*Chapter 5*
Broken

 
"Feeling better?”
"Bit,” I allowed, "Sorry.”
"What are you sorry for,” Han asked passing me a packet of tissues.
"I've made a right exhibition of myself,” I suggested, "Bum, the girls, training!”

I made to get up, Hannah pushed me back into the chair. Somehow, I can’t remember the mechanics, we’ve ended up in the relative privacy of the office.

"They’re alright, Lisse is in charge for a few minutes.”
"Oh.” I sagged back into my seat.
"You want to talk?”

Do I? A very good question, I don’t even know what brought on my outburst.

"I'll be alright in a bit,” I noisily blew my nose, "Go on out, I'll be there in a minute.”
"You sure? We can sit or talk if you want.”
"I'm fine, probably just the ‘mones talking.”
"Hmm, well take as long as you want, we can manage without you for a bit.”
"I'll be out of a job!” I half heartedly joshed.
"Some hope, I've got you under contract,” she shot back.
"Really?”
"No not really, now sit, get yourself together eh?”
"Yes, miss.”
"On with you.”

There was a knock on the door before it slowly opened, "Gab?”
"Hey.”
"You okay?” Lisse enquired.
"Dunno about that, better maybe, don’t they need you out there?”
"We’re finished for the night,” she informed.
"Sugar!” that means I've been collecting soggy hankies for over an hour, best part of two.
"Don’t sweat it, we’ve cracked that second fall, anyway, we’re just packing the mats up.”
"I'll be out in a mo.”

"Good session?” Dad asked as we waited at the temporary lights in Mayschoß.
I shrugged, "Okay I guess, Mand home?”
"She rang and left a message while I was dropping you off, she’s staying with Jules at Boris’s tonight.”
"What for?”
"Something about an early exam.”
"I thought she’d finished now?”
"Just telling you what she said, "You wanting pizza tonight?”
Hmm, let me think, my ultimate comfort food, of course I want pizza!
"With extra olives?”

The lights changed and we moved off.

The rain pattering on the rooflite kept me awake – no that's wrong, I was awake anyway but the rain wasn’t helping. All my thoughts kept coming back to Thursday night, wherever I started led back to the Goldene Rose, Manda going home, Thursday, Ron moving to the senior team, Thursday. Yeah, illogical I know but paranoia isn’t is it, logical that is.

"Make sure you’re all packed for Thursday, we won’t have any spare time.”
"Yes, Dad,” I sighed.
"I mean it, Gab,” he went on between spoonfuls of yogurt, "We’ll be cutting it fine as it is.”

Thursday, yeah, we’re catching the overnight ferry to Hull courtesy of the weekend’s race sponsors which means a drive of over three hours across Holland. Not as bad as the others mind, the Luchow’s will be setting off at silly in the morning and the Grönberg’s have to get to Mönchengladbach where we’ll pick them up by the bahnhof. Oh well, I guess Mum has this sort of stuff all the time.

"Why don’t we leave earlier then?”
"I told you before, the time trial frames won’t arrive until Thursday morning.”
"What’s wrong with the others?”
"Nothing, they just want the world champion to have the best bike possible.”

Well I'm always up for a new bike.

My mood improved a little through the morning, largely due to the kiosk being fairly busy. The overnight rain cleared off quite early which seems to have encouraged the Trekkers out in some numbers, no doubt there’s a coach down at the Rhein somewhere.

"If you want feeding you’ll have to work for it today,” Con told Max when he arrived just after twelve.
“Con!” I spluttered.
"What?”
"What do you need?” Max queried.
"You could clear some tables,” Con suggested.
"You don’t have to, Max, we can cope.”
"It’s not a problem, liebchen.”
"Max!” I spluttered colouring up.

Okay, I'll admit another day without Kristen, a busy day, is stretching us a bit.

"What’d you do that for?” I asked my business partner.
"We’re run off our feet, Gab.”

How did things get to this, me and Max that is? Do I really want some sort of relationship with him? I suppose we’ve already got one, certainly I'm his go to girl for social events and I've gone along with that. On the other hand I'm not a hundred percent into the whole boy / girl thing, I might apparently be a girl through and through but there’s still a bit of me that thinks like my alter ego Drew, that thinks liking a boy is wrong.

I guess it’s not entirely one way, I mean it’s not like I’ve been chasing after him but I can’t deny some of it is pretty cool. Oh I know I grumble a bit but the weddings have been quite fun, I've met some cool people and well, I'll admit it, I enjoy the tonsil hockey with Max. Oh I don’t know.

"Here you go,” I offered as I plonked a plate of Pommes and Frikadel on the table.
“Cheers, you not eating?” Max asked as he unwrapped the eating irons.
"Not got time, I’ll grab something later. Sorry about Con earlier.”
“’S alright, I don’t mind, well worth it for some of your cooking.”
"It’s hardly Michelin Star is it?”
"Ahr star?” he chuckled.
"Get on with you, you’re daft as a bag of monkeys.”
He punctuated the conversation by pushing a couple of Frites between my lips, "So you doing anything later?”
"Dunno, might be,” I coyly replied after swallowing the potato fingers. "What you thinking?”
"We could go ‘round the fitness course?”
"Running?”
"Who said anything about running?”
"But I'm terrible at running.”
"I'm relying on it,” he sniggered.

"You like the cat with cream.”
"Hmm,” I allowed shaking Frite seasoning over the latest batch of chips.
"I'm guessing Max is involved?” she prodded.
"No.”
"So why was he smirking when he left?”
"I dunno do I?”

Clearly she wasn’t convinced, well I'm not exactly good at fibbing am I?

"How’d the exam go?”
"Exam?” Manda queried.
"This morning, the one you stayed over for?” I prompted.
"Er, oh that, okay I guess.”

Dad suggested we do the Königsfeld circuit this afternoon, apparently it’s a bit like where we’re riding this weekend, we rose as one as the gradient of Hardstraße started to bite. Conversation stopped until we cleared the Ahrweiler and a resumption of a more comfortable effort.

"That you’re last then?” I probed.
"Uh huh.”
"So you’ve finished school now?”
"Next week, same as Jules.”
"Right. Wonder what’s so special with the new bikes?”
She sort of shrugged, "No idea.”
"Something wrong, Mand? Have I said something?”
"Not really.”

It’s like getting blood from a stone. I didn’t get much more out of her for the rest of the ride, guess I'll find out the problem sooner or later.

"Where are you off to, young lady?” Dad enquired, his question halting my escape.
"Er nowhere.”
"So what’s with the er, athletics kit?”

Well I thought I'd best dress appropriately so I dug out the stuff from when we opened the fitness course last year, you know shorts and running bra. So okay I've added a layer of make-up and put my hair in braids, too much maybe?

"I um thought I'd go for a run, you know around the fitness course.”
"You hate running.”
"I can change my mind can’t I?”
He didn’t look convinced, "Take your phone.”
I patted the bum bag at my waist, "Here.”
"Be careful then, don’t break anything.”
"I will, won’t, laters!”

Max was sat on his mofa at the gate waiting.

"Hmm, nice,” he commented.

He could’ve made more effort, last seasons 1. FC Kӧln shirt, tatty shorts and grubby trainers hardly make a positive fashion statement but I guess he is a boy.

"So you ready, then?”
"After you,” he suggested gesturing me ahead.

I went through and started walking up the track towards the vines.

“Come on!”
"Hey!”

When he said go for a run I didn’t think he actually meant go for a run. I motivated the legs and flailed along in a futile attempt to catch him.

"Max! Wait.”
He turned and started jogging backwards up the gravelly track, “Come on then slow coach.”
"Huh!”

Every time I thought I'd caught up to him he upped the pace, after a couple of hundred metres I was panting like the Vulkan Express!

At the third attempt I grabbed his sleeve, "Got huh, to, huh, rest.”
"Thought you were super fit?”
All I could manage was to assume the recovery position to get air into my lungs.

Maddy Bell © 20.04.17