One day at Office Oasis I handed a customer his logo decal so he could write off his Fiat 500 as a 'company car'.

“Hey!” he seemed indignant.

I shot him a confused and querulous look.

“This looks like that ….thing.... like from those Plague Diaries...”

I didn't have to act surprised.

“For chrissakes, be orginal” he sneered. “Anyway, you suck at it!”

I could only smile. And nod. And apologize - offering a free re-do, while laughing inside at this idiot. I guess our little project went more viral than I thought.

Tina gave me a page on her P.D. site for sketches and artwork. I used it to workbook stuff and got encouraging feedback. We even got a number of private messages asking if our 'originals' were for sale. Tina and I exchanged blank stares. Her originals were .docx files, and my originals were done in sketchup and Photoshop. Did they want us to ftp them our data files? We laughed at the thought of analog fans in a digital world.

Finally, we decided to throw together 'collectible' packets, with Tina's hand scribbled notes and my pencil sketches of how I thought her scenes should look. We would send this, along with 11-17 mock ups of our finished pages I printed on the good printer at office oasis. I made sure that we never repeated 'originals' and only offered bits we hadn't previously sold, so in a sense they were one-of-a-kind originals... only our actual process involved her sending me a word file and me sending her a graphic file. There was never any actual physical copy until someone wanted to buy 'the original' and we 'etsy-d' a physical copy to sell as a collectible.

It was becoming a lucrative side business, but was still more of a labor of love. Neither of us was ready to 'quit our day jobs'. Tina still had college and work, and I had my two part time jobs and my fabulous social life. Which was made much easier since I could freely be Chloe.

One day as I was breezing out for dinner and clubbing with friends, Tina asked me about my friends. I stopped and had to think about how to respond.

I raised a finger and smiled. “That's a simple question with an answer that's surprisingly..”

“...Complicated?” Tina rolled her eyes with a laugh.

I returned her smile and nodded. I promised her the full story when we had the time.

That time came a few weeks later. Tina was heading back home for the wedding of one of her cousins. She was muttering about bus schedules when, impulsively, I offered to drive her.

She was stunned at the offer, but almost instantly took me up on it. I used the excuse that I was in need of a change of scene and that I had never visited South Carolina. I could go and act all touristy while she hung with her family and childhood friends. Then we could meet back up for the ride home and she could tell me all about the wedding.

I had already scouted out a B&B near Greenville that had good online reviews. I would drop Tina at her folks' and go off to see the sights.

It was only a few states away, but it was still a long enough drive for Tina to grill me on my often mentioned, never seen friends.

“Are these real friends, or imaginary friends?” She needled me with a smile. “I mean, are they like ...umm Nina's friend Binnie on Just Shoot Me? Or Niles' wife on Frasier? ….Do they really exist? And then, why haven't I met them?” She smiled.

I indulged myself an eye roll then focused back on my driving.

“They most definitely DO exist!” I laughed. “And you haven't met them because....” I thought long and hard. Then I quietly smiled. “Yeah. You really should meet them. But first, there's some things you should know.”

And since we had the time on the long drive, I took the long way on my story. Talking about my early life. How I remember being a happy little kid. Mostly due to cluelessness. How I thought I was just an average kid, even though I was the only little kid in a neighborhood full of elderly people. I was never lonely. I had a good imagination and could entertain myself. On bad weather days I would happily curl up and read. I explained to her how I loved comics from the first one my mom ever bought me. I was instantly hooked on the stories of people who seemed so mundane in their daily lives, but in the secret parts no one could see, they were special in their own way. On nice days I would live outside. Wandering the neighborhood visiting the old folks who I realized later, sort of adopted me as a surrogate grandchild. I also got along with other kids, since my parents would often visit their friends, all of whom had kids around my age. I always took great pains to be a good guest. Knowing that they didn't ask to be thrown together with me while our parents hung out. I always acceded to what the other kids wanted to do, knowing it was their home and I was just – from their perspective – an uninvited guest. I was as involved or apart from their activities as they wanted. It seemed to work, because before too long we all became genuine friends. That was the case universally, with all my parents friends and their children.

Tina listened patiently as I spilled my entire backstory.

“Only later did I realize there was tension because we all got along so well. I hadn't paid any attention to the fact that all my parents friends happened to have only daughters. But my father did.

Eventually my parents started hanging out with new friends. Who had boys. I took small consolation that the relationships seemed to go as badly for the adults as it did for us kids.

So I wasn't totally surprised when I started school and almost instantly became the outcast. The girls wanted nothing to do with me, not just because I was a 'smelly boy' but because, even worse, they thought I was mimicking them.

The boys wanted nothing to do with me either. Until it occurred to one of them, that I might be fun to play with. As prey.

So that defined my early school years. By middle school I had learned to mimic the boys and stopped being such a target. I simply became invisible. Which was an improvement. In high school, I fell in with another group of self-defined outcasts. The art kids. I enjoyed art and seemed to have a bit of a talent for it. But it was really just being part of a group – even if it was a group of outsiders – that appealed to me. As we got to know each other, I realized that I was even an outsider among the outsiders. Most people assumed I was gay. So I got propositioned a lot. Mostly by peers. Occasionally by teachers and other adults. I always tried to be nice about it, but made it clear I personally had no interest... not in them, not in anyone. I didn't tell them that I found the male body vaguely repugnant... including my own. Soon the word got out that ...even if no one believed I really wasn't gay... that it was pretty clear that I wasn't interested.

The one relation I kind of had was with Grace Coolidge. She was one of the drama kids. We got to talking one day and we just kind of clicked. She would sit and talk while I listened and sketched. I got to know every freckle and laugh line on her face. And for my part I would help her as much as I could. She did makeup and wardrobe and helped with set design. She was also a comic girl and a budding cosplayer. I would help her sketch costume designs, makeup looks and even stage sets for Drama club. I also helped her turn her favorite characters into patterns for her cosplay projects.

One day she asked for my help. She and her friends wanted to talk Mr Dunwoody the drama teacher into an idea. The Drama department was going to do another Shakespeare play – The Tempest, and Grace and her drama friends were rolling their eyes. I made a crack that they should do it as a live action comic with banished superheroes since people were always doing crazy reimaginings of the bard. I was just being snarky, but Grace got all excited and quickly sold some of her other drama club friends on it. The hurdle was getting it past Mr Dunwoody. So her friends Caleb and Jen started reworking the book into more Stan Lee than Bill Shakespeare, Jared and Glen worked up sets that looked more manga than marvel, but they really popped. I sketched out the ideas they described and slowly the idea didn't seem like as much of a joke. We began to think we might be able to get Mr Dunwoody as excited about 'breathing new life into the bard' as we were. But we also had to sell the actors. We figured the easiest way to do that was giving them scenes and lines they would kill for, and a look that would turn heads. Grace was totally inspired. She finally got to mash up her cosplay passion with her drama club side. We worked together on the costume sketches and, yeah, they were spectacular. She just had to actually make them. And sell the actors on them. The person she was most anxious about convincing was notoriously high strung, so she didn't want to go in with a work in progress. She asked me if I could be a stand in while she tweaked it. I of course agreed.

Courtney Matheson was the diva of the drama club, but she was also far more talented than the rest of the drama department combined. The problem was she knew it. So she was insufferable. If we couldn't pitch her on our reimagined Miranda, the whole plan would implode.
When Gracie asked me to help her with Courtney's new look I just rolled my eyes and sighed. Of course. Everyone already thought I was gay. And I had delicate features and a short, slim build. So of course she would want me to be the stand in for Courtney's wardrobe fitting and makeup test. I sighed. Grace was my friend, so of course I would do it.

Grace noticed Courtney and I were physically nearly identical. That is something I had managed to NOT notice until she had me in Courtney's costume while she placed pins and clips and made marks for her alterations. She then spun me around and did the manga makeup she wanted for Courtney's Miranda.

When she finished, she just stepped back and regarded me with this ...look... on her face. Finally, she got it together, swallowed hard and nodded and walked me to the full length mirrors.

I saw the same expression on my own face. Only it wasn't my face. It was someone else. It was a stylized flesh and blood manga character. 'Mangiranda' we had laughingly nicknamed her. She was surreal and hyper-feminine. Yet she was me. I recognized the features. I swallowed hard and recognized something else. Suddenly... and shockingly... I realized I was ….home.

I hadn't realized until that moment that I had been spiritually homeless all my life. I never recognized it until I suddenly and inexplicably saw the reflection in that mirror ...and found myself... truly saw myself... for the first time.

That day. That moment changed both of us. Changed both our lives. We both clearly saw what could not be unseen. Grace saw me and suddenly the friendship we thought we had was shown to be what it always was subconsciously for her. She was crushing on the girl she sensed in me. All of her gay thoughts had been brutally suppressed her entire life, but her attraction to me had slipped by her defenses because I was a guy, so it was 'normal' and therefore OK. And because she thought I was a gay guy, it was also safe. But the moment she saw me as I saw myself in the mirror, there was no denying it. The feelings had already slipped past the guards in her psyche. Now she had to face the fact that they were always for the girl we now saw in the mirror.

As for myself, it was no less shocking. I saw myself and grudgingly admitted that it was myself that I was seeing. And recognizing. For the first time. The person who would eventually become Chloe. Suddenly so many things in my clueless past made sense.

Grace and I quickly drifted apart. There was no acrimony. Just a shared, painful awkwardness. We had both awoken something in each other that neither of us had expected.

Over time I made my peace with my revelation and decided that I must be a crossdresser. I quickly got over any shame. It never felt dirty to me. Just at most a little rebellious. When I moved away to school, I was determined to explore being Chloe.

I learned of a local group of crossdressers. I guess it was a kind of social club. They were quite discreet and guarded their privacy fiercely. I reached out to them and was eventually granted an 'interview' at a local coffee shop. I guess I said the right things and passed the audition because I was quickly granted access. It was a joy to be with others like myself in a safe, accepting environment. I quickly made many friends, and nearly as quickly realized that I was as much an outcast there as I was among the art kids. I was not as into the wardrobe aspect as many of the other girls. We would often go out to dinner or clubbing – mostly to gay bars, where we felt safe from harassment. Ironically, I would almost always be mistaken for one of the supportive wives or girlfriends of my club mates. Over time, I realized I dressed more for comfort than excitement. I wasn't the only one, but we weren't the majority at the club. Over time, we all drifted away from the club scene but kept in touch with each other. Those are the friends I hang out with that you never see. Some live fulltime. Some just do it when they can. Some have very masculine frames and are obviously transgender, and have to deal with that daily. But they all are living their lives as they feel is right for them, and they are all loving and lovely people and dear friends. And.... they're my girlies.... And I'd love for you to meet them, because you're my friend too.”

Which earned me an 'awww' and an arm squeeze from a visibly moved Tina.

“I just have one question.” she grinned.

“Only one?” I smiled, keeping my eyes on the road.

“Whatever happened to The Tempest?”

My laugh was so loud in the tiny space of the car that it was painful. “They got an ambivalent OK from Mr Dunwoody and the actors. It was as amazing as we hoped. And the reaction was ...passionate.” I grinned. “The purists and the PTA hated it, but the students and more ...open minded... audience members, totally loved it. It quickly spawned a skirmish in the culture wars at school. The traditionalists won.” I shot her a quick wink before gluing my eyes back on the road. “Still, even Mr Dunwoody admitted that they put on a show no one would ever forget, and in its own controversial way, kind of became legend.”

“So it changed lives?” Tina grinned.

I nodded. “Two that I know of and probably more.” I laughed as the thought hit me. “I think Mr Dunwoody will be stuck doing Our Town and Music Man until he retires.... but I bet if he had it to do over again, he wouldn't change a thing.”

I felt Tina's eyes on me. “And if you had it to do over again. If you had a redo on agreeing to that costume fitting?”

I shook my head. “Stay ignorant? Not discover myself? Not a chance.”

Tina squeezed my arm. “Good. Because I can't imagine my life if I never met Chloe.”

I smiled. “Probably a lot more normal.”

“And a lot more boring.” she laughed. “I wouldn't take a do-over on any of it either.”

We both settled into a cozy silence as we drove the short distance left to her home.

It was very suburban. A modest brick house with hedges and a small front yard with tidy lawn and a flagpole. The driveway ran beside the house to a small garage in the back, but it was filled with cars.

I parked on the street and helped Tina with her bags. She let herself through the front door and bellowed into the house “Bellboy!” with a broad grin.

Very quickly a small army of people descended on the front foyer where Tina and I stood holding her bags. A large guy with graying hair who reminded me of J.J. Jameson without the cigar and moustache swept Tina into his arms and hoist her off her feet, spinning her around in their hug.

There were two other younger guys, each looking like newer clones of the older guy. They were all well over six feet and looked like linebackers. Or Call of Duty characters.

“Bambina” he exclaimed while he spun her around. Tina's joy quickly turned to self consciousness as the guy continued the hug rather longer than she did.

“How was your drive?” he asked, and before she could answer the woman beside him asked “Are you hungry?”

Tina beamed. “I just want to unpack before anything. But first, Mom, Daddy... this is Chloe.”

Her father raised an eyebrow and said ominously “The infamous roommate.”

I squirmed a little and smiled. I hoped he was kidding.

Tina just smiled, so maybe that was her father's sense of humor.

“Maria and Ken Aldoni” Tina waved towards her folks. “And my brothers Frank and Sal.” The two big guys smiled.

“Is Mike still deployed?” she asked. Her parents both nodded. Her brothers continued smiling at me, and I shifted self consciously.

“It was really great meeting you all..” I said putting down the bags “...but I'm sure you have lots of catching up to do... and wedding stuff... so I don't want to take you. I'll just be off to my..”

“Nonsense!” Tina's mother said. “We have all weekend to catch up. You can't run off without a bite to eat.” I could tell from the tone of her voice that it would be a major insult if I refused her offer.

“That's really not neccess...” I began and saw her face begin to cloud “...but it's awfully generous of you. Thanks.” Clouds dissipated. Storm averted.

“Besides.” Tina's dad said, fixing me with a look. “We have to find all about our little girl's roommate.”

Her two brothers just nodded, smiling. I didn't like their hungry look.

I don't know if Tina's dad caught my hard swallow.