t even tell you their names,” I admitted.
“Bet they know yours,” she stated.
“I guess I have been on the telly and stuff a bit.”
“They’ll probably be excited to meet their famous cousin.”
“Or not.”
“Oh come on Gab, don’t be like that, you should be excited to see them.”
I sighed, “I suppose, I just know what Nanna can be like.”
“Oo, do tell.”
“Really?”
“She can’t be that bad,” she posited.
“Mum calls her the Duchess.”
“The Duchess? Whatever for?”
“Their house is like a museum, no that's not right, everything has to be just so, no mess, china tea cups, she won’t even have duvets. She and Mum don’t exactly see eye to eye.”
“And this is like a Duchess?”
“Not the ones I know,” I agreed.
“She’d probably have kittens to meet the real thing.”
“Yeah, maybe I should invite Max to the barbecue.”
“Have to wear your tiara,” she chuckled.
“And a long frock,” I added.
“You two working or what?” Kris queried.

“Con said I should get Max along,” I related as I waited for the toaster.
“Hmm, not a bad idea,” Dad mused, “he could help with the barbecue.”
“Dad!”
“Just a thought.”
“Your Dad might have something there,” Mum put in.
“Really?”
“Why not?” Mum went on, “Boris is coming with your sister.”
“He is?”
“They’re staying the night.”
“Together?”
“I’m not that much of a prude Gab, I have a fair idea what goes on in Bonn,” she told me, “as long as you don’t expect Max to ‘sleep’ over.”
“As if,” I nearly spat, “I mean, we don’t, I er...” turned a deep red by the feel of things.
“Its alright love,” Dad mentioned, “she’s just winding you up, I think.”

I am so not admitting to ‘that’ night in Bonn! I’d be grounded for life.

“You gonna redo your hair?” Mand asked as she attended to my locks.
“You already are,” I pointed out.
“Not this, dye it?”
“How long this is taking to grow out? Not likely.”
“But its like your trademark, you could use one of those temporary things.”
“It’ll wind Nanna up enough as it is,” I told her.
“She not do coloured hair then?”
“Apart from her own, its so black it looks like a wig,” I chuckled.
“One of our neighbours does hers like carrot red, she must be at least fifty.”
“Maybe that's it, do it like blue or green, really wind her up.”
“Nah, it’d clash with your jerseys.”
“And your point de Vreen?”
“Just saying your highness, there done.”
I checked this evenings ornate braid in the mirror, “it has grown out quite a bit.”
“I did say,” my hairdresser noted.

With my hair done in braids the pink isn’t so noticeable now, there’s maybe ten centimetres of blonde from the roots. I could get the pink cut out I guess, not sure I’m ready for short hair though. Even when I thought I was a boy I had longer hair, not down my back or anything just longer than standard boy hair, maybe like collar length – now of course its bra length, you know, reaches my BH in the back.

“Come on,” Mand chivvied, “the mirror’ll still be there later.”

It was a pleasant enough evening and for a change we weren’t running late. I don’t know what it is about Kostum but it always makes me feel, I dunno, more girly? That sounds a bit weird, I guess its a bit like wearing stockings instead of tights, sparkly earrings to plain hoops and when you’re in similarly dressed company, well it sort of multiplies the effect – for me anyway. So as the three of us walked up to the Stube I had a silly grin on my face.

“No Max tonight?” Pia queried.
I shrugged, “dunno, why’d you ask?”
She tapped her nose, “no ring.”
“Probably in her Handtasche,” Con suggested, “I like the crystal better any way.”
“It is cute,” Inge agreed as she passed with the cutlery tray, “time for work though.”

Work, that’s what I do at the kiosk, I do this for what Gran calls ‘pin money’, well and I enjoy doing it, dressing up, meeting all the tourists, chatting with the bus fahrer.

“And so she says, ‘this Leberkase is very tasty, the German’s really know how to do vegetarian’.”
“No!”
“Straight up,” Nena confirmed, “hadn’t got the heart to tell her.”
“She was telling the whole coach,” Dennis added.
“I can’t believe she thought it was cheese.”
“A little knowledge eh...” Nena suggested.

I still haven’t worked out if she is actually German or not – or if she is actually a he like P insists, she certainly looks female and acts female. Maybe there is something a little off with her but nothing I can put my finger right on. There again, who’s to say what is normal for either gender? As Drew I probably acted a bit ‘girly’ - not surprisingly but as far as I was concerned I was quite ‘manly’, yeah I know.

“I like your nose stud.”
“Er thanks.”
“Don’t you usually wear a ring?”
“Sometimes,” I agreed.
“I think the stud looks cute on you.”

Grrr, that flippin’ C word! If one more person says I’m cute I’ll, i’ll ooooo!

“You should get yours done, I think it’d suit you,” I suggested.
“Not so likely, I haven’t even got my ears pierced!”

There was some sort of wordless exhange of looks between the Global crew and her reaction was sort of rehearsed, like a standard reply you know like ‘have a nice day’?

Maddy Bell © 14.11.2017