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I haven't really mentioned this to many people, as I didn't like thinking about it... Although trying not to think about something just seems to make one think about it more... I just figured I'd let you all know what I'm facing next week, and honestly I'm pretty worried. I thought I'd share, any positive vibes can't hurt right now...
If any of you have read my blogs you'd know that I'm divorced with children. I don't fault her, but she couldn't deal with me being trans and left. She was extremely angry, which again is understandable. The problem is she couldn't let go of her anger and it tainted everything she touched, including our daughters. Two years ago I received custody of my oldest daughter after an incident where she was assaulted by her mother, and fought back. The argument was because my oldest refused to sign her inheritance(from her maternal grandmother) over to her mother because she intended to use that for college. Her striking Caity was essentially the only reason I was able to win custody in the state of Mississippi being openly trans... My middle daughter wanted to move with me at the same time, but even at 15 the judge overruled her wishes. He honestly believed my ex that my oldest was a belligerent hateful child and that I deserved her. The following year we returned to court and at 16 my middle still wanted to move and because after a year and Caity's improvement (health and education) he couldn't find a reason to refuse her request this time. So now I have my two oldest and they are doing phenomenal... That brings me to what I'm facing next week...
My ex filed contempt charges on me, four to be precise, several months ago. Due to scheduling conflicts it was postponed several times and the date was finalized almost two months ago... Of her four charges, 3 of them are bogus and I can easily disprove... The 4th one though, I am behind on alimony... Just not the $30k she claims... I can prove I'm less than $10k behind, but that's only due to the amount initially ordered for me to pay was impossible... Just paying my basic bills and the support/alimony put me almost $40 in the hole before I even attempted to by food for the month... I am bringing almost 36 charges against her, all I can prove... Many of those caused me to further fall behind...
Here is my main problem, I shouldn't have much to fear. Her charges are bogus, well the last one is mostly bogus from the amount claimed... The problem is that I AM behind... So what happens is entirely up to the judge... Her and her attorney are wanting me to go to jail if I don't pay everything...
I'm not even all that worried about myself... I've dealt with enough in my life, even being thrown in an adult detention center doesn't really frighten me... Even if they stick me in a male center... What I'm afraid of is in the worst case scenario is that my daughters would have to go back to her... That's not acceptable in the least...
That has been where my thoughts have been the last several weeks, and also where most of my time has been spent in preparing for this... The closer we get to the court date though, the less I'm able to sleep or even eat... I'm at my wits end and have done everything I can to possibly prepare... Now its just the waiting game.
All I'm asking, if you can, is to keep my daughters in your thoughts. Any positive energy you can send, be it prayers/thoughts/whatever, and would be greatly appreciated...
Honestly I might simply be overthinking this and everything will be fine, but right now I'm honestly pretty scared... Thank you...
Much love to all y'all,
Becca Cross
Comments
Living in Mississippi.
It seems that, living where you are, things have gone amazingly well for you. It will never be over for your X, and I'm sorry. The best I can do is pray for you and your daughters, and I will. I wish that you could get out of there, because there are better places for our folk to live.
I was fortunate in that I was able to keep the lid on until all three children were gone and married.
PM me if you like.
Much peace
Gwen
Court and the ex lives in Mississippi
I moved from there in 2011, and currently reside in the Tampa Bay Area. Gwen I appreciate it... I’ve just been worrying about this and holding it in for awhile... Since she lives there that’s where she files, so I have to go...
I know I’m weird. The fact that I’m trans is probably one of the more normal things about me.
Keep the faith
Becca.. I'll be keeping you and your daughters in my thoughts and prayers. Keep the faith! And remember the Serenity Prayer.
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Sincerely, Kel
Keleigh
You know I'm on your side girl!
I will pray for you and the girls, if you need a friend to talk too you have my number.
Keeping all three of you in my thoughts
Becs,
You know it isn't just me, but all of us who will be keeping your daughters AND you in our thoughts.
Kris
all I got is huggles
but you can have as many as you need.
Good luck with the court
It does seem that your ex does prove that there is some truth in the saying
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
She clearly wants blood or money (or both). But getting blood out of a stone is really hard.
I hope that the court sees through her vindictiveness.
If paying her that back alimony means that there is a danger of you being unable to support your children then it should go in your favour.
At least you have them on your side and if they are as you say, prospering the court should take their welfare into consideration.
Good luck and I hope that your prevail.
Samantha
Documentary Evidence
This is probably a silly question but do you have documents to present to the court that prove that you are spending all of your income on raising your daughters, rent (?),utilities, etc. and other expenses that preclude you from paying alimony above and beyond your means?
I do
I have proof showing why I couldn't pay it all when it was first ordered. Over the last few years getting custody, and the drop of child support I've had to pay has dropped to nothing now since I have two of our three girls with me (she doesn't pay me support for them either) I can prove that I've paid $1300 this year on my back balance while staying on top of the current ruling.
I also can prove that she hasn't made 39 house payments on the house that she got in the divorce, but guess who's name is still on the mortgage, even though she was ordered to take those over.
I have all the proof I can get why... Ultimately though it's up to the judge presiding. He's an older white male in the state of Mississippi, and is the same one that ordered the insane alimony I had to pay...
It's family court... There are too many instances of fathers being screwed royally by the court in favor of the mother, and that's not even bringing up the trans issue... He can do whatever he wants to... I feel that no matter what I can prove, my fate is in his hands...
I know I’m weird. The fact that I’m trans is probably one of the more normal things about me.
Good thoughts
Good thoughts for you and your daughters.
As for the alimony, should not the amount be change with each of the kids that change custody.? Because IF I am not mistaking, part of the money is for her, and part if for taking care of the kids. No?
Hugs, Love and Positive Vibes tmf
Fingers crossed
Wishing good luck. I work in the family court system and I have to say they very rarely send people to prison for non-payment. Your ex and her lawyer would have to prove that you are deliberately withholding the alimony for that to happen. As long as you have the evidence prove the state of your finances you should be fine.
"The pen is mightier than the sword ... if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp"
Thoughts and prayers are with
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughters Becca.
Hugs,
Stacy
This Mississippi Thing...
For another Mississippian (though not born here, just stuck in the gravity well of the coast) I will most definitely do the thoughts and prayers and see if I can cash in any good karma chips for you.