New Story Idea:Looking for Feedback

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The story involves a guy, Evan who gets a job at a lingerie store in a mall. Evan ends up getting manipulated by Savannah, the daughter of the shop's owner, who also works at the store . She ends up turning him into Erika, her sissy pet, and pushes his limits. Evan ends up loving it, but gets conflicted since he already has a girlfriend who has no idea. Things start to get out of hand when Savannah takes him to a fetish party and both are placed into some pretty compromising situations.

So...even though it seems like I have a lot so far, this is it for my idea. Any ideas, questions or comments are greatly appreciated. Also, although Savannah is dominant towards Evan/ Erika, there will be a side story about things that happen to her that prove otherwise.

Thanks!!

Comments

The first question

Anyone would ask is how in the world a young man is even hired to work in a lingerie shop. Sarah UK did it in You Have It All Wrong but the lead character was trans before he walked into the shop. Your story won't gain any traction unless you come up with a valid reason.

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Your Muse

Daphne Xu's picture

If you Muse commands you to do it, go for it!

Why might they hire a man to work in lingerie? Who knows? Perhaps a non-discrimination policy? Maybe they need someone, and he's available and qualified? (That raises the question, how does he get qualified?)

-- Daphne Xu

Or ...

AuPreviner's picture

Evan could be hired to help men buy for the women in their life. He could be "Charles, the lingerie expert for men who want to please their woman. A special service for men who know nothing about lingerie." And, in order to learn about lingerie, Evan has to ... okay, I think you can see where you could take this.

One other idea would be for Erika and Savannah to get picked up by Uber or Lyft to take him to or from the fetish party. Only, the driver turns out to be Evan's girlfriend. Awwwkkkkwwwwaaaarrrd.


"Love is like linens; after changed the sweeter." – John Fletcher (1579–1625)

My Response

Thank you all for your feedback so far. I encourage you to keep posting more as I do here as well.

Regarding the first question...yes, Evan is already a closet cross dresser when he applied for the job. This is something that Savannah quickly finds out and uses as blackmail, and eventually encourages him.

Evan starts to get into what Savannah forces him to do, and actually starts to trust her. She begins to develop feelings towards him and tries to push Evan to leave his girlfriend. However when Evan makes it clear that he has no intentions of leaving his girlfriend, this makes Savannah seek revenge

What’s the outcome?

Avia Conner's picture

I ask this because for me every story needs a purpose, a message, a moral. Perhaps Evan has been unfulfilled in his life and feeling trapped. The outcome or goal drives the journey.

On the surface, it has hints of fifty shades of gray. The manipulation of someone into something they would never do but finds out they thrive on it.

The trick is that no girlfriend would ever put up with a guy that wasn’t faithful, blackmail or not.

Sounds like a fun story.

Casey

Been done before by others..

Been done before by others...but the ending may differ from what is normally done. If you can make the story differ from the others by the way you develop him/her it might stand out. Is Erica the real deal or is he just a crossdresser? Is the girlfriend against his dressing or does she see a part of him that needs exploring by them? Is fetish stuff part of his being or was it his mistress's ploy to get him further under her control?

I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime

More Answers and Thoughts

Hello ladies!

You all are giving great feedback and questions!! I love it!! :)

So what's the outcome?
This may be more of a multifaceted complex answer because like I mentioned earlier, the plot is going to involve a lot of character developments for both Evan/Erika, and Savannah as well. Even though she's his domme, she has her own insecurities, which flare up when Evan refuses to end things with Chloe (his gf) for Savannah, causing her to feel like she's basically just his dirty little secret. Plus, even though she's the lingerie store owner's daughter and may initially appear (both to the other characters and readers) that she can get away with whatever she wants, there will definitely be some more than subtle hints about her relationship with her mother, who is also a very strong dominant woman. And yes...more than likely, Evan and Chloe will break up because Chloe refuses to tolerate the situation, but this is waaay later on.

I think the big turning point is the party when Evan and Savannah even get separated from each other, and he gets completely immersed in the identity of his alter ego, Erika. This answers the question that yes- Erika is for real...inevitably- as he/she starts to lose a sense of time while at the party, and thus starts to feel like there's no turning back. Meanwhile, Savannah, whom we see as our younger female version of Christian Grey (hehe I love the 50 Shades angle, and even thought about that at one point, but want to steer away from it becoming a fan fic) is shown to be a bit less dominant than in her relationship with Erika.

The Fun...

Daphne Xu's picture

So Chloe won't want to get in in on the fun? Awwww.

-- Daphne Xu

I have a friend...

Donna T's picture

A close friend operated a lingerie store for over five years. It was a permanent 12 x 15 foot covered "stall" at a large and busy So. Calif weekend swap meet. He was straight as an arrow other than being a lustful womanizer. He was owner/operator/sales and he made it work. So it does happen (a man selling garter belts, bustiers, etc.).

He had no idea of my cross-dressing. In hind sight I wish I could have been open to him if for no other reason than to score some clothing. Such a situation could be exploited for a variety of story options... many options. He had no problems in having willing sales reps. He told me about how he would barter with customers; and customers would barter & offer 'things' for silks & nylons.

Run with your story. I'm sure it will be a labor of love... or lust! Do it. I/we look forward to your efforts.

Donna

Hehe

That last comment about customers getting items from a lingerie in exchange for other "things" sparked my interest. I have toyed with the idea of Erika getting used by male customers as an incentive to get them to shop. Another is having her act as a real life "mannequin" on display as customers walk by....OK I'm rambling haha

This gave me an interesting idea

Avia Conner's picture

What if the lingerie store was a front for something more nefarious? Savannah has ties to the sex trade and the people that buy from her are possible victims. She happens to have a request for an Evan/Erika and so hires him. Evan is thrilled. Every mans dream job. Maybe he even brings home samples for his girlfriend to keep her from being too upset about his new job.

Suddenly Evan disappears as he is kudnapped and forced to become Erika. His girlfriend hunts for him but Savannah sees her as another possible victim to her crime ring not knowing she is Evans girlfriend.

Evans girlfriend will eventually rescue him. Her journey makes her more independent and strong willed but Evans journey leaves him somewhat broken. He truly became Erika through his ordeal. This transformation actually helps their relationship.

Together, they now take down the ruthless Savannah.

Not the Angle I’m Looking For...

This is definitely a bit darker than I’d like to go. I definitely do want the story to keep a fun and somewhat light sentiment..and I do want Evan and Savannah to eventually end up together hehe. Even though she does have a bossy and manipulative mean streak, she actually is a sympathetic character which comes out when her own weaknesses are later exposed. That’s why I’m trying to use the angle of the fetish party where both get in over their heads and are at the hands of more dominant controlling individuals. But having the story turn into a sex ring...I wouldn’t be okay with that

Savannah...

So guys....

Even though Evan /Erika is the main character in the story, Savannah definitely has a pivotal role in the transformation. At the same time, she also goes through a lot of her own crazy experiences. Just wondering if anyone had any ideas on that front. I know it doesn't fit the typical genre here, but Savannah's story is the subplot

Savannah's motivation?

Donna T's picture

You're wondering about Savannah's motivation? "definitely has a pivotal role in the transformation" - jealousy, lust, greed, revenge, blackmail, desires... wants another addition to her social life?

Donna

Savannah

Oh she has plenty of motive. But she's also a very complex character. In the story, she's definitely going to get placed in some of her own compromising situations- some of which she may not be in complete control of. Its like....I have the idea, but not sure how to execute it or the details.

The mechanics of posting?

Donna T's picture

The mechanics of posting: is that your question?

I complete my story in Word. Once done I have found that if you do not double space between paragraphs when you cut & paste to BC your story become one huge paragraph... and you spend a LOT of time separating paragraphs. Once done you are given a chance to preview and edit before posting which is a good thing... and, afterwards, you can edit the final story many times.

Good luck!

Donna

So....

Hey all.

Well I do want to start posting soon, but I still need some help. Ughh writer's block!!! I think the biggest thing is the fetish party and what happens. However these are the main points within the plot that I for sure want to execute

* Evan gets the job based on his own motives for being able to be close to his secret desire, which he can't express around Chloe, his girlfriend

*Savannah, the owner's daughter, quickly discovers his fetish and begins to use it to her own advantage. However, at some point it turns into a flirtatious relationship as he realizes he can be Erika around her and she encourages it. Savannah starts to develop feelings for Evan/Erika, but grows hurt when he refuses to leave Chloe despite her attempts.

*As a result, Savannah's mean streak comes out during play with Erika.

*Savannah ultimately ends up in over her head, as she meets some other characters more dominant than her at the party.

*Plus.... girl has mommy issues with her mom Jacqueline

Part One is Up!!!

First of all...I would like to thank you all for bearing with me and all of your feedback as always. Tonight I have officially posted the first of many parts (more like a teaser) to the story. Please, please please go check it out and let me know all of your honest thoughts, questions, and ideas.

Be kind, but be honest. Here's the link https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/78387/pushing-limits-...

Thank you!!

See you on the flip side!! :)

UPDATE

Heyyy

So part two is up and published!! Sorry for the delay.

I highly encourage all of you to check it out....if you enjoyed part one. Its a short read, and hopefully part 3 will be up sooner than later. Right now, the parts are correlating with chapter numbers, but this may not always be the case.

Thank you all once again for your support

Sounds like a good basis,

Sounds like a good basis, plenty can happen to Erica and Savannah, as well as with the shop owner and his girlfriend, maybe have her visit the stall too....

__

Estarriol

I used to be normal, but I found the cure....