Congratulations on finding the courage. I second the need for a support group. When I was first dealing with my gender dysphoria, there was virtually no place to get good information. Certainly no local place to openly meet with others like me. As a matter of fact I went from the time I realized I wasn't like other boys until the age 24 thinking there was no one like me.

It wasn't until I saw the movie Psycho that I heard the word transvestite applied to cross-dressing. I became a library rat and spent nearly all day for many Saturdays combing the the card catalog and the stacks for books on the subject. Most of them were clinical studies filled with medical jargon that made the whole idea seem pretty grim. One was about a group of guys, OK girls but in my state of mind at the time they were guys, who met to dress up and just be themselves for a time. They required a new member to show proof of subscribing to a magazine called Tranvestia. I'd never heard of it. It certainly wasn't on the supermarket shelves or at any newsstand I'd ever visited.

It took a couple of months combing some seedy places (adult bookstores) to find something with any reference at all. Finally, in the back of a not so nice magazine I found a reference to Transvestia and an organization called Tri-Ess. I didn't buy the mag, but it wrote down the contact information.

For the time and place I was at in dealing with it all, it was just what I needed. I was deep in ignorance and denial about who and what I was, so a group who weren't gay, weren't transsexuals and most of whom were married but still dressed in women's clothes at every opportunity fit what my psyche needed. They had a membership book and a re-mail program that allowed me to communicate one on one, albeit through the mail, with others like me. It cost double the postage because you put the letter you wanted to send, postage on it, with a membership number in pencil in place of the address, in another envelope addressed to the Tri-Ess PO box. They would then put the members real address on the inner envelope and mail it to them. I spent about $20 a month (8 cents - [2 stamps] per letter) for two years and it was heaven to finally be able to say what I needed to say to someone else without fear of negative judgment. It was a million dollars of therapy that I could never have afforded or had the courage to seek out. (Remember the grim tone of all the profession books in the library.)

Through that time I became comfortable with the fact I was different. I learned to accept myself and not be concerned about what the rest of the world thought of me. Oh, mind you, it was only the start of the journey, but I wouldn't trade the support I got from the re-mail service for a million dollars. It was the key to keeping my sanity.

When I finally got on the internet and found sites that didn't connect cross-dressing with porn or mental disease, I was elated. Again, discussion forums like the old newsgroups and finally Yahoo groups and after years of wandering cyberspace BCTS amounted to the best thing I could be involved in.

These days, almost every metropolitan area has at least one trans group where you can attend and actually talk to others right where you are in your journey and to others who've been there and can show you the way forward.

Welcome to the world outside. Just keep on keeping on. Move at your own pace, but do give up any idea of retreat. The best is yet to come.